Confusion_Reigns Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) I'm just messed all up inside. I let this man close to me, really close. And I'm afraid of these feelings...I'm afraid he's just going to hurt me...And just don't want to hurt anymore. He's so kind so nice to me all the time & I'm not used to that I'm just waiting for him to go monster on me...like I expect it...& that even hurts. He doesn't deserve that judgement because of my past. He's pacent with me & says it's ok that I have to talk about it, that I have to get it out because it's making me sick inside....& he is right about that... ...and my husband is literally crying... He doesn't want me to leave him...and he's being "nice" to me & I'm thinking "what if he can really change?" And that's got me messed up too....& I'm waiting on him to go monster on me...is awful I hate this waiting...I know it's only a matter of time or I think I know.. And I feel like I should just become a hermit. Live alone forever. Just shut it all down... But I think that's just me trying to protect myself?? I just don't want to hurt anymore I don't want to be hurt by men anymore. Edited January 31, 2014 by Confusion_Reigns Typo Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Being a hermit for a bit of time isn't necessarily being alone forever. You have identified what is causing you distress, now you need to move away from the source, regroup, and rebuild. Having any type of romantic interaction at this point is counterproductive to your personal well being. Take some time, detach yourself, find some comfort. When you are ok alone then approach things again. If it is meant to be it will still be there in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 I've never thought I was afraid to be alone. I've been leaning towards divorce for a long time, just waiting for my kids to get older... Now that are and I am ready. And I knew it'd be hard and he'd hold on....and I've been trying to mentally & emotionally prepare for this...and it would be for me Then I met this man...who isn't like anyone I've ever met...and now I'm feeling like I don't want to be alone, not really...if he's really for real I want him in my life. But I can't...it's not right of me and now I don't want to lose him in the process of what I'm dealing with.. And I don't know if that even makes sense Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I see what you mean. And I know it is something really daunting. I still think that if he is the right person for you he would be able to wait until you were ready. If it helps any I have met many people that I have felt really close to, and a really strong connection- that I felt was so special I couldn't brush it off. 4 different people I have had that with. Take your time, and remember there is plenty of time. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 There is something said in being alone for a while. When you have been married long enough to have your children grown it is time to figure out what you want for you life. It may include no one else that is currently in your life right now. I dont think if you find out what YOU truly want even if you go to this new man from your husband you will never be happy. Take a weekend and go away yourself and see what happens and how you feel. Sometimes we are afraid to be alone in any way because our minds begin to talk to us and we dont like what we hear. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Your husband is in manipulation mode. He sees you escaping and is upping the ante to hit you were he knows it will be most effective: Your greatest quality is also your weakest point. Compassion. Check his history. Check how in all the time you've needed him to come up to the mark, he has avoided doing so. Check how often he has made you feel so bad, in comparison to the times he has made you feel whole, fulfilled and content. He is yanking your chain and using every trick in the book to get you to relent and weaken. If this other man has a gram of the consideration you say he has, he will see, understand and support. You need counselling, Your mind is like scrambled-egg mess. You've studied so many philosophies and put so much effort into understanding different approaches to Life, but you're finding it almost impossible to focus on the most important factor in all of this: You. YOU steer this. This is your ship to navigate and you don't know which way to turn because you're in a fog with no lighthouse.... Is there any way you can get yourself away from things by going on a retreat, or just taking a weekend away in a remote B&B and spending a few days on your own? You actually sound as if you're suffocating.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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