AnyaNova Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Why is this so incredibly difficult? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Because there are over 7 billion people on this planet, each with their own unique personality. But taking the good with the bad would be that odds are there is someone out there who genuinely get you. Just continue to put yourself out there, be open, and you will be the bait that attracts the most compatible mates into your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 AnyaNove, in what way do you want someone to "get you"? Would it be intellectual understanding? Romantically? What are some of the factors that would spark your interest that you feel the person would "get you"? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 OP, good on ya that you've gotten through the hard parts of available and attracted to 'get you'. If you're working on the last part, synergy of perspective and compatibility of style, most of your difficulties are behind you, IME. Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 A rhetorical question this must be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnyaNova Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 AnyaNove, in what way do you want someone to "get you"? Would it be intellectual understanding? Romantically? What are some of the factors that would spark your interest that you feel the person would "get you"? Definitely intellectually. Someone who can share and bounce ideas and not feel attacked if I disagree with theirs or see it differently. Romantically, also, though. I need someone for whom touch especially is something extremely deep and sacred that communicates so much about how each partner feels about the other. I need someone who doesn't just give up right away when I can't immediately divulge everything about myself completely casually to twenty different people at a time. Who are willing to invest the time it takes to get to know me. And that is a small number indeed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I think our current emotional state makes us overly everything. In hindsight it was disturbing to see how identical our ex an I were, perhaps that's what lead to our demise. I was dealing with a replica of me, and at times I had to implement a different approach to break the vicious cycle. I also think that once we don't put much emphasizes in finding someone who knows and understands us is when we get surprised by this person who comes along. Like a surprise party, how excited would it be if you were told about it? Hang around, I wouldn't focus so much on it. We continue to work on ourselves. I'll like to make myself happy at one point in my life, I mean truly happy without finding the need to have someone in my life who can do that for me. By saying that, doesn't meant that I'll like to be single but simply be ok with being on my own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnyaNova Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 I think our current emotional state makes us overly everything. In hindsight it was disturbing to see how identical our ex an I were, perhaps that's what lead to our demise. I was dealing with a replica of me, and at times I had to implement a different approach to break the vicious cycle. I also think that once we don't put much emphasizes in finding someone who knows and understands us is when we get surprised by this person who comes along. Like a surprise party, how excited would it be if you were told about it? Hang around, I wouldn't focus so much on it. We continue to work on ourselves. I'll like to make myself happy at one point in my life, I mean truly happy without finding the need to have someone in my life who can do that for me. By saying that, doesn't meant that I'll like to be single but simply be ok with being on my own. The thing is I am happy. I am quite content on my own. And for a long time, growing up, I had to be very self-sufficient and self-protective. And that in turn caused me to become (I mean, I am naturally an introvert so I am not saying that some of this is bad, but just too much) way too inward focused. So I do have a very deep desire to turn to become more balanced and include more other focus in my life. It isn't about not being complete within myself, I've been and had to be from a very young age. I like the surprise party idea, it just seems the surprise party never quite happens in that way to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) I just need a nice girl who i can relate with as a friend but I know due to my inseucritiies, I will just jump in too deep and blurt out I love u too quick. bye bye marriage Edited January 31, 2014 by kart180 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnyaNova Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Because there are over 7 billion people on this planet, each with their own unique personality. But taking the good with the bad would be that odds are there is someone out there who genuinely get you. Just continue to put yourself out there, be open, and you will be the bait that attracts the most compatible mates into your life. Here's hoping. Though my shy introverted self doesn't seem to be getting approached that much, but on the other hand, I often forget things like, "look up." "Smile." etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Here's hoping. Though my shy introverted self doesn't seem to be getting approached that much, but on the other hand, I often forget things like, "look up." "Smile." etc. That's always a positive to remember. Good that you are aware of those little differences. A smile and eye contact are what most guys are looking for. However, unlike many here I am not content or truly happy when I don't have a partner. I would tell myself I didn't need a man to complete me but I was just putting a happy face in my singleness. I am not meant to be single. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SadNLonley Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 What if your ex was it? I think I met the one person who connected with me more than anyone else. I honest to god do not think i will find anyone like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) Here's hoping. Though my shy introverted self doesn't seem to be getting approached that much, but on the other hand, I often forget things like, "look up." "Smile." etc. I am sure you are lovely, I am kind of the same. I would never know if a women is interested in me even if its she is staring me straight in the face Edited February 1, 2014 by kart180 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 That's always a positive to remember. Good that you are aware of those little differences. A smile and eye contact are what most guys are looking for. However, unlike many here I am not content or truly happy when I don't have a partner. I would tell myself I didn't need a man to complete me but I was just putting a happy face in my singleness. I am not meant to be single. Even if a women smiles at me which happens a lot, I still would not approach, too scared of she is just want to chat and not really interested Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 OP, how old are you? I will be turning 50 this year and *just* found someone who "gets me." In the interim, I had five or six long-term relationships, but I none of those were the one that I knew would last a lifetime because they didn't "get me." It can happen, but sometimes it just takes time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AnyaNova Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 What if your ex was it? I think I met the one person who connected with me more than anyone else. I honest to god do not think i will find anyone like that again. I will not even begin to think that. I will not even let myself think that. The way he stomped on my heart. Look, he didn't mean too. Somehow he was nitrogen and I was glycerin and we exploded big time. It wasn't his fault, but I am not sitting here allowing myself to get all gloomy and think that my ex was my one shot at love. Now, with that said, please do not take that as a condemnation of yourself. Because I know that I had thoughts like that, fears like that when the end of my relationship was much fresher and closer. But you, too, will heal to the point that harboring that particular idea will make you quite literally, ill. :-) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 OP, how old are you? I will be turning 50 this year and *just* found someone who "gets me." In the interim, I had five or six long-term relationships, but I none of those were the one that I knew would last a lifetime because they didn't "get me." It can happen, but sometimes it just takes time. I'm 29 yrs old. Glad u found someone. Still looking and seeking for a women any women aged 20-32 yrs old, non smoking, sober or non drinker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I'm 66 and I have had a wicked sense of humor since day one and my first wife had none. I tried as hard as I could but she just didn't get any humor. We went to the movies and saw The Pink Panther Strikes Again and I damn near pissed myself from laughing and she thought it was dumb. I loved Laurel and Hardy and would get cramps for laughing but she got nothing out of it. No wonder I hated her My Second wife had a good sense of humor. We went food shopping one night and she was the coupon queen and we had three cats and there was a sale on canned cat food and she had the coupons for them so we bought a bunch that night. When we were checking out, she's putting the stuff on the counter for the cashier and I'm holding our daughter who was 6 months old at the time. The cashier rang up the cat food and said to my wife, "Wow, you must have a lot of cats" and my wife very calmly said, "We don't have cats, it's just cheaper than baby food". I almost dropped my daughter from laughing when she said that and the cashier had a look on her face that was priceless. Got to have a sense of humor. Too bad the marriage didn't last but she had a good sense of humor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MixedUpChick Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Here's hoping. Though my shy introverted self doesn't seem to be getting approached that much, but on the other hand, I often forget things like, "look up." "Smile." etc. I think this is so important. I'm an introvert too, and I realized I was sometimes just trying to take in situations, that I wasn't making eye contact with people. I'm still working on it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MixedUpChick Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Even if a women smiles at me which happens a lot, I still would not approach, too scared of she is just want to chat and not really interested kart - have you ever heard the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained"? I think you should challenge yourself: the next time you see a woman smile at you, walk over and just say "hi" and see what happens. Don't let your fear of rejection stop you, you really have nothing to be afraid of. Who cares if she just wants to chat & isn't really interested? So chat & be friendly. I get the feeling you need to work on your social skills as much as I do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I know how you feel OP. Personally I'm looking for a woman who is straightforward about her intentions and feelings. Not saying 1 thing whilst meaning another. A woman who knows what she wants from life as well as the type of guy she's dating. A woman who doesn't run for the hills when she receives bad news. (I.e. Me getting cancer as had happened in the past) A woman who provides me with support and emotional security. A woman where I, as a guy can show my feelings without receiving snide comments for doing so. In short, the impossible, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Because there are over 7 billion people on this planet, each with their own unique personality. But taking the good with the bad would be that odds are there is someone out there who genuinely get you. Just continue to put yourself out there, be open, and you will be the bait that attracts the most compatible mates into your life. This, pretty much. Excellent post. It's hard because genuinely compatible people are rare. There are so many different aspects of one's personality, that meeting someone who meshes with you in most of them (not even all) is statistically uncommon. I've met only a handful of guys in my lifetime who truly 'got' me. The good thing is, if both of you are choosing partners based on compatibility and personality, then you will both likely be attracted to each other. So even if your pool is small, the likelihood of someone in that pool being attracted to you is higher than usual. That's been my experience, at least. Hang in there, OP! Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 kart - have you ever heard the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained"? I think you should challenge yourself: the next time you see a woman smile at you, walk over and just say "hi" and see what happens. Don't let your fear of rejection stop you, you really have nothing to be afraid of. Who cares if she just wants to chat & isn't really interested? So chat & be friendly. I get the feeling you need to work on your social skills as much as I do. Yep, I heard of that but, I would love to walk over to a women and say "hi" but i am no David Beckham but I am just too nice. She will say like other women"oh you are very nice" thats ti Link to post Share on other sites
MixedUpChick Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Yep, I heard of that but, I would love to walk over to a women and say "hi" but i am no David Beckham but I am just too nice. She will say like other women "oh you are very nice" thats ti I have news for you, my friend. Yes, David Beckham is a nice looking man, but not all women want a "David Beckham". Don't compare yourself to someone like him, just be the best YOU that you can be, and be confident in yourself & what you have to offer. Take a chance, walk up to a woman & say hello. If you don't try, and keep trying, you're just missing out on opportunities. Most women aren't going to approach you if you look closed off, or uncomfortable in your surroundings. Relax & try, don't be afraid of failing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 OP - I don't think you necessarily need someone who "gets" you, but rather someone that "accepts" you. Someone that is open-minded and understanding of differences in opinion. When I was actively dating, I would have dates give me an absolutely disgusted and ridiculous look when I told them my favorite music group. It was absolutely off putting. My guy now absolutely HATES most of the people on my iPod playlist and listens to a lot of rock bands that I've never even heard of. But still, he will sit and listen while I spin my playlist and sing loudly and just laugh and tell me how cute I am. Even though I don't get his music AT ALL, I will tell him to turn it up! These kinds of relationships can be hard to find, but I think if you look at other aspects in their life and listen to them express views on different topics, then it will reveal what kind of partner they may be for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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