I like extremely clingy and needy women -- is this normal?

[NYSean]

I don't know about telling OP that he needs help or worse yet what his inner childhood demons must be.

 

If he's not mistreating the women it's his business the sort of relationship he wants.

 

Had he used different adjectives without the negative connotations would it be the same response?

 

I've made an earlier post on another topic and it seems that 2-3 people want to take things out of context, not read things to its entirety and permanently label me as a Misogynist of sorts.

 

Ehhhh it is what it is.

[pickflicker]

I've heard stories of controlling husbands and that angers me to the core so I could NEVER belittle or degrade a woman outside the bedroom. In fact, I would NEVER impose this type of bedroom dynamic to a woman unless this is ALSO what she wanted. I do like having the power but ONLY in the bedroom but I believe a healthy relationship is built from mutual respect. I'll admit I act like a butthead sometimes but I couldn't date a woman who would just take it. I would NEED for her to put me in my place when the time arises and vice versa.

 

I believe if the novelty wore off it would just become a "normal" relationship which is perfectly fine by me.

 

I once dated a guy who is a CFO at a big insurer. A guy used to being a leader, controlling outcomes, overseeing other staff, etc, etc. Dominant in the workplace. He absolutely LOVED to submit to a woman in the bedroom. Wanted to be told what to do. Wanted the woman in charge. Said "I love strong women who tell me what do to them. I love to submit."

 

Interesting time for me, it was...

[GorillaTheater]

I once dated a guy who is a CFO at a big insurer. A guy used to being a leader, controlling outcomes, overseeing other staff, etc, etc. Dominant in the workplace. He absolutely LOVED to submit to a woman in the bedroom. Wanted to be told what to do. Wanted the woman in charge. Said "I love strong women who tell me what do to them. I love to submit."

 

Interesting time for me, it was...

 

A little housework, a round of cunnilingus, a little more housework ...

[pickflicker]

A little housework, a round of cunnilingus, a little more housework ...

 

All he wanted to do is give me head. All the time.

 

"I just love giving you head" he would say. "All the time. Just tell me what you want..."

 

Crap, now I'm squirming (in a good way!) just thinking about it!

[lesbihonest]

I once dated a guy who is a CFO at a big insurer. A guy used to being a leader, controlling outcomes, overseeing other staff, etc, etc. Dominant in the workplace. He absolutely LOVED to submit to a woman in the bedroom. Wanted to be told what to do. Wanted the woman in charge. Said "I love strong women who tell me what do to them. I love to submit."

 

Interesting time for me, it was...

 

Actually I've heard this is quite common, people who are leaders, dominant, headstrong but like to be completely submissive in the bedroom. Hahah interesting indeed.

[Kizmet Fisher]

When I used to go on dates, I'd tell women that I like to be smothered. I'd like for a woman to always contact me, take it upon herself to visit me everyday and just be completely clingy. Granted yes, she would give me time to do some of my own things alone, but I think it's really endearing when a woman just can't stop thinking about you and wants to spend every waking moment with you.

 

My guy friends think I'm mentally insane and my female friends think I'm one of a kind. So out of curiosity are there men like me out there?

 

I don't know about normal per se, but I think it's probably a pretty common preference. I like to call it 'Pinkie In The As$ Syndrome' - it happens but few admit to it out of fear of ridicule.

 

I myself enjoy somewhat needy and clingy men/women. I accept it probably means I have abandonment issues but hey, I defy you to find a psych PHD/psychologist/counsellor who isn't completely psychotic (as evidenced nicely by Kathy M earlier in the thread.)

 

I think its probably okay to have those inclinations so long as you have a compatible partner, and you share the balance of power equally in the relationship.

[Quiet Storm]

You are selectively reading my posts. You keep thinking that I NEED a woman who is needy and clingy. I don't, I LIKE and WANT a woman that is needy and clingy. These sets of traits is not my top priority in what I'm looking for in a relationship. Do I believe that a woman who is needy and clingy makes for a good and solid relationship? NO. It's not a necessity for me, it is no different than a woman who has a weakness for a man who expresses his feelings. It's a slight preference. And if you've actually read my earlier posts, I've CLEARLY stated that I wholeheartedly believe that relationships should foster MUTUAL GROWTH and IMPROVEMENT. I have stated that I want to date a woman who is selfless because she would inspire a selfish, spoiled brat like myself to follow in her footsteps. Yes, her insecurity gives me a sense of value you're right I'll admit that, but that is just one aspect of the relationship. You keep thinking that this is ALL I yearn for and that the only reason that my relationships would keep going is because I benefit off of her lack of self-esteem. I've stated again and again that personality counts for EVERYTHING, more so than this little "like" of mine. You choose to not read it. You want to go ahead and quote a song that obviously shows you purposely pick and choose what you want to read and not get a feel for what I'm about as a whole.

 

You know what this thread has become, a kid gets a report card, has 7 A's and one C and the parents just yell at him for the C. Don't worry, I do it too sometimes, we are not perfect.

 

I understand that you do like other qualities in women, but I was addressing the clingy, needy aspect because that is what your thread is about. I don't think that is all that you yearn for at all. But it's important enough for you to make a thread about. Even your friends think it's insane.

 

I just think that clingy, needy, jealous, etc. are not usually traits that come with emotionally mature & well balanced women. The negative ramifications of these traits often don't surface until years, or even decades down the line. You are not the first man to be attracted to these traits, but choosing this type as a life partner doesn't usually turn out too well.

 

I understand that personality is important to you, and that there are many different aspects of a person's personality. But you made a thread about this aspect, so that is what I focused on.

[StanMusial]

You are selectively reading my posts. You keep thinking that I NEED a woman who is needy and clingy. I don't, I LIKE and WANT a woman that is needy and clingy. These sets of traits is not my top priority in what I'm looking for in a relationship. Do I believe that a woman who is needy and clingy makes for a good and solid relationship? NO. It's not a necessity for me, it is no different than a woman who has a weakness for a man who expresses his feelings. It's a slight preference. And if you've actually read my earlier posts, I've CLEARLY stated that I whol eheartedly believe that relationships should foster MUTUAL GROWTH and IMPROVEMENT. I have stated that I want to date a woman who is selfless because she would inspire a selfish, spoiled brat like myself to follow in her footsteps. Yes, her insecurity gives me a sense of value you're right I'll admit that, but that is just one aspect of the relationship. You keep thinking that this is ALL I yearn for and that the only reason that my relationships would keep going is because I benefit off of her lack of self-esteem. I've stated again and again that personality counts for EVERYTHING, more so than this little "like" of mine. You choose to not read it. You want to go ahead and quote a song that obviously shows you purposely pick and choose what you want to read and not get a feel for what I'm about as a whole.

 

You know what this thread has become, a kid gets a report card, has 7 A's and one C and the parents just yell at him for the C. Don't worry, I do it too sometimes, we are not perfect.

 

Look at the title of the thread. Wasn't the whole point that you like "extremely clingy and needy" women?

 

I don't think you realize it but some of your posts are wandering and/or contradictory. I can see how people might be confused or get the wrong idea. Don't take it so personal, you're coming off as weird with the hyper defensiveness.

[NYSean]

Look at the title of the thread. Wasn't the whole point that you like "extremely clingy and needy" women?

 

I don't think you realize it but some of your posts are wandering and/or contradictory. I can see how people might be confused or get the wrong idea. Don't take it so personal, you're coming off as weird with the hyper defensiveness.

 

I'd like to know what part of it is contradictory and wandering? Please provide examples.

 

I'm not being defensive as I see there is no need for people to be offensive. I'm simply responding to people in a similar fashion as to what they write to me.

[NYSean]

Look at the title of the thread. Wasn't the whole point that you like "extremely clingy and needy" women?

 

I don't think you realize it but some of your posts are wandering and/or contradictory. I can see how people might be confused or get the wrong idea. Don't take it so personal, you're coming off as weird with the hyper defensiveness.

 

Actually if you read the earlier posts it was fine until someone decided to come in and make inflammatory comments under the guise of "advice". It could possibly be that I am not disclosing ALL of my information and that would be my fault. But the fact is only 1-2 I believe are confused so suffice to say the conclusion would be that what I'm posting is not wandering or contradictory. It is simply selective reading and MAYBE perhaps I did not make things clearer and felt that I would imply and expect people to see me a certain way. I don't really want to spell it out for people though as we are all adults and I would imagine we are capable of rationalization? I'm not taking it personally, and by now you know if I did I'd have no qualms in sharing that with you.

[NYSean]

I understand that you do like other qualities in women, but I was addressing the clingy, needy aspect because that is what your thread is about. I don't think that is all that you yearn for at all. But it's important enough for you to make a thread about. Even your friends think it's insane.

 

I just think that clingy, needy, jealous, etc. are not usually traits that come with emotionally mature & well balanced women. The negative ramifications of these traits often don't surface until years, or even decades down the line. You are not the first man to be attracted to these traits, but choosing this type as a life partner doesn't usually turn out too well.

 

I understand that personality is important to you, and that there are many different aspects of a person's personality. But you made a thread about this aspect, so that is what I focused on.

 

Maybe I'm at fault for selective reading too! But I get the impression you felt that's ALL I wanted and that is the only factor that would hold a relationship for me. Perhaps in my original post I should've said one of the qualities that I have a soft spot for but not required is someone who is clingy.

 

If I step back and observe this objectively I agree with you that there will be negative ramifications and could jeopardize the relationship. Do you speak based on observed experiences? Mind sharing some stories? Or is this just simply your logical explanation for it?

[Cunning-Linguist]

Maybe I'm at fault for selective reading too! But I get the impression you felt that's ALL I wanted and that is the only factor that would hold a relationship for me. Perhaps in my original post I should've said one of the qualities that I have a soft spot for but not required is someone who is clingy.

 

If I step back and observe this objectively I agree with you that there will be negative ramifications and could jeopardize the relationship. Do you speak based on observed experiences? Mind sharing some stories? Or is this just simply your logical explanation for it?

 

You didn't contradict yourself, you just progressively added more to who you are as a person with each post. Some people with more life experience will understand every word you're saying and some people just don't get it and may say things like what Stan said.

 

P.S You may be weird for liking clingy women, but I don't think you're weird for being hyper defensive because you are not. You are refuting inflammatory claims made towards you. I did read some people were just being antagonistic because of a previous post that you made and that's just immature.

[KathyM]

Your coddling as a child has made you very self centered. In your own words, you described yourself as a spoiled brat. Men who are brought up this way tend to develop characteristics of narrcicissm, and that makes them desire/be drawn to the excessively needy women because those women provide the narcissist with the ego feed that he is so reliant on. That is why men with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often seek out women with Borderline Personality Disorder, because those women are excessively needy and with no self esteem of their own, so they provide the idealization that the narcissist craves. You should look up some reading material on why the narcissist craves the borderline types. The women who are excessively needy and clingy. I think it would be an eye opening experience for you, if your ego will allow you to consider it.

[NYSean]

Your coddling as a child has made you very self centered. In your own words, you described yourself as a spoiled brat. Men who are brought up this way tend to develop characteristics of narrcicissm, and that makes them desire/be drawn to the excessively needy women because those women provide the narcissist with the ego feed that he is so reliant on. That is why men with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often seek out women with Borderline Personality Disorder, because those women are excessively needy and with no self esteem of their own, so they provide the idealization that the narcissist craves. You should look up some reading material on why the narcissist craves the borderline types. The women who are excessively needy and clingy. I think it would be an eye opening experience for you, if your ego will allow you to consider it.

 

Um sorry but Tara and QuietStorm hit it right on the spot. You are far off the mark. And they're not licensed professionals, YOU are. I don't wish to repeat myself anymore and I'm starting to think you really like me.

[KathyM]

Um sorry but Tara and QuietStorm hit it right on the spot. You are far off the mark. And they're not licensed professionals, YOU are. I don't wish to repeat myself anymore and I'm starting to think you really like me.

I think you've been reading too much PUA crap. Or possibly delusional, maybe both.

[NYSean]

I think you've been reading too much PUA crap. Or possibly delusional, maybe both.

 

I told you I hate that sort of thing and I think it's sad that anyone would pay money for those bootcamps. It's not real, and you're only giving women a fake personality. From what I've been told, most of the men who take those classes just want to sleep with beautiful women and I think it's silly.

 

Maybe you don't like the fact that I was referring to older women in a negative light in the previous post and it somehow made you feel self-conscious. Maybe you're trying to redeem yourself after people have told you, you're just being vindictive with me. If you want to message me privately and discuss this, that's fine.

[isisisweeping]

Seriously are we diagnosing OP over internet posts now????

[NYSean]

With KathyM it's gone beyond that now!

[KathyM]

Maybe you don't like the fact that I was referring to older women in a negative light in the previous post and it somehow made you feel self-conscious.

I don't like verbal abuse and disrespect of any woman of any age, and I didn't like the nasty responses you were encouraging the OP to use on the woman. Your comments don't affect my self esteem in any way. My husband gets told by both men and women that he has a very beautiful wife, and he tells me that himself all the time, so I don't think some stranger on the internet who has no clue about my age or appearance is going to give me some insecurity about how I look. lol. See, PUA tactics don't work on women who don't have insecurities. Who are confident about their strengths and accepting about any weaknesses. Your strategy only works on women with a lot of insecurity and self esteem issues. Of course, PUA is much more sutle. Your insults would be considered abusive, which is why I called you out on it.

 

 

Maybe you're trying to redeem yourself after people have told you, you're just being vindictive with me. If you want to message me privately and discuss this, that's fine.

I'm not trying to "redeem myself." I don't regret calling you out on your BS. And I answered your question about why you seek out needy/clingy women. That was my only intention in coming into your thread: to answer your question, and to give you a little flack on how you perceive and treat women. Your retaliatory attitude towards women who you feel you need to put in line will not serve you well. Not with women who have self esteem. But perhaps those types are not the ones you are drawn to anyway.

[KathyM]

Seriously are we diagnosing OP over internet posts now????

No, just saying he seems to have some narcissistic traits based on his posts and how he describes himself, and that is probably why he is drawn to excessively needy/clingy women, because they feed his ego and need for excessive validation, and they tolerate his need for power and control which his ego requires. He asked the question of why he likes that type of woman (needy/clingy), so I gave him the answer. That's all.

[Keenly]

No, just saying he seems to have some narcissistic traits based on his posts and how he describes himself, and that is probably why he is drawn to excessively needy/clingy women, because they feed his ego and need for excessive validation, and they tolerate his need for power and control which his ego requires. He asked the question of why he likes that type of woman (needy/clingy), so I gave him the answer. That's all.

 

Kathy, I ask out of curiosity, but you did say this earlier in the thread, and since I pretty much agreed with the general premise of the original post, or the idea of it at least, and you then said that what you are saying about the OP didn't apply to me.

 

So what I'm curious about is why all of these you are saying about the OP apply to him, not not to me? If its not black and white, why try to make it black and white ?

 

I think there is room for a lot of grey here.

[NYSean]

I don't like verbal abuse and disrespect of any woman of any age, and I didn't like the nasty responses you were encouraging the OP to use on the woman. Your comments don't affect my self esteem in any way. My husband gets told by both men and women that he has a very beautiful wife, and he tells me that himself all the time, so I don't think some stranger on the internet who has no clue about my age or appearance is going to give me some insecurity about how I look. lol. See, PUA tactics don't work on women who don't have insecurities. Who are confident about their strengths and accepting about any weaknesses. Your strategy only works on women with a lot of insecurity and self esteem issues. Of course, PUA is much more sutle. Your insults would be considered abusive, which is why I called you out on it.

 

 

 

I'm not trying to "redeem myself." I don't regret calling you out on your BS. And I answered your question about why you seek out needy/clingy women. That was my only intention in coming into your thread: to answer your question, and to give you a little flack on how you perceive and treat women. Your retaliatory attitude towards women who you feel you need to put in line will not serve you well. Not with women who have self esteem. But perhaps those types are not the ones you are drawn to anyway.

 

 

I'm not going to discuss the PUA thing with you anymore, considering at this point you are literally closing your ears like a child and going LALALALALA. You don't want to hear it, you just want to believe what you want and formulate this reality about me to yourself. So have fun with it.

 

You didn't call BS on anything. I've explained everything to you and you still refuse to believe it. You want to permanently label me as a misogynist so you can constantly berate me, giving you this validation as a "licensed therapist". I think business is bad and you want to make me your permanent client. LOLOL

[crederer]

I think you may have abondonment issues so the clingy and needy women make you feel secure with the relationship.

[KathyM]

Kathy, I ask out of curiosity, but you did say this earlier in the thread, and since I pretty much agreed with the general premise of the original post, or the idea of it at least, and you then said that what you are saying about the OP didn't apply to me.

 

So what I'm curious about is why all of these you are saying about the OP apply to him, not not to me? If its not black and white, why try to make it black and white ?

 

I think there is room for a lot of grey here.

I based my response to the OP on why his type (narcissist who needs to be one up and with the power and control in the relationship) is drawn to needy/clingy women. There are two other primary reasons why a man might be drawn to that type of woman. If a man is very insecure himself, and has fears of abandonment, and never got his needs for love and attention met from his mother as a child, he could be drawn to the very needy/clingy woman because she so desparately needs him. The excessive validation that she provides feeds his excessive need for validation. It creates a co-dependency, which is not healthy.

 

 

The other type, the third type of man who is drawn to excessively needy women, is the man with the White Knight Complex. But he is in that relationship for reasons that are different than the other two. He has a need to be the rescuer either because that was the role he was put in as a child, such as the child that tries to help the drug addicted parent and therefore takes on the role of the parent, or because he has his own deep-seeded weaknesses and he feels that by helping a very needy/clingy woman, he is somehow overcoming his own weaknesses.

 

 

Those are the three primary reasons men are attracted to very needy/clingy women.

 

 

Men who are in a healthy frame of mind, and with high self esteem, prefer women who are also healthy and with high self esteem.

[NYSean]

I think you may have abondonment issues so the clingy and needy women make you feel secure with the relationship.

 

Nah that was the theory early on...they helped me figure it out.