in the dog house?

[Lady2163]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do elaborate. I do understand an experience years ago where our downfall was HIS big mouth, not mine...

 

Sorry, not a lot of juicy details...

 

1) the smell of smoke - although it very well could have been other people who had been in that area, it just made him nervous.

2) in the beginning, he told me it was okay to call and text at night. It really wasn't. His behavior was changing at home and she accused him of having an affair.

3) a not-so innocent text wasn't deleted and she saw it. It wasn't raunchy, just referenced a public event we had both attended.

 

My friend is long distance. If we were to discontinue the physical side of the relationship, we could still talk every once in a while about mutual interests (not emotional talk) and send email jokes and stuff. We could possibly do lunch in a public place, but no private area or vehicles.

 

As much as I want to resist, chemistry and hormones are too much for me to handle. I wouldn't be able to be alone with him.

 

I need to find a boyfriend. Or take medication to stop the hormone surges from hell.

[liloldlady]

His behavior was changing at home

 

How specifically, may I ask?

 

3) a not-so innocent text wasn't deleted and she saw it.

 

That's begging to get caught, isn't it? I'm shocked by the, ahem, images my friend encourages me to send to his phone lately. And he has saved at least one of them for quite some time.

 

My friend is long distance.

 

I need to find a boyfriend. Or take medication to stop the hormone surges from hell.

 

Please don't, and stop worrying about tomorrow. ♥

[Snipercatt]

It may not be that she isn't on his facebook anymore. He may have logged in as her and blocked you on her profile, that way she is invisible to you, even on his pages. I'd think as much time as you spend tracking them, and their friends that you would know that by now.

 

 

Comment: Your posting language is as if two personalities; different ages and lexicons, thus the reason for you not being taken seriously. Seriously.

[liloldlady]

It may not be that she isn't on his facebook anymore. He may have logged in as her and blocked you on her profile, that way she is invisible to you, even on his pages.

 

Not invisible to me. Just not on his page anymore.

[Got it]

Seriously. The only "gifts" I give him are what I whip up in the kitchen, or (more often, lately) order in from a restaurant.

 

 

 

Again, I leave that part of his life alone. But I do think his actions toward me are already speaking volumes. He loves him some me.

 

No you don't. Leaving it alone would me you don't think about it but you do. Instead you try to passive aggressively hypothesize things, try and read the tea leaves and connect dots based on guess work. Why?

 

Why do you leave that part of his life alone? Why don't you ask the question. His actions aren't telling you much of anything. So stop guessing and spit it out.

 

Stop gossiping and get real in your relationship and start communicating. Sheesh!

[Got it]

Well, my married FWB is a bit...scatterbrained, shall we say.

 

I don't want his marriage to end because of me.

 

His wife does all of the laundry, all of his clothes shopping, all of the toiletry shopping. There would never be any reason for him to pick up a bottle of cologne or aftershave. There would never be a reason for a new shirt or tie to magically appear.

 

Maybe women today would be horrified to think that their man doesn't even buy his own underwear. I was married for seven years 1992-1999 and NEVER bought a razor or shaving cream for him.

 

I guess it is a risk analysis in the end of sustainability. Why wear makeup if there is the chance it could rub off on him? I don't drive past his house, either.

 

In seven years we have had suspicions raised 2 or 3 times. It has never been "my" fault.

 

I want this friendship to continue....without a dday or blowup. I'd really like to be able to be platonic, but I say that as someone who is sitting here quite sexually satisfied today. In three weeks, it will be a different story.

 

That is fine and we all have our own lines in the sand. All I am saying is you can't speak for all affairs. Your dynamic would never have worked for me and those are deal breaking concessions. "Fault" of raising suspicion was always on him regardless of what I did or didn't due. Again, what he has to do to cover up the affair was his baby to rock. You want the cake and eat it to, you are going to have to exert extra effort. I had little desire to clean up that mess for him.

 

For me, anything less than seeing him pretty much every day, unlimited communication, at least one overnight a week, weekends, etc., most of what you would get in a regular relationship, would have been a no go for me.

[liloldlady]

 

Why do you leave that part of his life alone?

 

Because: what's it got to do with me? I care about how he treats me.

 

Stop gossiping and get real in your relationship and start communicating. Sheesh!

 

We're good. Thank you.

[Snipercatt]

Not invisible to me. Just not on his page anymore.

 

Ah, I see. You just told on yourself.

 

You can keep looking for clues, but I can tell you right now that you haven't a clue. Not even a smidgeon of one.

[Lady2163]

How specifically, may I ask?

 

 

 

That's begging to get caught, isn't it? I'm shocked by the, ahem, images my friend encourages me to send to his phone lately. And he has saved at least one of them for quite some time.

 

 

 

 

 

Please don't, and stop worrying about tomorrow. ♥

 

His pattern in the evening was changing. Instead of watching TV with the family in the evening, he was creating more projects to do in his workshop. He was also carrying his phone around more, rather than just leave it on the counter. He turned the volume off. He was checking his email more often - this was before smart phones, so he was on the computer more.

 

If I genuinely like the man, then I need to stop putting him in such a risky situation. It is selfish of me to do so.

[wanting more]

Ditto. He doesn't want to get caught. Mine watched the clock like a hawk. In fact, the 1st thing he would do when he saw me was set the time limit. Then make sure makeup didn't get on him nor that I left long hair strands on him.

 

Are you being serious. He sets a time limit?

[wanting more]

Lil, this is all part of seeing an involved man.

 

I wear no makeup, no deodorant, cologne. I'm an on-again, off-again smoker. One time I was in his house in a rarely used section. WEEKS after I had been there his wife was in that area and asked if it smelled like cigarettes.

 

Whenever I leave his vehicle, we both do a thorough check. I'm actually very anal about what I bring with me.

 

My hair color is different than his wife....but uh...similar to his pet. Still, there is a quick brushing off.

 

I actually considered changing my soap and shampoo, but didn't want to sound freakishly stalker by asking what type was used.

 

Most of the gifts I give him are gift cards. Never any clothes or cologne. I was kind of hesitant to buy a DVD. While I knew he'd like it, it would be out of character for him to buy it.

 

Birthday cards are unsigned. I don't even bother with cards, anymore. $3 for something that will be tossed.

 

If isn't a fun way to live. But one slip up, one time of getting lazy and his life is all but over.

 

I gotta find a way out of this...it is a lot of pressure, knowing that one mistake on my part damages so many.

 

This sounds like a 2nd job. Making sure there's no trace you ever existed. I dont understand how you deal with this?

[liloldlady]

 

If I genuinely like the man, then I need to stop putting him in such a risky situation. It is selfish of me to do so.

 

 

Awww... I can tell that you really care for this man.

 

I have told my friend: thank you, and that I appreciate and recognize the fact that he takes great risks to spend time with me. I do not have an official other boyfriend, so he really puts his butt on the line & I thank him for it.

 

I figure and you may too -- that he must see something rather special in you in order to take such risks. He's a grown man. If he makes the decision to love you, so be it.

 

Are you being serious. He sets a time limit?

 

Even people in so called more traditional relationships have a schedule to adhere to.

 

Making sure there's no trace you ever existed. I dont understand how you deal with this?

 

Well if you know your friend is taking sweets from the cookie jar, do you turn around and rat him out? Who does that??

 

Stop gossiping

 

This is far from gossip. I never would.

Edited February 2, 2014 by liloldlady

[Kalee35]

I'm not sure what to make of this post. Trying to understand it but not sure if I'm not thinking straight or if it's the wine I'm drinking at the moment. I will try again tomorrow.

[Snipercatt]

not sure if I'm not thinking straight

 

Psssst, Kaylee, it isn't you.

 

LOL, you mistake desire, and, oh, so GREAT risk (LOL!) for simple availability.

[liloldlady]

 

LOL, you mistake desire, and, oh, so GREAT risk (LOL!) for simple availability.

 

He wishes I were more available, but we make do. He's very flexible toward my schedule.

[wanting more]

I would've never accepted that. You must be a dream for your MM. never question and do what only he wants.

[liloldlady]

You must be a dream

 

never question and do what only he wants.

 

We rarely argue, both being non-confrontational and all, but...I'm not his doormat, that's for sure.

[Lady2163]

This sounds like a 2nd job. Making sure there's no trace you ever existed. I dont understand how you deal with this?

 

All relationships require compromise.

 

I had had several bad relationships before I started the friendship with the married man.

 

I utterly despise sports...except the Boston Red Sox.

 

In seven years, I have never had to watch a single game, movie or tv show I didn't want to.

 

I don't have to share my money or account for my spending. Last five boyfriends ALL hit me up for money, married FWB has not, nor will he ever.

 

I don't have to suffer through holidays with someone else's family.

 

I don't have to wonder what the limits are. I don't have to wonder if he will spend the night or slink out as fast as he can.

 

I don't have to spend time with him if I don't want to or am too busy.

 

I have decorated my house the way I want it.

 

I have learned to communicate better.

 

We also have NEVER fought.

 

We have negotiated, though. I know what I expect from my next real relationship. I know what I won't settle for.

 

I still don't know how much compromising I am ready to do. But I really am ready to find out. Just I am having zero luck in finding someone.

[wanting more]

We rarely argue, both being non-confrontational and all, but...I'm not his doormat, that's for sure.

 

Well of course you rarely argue. You don't even want to ask him about that "aspect of his life" which is obviously bothering you because you're on a board asking others what we think his actions meant.

[wanting more]

All relationships require compromise.

 

I had had several bad relationships before I started the friendship with the married man.

 

I utterly despise sports...except the Boston Red Sox.

 

In seven years, I have never had to watch a single game, movie or tv show I didn't want to.

 

I don't have to share my money or account for my spending. Last five boyfriends ALL hit me up for money, married FWB has not, nor will he ever.

 

I don't have to suffer through holidays with someone else's family.

 

I don't have to wonder what the limits are. I don't have to wonder if he will spend the night or slink out as fast as he can.

 

I don't have to spend time with him if I don't want to or am too busy.

 

I have decorated my house the way I want it.

 

I have learned to communicate better.

 

We also have NEVER fought.

 

We have negotiated, though. I know what I expect from my next real relationship. I know what I won't settle for.

 

I still don't know how much compromising I am ready to do. But I really am ready to find out. Just I am having zero luck in finding someone.[/

 

You'll never find someone as long as MM is in the picture

[Daisy2013]

Are you being serious. He sets a time limit?

 

Yes. He was nervous of getting caught. He said he wasn't typically a risk taker, but I did something to him. Usually I got 2 calls per week and a 30 minute visit on his way home from work once a week. Sometimes I got an hour. He would have to call her when he was leaving work (so he said) and wanted to be home before she'd call on his cell looking for him. This is what I got for 2 years. I accepted it because I fell in love and he said he loved me. If I'd pushed for more, he probably would have left me.

[wanting more]

I guess I just don't understand this. (although I did have 3 d-days so obviously we weren't good at hiding things)

But to be so worried that you check his car everytime you get out for a stray hair. Don't wear make up so it wont smear Never show up with lip gloss on

 

One of the very few things we worried about was that every now and then I left marks on his body.

 

But oils and soaps and makeup and stray hairs, never thought about that.

[liloldlady]

Just I am having zero luck in finding someone.

 

Let that someone find you. I know that he will.

[Snipercatt]

He isn't in the dog house, -he's in his "kitty's" house.

 

Of course he wishes you were more available; mooooore milk. LOL!

[MissBee]

Because: what's it got to do with me? I care about how he treats me.

 

 

 

We're good. Thank you.

 

Lil,

 

Really?! You're "good" yet almost daily you make posts guessing about his behavior.

 

As I said, and as everyone else seems to notice, this relationships seems to be very different in your eyes and his, you always seem like you're on the outside looking in and that you don't know him and what's going on any better than anonymous people online. Even in what you say to us about this "relationship" and what you then make threads about is contradictory.

 

If you're good and you "leave it alone" why all the threads dissecting cryptic actions??? If you leave it alone stop obsessively asking us about it, or you can admit you obsessively think about it and then just ask him...and clearly since you cannot ask him, you should wonder what kind of relationship that is where every time you want to know something about "your man" you have to ask people on the internet or sleuth around online.

Edited February 2, 2014 by MissBee