in the dog house?

[liloldlady]

He made an unusual, first time move last weekend (weekend!) by staying until nearly 2am. Since then, he came last night quickly to say hello, immediately told me he planned to keep all his clothes on, LOL, tried so hard to get my attention (my phone was frozen for some odd reason) and it was raining, poor thing. Finally I heard the knock on the door and woke up, and he literally was very concerned about not staying too long. Like really watching the clock. Also worried about oils in my hair, very worried, it seemed. Barely would sit, let alone lie down for 5 minutes. Is he trying to be cool because the dog is sniffing around, so to speak? Does that happen where a cheating man will lay low if he suspects someone is on to him? Do share.

[HermioneG]

He made an unusual, first time move last weekend (weekend!) by staying until nearly 2am. Since then, he came last night quickly to say hello, immediately told me he planned to keep all his clothes on, LOL, tried so hard to get my attention (my phone was frozen for some odd reason) and it was raining, poor thing. Finally I heard the knock on the door and woke up, and he literally was very concerned about not staying too long. Like really watching the clock. Also worried about oils in my hair, very worried, it seemed. Barely would sit, let alone lie down for 5 minutes. Is he trying to be cool because the dog is sniffing around, so to speak? Does that happen where a cheating man will lay low if he suspects someone is on to him? Do share.

 

I think it would be a very good idea to ask him.

 

That way you won't have to speculate. An adult relationship allows honesty and openness. I would simply ask him.

[woinlove]

I agree with the advice to ask him. Find out why he is treating you like that, figure out if his explanation sounds plausible and reasonable to you, and then you can decide what you want to do and if this behavior is fine with you or not.

[liloldlady]

Good advice, guys, but I tend to leave that aspect of his life alone and do not pry. Yet I am haunted by his parting embrace.

Edited January 31, 2014 by liloldlady

[Owl]

Good advice, guys, but I tend to leave that aspect of his life alone and do not pry. Yet I am haunted by his parting embrace.

 

Understandable, but all you're going to get from folks here is the same suppositions that you're coming up with yourself.

 

If you want to KNOW...you need to ask him.

 

Otherwise, you're just left guessing.

 

FWIW...odds are, he's worried about getting caught. Pretty much that simple.

[liloldlady]

 

FWIW...odds are, he's worried about getting caught. Pretty much that simple.

 

It is quite that simple indeed. Agreed.

[Daisy2013]

Ditto. He doesn't want to get caught. Mine watched the clock like a hawk. In fact, the 1st thing he would do when he saw me was set the time limit. Then make sure makeup didn't get on him nor that I left long hair strands on him.

[liloldlady]

Ditto. He doesn't want to get caught. Mine watched the clock like a hawk.

 

Exactly. I mean, I took ya'll advice and broached the topic this morning. I said, baby, you were watching the clock last night. You said you have to leave by 10:15 and by 10:16, you was practically having beads of sweat rolling down yo head. I mean he HAD to go. Is that his woman or his mom?

 

I broached the topic when he called me at 8:02am. He drops that lady off at 8am, so clearly he needed to talk to me (half an hour) immediately.

 

In fact, the 1st thing he would do when he saw me was set the time limit. Then make sure makeup didn't get on him nor that I left long hair strands on him.

 

LOL!!!!!! One of the first things he says: "Are you wearing lipstick??" Um, it's a gloss which may be rosy in tone, but, sheesh!

 

In fact, the 1st thing he would do when he saw me was set the time limit.

 

He tells me what time he has to get going, too.

[whichwayisup]

Is that his woman or his mom?

 

I broached the topic when he called me at 8:02am. He drops that lady off at 8am, so clearly he needed to talk to me (half an hour) immediately.

You are hating/resentful towards his wife it seems? He has a time limit so he doesn't get caught, so his wife (not that woman/lady) doesn't get suspicious.

 

If your spouse says, I'll be home at 10pm, then around 10pm it is. He is putting a leash on himself, not the other way around.

 

He is careful so he doesn't get caught. Doesn't want you wearing perfumes, lipstick that will go on his shirt or face and won't come off. It's a no brainer really.

[liloldlady]

You are hating/resentful towards his wife it seems?

 

He's not married, but, no, not at all.

[GorillaTheater]

Yet I am haunted by his parting embrace,

 

"she said, her bosom heaving like the ocean waves in a tempest."

[Lady2163]

Lil, this is all part of seeing an involved man.

 

I wear no makeup, no deodorant, cologne. I'm an on-again, off-again smoker. One time I was in his house in a rarely used section. WEEKS after I had been there his wife was in that area and asked if it smelled like cigarettes.

 

Whenever I leave his vehicle, we both do a thorough check. I'm actually very anal about what I bring with me.

 

My hair color is different than his wife....but uh...similar to his pet. Still, there is a quick brushing off.

 

I actually considered changing my soap and shampoo, but didn't want to sound freakishly stalker by asking what type was used.

 

Most of the gifts I give him are gift cards. Never any clothes or cologne. I was kind of hesitant to buy a DVD. While I knew he'd like it, it would be out of character for him to buy it.

 

Birthday cards are unsigned. I don't even bother with cards, anymore. $3 for something that will be tossed.

 

If isn't a fun way to live. But one slip up, one time of getting lazy and his life is all but over.

 

I gotta find a way out of this...it is a lot of pressure, knowing that one mistake on my part damages so many.

[Lady2163]

Good advice, guys, but I tend to leave that aspect of his life alone and do not pry. Yet I am haunted by his parting embrace.

 

OT: out of Curiousity....is English your first language?

[Snipercatt]

. Is he trying to be cool because the dog is sniffing around, so to speak?*

 

Please, tell me you aren't referring to her as a female dog!

[Popsicle]

lol@ the dog is sniffing around.

[snowflakes88]

He tells me what time he has to get going, too.

 

How romantic.

[liloldlady]

I see they're not friends on Facebook anymore. What is going on? I know how he is with Facebook: very meticulous.

 

When he was here the other night, he said, you know what you need? Music. Why is he telling me I need music on (because he likes to sleep to music)?

[Got it]

Lil, this is all part of seeing an involved man.

 

I wear no makeup, no deodorant, cologne. I'm an on-again, off-again smoker. One time I was in his house in a rarely used section. WEEKS after I had been there his wife was in that area and asked if it smelled like cigarettes.

 

Whenever I leave his vehicle, we both do a thorough check. I'm actually very anal about what I bring with me.

 

My hair color is different than his wife....but uh...similar to his pet. Still, there is a quick brushing off.

 

I actually considered changing my soap and shampoo, but didn't want to sound freakishly stalker by asking what type was used.

 

Most of the gifts I give him are gift cards. Never any clothes or cologne. I was kind of hesitant to buy a DVD. While I knew he'd like it, it would be out of character for him to buy it.

 

Birthday cards are unsigned. I don't even bother with cards, anymore. $3 for something that will be tossed.

 

If isn't a fun way to live. But one slip up, one time of getting lazy and his life is all but over.

 

I gotta find a way out of this...it is a lot of pressure, knowing that one mistake on my part damages so many.

 

Speak for yourself. I NEVER did any of the above nor would have tolerated if asked. This is not part and parcel for an affair. This was part and parcel for your affair.

 

The only major concession I made in my affair was dating a married man. The rest of it was his baby to rock.

[Got it]

I see they're not friends on Facebook anymore. What is going on? I know how he is with Facebook: very meticulous.

 

When he was here the other night, he said, you know what you need? Music. Why is he telling me I need music on (because he likes to sleep to music)?

 

Lil, isn't all this guess work exhausting!?! Just ask him. You are in a relationship with him so stop beating around the bush and just ask. If you don't feel comfortable asking for any and all of this information that is a very big red flag. Would you ask these/similar questions of any other man you were romantically with?

[liloldlady]

 

Most of the gifts I give him are gift cards.

 

Birthday cards are unsigned. I don't even bother with cards, anymore. $3 for something that will be tossed.

 

Seriously. The only "gifts" I give him are what I whip up in the kitchen, or (more often, lately) order in from a restaurant.

 

You are in a relationship with him so stop beating around the bush and just ask. If you don't feel comfortable asking for any and all of this information that is a very big red flag. Would you ask these/similar questions of any other man you were romantically with?

 

Again, I leave that part of his life alone. But I do think his actions toward me are already speaking volumes. He loves him some me.

[peaksandvalleys]

I see they're not friends on Facebook anymore. What is going on? I know how he is with Facebook: very meticulous.

 

When he was here the other night, he said, you know what you need? Music. Why is he telling me I need music on (because he likes to sleep to music)?

 

 

The only way that you will know this is to ask. I don't understand your thought process.

[peaksandvalleys]

Again, I leave that part of his life alone. But I do think his actions toward me are already speaking volumes. He loves him some me.

 

 

If you are sure of his love for you there is no need for you to wonder about the part of his life that you claim to leave alone. If you truly leave it alone, then don't wonder about it either.

[liloldlady]

 

Whenever I leave his vehicle, we both do a thorough check.

 

I will never forget the time he gave me my lipstick. I said: where was that?! "In the car!" I guess I left the thorough checking to him and generally feel it is icky to even look at the car, yet alone ride in it. But that was weird. Like seriously dropped my lipstick. My only tube at the time, too!

 

If you are sure of his love for you there is no need for you to wonder about the part of his life that you claim to leave alone. If you truly leave it alone, then don't wonder about it either.

 

Very good advice, and I rarely speculate, but there's something distinct in the air. Anyway. You're right. Thank you.

Edited February 1, 2014 by liloldlady

[Lady2163]

Speak for yourself. I NEVER did any of the above nor would have tolerated if asked. This is not part and parcel for an affair. This was part and parcel for your affair.

 

The only major concession I made in my affair was dating a married man. The rest of it was his baby to rock.

 

Well, my married FWB is a bit...scatterbrained, shall we say.

 

I don't want his marriage to end because of me.

 

His wife does all of the laundry, all of his clothes shopping, all of the toiletry shopping. There would never be any reason for him to pick up a bottle of cologne or aftershave. There would never be a reason for a new shirt or tie to magically appear.

 

Maybe women today would be horrified to think that their man doesn't even buy his own underwear. I was married for seven years 1992-1999 and NEVER bought a razor or shaving cream for him.

 

I guess it is a risk analysis in the end of sustainability. Why wear makeup if there is the chance it could rub off on him? I don't drive past his house, either.

 

In seven years we have had suspicions raised 2 or 3 times. It has never been "my" fault.

 

I want this friendship to continue....without a dday or blowup. I'd really like to be able to be platonic, but I say that as someone who is sitting here quite sexually satisfied today. In three weeks, it will be a different story.

[liloldlady]

His wife does all of the laundry, all of his clothes shopping, all of the toiletry shopping.

 

 

Maybe women today would be horrified to think that their man doesn't even buy his own underwear.

 

Why wear makeup if there is the chance it could rub off on him? I don't drive past his house, either.

 

In seven years we have had suspicions raised 2 or 3 times. It has never been "my" fault.

 

Do elaborate. I do understand an experience years ago where our downfall was HIS big mouth, not mine...

 

I want this friendship to continue....without a dday or blowup.

 

I'd really like to be able to be platonic, but I say that as someone who is sitting here quite sexually satisfied today. In three weeks, it will be a different story.

 

Oh, the cliffhanger!