littlewomanlost Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Ok here's the deal -- over the last few months, I have been flirting with my married male co-worker. I've been at the company longer than him and the past couple years we're have grown closer in terms of being able to talk and joke about anything. The flirting started pretty subtle and felt innocent (at the time) but slowly things began building and we started having really open sexual conversations. Each week would be more intense than the last and yesterday there was a little touching. My status is I'm single with a number of guys who are interested in me but the feeling isn't mutual. What gets me is why is it I'm wanting the guy who's married? Part of me wants to mess with one of these guys I'm not interested in as a diversion. The thing is, I've never been good with that. If I can't be with the one I want I don't want a subbie. At the same time I am ready to burst from all the flirting with my co-worker. I hate this feeling. Why can't I find a single guy who makes me feel this same fire? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 1) a relationship with a co-worker is fraught with danger. If you break up and the split is acrimonious, you still have to work together. 2) A relationship with a married co-worker risks the above, but will damage your reputation, character and working relationship with others. You're participating in a EA - an Emotional Affair. He has problems within his marriage. If everything was hunky-dory, he wouldn't be flirting with you so openly. And trust me, others can, and will pick it up. You encourage him to lie, to cheat and to be unfaithful to his wife. It may be his choice to act this way, but your encouragement will lead to a whole can-of-wormsful of problems. I'm sure other single guys would make you feel the same, if you let them. The problem is, you are so drawn into, and infatuated by this man's attention, you're not focusing properly. Do whatever you feel is right. But from this perspective, this most definitely isn't right, and you need to tell him that he needs to investigate what is missing in his marriage, not what you have in your underwear. That's where this is leading. I strongly advise you to close that avenue off. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
tinderbox8888 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 You are excited by the idea of him being married. The idea of him cheating on his wife for you turns you on. You also know him well since you work together so you know all about him and his life. It seems "safe". The question is why are you so in need of excitement? You need to figure out why you need that risk to get you turned on. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 On a subconcious level him being married makes you more attracted. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 @OP....... Just remember what they say about Karma eh You come across as "full of yourself", and from personal experience, people that exhibit this kind of behaviour, aren't always "all that". You know what you are doing is wrong, but yet your embark on this nonsensical childish game. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 This may sound a bit vulgar, but this is what I was told when I was in the same predicament as you are currently in: "don't shiet where you eat". However, you appear to have an issue with the fact that he is married and understandably so. If you really had an issue with him being married you perhaps woudnt reciprocated the flirting. Yes, some may say "well what's wrong with a little innocent flirting?" well that's exactly how affairs take off. I tell you this from firsthand experience that nothing good will come out of his shall you choose to pursuit it. A few months ago a coworker started to flirt with me, it was so obvious. If it wasn't from previous experience I would have easily reciprocated but luckily I managed to walk away from her as I didn't want to go through the exact same again. I guess you can say I learned my lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
Author littlewomanlost Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Thanks for the responses. I've decided to stop flirting with danger. The only person who is really getting something out this is him. He can't do anything more but wants to continue with the touching and teasing. I need more than that. I don't want to be his fantasy. And what sense does it make to get this worked up and then nothing else can happen? Guess I was just caught up in the feelings but at least now I'm waking up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Guess I was just caught up in the feelings but at least now I'm waking up. Self awareness is a good thing, and hopefully you mean what you are saying here and realizing that it's wrong to be "flirting" with someone else's partner Karma might pay you back in the future when you meet Mr Right...how would you like for someone else to that to you? Yes...I can hear you saying, but it won't happen to me...just because 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Thanks for the responses. I've decided to stop flirting with danger. The only person who is really getting something out this is him. He can't do anything more but wants to continue with the touching and teasing. I need more than that. I don't want to be his fantasy. And what sense does it make to get this worked up and then nothing else can happen? Guess I was just caught up in the feelings but at least now I'm waking up. This is exactly right. I have been in your situation and what I realized it that it was all about him having his cake and eating it too. He's enticing you for his own needs and offering you nothing substantial in return. In other words, he's using you. With your cooperation, granted, but that doesn't make it any less than what it is. And why would you settle for that? You wouldn't settle for a single guy doing it, so why settle for a married guy doing it to you? Glad you're putting a stop to it. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Two of my female colleagues have split up marriages with their office romances. Both are now married to the men whose marriages they bust up. I will never, ever respect either of these women or the sleazes they married no matter how far they climb corprate ladder, they will always be home wreckers in my eyes. I await the day the newer, younger replacements take over! At least they provide gossip and entertainment. Link to post Share on other sites
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