I like extremely clingy and needy women -- is this normal?

[TaraMaiden]

so do I but your count is wrong.

 

[Eau Claire]

Is it normal? No

 

Reading your posts on another thread yesterday showed yoursaddistic pleasure in advising a poster to break a woman.

 

Get some help.

[BlametheIrish]

Yeah I don't know about all these woman saying the man is going in with malicious intent....

 

 

I just have not really ever felt much love or felt desired in my life, so to actually have a girl that really wants you feels.. well.... really good.

 

 

Its nice to feel like you are important to some one when you've never really been important to anyone.

 

We've all got our own inner battles to fight. I just realized reading through some points in this thread I have some version of White knight syndrome myself. And I.thought I.was more self aware.

 

And Keenly, you'll be the center of some womans world some day. Your too good of a guy not to. I know it sounds cheesy but damn it I mean it.

[StanMusial]

No, it's not normal.

 

Personally, I just don't have the time to deal with a girl like that. I literally do not have the time it takes.

[NYSean]

Is it normal? No

 

Reading your posts on another thread yesterday showed yoursaddistic pleasure in advising a poster to break a woman.

 

Get some help.

 

Sadistic pleasure? ROFL. Apparently you fall victim to selective reading and pick/choose your points like KathyM

 

I'm not going to take the advice from someone who is incapable of critical thinking. I am being provided sound advice from intelligent, confident, insightful and well-educated women. Apparently you don't fit the bill. Thanks but no thanks.

[NYSean]

No, it's not normal.

 

Personally, I just don't have the time to deal with a girl like that. I literally do not have the time it takes.

 

I predict at the end, I'd have to pick and choose which ones are important to me because stepping back I do see how some of the things I like, when put into extremes, can really damage a relationship.

 

I was leaning more towards just being fine with women who dedicate a lot of their time to their relationships within "healthy boundaries". I guess I'd have to dictate the standard but I'd try to be reasonable.

[Blade96]

I was leaning more towards just being fine with women who dedicate a lot of their time to their relationships within "healthy boundaries". I guess I'd have to dictate the standard but I'd try to be reasonable.

 

Yeah, just do that. It'll be much healthier.

[Quiet Storm]

You like the unconditional attention, admiration & validation that a woman like this provides.

 

It could be because you were coddled by your mom. You feel entitled to unconditional love because it's always been available to you. You never had to compete for attention or work for love from a woman. Your brother had to compete for your mother's love, but you didn't. This probably gave you a sense of satisfaction as a child.

 

When a woman needs you, it reassures you of your value. Her neediness is your insurance. Your security blanket. You feel safe. You are the star of her show. Indispensable. Your mere presense comforts her. She loves you as you are, flaws & all. She places a high value on your place in her life. She needs your love & attention to feel content & happy.

 

When a woman only wants you (but doesn't need you), there is the possibility that she will change her mind. She might find another guy she wants more than you. She may have expectations you can't meet. She has other things in her life that are important & special to her. It is not based on neediness, so her love has conditions. She is content & happy, regardless of the amount of attention that you give her.

 

You like being responsible for a woman's happiness because it makes you feel important and special. It's validating. Jealously & the threat of losing you creates panic. The sexual arousal you get from her jealous panic & stress is interesting. I think when you genuinely love someone, you want to reassure them & make them feel safe. I don't think finding pleasure in their distress is healthy love. It's more like selfish love.

 

I think you equate "love" with how she makes YOU feel, rather than genuinely loving her personality traits, character & personality. The fact that you see insecurity/clingy/needy as a negative qualities, but still want these in your woman, illustrates this, IMO.

[Eau Claire]

Sadistic pleasure? ROFL. Apparently you fall victim to selective reading and pick/choose your points like KathyM

 

I'm not going to take the advice from someone who is incapable of critical thinking. I am being provided sound advice from intelligent, confident, insightful and well-educated women. Apparently you don't fit the bill. Thanks but no thanks.

 

'I love dating women like this because they are so easy to break'

 

Does this go along with a pathological need for clingy women? You have some Freudian need to subjugate women. Hot healthy.

 

Get help.

[Eivuwan]

You like being responsible for a woman's happiness because it makes you feel important and special. It's validating. Jealously & the threat of losing you creates panic. The sexual arousal you get from her jealous panic & stress is interesting. I think when you genuinely love someone, you want to reassure them & make them feel safe. I don't think finding pleasure in their distress is healthy love. It's more like selfish love.

 

I think you equate "love" with how she makes YOU feel, rather than genuinely loving her personality traits, character & personality. The fact that you see insecurity/clingy/needy as a negative qualities, but still want these in your woman, illustrates this, IMO.

 

This is the point I was trying to make. You said it better.

[NYSean]

You like the unconditional attention, admiration & validation that a woman like this provides.

 

It could be because you were coddled by your mom. You feel entitled to unconditional love because it's always been available to you. You never had to compete for attention or work for love from a woman. Your brother had to compete for your mother's love, but you didn't. This probably gave you a sense of satisfaction as a child.

 

When a woman needs you, it reassures you of your value. Her neediness is your insurance. Your security blanket. You feel safe. You are the star of her show. Indispensable. Your mere presense comforts her. She loves you as you are, flaws & all. She places a high value on your place in her life. She needs your love & attention to feel content & happy.

 

When a woman only wants you (but doesn't need you), there is the possibility that she will change her mind. She might find another guy she wants more than you. She may have expectations you can't meet. She has other things in her life that are important & special to her. It is not based on neediness, so her love has conditions. She is content & happy, regardless of the amount of attention that you give her.

 

You like being responsible for a woman's happiness because it makes you feel important and special. It's validating. Jealously & the threat of losing you creates panic. The sexual arousal you get from her jealous panic & stress is interesting. I think when you genuinely love someone, you want to reassure them & make them feel safe. I don't think finding pleasure in their distress is healthy love. It's more like selfish love.

 

I think you equate "love" with how she makes YOU feel, rather than genuinely loving her personality traits, character & personality. The fact that you see insecurity/clingy/needy as a negative qualities, but still want these in your woman, illustrates this, IMO.

 

But I always thought that unconditional love is a factor for a healthy relationship. I mean when I was single that's what I was mainly looking for because I understand that I'm not perfect but I don't want to be judged without understanding my flaws.

 

I think Tara's assessment is accurate but so is yours. I'll admit I do feel value when I'm in a relationship like that and in a way it IS like a security blanket for me. I believe there is an underlying insecurity that maybe I'm not as confident about myself as I thought and I foolishly think that most women always have the grass is greener. But women are NOT to blame in this scenario, I can only blame myself for not being confident.

 

For the record, I don't make a woman feel special because it makes ME feel good. I genuinely like doing nice things for women that treat me well. I have seen a woman's capability of selfless dedication in a relationship and it inspires me to do the same, especially coming from a household where I was spoiled rotten. I'm trying my best NOT to be selfish in a relationship, and I think by being inspired and following in her footsteps I'm taking the necessary steps in the right direction.

 

Love is much more complex than that for me and I'm not selfish in that I only seek women to validate my sense of self-worth. I wouldn't date a woman that was needy, clingy but had a bad personality. I would say this is more of what I want not what I NEED. I don't prioritize this over the most essential parts of what draws me to a woman. I would much rather say clingy, needy would be an icing on the cake but it's not needed. A soft spot for me would be the best way to describe it. Being in a good relationship means you'd have to accept the good with the bad.

[NYSean]

'I love dating women like this because they are so easy to break'

 

Does this go along with a pathological need for clingy women? You have some Freudian need to subjugate women. Hot healthy.

 

Get help.

 

You ever think that I used to do it because I just didn't want to take them seriously because they wouldn't take me seriously? And by the way, I said women like THIS meaning gold-digging, status loving women who just thrive off exploiting and taking advantage of men's chivalry? Did you not read the post that I would NEVER treat a woman this way if she was respectful and kind? You think that maybe I believe that that is a facade, and I'd want to "break" it so then I can get to know the real her? Goodness do you ever rationalize?

 

No this doesn't go along with the "need" for clingy women. I said I LIKE extremely clingy and needy women. There's a difference.

 

You have some need to be poor at reading comprehension. How sad being that you're a grown woman and you have the reading capabilities of a 5th grader. Get help.

Edited January 31, 2014 by NYSean
addition

[Eivuwan]

You ever think that I used to do it because I just didn't want to take them seriously because they wouldn't take me seriously? And by the way, I said women like THIS meaning gold-digging, status loving women who just thrive off exploiting and taking advantage of men's chivalry? Did you not read the post that I would NEVER treat a woman this way if she was respectful and kind? You think that maybe I believe that that is a facade, and I'd want to "break" it so then I can get to know the real her? Goodness do you ever rationalize?

 

No this doesn't go along with the "need" for clingy women. I said I LIKE extremely clingy and needy women. There's a difference.

 

You have some need to be poor at reading comprehension. How sad being that you're a grown woman and you have the reading capabilities of a 5th grader. Get help.

 

You know that when you go on a forum like this people will have different opinions and not all will be palatable. Resorting to insults about people's intelligence when they disagree with you doesn't speak well for your case. Personally, I think the desire to break someone instead of simply walking away from the situation isn't healthy behavior. Two wrongs doesn't make a right, etc.

[NYSean]

You know that when you go on a forum like this people will have different opinions and not all will be palatable. Resorting to insults about people's intelligence when they disagree with you doesn't speak well for your case. Personally, I think the desire to break someone instead of simply walking away from the situation isn't healthy behavior. Two wrongs doesn't make a right, etc.

 

Um plenty of people so far have said it's not normal, I'm insecure and I might have this or that but I didn't resort to insulting them?

 

I know the difference when someone is being respectful and offering constructive criticism and someone is being vindictive and hostile. I'm not going to walk away and let someone talk to me that way. She could've worded her post in a much respectful and less self-righteous tone and it would've been peachy. I agree with you two-wrongs don't make a right, but I never said I was a nice person either. I treat people on how they treat me. You're courteous to me and offer constructive criticism with the desire to help then great! You want to be a d-bag then I'll be a d-bag back and there's nothing wrong with that.

[soccerrprp]

Wow, this thread has ballooned to a heated discussion....

[Eau Claire]

The OP has the classic passive aggressive personality.

 

Break women...wanting clingy women.

 

Sorry, he doesn't need to be coddled...he needs as I stated from the first, to seek some help. Women no longer need to tolerated this type of man in a relationship. A women who seeks out this type of male aggression also needs help.

[somedude81]

I wish my ex was more clingy.

 

I feel that she was too independent which probably had a big factor in her suddenly dumping me, without talking to me about it first. She made the decision all by her self

[Quiet Storm]

But I always thought that unconditional love is a factor for a healthy relationship.

 

Only to an extent.

 

Romantic love has conditions. People have expectations and standards for what they want in a partner. If your partner doesn't meet those expecations, should you still love and stay with them? Isn't that settling for less than what you deserve?

 

Unconditional love is a factor in family love & long term marriages, but when you are dating, you are trying to find the best match for you. Finding the best match doesn't mean finding someone that will tolerate your BS. It means finding someone that is compatible, that will inpsire you, that will motivate you, that will encourage you.

 

Your partner should inspire you to be the best version of you possible. When you are attracted to neediness, it seems like you DON'T want her to be the best version of her. It benefits you for her to be insecure, jealous & needy. When you love someone you should have their best interests at heart? How is it in her best interest to be this way?

 

Knowing that someone will love you no matter what you do, no matter who you flirt with, no matter how you treat her may be comforting, but it doesn't inspire personal growth.

 

If your goal in dating is to find someone that will eventually be your wife & the mother of your kids, the qualities that stroke your ego now could backfire on you later. The unresolved issues that result in the traits you are attracted to, can have ramifications years down the line. You like that she needs you... but your kids are going to need HER. Is she emotionally healthy enough to handle the stress of motherhood/being needed? When life gets tough & boring, will she be strong enough to stay faithful? Right now, YOU are the focus of her weakness. That focus could change later in life. What else will she be needy & weak for? Drugs, other men, food, booze, spending, etc.?

 

Be careful what you wish for.

 

This thread reminds me of that old Cheap Trick song "I want you to want me. I need you to need me..."

[NYSean]

The OP has the classic passive aggressive personality.

 

Break women...wanting clingy women.

 

Sorry, he doesn't need to be coddled...he needs as I stated from the first, to seek some help. Women no longer need to tolerated this type of man in a relationship. A women who seeks out this type of male aggression also needs help.

 

LOL Ok KathyM

 

Like I said -- I feel bad for people who have to spend their hard-earned money for your services.

[Easyguy14]

When I used to go on dates, I'd tell women that I like to be smothered. I'd like for a woman to always contact me, take it upon herself to visit me everyday and just be completely clingy. Granted yes, she would give me time to do some of my own things alone, but I think it's really endearing when a woman just can't stop thinking about you and wants to spend every waking moment with you.

 

My guy friends think I'm mentally insane and my female friends think I'm one of a kind. So out of curiosity are there men like me out there?

 

The said lady you're describing I think is a old-fashioned type because she feels free to be who she's supposed to be to a man she craves. Most women hold in their affection or only give bits of it because they feel most likely men wont appreciate it. This is my opinion so consider yourself very lucky.

[NYSean]

Only to an extent.

 

Romantic love has conditions. People have expectations and standards for what they want in a partner. If your partner doesn't meet those expecations, should you still love and stay with them? Isn't that settling for less than what you deserve?

 

Unconditional love is a factor in family love & long term marriages, but when you are dating, you are trying to find the best match for you. Finding the best match doesn't mean finding someone that will tolerate your BS. It means finding someone that is compatible, that will inpsire you, that will motivate you, that will encourage you.

 

Your partner should inspire you to be the best version of you possible. When you are attracted to neediness, it seems like you DON'T want her to be the best version of her. It benefits you for her to be insecure, jealous & needy. When you love someone you should have their best interests at heart? How is it in her best interest to be this way?

 

Knowing that someone will love you no matter what you do, no matter who you flirt with, no matter how you treat her may be comforting, but it doesn't inspire personal growth.

 

If your goal in dating is to find someone that will eventually be your wife & the mother of your kids, the qualities that stroke your ego now could backfire on you later. The unresolved issues that result in the traits you are attracted to, can have ramifications years down the line. You like that she needs you... but your kids are going to need HER. Is she emotionally healthy enough to handle the stress of motherhood/being needed? When life gets tough & boring, will she be strong enough to stay faithful? Right now, YOU are the focus of her weakness. That focus could change later in life. What else will she be needy & weak for? Drugs, other men, food, booze, spending, etc.?

 

Be careful what you wish for.

 

This thread reminds me of that old Cheap Trick song "I want you to want me. I need you to need me..."

 

You are selectively reading my posts. You keep thinking that I NEED a woman who is needy and clingy. I don't, I LIKE and WANT a woman that is needy and clingy. These sets of traits is not my top priority in what I'm looking for in a relationship. Do I believe that a woman who is needy and clingy makes for a good and solid relationship? NO. It's not a necessity for me, it is no different than a woman who has a weakness for a man who expresses his feelings. It's a slight preference. And if you've actually read my earlier posts, I've CLEARLY stated that I wholeheartedly believe that relationships should foster MUTUAL GROWTH and IMPROVEMENT. I have stated that I want to date a woman who is selfless because she would inspire a selfish, spoiled brat like myself to follow in her footsteps. Yes, her insecurity gives me a sense of value you're right I'll admit that, but that is just one aspect of the relationship. You keep thinking that this is ALL I yearn for and that the only reason that my relationships would keep going is because I benefit off of her lack of self-esteem. I've stated again and again that personality counts for EVERYTHING, more so than this little "like" of mine. You choose to not read it. You want to go ahead and quote a song that obviously shows you purposely pick and choose what you want to read and not get a feel for what I'm about as a whole.

 

You know what this thread has become, a kid gets a report card, has 7 A's and one C and the parents just yell at him for the C. Don't worry, I do it too sometimes, we are not perfect.

[NYSean]

The said lady you're describing I think is a old-fashioned type because she feels free to be who she's supposed to be to a man she craves. Most women hold in their affection or only give bits of it because they feel most likely men wont appreciate it. This is my opinion so consider yourself very lucky.

 

 

Well I do tell women I like to be smothered but not every woman I've dated are smothering, or clingy and needy. They simply tell me they're not like that and I'm fine and I go about my day. Not every woman I've dated were clingy and needy. LOL some people here just INSIST on me thinking that's ALL I want. And when I show them otherwise they don't say anything. All I wanted to know why I have a soft spot for this and is it normal.

[isisisweeping]

I don't know about telling OP that he needs help or worse yet what his inner childhood demons must be.

 

If he's not mistreating the women it's his business the sort of relationship he wants.

 

Had he used different adjectives without the negative connotations would it be the same response?

Edited January 31, 2014 by isisisweeping

[regine_phalange]

Because in spite of everything, your parents are still married and in all probability they have a great deal of affection for one another.

No matter who is 'dominant' and who is 'submissive' it's a dynamic that however bad, skewed or disjointed it may look, actually works for them.

And you want the same thing - but you don't want to fill your father's role.

So whose role can you possibly emulate?

Your mother's.

Wow, I just got into the psyche of my ex. Thanks!

[Easyguy14]

Well I do tell women I like to be smothered but not every woman I've dated are smothering, or clingy and needy. They simply tell me they're not like that and I'm fine and I go about my day. Not every woman I've dated were clingy and needy. LOL some people here just INSIST on me thinking that's ALL I want. And when I show them otherwise they don't say anything. All I wanted to know why I have a soft spot for this and is it normal.

 

You value great physical affection and that's a great feeling to have. I think everyone wants that but are a little bit too uptight to admit to it.