Men do not like me

[hotpotato]

I am convinced that men just do not like me.

 

No matter what I do or don't do, it's always the same ole

 

nitpicking

 

leaving out of the blue.

 

No matter if we have a smooth or a rocky relationship, it's always the same at the end.

 

If a guy says he is scared of having kids, he will turn around and date a woman who has kids.

 

If a man says he wants me to dress like X, he will turn around and date a woman who doesn't dress like X either.

 

I think they do this to get back at me. A previous ex finally admitted he did this to make me angry.

 

So...I'm not sure what else to conclude. Men dont want me, and dont like me.

[ponchsox]

Maybe these guys are douche bags?

[Revolver]

If you're dating and in relationships with them I don't know how you can say they don't like you. What about someone who never dated who was in a relationship

[Tayla]

Yes ..yes! Their is an evil plot out there to confirm your findings. All men meet on a friday and draw a name of a girl whom they vow to not like, and your name was picked! (Now back to our regularly scheduled programing)

 

Seriously step out of your own self ways and realize that maybe its a mixture of oil and water simply do not mix. Quit being around oil and find a guy who is more attune to your ways and vice versa.

[carhill]

Don't know you so can't comment on specifics but I'll share two relevant opinions from personal experience, which could apply to anyone:

 

1. We choose the people we interact with

 

2. Most men I know like sanctuary from the brutal and competitive world in their relationships, not unlike my father coming home to a newspaper on his chair and some nice smells coming from the kitchen. Consistency; calm. It can manifest in different ways for different men but the overwhelming majority of my male friends who are married and have been for decades have this perspective and complain when their calm is invaded or drama erupts.

 

Good luck.

[Eau Claire]

I doubt if all men plot to make you feel miserable after they leave.

 

Unlike women, most men aren't stuck in the past once they have a new partner.

 

Just a note...people who think all others have some behaviour pattern, usually have it themselves. An honest person thinks most people are honest...a dishonest person thinks most people are dishonest.

 

You dwell too much on how people are out to hurt you. This means you probably put down your ex partners and do not hope them well. Try to break this self destructive emotional pattern.

[hotpotato]

Don't know you so can't comment on specifics but I'll share two relevant opinions from personal experience, which could apply to anyone:

 

1. We choose the people we interact with

 

2. Most men I know like sanctuary from the brutal and competitive world in their relationships, not unlike my father coming home to a newspaper on his chair and some nice smells coming from the kitchen. Consistency; calm. It can manifest in different ways for different men but the overwhelming majority of my male friends who are married and have been for decades have this perspective and complain when their calm is invaded or drama erupts.

 

Good luck.

 

My most drama filled relationship actually lasted the longest. With the last guy I did everything I could to make him feel good. Instead he dumped me days after saying he wanted me to go see him and after he told me how great he thought i was.

[hotpotato]

I doubt if all men plot to make you feel miserable after they leave.

 

Unlike women, most men aren't stuck in the past once they have a new partner.

 

Just a note...people who think all others have some behaviour pattern, usually have it themselves. An honest person thinks most people are honest...a dishonest person thinks most people are dishonest.

 

You dwell too much on how people are out to hurt you. This means you probably put down your ex partners and do not hope them well. Try to break this self destructive emotional pattern.

 

One of my exes actually did say he dumped me for another girl to retaliate against me. This isn't something I made up.

 

Wouldn't you be upset if someone cheated on you? Men will get I to a relationship with me and date another girl at the same time...That's cheating...

 

I'm just dealing with reality.

[carhill]

See opinion #1.

 

I've had this same issue so can empathize. It all comes down to choice.

 

Indeed, drama-filled relationships *can* last a long time; for some people, a lifetime. That's a choice too. No one is required to live in one, nor in *any* relationship.

 

Question: How would you say you relate to your closest female friend? How does that go? That takes sex and 'Men are from Mars' out of the equation.

[hotpotato]

See opinion #1.

 

I've had this same issue so can empathize. It all comes down to choice.

 

Indeed, drama-filled relationships *can* last a long time; for some people, a lifetime. That's a choice too. No one is required to live in one, nor in *any* relationship.

 

Question: How would you say you relate to your closest female friend? How does that go? That takes sex and 'Men are from Mars' out of the equation.

 

It's a choice, and they dont. Which is why I will no longer work to mend relationship. I will just up and leave when it suits me for someone else.

 

No female friends. I dont have much in common with most women. And I dont have a desire for a 'frenemy.'

 

ETA:

The last relationship was very peaceful and was without a single argument. He still left seemingly abruptly. I had nothing to do with not being peaceful. I think that was the problem. I think men like it when you argue sometimes.

Edited February 2, 2014 by hotpotato

[Got it]

It sounds like you have issues with relating and interacting with both genders. Have you been to therapy to work on this? Based on what you have written, you are the common denominator and are, for some reason, choosing men to repeat these patterns. You will need to figure out why that is to change it.

[hotpotato]

It sounds like you have issues with relating and interacting with both genders. Have you been to therapy to work on this? Based on what you have written, you are the common denominator and are, for some reason, choosing men to repeat these patterns. You will need to figure out why that is to change it.

 

Well, I don't have much of a reason to hang out with women. I'm very different from most women. Most of my interests are traditionally male (which I think men find that unattractive). Even most of the online forums I go to are male dominated. In some ways I would be better off having male friends.

 

No therapy so far. I thought about before I got dumped again.

[mammasita]

My question is .....do you like yourself?

 

I could be wrong, but I just get this feeling from your posts that you don't. If that's the case, that could be the biggest thing driving men away.

[Tayken]

Maybe these guys are douche bags?

 

Shower in French? I digress

 

@OP......You said "men", but you do realize that you can't just use that word loosely? There are boys, then there are real men

 

I ask this because from personal experience listening to women (not girls or ladies) that say this......a lot of it is due to the kind of guy they are attracted to and seem to want in their life.

 

If a guy is telling you to dress provocatively or interested in you for your boobs and arse....then just think what is going to happen when the next best thing comes along or your man goes away on some trip

 

Someone asked you the question up thread...."do you like yourself"? If you can't answer that with a definitive answer, then there lies the problem. Self esteem is usually a problem for women that feel the need to be with someone all the time, or just the next guy that comes along

[lollipopspot]

Unlike women, most men aren't stuck in the past once they have a new partner.

 

Oh hell no, one gender does not have the monopoly on that. Just read these forums.

[carhill]

IMO, finding synergy with one's own gender (or the gender of sexual non-preference) is an elemental step to successful intimate sexual relationships. For most people, this begins at or prior to peer integration.

 

OP, if you really want men to like you, I'd first work on authentically liking women and having successful and healthy relationships with women. What I fear is happening with men is that, once the veil of sexual distraction is pierced, they get the same vibe from you that you put out there about women, e.g. 'frenemy'. At the core, we're all human, even though we may have different gender-specific styles of relating.

 

This doesn't address the 'choice' dynamic, where we each choose who we give more than passing interest to in the romantic sense, but it does address an elemental part of relationship dynamics.

 

Good luck.

[Got it]

Well, I don't have much of a reason to hang out with women. I'm very different from most women. Most of my interests are traditionally male (which I think men find that unattractive). Even most of the online forums I go to are male dominated. In some ways I would be better off having male friends.

 

No therapy so far. I thought about before I got dumped again.

 

Yes, I understand as most of my friends have been male. But there are other females interested in male dominated areas. Plus many of my friends have different interests than me but we support each other. I don't see that as been different from most women.

 

I am very into horses, many of my friends from younger years are not. That doesn't stop our friendship, just gives us other things to discuss.

 

I would highly recommend therapy. It can be very enlightening and a great way to learn about oneself.

[salparadise]

No female friends. I dont have much in common with most women. And I dont have a desire for a 'frenemy.'

 

That's about all we need to know to figure out what the issues are.

[salparadise]

I will just up and leave when it suits me for someone else.

I've never dumped anyone. I don't believe in just throwing relationships away, or at least I didn't in the past

 

ten characters

[theothersully]

It's a choice, and they dont. Which is why I will no longer work to mend relationship. I will just up and leave when it suits me for someone else.

 

No female friends. I dont have much in common with most women. And I dont have a desire for a 'frenemy.'

 

ETA:

The last relationship was very peaceful and was without a single argument. He still left seemingly abruptly. I had nothing to do with not being peaceful. I think that was the problem. I think men like it when you argue sometimes.

 

No, we don't like arguing.

[Emilia]

I think men like it when you argue sometimes.

 

No, we don't like arguing.

I think some people thrive on conflict but there needs to be a reason behind it. I also think that men appreciate an assertive woman who puts her points across when appropriate in a clear manner with good reasons. They (as much as I hate to generalise about all men) tend to dislike shouting and screaming and unnecessary drama unless they are emotionally unhealthy.

 

There isn't that much info here about your relationships OP but I'm getting the impression that you are addicted to that hormonal rollercoaster ride that many people view as a 'passionate relationship' where really it's just about dopamine ups and downs.

[gaius]

Are you overweight hot?

[hotpotato]

My question is .....do you like yourself?

 

I could be wrong, but I just get this feeling from your posts that you don't. If that's the case, that could be the biggest thing driving men away.

Yes, I like myself very much.

 

 

Shower in French? I digress

 

@OP......You said "men", but you do realize that you can't just use that word loosely? There are boys, then there are real men

 

I ask this because from personal experience listening to women (not girls or ladies) that say this......a lot of it is due to the kind of guy they are attracted to and seem to want in their life.

 

If a guy is telling you to dress provocatively or interested in you for your boobs and arse....then just think what is going to happen when the next best thing comes along or your man goes away on some trip

 

Someone asked you the question up thread...."do you like yourself"? If you can't answer that with a definitive answer, then there lies the problem. Self esteem is usually a problem for women that feel the need to be with someone all the time, or just the next guy that comes along

 

That's not the type of relationship that is in question. For example, the first ex and I were together 3 years, and we barely had sex lol. He definitely wasn't in it for the sex. The last ex would talk about how big hearted, sweet, kind, gorgeous I was, even just days before dumping me. He was not even the kind to push for sex.

 

I dont feel a need to jump from man to man. I have been single for stretches of months or even years.

 

I only date if I think it can be long term.

 

IMO, finding synergy with one's own gender (or the gender of sexual non-preference) is an elemental step to successful intimate sexual relationships. For most people, this begins at or prior to peer integration.

 

OP, if you really want men to like you, I'd first work on authentically liking women and having successful and healthy relationships with women. What I fear is happening with men is that, once the veil of sexual distraction is pierced, they get the same vibe from you that you put out there about women, e.g. 'frenemy'. At the core, we're all human, even though we may have different gender-specific styles of relating.

 

This doesn't address the 'choice' dynamic, where we each choose who we give more than passing interest to in the romantic sense, but it does address an elemental part of relationship dynamics.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Well, I never gave them the air of being their 'frenemy.' Of course, I got upset at them for non-legit reasons.

 

This brings me to another example of how men nitpick me.The last ex thought it was weird I didn't have any female friends, yet the new girl openly brags about not having female friends. She's the kind who has the male friends aka orbiters.

If I do (or dont do) something it's weird, when the next girl does it, its perfectly acceptable.

 

 

That's about all we need to know to figure out what the issues are.

What issues?

 

 

No, we don't like arguing.

Having a conflict free relationship is not what you think it is, I promise.

 

Are you overweight hot?

i dont think looks are the issue. 99.999% of the women I get dumped for are less attractive, and some of the women are not conventionally attractive at all.

Edited February 3, 2014 by hotpotato

[hotpotato]

Yes, I understand as most of my friends have been male. But there are other females interested in male dominated areas. Plus many of my friends have different interests than me but we support each other. I don't see that as been different from most women.

 

I am very into horses, many of my friends from younger years are not. That doesn't stop our friendship, just gives us other things to discuss.

 

I would highly recommend therapy. It can be very enlightening and a great way to learn about oneself.

Hmm I guess I would want people I have a lot in common with to be with friends.They would have to understand me and like what I like, which is a very small segment of the female population.

 

 

I think some people thrive on conflict but there needs to be a reason behind it. I also think that men appreciate an assertive woman who puts her points across when appropriate in a clear manner with good reasons. They (as much as I hate to generalise about all men) tend to dislike shouting and screaming and unnecessary drama unless they are emotionally unhealthy.

 

There isn't that much info here about your relationships OP but I'm getting the impression that you are addicted to that hormonal rollercoaster ride that many people view as a 'passionate relationship' where really it's just about dopamine ups and downs.

Why do you think that? I'm too old for the ups and downs, that's why I'm single so much.

[salparadise]

What issues?

It would seem that you have no problem initiating dating relationships but are questioning why they don't last. If men didn't find you attractive you'd be asking why they won't ask you out to begin with. The reason they leave is almost surely related to the feeling they have while in the relationship... assuming you aren't choosing hit and quit types to begin with.

 

How long do your dating relationships usually last? What is the longest relationship you've been in (recently and ever)?

 

Having a conflict free relationship is not what you think it is, I promise.

Do your relationships tend to be characterized by conflict?

 

i dont think looks are the issue. 99.999% of the women I get dumped for are less attractive, and some of the women are not conventionally attractive at all.

I agree.

 

Hmm I guess I would want people I have a lot in common with to be with friends.They would have to understand me and like what I like, which is a very small segment of the female population.

 

Women are naturally drawn to befriend other women. Women tend to be more open and emotionally available to each other than guys are to other guys. Female friendships are often characterized by intimate alliances, strong bonding, open communication, implicit trust and lots of emotional support. As a guy who has been around the block a time or two, I have learned to recognize the absence of female friendships as a red flag. If that isn't happening then there is likely to be something awry. Not a given necessarily, but something to pay attention to. The likelihood of that being completely unrelated to the issue of short-term relationships is low.

 

More information as to the nature and type of interactions you tend to have in both the female friendships and dating relationships might help illuminate things a bit.

Edited February 4, 2014 by salparadise