PreciousOne Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I keep hearing about D-day and it got me to thinking... What if I could somehow create dday myself for him by anonymously contacting her and letting her know about the A. Maybe she will do some digging and find out about us, confront him and make him choose. (I know he will choose her) Link to post Share on other sites
dubliner Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 If you know he will choose her then why put yourself, him and his family through the hell that a dday will entail? Just end it with dignity and walk away. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 If he will choose her, then leave him alone, and give him to her. It really is that simple, the old saying, if you love her, in this case him, let her/him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 If he will choose her, then leave him alone, and give him to her. It really is that simple, the old saying, if you love her, in this case him, let her/him go. That's the bottom line and why I ended my A. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 I was saying to make dday happen because he wont leave me alone and wont stop trying to get me to continue this A. I figured that maybe she would force his hand to leave me alone for good. I'm not trying to hurt her but I don't have the strength to walk away and he makes it extremely difficult. Maybe I'll just bluff to expose him and that would be enough to get him gone. I'm desperate here and I really want out. This is very hard for me I would like to just get on with my life but my strength is not where it needs to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whereamigoing Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Sometimes the best way out of a situation is to retreat and burn all the bridges as you go. If you know you want to be done but don't think you can do it because his hold on you is too strong, revealing the affair will probably accomplish what you want. Just don't take him in when she kicks him out. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I keep hearing about D-day and it got me to thinking... What if I could somehow create dday myself for him by anonymously contacting her and letting her know about the A. Maybe she will do some digging and find out about us, confront him and make him choose. (I know he will choose her) So if you know he's going to choose her, why not just come clean and directly speak to her? Own your part, give yourself closure by doing telling her truth. To quietly set her up, send an annon. note, or pretend you're someone else to create a dday is not the way to do this. Sorry but that's cowardly. Or, why don't you just end your affair and walk away from him for good? Even more so since you know he'll choose her over you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I was saying to make dday happen because he wont leave me alone and wont stop trying to get me to continue this A. I figured that maybe she would force his hand to leave me alone for good. I'm not trying to hurt her but I don't have the strength to walk away and he makes it extremely difficult. Maybe I'll just bluff to expose him and that would be enough to get him gone. I'm desperate here and I really want out. This is very hard for me I would like to just get on with my life but my strength is not where it needs to be. You, by yourself, can make him leave you alone. You alone are allowing it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I was saying to make dday happen because he wont leave me alone and wont stop trying to get me to continue this A. I figured that maybe she would force his hand to leave me alone for good. I'm not trying to hurt her but I don't have the strength to walk away and he makes it extremely difficult. Maybe I'll just bluff to expose him and that would be enough to get him gone. I'm desperate here and I really want out. This is very hard for me I would like to just get on with my life but my strength is not where it needs to be. This YOUR life, take control of it and stop allowing him to manipulate you! You are much stronger than you think you are. STOP reacting and thinking with your heart and emotions, start thinking with your head and be smart! And stop being so bloody afraid of losing him! You are obsessed/addicted to him, if you really wanted this over, you'd end it and stay far away from him. You wouldn't speak to him or acknowledge his presence. Please seek counseling because you need to be free of this drama once and for all. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I was saying to make dday happen because he wont leave me alone and wont stop trying to get me to continue this A. I figured that maybe she would force his hand to leave me alone for good. I'm not trying to hurt her but I don't have the strength to walk away and he makes it extremely difficult. Maybe I'll just bluff to expose him and that would be enough to get him gone. I'm desperate here and I really want out. This is very hard for me I would like to just get on with my life but my strength is not where it needs to be. Yes, bluff, and be very firm. It should work. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I agree that you have much more power than you think. However, I can't say that she doesn't have a right to know. It's true that exposure can help end an affair. If you are really that weak, do it. It will benefit both women, and I can't argue with that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 So if you know he's going to choose her, why not just come clean and directly speak to her? Own your part, give yourself closure by doing telling her truth. To quietly set her up, send an annon. note, or pretend you're someone else to create a dday is not the way to do this. Sorry but that's cowardly. Or, why don't you just end your affair and walk away from him for good? Even more so since you know he'll choose her over you. If it was that easy to walk away I would have done so. I'm not a robot I cant just flip a switch I've been dealing with this man since I was 16 there is a lot of feelings and history there I'm not making excuses I know its time to walk away and that I shouldn't be with him but it's not as easy as just turning around and walking away if that was the case there wouldn't be Other Women to begin with maybe it is being cowardly I don't deny that but what else can I do I've saw this lady they joined the same church as me this lady has embraced and hugged me and told me she loved (something that makes you want to commit suicide) I didn't know her when this relationship started but I just feel very bad about it all. I don't attend the church anymore on the count of I don't wanna burst into flames. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 This YOUR life, take control of it and stop allowing him to manipulate you! You are much stronger than you think you are. STOP reacting and thinking with your heart and emotions, start thinking with your head and be smart! And stop being so bloody afraid of losing him! You are obsessed/addicted to him, if you really wanted this over, you'd end it and stay far away from him. You wouldn't speak to him or acknowledge his presence. Please seek counseling because you need to be free of this drama once and for all. Again all of the suggestions look good in writing. I'm not afraid of losing him I want him to leave me alone I'm not used to ending things I'm kind of weak for him but at the end of the day I never thought that we would be together in the end after all this man is 33 years older than me so I wouldn't really want that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 You, by yourself, can make him leave you alone. You alone are allowing it. Yes what you are saying is true but I'm being honest with myself I'm very weak when it comes to standing up for myself and things that I believe in hopefully one day that will change. Maybe I wont tell his wife about the affair maybe I will just bluff maybe I will just ****ing disappear idk what I'll. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I think its good that you recognize your weaknesses. You are self aware, and thinking of ways to protect yourself from future pain. You will be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 I think its good that you recognize your weaknesses. You are self aware, and thinking of ways to protect yourself from future pain. You will be ok. Thanks for your words of kindness. I really hope your right. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Precious One, can't you get into counseling? Or join a church where he and W aren't members so you can develop some support there? You really need some support to move on away from this man. It seems to me that your situation is more difficult to extricate yourself from than most of the scenarios described here on the OW/OM board since you met MM when you were homeless, 16 and he was 33 years older than you. Because you became involved with him when you were vulnerable because of your age and your homeless situation it seems you may have developed a dependence on him that is more deep rooted than most other cases we read about here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Have you ever consider opening yourself for other R? Maybe meeting someone new would help you find the strength and support to get out of this dilemma. Of course it shouldn't be a committed one yet, but enough to divert your focus and attention. Agree with Speakingofwhich, try to get a counseling first. It might takes time to come to clarity about yourself, but it will be time well spent. Exposing to his wife might work for you, but please be careful and prepared about his reaction and backlash. Hopefully you'll do it properly and politely. In anyway I think it's the righteous thing to do. As much as i feel sorry for you, his wife situation is pathetic too. I can't imagine living in a 9-years of (blissful??) ignorance. Both of you deserve to work out own lives with truth. Good luck, be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Kalee35 Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 9 Years is a long time for an affair to go on without a wife finding out. Women are very intuitive so I wouldn't be surprised if she is in denial about her husband because she likes her world the way it is. I have a friend that is like this. She knows her husband cheats but she is with him for the money and status so she ignores it and acts like it doesn't exist. My thoughts are if you try to let her know she will believe whatever the husband tells her because she doesn't want that false world shattered that she lives in. Then more likely than not he will come back to you again and try to continue on again. You will only feel worse at that point. You have to find the strength from within and walk away. These are just my opinions. I could be wrong but man I would know within a heartbeat if my husband started having an affair and you better believe I would dig for evidence, tap the phone line, add a device for tracking on the computer, track his car with GPS, etc etc until I found the evidence I needed to confront him with. That's just me though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
experiencethedevine Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) If it was that easy to walk away I would have done so. I'm not a robot I cant just flip a switch I've been dealing with this man since I was 16 there is a lot of feelings and history there I'm not making excuses I know its time to walk away and that I shouldn't be with him but it's not as easy as just turning around and walking away if that was the case there wouldn't be Other Women to begin with maybe it is being cowardly I don't deny that but what else can I do I've saw this lady they joined the same church as me this lady has embraced and hugged me and told me she loved (something that makes you want to commit suicide) I didn't know her when this relationship started but I just feel very bad about it all. I don't attend the church anymore on the count of I don't wanna burst into flames. If your title is correct and you have been seeing this married man for 9 years, you are very young. How old is this man? More importantly, this is preventing YOU from leading a normal, healthy existence with other men. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? Do you see yourself with this married man living a happy life together? (This is very rare under the circumstances of an affair). Perhaps you would like to find someone who will offer you the dignity and respect you deserve, a life that is unhindered by the indignity of an affair and all the encumbrances that go with it. Would you like to have a family of your own? None of the latter is open to you as long as you are in a clandestine relationship with someone elses husband. Be a brave girl. You already know what the answer is. Lots of luck. I have just seen your post on the age difference. This man is stealing your youth and opportunities. Edited February 1, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Can you tell him what you told us? Your wife hugged me at church and told me she loved me and it made me feel suicidal and I like your wife and feel bad for her? I dont know honey, my A was 13 years no d day so I know the history is so SO hard to leave behond, but I did. Its been 25 days of NO contact. I blocked him on phone, email, evetywhere. I will NOT gp back or let him back in. My vote wont be popular but if an anonymous note, csll, text is the only way you feel strong enough to expose it, then do it how you need to IF you need to. However you need it to come to an end, dont let the opinions here affect you, do whats right for YOU. The greif inside the A is equal to the greif after it ends so healing feels like the same torment so.....i was thinking....maybe give a letter to your pastor anonymously if you need to, and ask him to bring the couple in and give your letter to the wife. That way the pastor can also counsel, soothe and help the wife? IDK. I feel for you. Best wishes honey. Link to post Share on other sites
liloldlady Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 What if I could somehow create dday myself for him by anonymously contacting her and letting her know about the A. Odds are, some chicks know but don't do a darn thing about it. I don't know why, nor will I ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
peaksandvalleys Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I keep hearing about D-day and it got me to thinking... What if I could somehow create dday myself for him by anonymously contacting her and letting her know about the A. Maybe she will do some digging and find out about us, confront him and make him choose. (I know he will choose her) I don't understand your rationale with wanting someone else to control your life for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 This is my thought behind his. They have been together a long time I know he will never leave nor do I want him to leave and be with me. That's not my angle behind this. Maybe it's cowardly and selfish I agree that much is true. She will never divorce him maybe she will give him an ultimatum and he will cut ties with me which will make it easier because I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. We have talked about walking away from each other but he always goes back on his word and I allow that to happen. I want to walk away but he makes it so difficult because he knows how much I love him and he plays on that. It would be easier if he would let me go. I have been around this man everyday for the past 9 years, talk to him daily. It will be a very difficult process to under go. Although he has been married this entire time it hasn't felt like it until its time for him to go home at night. I never planned on this to last as long as it did or get this deep but it has. I say all of that to say that I've been wanting to get out of this situation for years but haven't quite managed it yet. So yes I'm cowardly and all that good **** but I'm desperate and this plan seems like a good idea for me right now although the plan about giving the leader to the pastor sounds great as well. She asked for my number once before maybe I'll just give it to her and the fact that he knows I'm communicating with her that will make him nervous. I have thought about dating but didn't wanna play with anyone's emotions but I can always try the honest approach and see how that turns out Link to post Share on other sites
liloldlady Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 9 Years is a long time for an affair to go on without a wife finding out. Women are very intuitive so I wouldn't be surprised if she is in denial about her husband because she likes her world the way it is. I completely agree. I have a friend that is like this. She knows her husband cheats but she is with him for the money and status so she ignores it and acts like it doesn't exist. Ugh. I would know within a heartbeat if my husband started having an affair You can say that again! Link to post Share on other sites
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