Single and childless at age 30.

[NGC1300]

This will soon be me.

 

For anyone else who's been in this situation, did start to overcome the lonesomeness and self-pity and focus on the positives?

 

I guess I've just reached the point where I know life didn't pan out the way it does for so many (career wife and kids in mid-20's).

 

I'm trying to focus on the positives. I'm still free to do almost whatever I want. Nobody to answer to. If I want to go back to school or even relocate I can do that. If I finally "make it" with a decent career at age 45; better late than never.

 

I'm so lonely and want female affection, and yet deep down I still value my alone time a whole lot and I'm not sure I'd be ready to live with someone else.

 

I'm not sure I even want kids anyway. I'm not young anymore but I try to tell myself 30 isn't that old and maybe I can someday find happiness?

[Raena]

30 is still young. I didn't have my son until I was 37. You still have plenty of time to find the right mate for you.

 

I do remember being 30 and feeling the same way you do though. It does pass. Enjoy your freedom, make friends, have fun, further your career. It can get lonely, I know, but keep yourself busy! You are in the prime of your life. Enjoy it!

[TaraMaiden]

Happiness is not what you have in life, it's what you make of life.

 

Nobody else can bring you happiness and contentment. That state is for you to pursue and achieve, within yourself.

 

You won't find it in partners, marriage, children or families.

 

You make it. For yourself.

Unaided and without the help of a safety-net.

 

Relationships - can be stressful.

Children - can be stressful.

Families - can be stressful.

 

Believe me when I tell you, that you're probably the envy of many a person.

 

Look at what you have, and see the positives therein. Because it's what you have - and if you cannot find happiness and contentment where you are, right now - then where else do you honestly expect to find it?

[Mr Scorpio]

First, being single and childless at thirty is not uncommon. I'm told that in certain cities (Portland in particular) it is uncommon for people to be married and have children at that age.

 

 

Second, there is a big difference between yearning for the companionship of a woman and being with the same person every... single... day... for the rest of your life. What are you doing to actively overcome your loneliness?

 

 

Third, if you aren't sure that you want children, then you probably shouldn't feel sad because you don't have them. Sure, maybe you see a cute-kid in the store sometime and think to yourself "I could enjoy that"? Again, big difference between that and sacrificing your time, money, and freedom of choice to raise a child who might hate you, or disappoint you, or be entirely ungrateful for all of your sacrifice.

 

 

Finally, if you base all -- or a large portion of -- your happiness in whether or not you are in a relationship, you may find yourself disappointed in the future. A relationship is nice, but it isn't the end-all be-all point of living your life.

[GettingOver]

It will also soon be me, but the point is.... you also seem to have this problem - you are not even sure if you want it... For example kids.

I also agree with TaraMaiden in a way, the only thing is that I've no idea how to find this positives and feel that happiness inside.

 

For example - there is a man I love and he loves me, BUT he is unfortunately married and still cannot get a D for several reasons. On top he is from a different country and when we met, there was no oportunity to see each other that often. I thought then: Ohhh, I'd be THAT happy if I could at least see him once a week - no matter if he is married or not. Just see him, live in one and the same city. It took me a year to find a way and to arrange the move - I moved to that country and to that city. I can see him once a week, sometimes 3 times a week. Do you think I am happy?... No, I now want more! And I guess no matter what happens next, I will always be unhappy about smth that is missing - with this man or with another man, or without a man. So many people are unhappy to have NO partner at all, no love in their lives, and a lot of people who have that complain about respective difficulties. And also there are ppl who have families, kids, spouces - and they are unhappy even when there are no problems!!!

 

I really don't know how to deal with this "always-something-missing" situation. The country that I moved to - it's a very good one, beautiful, friendly and I like the language (I did that not just for the man, I just also wanted to move). I found good conditions for myself to stay here for some time. I thought when I move here I will automatically be happy 24/7 just because - yay!!! I am here!!! Quess what - no, it did not happen! The reason is - I brought ME with ME. And that ME is always focused on the "missing" thing and doesn't know what she wants exactly. In fact I made a brilliant thing - I stayed employed at my company and work over the Internet, I live in a country I wanted to live, I have enough money to make living, I learn a new language. I Know that a lot of people back in my country just envy me and I did a good job, BUT i still am not that happy about myself, though I SHOULD!!! I also ofthen think like "Yeah, I am turning 30 this year... no place of my own, no crazy career (though I am a good specialist, just no career ladder climbing), no husband, no kids". But in the meantime I realize that 30 is not the end of life, and life is so unpredictable - you never know what may happen next day!

 

As for having kids... again... you are not even sure... I am also not sure and I twice found myself with men who cannot have them. I think that probably there is a reason that you are not given smth, or not given yet... Mr. Scorpio is right and a kid is not a guarantee of happiness. It can turn out to be a bad experience as well. I know a family where a daughter reported at her parents for abuse at the age of 14 (lied) in order to move out and live on her own. Poor parents have been hurt to death, and they have been very good parents. This kid was just spoilt from the beginning. She is now 35 and doesn't regret, doesn't work and never did and is secretly sucking money from the father who still hadn't lost hope in her. The mother gave up.

 

So I suggest you and MYSELF to try to focus on positive sides of what we have. You have no SO, I have a married SO. Your heart is free for love - you can be happy. My man makes me more happy than unhappy and is a good support in a foreign country. So I also should be happy about it! I also went back to studies - and it is not bad! Though in my opinion, it is not always necessary for all to be bosses. Some people are good being specialists and grow horizontally.

 

Anyways, I wish you all the best and if anyone has a positive experience in finding positives in whatever you have - no matter what it is - please share

Edited February 2, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

What are you doing me meet people? Are you active in groups? You have to put yourself out there.

 

 

I know more people who don't have kids at 30 then I know people who do have them

[Iguanna]

My mother got divorced at 39 after a hard life with my dad. She is now 54 and God she enjoys her life so much. She has amazing energy (more than me and many younger people) cause she knows that you don't get a second chance in life. When I got 30 I was devastated that I had no kids yet, I was in a good relationship though so this gave me hope. We are in no circumstances old. In fact I do believe that at my 40s I'll be the best person I will ever be cause I'll have more wisdom and life experience, but I will still be young. Don't find age as an excuse to stop trying for the better.

[NGC1300]

What are you doing me meet people? Are you active in groups? You have to put yourself out there.

 

I think about my only option will be online dating.

[oldshirt]

I think men SHOULD wait until they are 30ish before they even consider settling down.

 

 

I was 30 when I started dating my wife. a few months shy of 32 when we got married and 37 when we had our first child.

 

 

I wouldn't change a thing. There was no way I was ready for marriage and family etc before then. Some guys are a little more mature but probably not a lot.

 

 

I wouldn't impose my 30 rule on women though. I'd give them a little more leeway to marry younger. I'd let them settle down and marry at 29 if they were ready for it.

[FitChick]

Most people with kids are miserable. If you are single and childfree, you will always be more attractive to women than if you were divorced with kids. Use this time to get your career going and save some money for when you meet Miss Right.

[SpiralOut]

This will be me soon, too. I didn't really want to have kids until after age 30 though so I don't really care too much. Lots of people wait until later in life to start a family.

[GettingOver]

This will be me soon, too. I didn't really want to have kids until after age 30 though so I don't really care too much. Lots of people wait until later in life to start a family.

 

So now you want to have Kids? I remember I wanted to have kids in my early 20th, but I never realized responsibility that is coming with it, so if was more like a "must". Then I realized I don't actually want to. It did't change by now.

[soccerrprp]

Most people with kids are miserable.

 

Most people, in general, are unhappy. I wonder if you are considering a recent study that shows that people with children have claimed to be unhappy. I find the study interesting as ALL of my friends with kids are over-joyed about being parents. Yes, there is added stress, but they add a dimension that people w/o do not understand. Besides, people w/o have their own reasons for being unhappy. I love being a dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

OP, find a balance. One thing I do agree with is that happiness is mostly from within, but don't worry if you think that happiness can also be found from without. Of course, with the right balance, that is also true.

[d0nnivain]

I think about my only option will be online dating.

 

 

You are wrong. OLD is an option but not the only option.

 

 

What are your hobbies & interests? Join groups or clubs that do those things so you are around like minded people.

 

 

Where do you work? Who's around when you get your morning coffee & at lunch? Do you go to industry networking events & seminars? You can meet people all of those places.

 

 

Have you ever wanted to take or teach an adult education class? Those can be wonderful ways to meet people.

 

 

Are you active in your church?

 

 

Do you volunteer anywhere -- politics, cleaning animal shelters, picking up trash, protesting for environmental rights? All of those places are great to meet people who are as passionate as you are.

 

 

Get involved in charity work. Various groups like the March of Dimes & smaller local / regional groups often have fundraising activities. Take a committee position to get to know people better as you work toward the event.

 

 

Do you play any sports? Join a team.

 

 

Check out civic groups like the Elks, the Moose, the Lions, etc.

 

 

Also tell people that you already know that you are open to meeting new people. You never know who knows somebody who may be perfect for you.

 

 

Also try things like Speeddating, singles cruises, singles nights, etc.

 

 

You have to put some effort in but whatever avenue you chose it needs to be something near & dear to your heart.

[deathandtaxes]

Hey OP! I'm single (divorced) and child-free at 35. It's not that bad.

 

 

Being single and child-free at 30?? You've got it made, son!! I can understand the loneliness bit. Besides worrying about whether you'll have some random woman to keep you company, what are you doing to become a well-rounded person? What are your passions? What lights that fire in your soul!?

[Eau Claire]

People often state they are content to be single.

 

I'm not. I'm only truly content when in a relationship. When in a relationship I thrive on my 'alone time'. I have the fulfillment of my partner to act as a giant emotional safety net. I get way more pleasure out of going for a walk on my own, taking a course, etc.

 

I just don't want but need my Guy. It completes me.

 

I have my two young adult daughters, a good career, excellent health, etc. not enough to be truly happy. I need my guy...period.

 

Lots of people talk about the freedom of being single as we age....I could care less. I don't want freedom to do 'whatever' if is being alone.

[Biscous]

OP where I live it isn't uncommon for people to be in serious relationships and marry YOUNG...like 20-24. I'm not about that. I think because I used to live in a metropolitan city before moving here and I'm considering moving again for that and other reasons.

 

I'm dating but I don't want to have a feeling of 'settling' for who I'm with. I'd say keep focusing on you and do the things that make you a more confident individual. I've been trying to be more social. I feel sometimes that I might put up a wall against people and I have to work on that. You will be fine!

[JDPT]

Most people with kids are miserable. If you are single and childfree, you will always be more attractive to women than if you were divorced with kids. Use this time to get your career going and save some money for when you meet Miss Right.

 

I would have to agree with this. I'm 32 single with no kids professional. I simply don't picture me being a husband with kids for the remainder of my days. Am I selfish? I don't know but what I do know is that I enjoy my freedom and this past relationship (8 months post BU) has thought me that.

[BJP56]

This will soon be me.

 

For anyone else who's been in this situation, did start to overcome the lonesomeness and self-pity and focus on the positives?

 

I guess I've just reached the point where I know life didn't pan out the way it does for so many (career wife and kids in mid-20's).

 

I'm trying to focus on the positives. I'm still free to do almost whatever I want. Nobody to answer to. If I want to go back to school or even relocate I can do that. If I finally "make it" with a decent career at age 45; better late than never.

 

I'm so lonely and want female affection, and yet deep down I still value my alone time a whole lot and I'm not sure I'd be ready to live with someone else.

 

I'm not sure I even want kids anyway. I'm not young anymore but I try to tell myself 30 isn't that old and maybe I can someday find happiness?

 

 

Im 31, I thought I had found that person. Im not married, or even have kids let alone a 4 year college degree or a job that pays diddly squat but, I get to enjoy the things I want to enjoy. Im in no hurry for a relationship, I want to value it.

 

Think of it this way. You could be 30 with kids and cant do the things you want to do because you didnt focus on yourself first.

 

My brother was married before I was, my sister who is almost 10 years younger than I am just recently got engaged. It got me thinking to myself...Is there something wrong with me? Am I missing the boat? Why does everyone ask me if I have a GF yet? The simple answer to that is because I am focusing on me first.

[pink_sugar]

This will soon be me.

 

For anyone else who's been in this situation, did start to overcome the lonesomeness and self-pity and focus on the positives?

 

I guess I've just reached the point where I know life didn't pan out the way it does for so many (career wife and kids in mid-20's).

 

I'm trying to focus on the positives. I'm still free to do almost whatever I want. Nobody to answer to. If I want to go back to school or even relocate I can do that. If I finally "make it" with a decent career at age 45; better late than never.

 

I'm so lonely and want female affection, and yet deep down I still value my alone time a whole lot and I'm not sure I'd be ready to live with someone else.

 

I'm not sure I even want kids anyway. I'm not young anymore but I try to tell myself 30 isn't that old and maybe I can someday find happiness?

 

I can understand not wanting to be single any longer, but a lot of women are having kids throughout their entire 30's. I'm almost 25 and I feel no need to have kids before 30. These days with this economy, a lot of people are putting off having children until they are in their early 30's. There's no way I can imagine having kids right now. I still have a lot of travel to do...I want to teach overseas...can't do that if I rush into having kids. You'll find happiness when the time is right.

[sarbunoemi]

Don't worry, life will give you everything in the moment when you decide you won't search for them.

Until then, work on yourself. Find your passions, build a strong bond with your inner self, search for the happiness within.

If you are happy with yourself, life will reward you with many bonuses like a career, relationships, kids etc.

Don't rush. I've seen many women/men at age 40 childless and yet, they enjoy their life to the fullest.

We don't need to have that perfect life entitled as "career, wife, kids at mid-20's"

You make your life the way you want it to be .

Just search for your inner happiness.

And everything will come slowly, career along with a beautiful lady and kids later on. Don't worry.

Many people think being with yourself is lonely. In my opinion, it isn't because you are with yourself. You are a person too. You are not alone.

And plus, down the road, making a few friends, going to blind dates, exploring the fun along with darker days too, the experience is worth it.

Probably you are not prepared to enter a relationship or to have a career because you don't know how to be happy within.

[Iguanna]

The simple answer to that is because I am focusing on me first.

 

We can't spend a life only with having fun and focusing on ourselves. We are made this way so that we need to create life and take care of it. What you say seems to me selfish.

[thefooloftheyear]

We can't spend a life only with having fun and focusing on ourselves. We are made this way so that we need to create life and take care of it. What you say seems to me selfish.

 

Good point...

 

I can honestly say that I wasnt a complete person until my daughter came into this world..I had great successes in business and acheived a lot as an individual personally/professionally but I realized that it was unfulfilling..Just having "stuff" means nothing in the grand scheme, and while I am an animal lover, they dont replace your kid(s) as some people seem to think...

 

Everyone has their own path to take...Id never say that kids are for everyone, but I do wonder about those that frown upon it or even mock it..

 

TFY

[TaraMaiden]

We can't spend a life only with having fun and focusing on ourselves. We are made this way so that we need to create life and take care of it. What you say seems to me selfish.

 

Bull.

That's why we have a choice.

 

And some people who want children cannot for many reasons have them.

And some people who have children most definitely aren't fit to have them.

 

I think the choice is an extremely responsible one.

[Eternal Sunshine]

We can't spend a life only with having fun and focusing on ourselves. We are made this way so that we need to create life and take care of it. What you say seems to me selfish.

 

Yes we can. I am