I like extremely clingy and needy women -- is this normal?

[Keenly]

It would make me think you have abandonment issues. That your mother or father walked out on you when you were a small kid or something similar. People who need constant reassurance usually carry a deep childhood hurt.

 

* slowly raises hand *,

 

 

Yeah....

[Emilia]

If you saw his little temper tantrum he had last night, you would know why I came up with this, but also based on what he has said here. Men who are attracted to needy and insecure women want someone they can dominate and control, who they can treat badly and she will put up with it.

Not everything can be fitted into neat little boxes Kathy. I thought that was one of the fundamentals that us regular posters learned on LS.

[Grumpybutfun]

Sean, I didn't get the sense that you like to manipulate or control them, but that you just like them to need and cling to you and be submissive. Is that correct?

G

[NYSean]

If you saw his little temper tantrum he had last night, you would know why I came up with this, but also based on what he has said here. Men who are attracted to needy and insecure women want someone they can dominate and control, who they can treat badly and she will put up with it.

 

It's not a temper tantrum, I laughed at the entire posts last night and typed them with a smile on my face.

 

I decided to post a legitimate question and let's be honest you're here to pick a fight. I'm over what happened yesterday and apparently you're not. So who's the adult here?

 

Tara didn't insult anybody or anyone and genuinely wanted to get to the root of this. You wanted to ahead and say men are clueless and now you follow me to this thread and give me your little rants under the guise of "helping me".

[Emilia]

* slowly raises hand *,

 

 

Yeah....

Well there are plenty of us here with that particular predicament.

[NYSean]

Sean, I didn't get the sense that you like to manipulate or control them, but that you just like them to need and cling to you and be submissive. Is that correct?

G

 

Yes, sure if I don't get what I want I'll throw a little harumph but I don't find any satisfaction with controlling women. Yes, I do like women that are submissive but ONLY in the bedroom. Outside of it, I like to be in equal footing in a relationship. If I'm in the wrong I'd like for her to put her foot down and put me in my place and vice versa.

[TaraMaiden]

If you saw his little temper tantrum he had last night, you would know why I came up with this, but also based on what he has said here. Men who are attracted to needy and insecure women want someone they can dominate and control, who they can treat badly and she will put up with it.

 

Kathy, you're (AFAIK) a fully trained, qualified, certified counsellor/therapist.

 

I'm just someone who's done the course and had some experience, but I don't have the whistles and bells to go with it.

 

Yet, frankly, you're wrong on this, and I'm much closer to the truth.

 

Having had previous experience of your input on other threads, I'm sorry, but I get the feeling you all-too-often let too much personal opinion get in the way.

The thing is, no matter what your personal OPINION of someone may be, you need to look at the issue dispassionately, and not make your mind up based on one previous encounter that rubbed you up the wrong way.

[KathyM]

@KathyM you go on a thread and say men are clueless. Hahah what did you think was going to happen?

So you went on a thread to suggest to the OP that he start being extremely verbally abusive to the woman, and thought that that was the way to make her want him, and then when I called out you and a few other guys on the thread who were suggesting the OP be verbally abusive and not take no for an answer to her decline of sex, you melted down into a name calling, abusive bratty kid. You have issues, and I can see why you are attracted to women with low self esteem (because they are the ones who put up with your mistreatment).

[Keenly]

Yeah I don't know about all these woman saying the man is going in with malicious intent....

 

 

I just have not really ever felt much love or felt desired in my life, so to actually have a girl that really wants you feels.. well.... really good.

 

 

Its nice to feel like you are important to some one when you've never really been important to anyone.

[TaraMaiden]

Kathy, darling.......

I'd quit while you're behind, dearest....

[KathyM]

Yeah I don't know about all these woman saying the man is going in with malicious intent....

 

 

I just have not really ever felt much love or felt desired in my life, so to actually have a girl that really wants you feels.. well.... really good.

 

 

Its nice to feel like you are important to some one when you've never really been important to anyone.

You're saying that out of a place of insecurity. It leads to codependency, and that is not a healthy thing.

[NYSean]

So you went on a thread to suggest to the OP that he start being extremely verbally abusive to the woman, and thought that that was the way to make her want him, and then when I called out you and a few other guys on the thread who were suggesting the OP be verbally abusive and not take no for an answer to her decline of sex, you melted down into a name calling, abusive bratty kid. You have issues, and I can see why you are attracted to women with low self esteem (because they are the ones who put up with your mistreatment).

 

HAHAH how is me asking a woman "why do you feel the need to bring up this random fact that this car is $86,000 -- do you feel inadequate in some part of your life" being verbally abusive.

 

I told him that this woman is playing him and she is insecure of being 40 something years old which is why she's playing these dumb mind games. If she wants to disrespect a man with good intentions then he should let her feel that he CAN be with younger women and use her insecurity against her. Through experience, women like this STOP these games and actually have a normal date without having to STATE reasonable rules on a first date.

 

You're just angry because you feel that I don't like older women but I'm going to go ahead and burst your little reality and inform you THAT I'm VERY attracted to older women and have dated women that are a lot older than I am.

 

But what REALLY boggles my mind today is, how in the world would ANYONE pay you for the advice you give? It almost feels like you're running a con.

[TaraMaiden]

So you went on a thread to suggest to the OP that he start being extremely verbally abusive to the woman, and thought that that was the way to make her want him, and then when I called out you and a few other guys on the thread who were suggesting the OP be verbally abusive and not take no for an answer to her decline of sex, you melted down into a name calling, abusive bratty kid. You have issues, and I can see why you are attracted to women with low self esteem (because they are the ones who put up with your mistreatment).

 

Kathy, stop it.

This kind of posting does you no favours, lowers your esteem in the eyes of others and makes a mockery of your qualifications and profession.

To cap it all, you're supposed to uphold so-called christian values of Compassion, and charity.

 

You're flying off the handle and your indignation is palpable but wholly undignified.

 

In your efforts to belittle the OP, all you have done is to make yourself look extremely foolish.

[TaraMaiden]

You're saying that out of a place of insecurity. It leads to codependency, and that is not a healthy thing.

 

he knows. That's why he 'raised his hand'....

[KathyM]

It's not a temper tantrum, I laughed at the entire posts last night and typed them with a smile on my face.

 

I decided to post a legitimate question and let's be honest you're here to pick a fight. I'm over what happened yesterday and apparently you're not. So who's the adult here?

 

Tara didn't insult anybody or anyone and genuinely wanted to get to the root of this. You wanted to ahead and say men are clueless and now you follow me to this thread and give me your little rants under the guise of "helping me".

You asked why you are attracted to clingy and needy women. I told you why. I've studied this dynamic in multiple courses, so I think I know what I'm talking about. If you don't like my answer, you are free to ignore it.

[Emilia]

he knows. That's why he 'raised his hand'....

Precisely. It was quite clear from his first post that he was here for advice/info and it became more and more apparent as he kept posting.

[Grumpybutfun]

OP, do you see any behaviors you exhibit that belittles or degrades these women? Do you see your desire for a submissive an issue? When the novelty of cling insets, neediness and jealousy wears off, what is left that will keep you attracted? Obviously these traits are very attractive to you because it gives you a sense of power and makes you different from the same sex parent you don't admire. However, the drama these traits bring and the mental health issues might not be obvious to you right now, but could pd they possibly be an issue in the future?

G

[Keenly]

What can I say, I'm getting lonely and frustrated.

[TaraMaiden]

You asked why you are attracted to clingy and needy women. I told you why. I've studied this dynamic in multiple courses, so I think I know what I'm talking about. If you don't like my answer, you are free to ignore it.

 

Nobody likes your answer because it's spiteful, vitriolic and patently wrong.

You have an agenda.

That much is obvious.

[jba10582]

I have to admit I had switched therapist quite a while back because I had often felt like some of things she had said were unhelpful and hurtful and I left often feeling much worse like I was supposed to stay stuck.

[NYSean]

You asked why you are attracted to clingy and needy women. I told you why. I've studied this dynamic in multiple courses, so I think I know what I'm talking about. If you don't like my answer, you are free to ignore it.

 

Um there's a difference between giving sound and unbiased advice than you bringing baggage from another post into this one. It's doesn't take rocket science to know that you're obviously angered by my comments from last night which is why you decided to be completely hostile with me. In the end, I just think you're funny which is why I'm replying to you. But, don't worry, I've ignored your comments since you first decided to post and give your certified and licensed opinion that "men are clueless"

[KathyM]

Kathy, stop it.

This kind of posting does you no favours, lowers your esteem in the eyes of others and makes a mockery of your qualifications and profession.

To cap it all, you're supposed to uphold so-called christian values of Compassion, and charity.

 

You're flying off the handle and your indignation is palpable but wholly undignified.

 

In your efforts to belittle the OP, all you have done is to make yourself look extremely foolish.

I have compassion for women who are abused, not for men who seek out clingy women who will put up with their abuse.

[Keenly]

I have compassion for women who are abused, not for men who seek out clingy women who will put up with their abuse.

 

Yeah but what exactly makes you think a guy like me or a guy like him wants to abuse women? Why would I want to hurt women?

[KathyM]

Yeah but what exactly makes you think a guy like me or a guy like him wants to abuse women? Why would I want to hurt women?

Not you, him. He was the one last night who was suggesting to the thread starter that he become verbally abusive to the woman, and that he not take no for an answer when she declined sex.

[TaraMaiden]

I have compassion for women who are abused, not for men who seek out clingy women who will put up with their abuse.

 

Oh, so you admit to being biased and prejudiced.... both sides might be in need of psychological support, but you clearly favour one over the other.

 

Is that healthy?