The grass isn't always greener.........

[Laurynn]

Sounds to me like you're lusting after another man. You are lusting after him, based on his looks. Nothing more, nothing less. And because he's so "gorgeous", you are naturally comparing your husband's looks to him, and obviously you're husband isn't in the lead.

 

You are a married woman.

 

He is a married man.

 

As old fashioned and narrowminded as this is going to sound, why are you even LOOKING at another man like this? What about respect for your husband?..and respect for this man's wife?

 

What are 'looks' anyway?......they don't necessarily or automatically correlate with the kind of PERSON someone is. The greatest, hottest looking people can have the personality of a mudflap.

 

Your husband should be your best friend.....someone who's there for you, someone who's BEEN there for you....who's loved you unconditionally...someone who vowed to be with you til death do you part, just as you vowed to him.

 

Looks fade. It's what's in someone's heart that matters most.

 

You don't just dump your husband because he's gained a bit of weight. God, we hear men talk about wanting the perfect woman....gorgeous, perfect body, etc.......but we'd think they were dogs if they were to entertain thoughts of leaving their wife for one of these perfect women. It shouldn't be any different if the tables are turned. That's just really shallow.

 

There must be some great qualities your husband has, no? Or is he nothing to you but something to look at? (or not look at, becuz he's gained some weight)

 

How are you going about asking him to work out? Are you saying it's because he doesn't look good anymore, or are you telling him from the standpoint that you're concerned about his health? The latter would be a much more productive approach.

 

Have you actively TRIED to help him lose weight?...like making low fat, health conscious meals?......invited him to go for walks with you?....or do you just look down your nose at him because he doesn't have the body he had in highschool?

 

Do you think you give off vibes, about his weight, so that he feels bad about himself?.....if someone is overweight and feels bad about themself, they're much less likely to care about their appearance......and their self esteem will start to diminish. Are you supporting him, or tearing him down? (consciously or subconsciously)

 

I think you should sit down and write out a list of all your husband means to you........all his good qualities, all the love he's given you, all he's done for you (and your family, if you two have one)........surely he's more than just 'looks'.....

 

Laurynn

[bootheelbabe]

Laurynn, thanks for your input, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

 

But, to answer some of your questions, I have tried to ask him to lose weight for his health. I've tried to explain to him how much better he would feel. You see, he complains all the time about how tired he is and his back hurts, etc. But, he doesn't really do that much. Yes, he works a full-time job and that's about it.

 

I know that looks aren't everything. I never said they were. I am not comparing my husband's looks to this other man. I think my husband is very nice looking except for the fact that he's somewhat overweight. And yes, he does have a lot of other good qualities that I am very aware of. But, that still doesn't stop how I feel about this other man.

 

And yes, your right, people that are great looking can have the personality of a mudflap but my friend doesn't. He's sweet and kind and very personable. And believe me when I say, I didn't go out looking for this to happen. It just did and I can't make it stop. I have tried and I can't get this other man out from under my skin.

 

For your information, I still love my husband very much. That's why I am having such a hard time dealing with this. I've never been unfaithful to him. There have been other men who have shown interest in me, but I never wanted them. That is why this is so hard for me now. I want this other man. Yes, it probably is lust and not love, because in all honesty, I don't know him well enough to be in love with him. But, he does something to me and that's what I'm trying to figure out. For me to be close with someone, they would have to be awfully special and I think he is.

 

I take my vows seriously, that's why we haven't slept together. But, for some unknown reason, both of us like each other's company and maybe even need each other to fulfill things we aren't getting at home. I know this sounds like I'm looking for permission to cheat on my husband. But that's not the case. I'm just trying to get things in perspective and way my options out and try to determine what I should do. I was hoping to get some input from others that have possibly been where I am and can tell me what they did and how it affected them. Not ridiculed and accused of being shallow and basically being told to just forget about what I'm feeling.

 

I wouldn't throw my marriage away based on what my husband looks like. That's stupid. There's more to it than that. I was just trying to give a mental picture of what I was trying to ask advice about. Maybe I needed to be more clear. So, if you think you can offer some more advice on my situation, I welcome it, but I would prefer if you not judge me based on a few lines typed in this message. I am not as horrible a person as you might think.

 

 

 

Sounds to me like you're lusting after another man. You are lusting after him, based on his looks. Nothing more, nothing less. And because he's so "gorgeous", you are naturally comparing your husband's looks to him, and obviously you're husband isn't in the lead. You are a married woman. He is a married man. As old fashioned and narrowminded as this is going to sound, why are you even LOOKING at another man like this? What about respect for your husband?..and respect for this man's wife?

 

What are 'looks' anyway?......they don't necessarily or automatically correlate with the kind of PERSON someone is. The greatest, hottest looking people can have the personality of a mudflap.

 

Your husband should be your best friend.....someone who's there for you, someone who's BEEN there for you....who's loved you unconditionally...someone who vowed to be with you til death do you part, just as you vowed to him. Looks fade. It's what's in someone's heart that matters most. You don't just dump your husband because he's gained a bit of weight. God, we hear men talk about wanting the perfect woman....gorgeous, perfect body, etc.......but we'd think they were dogs if they were to entertain thoughts of leaving their wife for one of these perfect women. It shouldn't be any different if the tables are turned. That's just really shallow. There must be some great qualities your husband has, no? Or is he nothing to you but something to look at? (or not look at, becuz he's gained some weight) How are you going about asking him to work out? Are you saying it's because he doesn't look good anymore, or are you telling him from the standpoint that you're concerned about his health? The latter would be a much more productive approach.

 

Have you actively TRIED to help him lose weight?...like making low fat, health conscious meals?......invited him to go for walks with you?....or do you just look down your nose at him because he doesn't have the body he had in highschool?

 

Do you think you give off vibes, about his weight, so that he feels bad about himself?.....if someone is overweight and feels bad about themself, they're much less likely to care about their appearance......and their self esteem will start to diminish. Are you supporting him, or tearing him down? (consciously or subconsciously) I think you should sit down and write out a list of all your husband means to you........all his good qualities, all the love he's given you, all he's done for you (and your family, if you two have one)........surely he's more than just 'looks'..... Laurynn

[Laurynn]

You wrote:

 

"I was hoping to get some input from others that have possibly been where I am and can tell me what they did and how it affected them. Not ridiculed and accused of being shallow and basically being told to just forget about what I'm feeling."

 

Not really sure what else I can say to you. You asked for feedback, and that's what I gave. I'm sorry that I can't tell you I'm sorry you're going through this, because I'm not sorry. I just think it's incredibly sad, for your husband. What you are doing, in my opinion, is emotional infidelity. Though you two haven't had sex, YET, it sounds like things are moving in that direction.

 

I'm afraid I just can't empathize or sympathize. I was once married myself. And it was a horrible marriage, but through it all, no matter how I would have possibly been justified, I could never look at another man the way I did my husband. I didn't let my feelings and passions cross the line. I took my vows very, very seriously.

 

Same with other relationships I've been in. There are nice, great looking men all over the place. But my heart and eyes can only be on one man at a time, so I really can't understand your position.

 

There is so much infidelity in this world today that it's really very sad. So many affairs, broken homes, children of divorce, custody battles, brokenness. It all started out somewhere. With a look..and a feeling....and lust...and people making excuses......

 

Laurynn

[STOP JUDGING]

WAIT UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU THATS ALL I CAN SAY AND IT WELL COULD

You wrote: "I was hoping to get some input from others that have possibly been where I am and can tell me what they did and how it affected them. Not ridiculed and accused of being shallow and basically being told to just forget about what I'm feeling." Not really sure what else I can say to you. You asked for feedback, and that's what I gave. I'm sorry that I can't tell you I'm sorry you're going through this, because I'm not sorry. I just think it's incredibly sad, for your husband. What you are doing, in my opinion, is emotional infidelity. Though you two haven't had sex, YET, it sounds like things are moving in that direction. I'm afraid I just can't empathize or sympathize. I was once married myself. And it was a horrible marriage, but through it all, no matter how I would have possibly been justified, I could never look at another man the way I did my husband. I didn't let my feelings and passions cross the line. I took my vows very, very seriously. Same with other relationships I've been in. There are nice, great looking men all over the place. But my heart and eyes can only be on one man at a time, so I really can't understand your position. There is so much infidelity in this world today that it's really very sad. So many affairs, broken homes, children of divorce, custody battles, brokenness. It all started out somewhere. With a look..and a feeling....and lust...and people making excuses...... Laurynn