Dorkette Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Hi Love Shackers! If you could help me figure this out that would be great! I have something going through my mind that quite frankly I have put aside for some time now thinking I was just making crazy notions in my head. But it keeps happening... There's this guy (isn't there always? lol) who I've known for a few years, never had a romantic relationship with him or sex. We did have a couple of kisses WAAAAY back when and a lot of great convos. Just so you get a little bit of background. The thing is, he acts so strange around me! I think for the most part I am being quite normal and friendly with him. I see him almost everyday, sometimes he's normal says hi, jokes around, some in sexual content and other times not. Then other days he will say hi to the women present except me. It's like he does it on purpose! Yes, it bothers me because I cannot explain this strange behavior. Has he gone mental? Have I gone mental? LOL! I can't for the life of me understand what is going on. I just want to understand so I could know how to deal with it better. Right now when he ignores me completely like that I just ignore him back, let him have his convos with other people (usually women) present, and I have my convos with other people... And the day passes with us not saying a word to eachother. Do any of you have ANY idea what is going on with him? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Now... He is trying to get your attention by not giving you any attention. What you need to do is just start talking to him. Don't make him think that your upset about not talking to him. Like when he says hi to the other women, just make sure you chime in everyonce and a while. Just ask him how he is doing . Maybe he thinks you are ignoring him. Who knows. Step up and break the ice!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Hey thanks ag! Thing is I don't ignore him. This weird tension is coming from him. Maybe he just feels uncomfortable in my presence? I don't know. It's very strange stuff. Or maybe I'm throwing out some vibe without knowing? This is so confusing. lol I do know that he knows how to get my attention, he will just crack a joke about me (we all joke all the time) or will just simply say "hi *****". He's very upfront type of guy and is pretty smooth with everyone. With me however, there's something strange. I can't put my finger on it. "Step up and break the ice!!!" I've done this many times, he will step up too and then backs away abruptly. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Well being a guy who has liked a girl ....uh who was a friend, i'd have to say he probably likes you. But being unable to muster the courage to say anything probably has him frustrated. And he vents by ingnoring you thinking maybe he will get you jelouse enough to profess your love to him. Uh then again i could be just crazy Its very difficult to be a friend to someone you have a crush on. Do you have a boyfriend right now? How long has he been acting like this. Does he act like this when you are talking to other guys, or if you've been hanging with other people more? Does he have alot of friends, or is he one of those lone wolf types. Is he a shy guy.......uh guess need some more details. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Why not just come right out and ask him. Don't play games. Tell him how you feel, what you want to know. Better knowing, no matter what the truth is...Not knowing is just gonna eat you up even more. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 The problem with that idea is what if the friend does say 'yes i am madley deeply in love with you with all my heart and soul' Then what do you do. Say 'I'm sorry but i think of you as only a friend' Might as well poke them in the eye with a fork. Or they might just get all nervous and wierd. Guess if the friendship is already kinda strange, this would be the only way to get somekind of resolution either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Originally posted by SuperFantastico Well being a guy who has liked a girl ....uh who was a friend, i'd have to say he probably likes you. But being unable to muster the courage to say anything probably has him frustrated. And he vents by ingnoring you thinking maybe he will get you jelouse enough to profess your love to him. Uh then again i could be just crazy Its very difficult to be a friend to someone you have a crush on. Do you have a boyfriend right now? How long has he been acting like this. Does he act like this when you are talking to other guys, or if you've been hanging with other people more? Does he have alot of friends, or is he one of those lone wolf types. Is he a shy guy.......uh guess need some more details. It's funny that you say "Its very difficult to be a friend to someone you have a crush on." because that has popped in my mind, little things here and there that he does. If this is the case what's the problem? He's a pretty confident straight forward type of guy. I don't get it. You know, my gut reaction to some of his actions has been that he is trying to stir something up in me, to see if I get jealous. No I don't have a boyfriend. He has been acting like this for the past 2 years or so. When I'm talking to other guys he'll throw in smartazz comments once in a while. Yes he has a lot of friends, very social type of guy. Why not just come right out and ask him. Don't play games. Tell him how you feel, what you want to know. Better knowing, no matter what the truth is...Not knowing is just gonna eat you up even more. I told him a few years back how I felt about him. However, things have changed. He never showed an interest so I thought he wasn't interested. I still like him but not as much as before, and I don't know if that can be rekindled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Also, man lol we have had some fights! About anything, this tension is driving me nuts. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Originally posted by SuperFantastico The problem with that idea is what if the friend does say 'yes i am madley deeply in love with you with all my heart and soul' Then what do you do. Say 'I'm sorry but i think of you as only a friend' Might as well poke them in the eye with a fork. Or they might just get all nervous and wierd. Guess if the friendship is already kinda strange, this would be the only way to get somekind of resolution either way. I may not love him as I once did, but I still get butterflies when I see the critter. Grrr lol Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Hmm, then perhaps you are in my boat then. So you were the one who liked him and he wanted to be friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Originally posted by SuperFantastico Hmm, then perhaps you are in my boat then. So you were the one who liked him and he wanted to be friends? Well we never really discussed it. See this was my first experience with this level of intensity for man so it was really tough for me. I handled everything all wrong. When we first met it started with an overall attraction on both of our parts. However, I flew that cuckoos nest. I couldn't understand what the heck was going on so I ran. BUT, and here is where I can see that maybe he has some resentment towards me, I lied to him about some stuff because what I was feeling was extremely intense for me that I just wanted him out of my life. That level of emotions and all kind of stuff going through me, consumed me completely. It scared the heck outta me. So I pushed him away. I think, that is the reason why I find it very difficult to look him in the eye when I see him, I feel so ashamed for lying. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Perhaps its just a bit of what if syndrome. That coupled with the fact that you guys have been friends for so long and kinda missed the window where this would have been taken to the next level, has left a bit of resentment??? in the relationship. That might explain where this tension comes from. You were both attacted to one anouther and for one reason or anouther it never connected. I wouldnt worry too much about lying to him. It was for a perfectly logical reason. It wasnt to be mean. You were just scared. Fight or flight and all that. I would suggest maybe a) talking to him about it or b) just distancing yourself from him for a few months or something. Not cut off contact completely. Just giving you both time to grow and adjust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 I don't know what it is, I've stopped thinking about what-if. You can't live your life in the past. However, this is someone that DOES mean A LOT to me overall. Very special person. That is why it bothers me so much that he won't come and talk to me if something is bothering him. But I will respect that and let him be. I don't want to interfere in his personal space if he doesn't invite me in. That's how much respect I have for him. I really don't think it's a good idea to bring anything up to him, with his actions the past couple of years he is just to unpredictable and I don't want to shake him up in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Ok, what actions has he taken? It is difficult for me to step into your shoes. I need more info or else i project my own experiences For me personally, the girl i liked didnt like me but i like her. so we have/had this wierd dynamic sorta like you and this guy. But it was mutual attraction for you too and only me for her...er ...with me. so you see my dilema. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 The weird actions I wrote about earlier. Ya know all the Jeckyll and Hyde stuff? Let me tell you, he let's me get away with a lot! Why on earth would he? He's also scolded me a lot too. LOL! Yeah I see your dilemma, sorry about that . How do you know she's not attracted to you have you made a move? Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 For me personally, i would try to make her jelouse to try to see if she had any sort of feelings for me, for instance. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Well I think its been too long. I've known her for 10 years now. I think we've gotten to the faze where you are just friends out of habit. Perhaps feelings out of habit too. I've opted to end our friendship though. I mean she went away to mexico with her current boyfriend and i got jelouse?!! Its been like that for some time too. Always back and forth. So its kinda unfair for both of us. But its a very long story with me. And the two of you seem much healthier So i think just putting a bit of distance between both of you for a bit is a better solution. Especially if he wont talk about it. Just move on with your life. And if you both should become close again in the future, perhaps it will be on more equal normal terms Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Don't do that! I'm living proof right here in this thread that it doesn't work!!! Someone could know how to suppres their jealousy. Don't go by that. I think it's in the eyes. Have you seen a little sparkle in her eyes when she first sees you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Well, I wasn't looking for advice on how him and I can reconnect, I just wanted to know what was up with his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 I think sometimes that she does like me, but for whatever reason it never pans out. Its been 10 YEARS!! its not gonna pan out for me. But i know know i cant be 'just friends' with her. Every time she gets a new guy it tears a bit of my heart out. And what kind of friend can i be, if i get jelouse or 'wierd' if she gets a guy. I cant advise her without bias. If i cant do that, then i'm of no use. Plus i dont really want to hear it anyways. I want to go out with her. Not hear about some dumn shmuck thats going out with her and treating her badly. I grew up on romantic flicks. Guess its from all my sisters and mom. So I still belive in true love and all that stuff. But at the same time, experience has taught me that what love tells you would be the perfect match, isnt always the case. Its like blinders on a horse. You cant see anything but whats right in front of you. you miss all the details and little hints. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 oh.......lol......right. Well i think he is just jelouse. It might only be because you two were and are so close. its a psudo relationship. Very intimate but at the same time. Not at all. Sometimes it might just be a case of he feels that you are not on the same ground. You might have someone and he might be single. Or maybe he just likes having your attention. And confusing you like this is focusing your attention on him. So he is successful in what he set out to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Originally posted by SuperFantastico I think sometimes that she does like me, but for whatever reason it never pans out. Its been 10 YEARS!! its not gonna pan out for me. But i know know i cant be 'just friends' with her. Every time she gets a new guy it tears a bit of my heart out. And what kind of friend can i be, if i get jelouse or 'wierd' if she gets a guy. I cant advise her without bias. If i cant do that, then i'm of no use. Plus i dont really want to hear it anyways. I want to go out with her. Not hear about some dumn shmuck thats going out with her and treating her badly. I grew up on romantic flicks. Guess its from all my sisters and mom. So I still belive in true love and all that stuff. But at the same time, experience has taught me that what love tells you would be the perfect match, isnt always the case. Its like blinders on a horse. You cant see anything but whats right in front of you. you miss all the details and little hints. 10 YEARS?!?!?! DAMN! Well how about you tell her it's all or nothing? Have you thought about that. ANd maybe you should be taking your on advice here "stay away for a while"? Or maybe he just likes having your attention. And confusing you like this is focusing your attention on him. So he is successful in what he set out to do. I can see that being it. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 The stupid thing is, i dont even think i want to go out with her. Its all habit now. And i've tried everyting to be 'just friends' . the only solution i can think of is to completely cut it off. She also has a boyfriend right now. So the whole its all or nothing, thing probably wouldnt work. ultimatums are kinda cheesy anyways. It will be better in the long run anyways. I will just move on as will she. Just gonna be hard though. Its only been two weeks . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dorkette Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Ugh sorry you're going through that. Yeah it is cheesy, but it has been 10 years that's why I said it. You said in another post that you want to go out with her, don't lie. Hey I admit it, if this guy asks me out, of course I would go. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 ha ha ha. Ok i've been found out. I'll admit it. Part of me aches so bad for her, it feels like im dying sometimes. But at the same time, the more logical sane part of me knows that even if it did work i would probably be unhappy(she can be quite difficult sometimes. I guess everyone can. ) But i've also become emotionally drained too. I cant live a double life where i pretend that i'm cool with every new boyfriend she has. Because im not. Not even close. And everytime i think i am, she just has to push the right buttons and im insane again. Thats not fair to me. I think she enjoys the attention and loves to drive me crazy. But im not gonna play by her rules. If she wants my attention, shes gonna have to give too. you know heh. plutonic-smutonic. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts