Alcohol is ruining my life

[KatZee]

Just look at the most recent death of Philip Seymour Hoffman. He was found dead with a heroin needle still stuck in his arm. Accidental OD.

 

Addiction, is addiction, is addiction. He had TWENTY THREE years sober. 23!! He was in the program he was straight, sober, doing well, all it takes is ONE drink, one pill, one needle and you'll tumble right back into it. Addiction never goes away, one never "gets over" addiction. It's always there waiting to rear its ugly head.

 

You cannot just have a drink "once in a while." You can't take a week off and then go on a crazy binge. It's all in or nothing. You won't be able to control this without a program and being on the straight and narrow.

 

It's up to you to decide if you're ready to walk that walk.

[EdG]

It's an interesting one.

 

See I feel addicted to Nicotine. I know that I am only ever one cigarette away from being a full time, 20+ a day smoker again. Each time I relapse (which is usually the day after a heavy night on the drink feeling ashamed/self destructing) I smoke for days/weeks heavily (often chain smoking) until I am fed up of it again. When I stop I typically need to use Nicotine replacement.

 

I don't feel like the above with Alcohol. I can and have MANY times only had 1 or two beers. I've gone long periods without alcohol. I don't feel one beer is going to lead me to being a full time drinker. The problem I see is that on nights out I am only ever one drink away from having a bad night. It's the nights out which are the problem, drinking on nights out. I get carried away and fail to control my intake. I make bad decisions and then feel ashamed when I sober up again.

 

I've talked to family and friends about this and none think I am an alcoholic. My family (particularly my mum) has wide first hand experienced of being surrounded by alcoholics. Her dad, brother, nephew and son (my brother) all had/have alcohol problems. I recognise I have an issue with alcohol and certainly an issue with failing to drink responsibly, but I don't know whether I am addicted to alcohol... I don't feel addicted.

 

I don't know. It's difficult to explain. I understand exactly what everyone is saying here and thank everyone for their thoughts and posts - it's helping me a lot.

 

My current plan is to take months of drinking, clean myself up and see how I feel in 6 months or so. I want to concentrate on getting healthy and fit.

 

Perhaps I do need to stop for good. It would be such a shame though not to be able to have a celebratory drink during my life, at Christmas, at birthdays, or just a nice chilled glass of wine with the family in the evening. I don't need to get drunk.

 

I don't know. Sorry for the confused post.

 

Just look at the most recent death of Philip Seymour Hoffman. He was found dead with a heroin needle still stuck in his arm. Accidental OD.

 

Addiction, is addiction, is addiction. He had TWENTY THREE years sober. 23!! He was in the program he was straight, sober, doing well, all it takes is ONE drink, one pill, one needle and you'll tumble right back into it. Addiction never goes away, one never "gets over" addiction. It's always there waiting to rear its ugly head.

 

You cannot just have a drink "once in a while." You can't take a week off and then go on a crazy binge. It's all in or nothing. You won't be able to control this without a program and being on the straight and narrow.

 

It's up to you to decide if you're ready to walk that walk.

Edited February 4, 2014 by EdG

[TaraMaiden]

I don't feel like the above with Alcohol. I can and have MANY times only had 1 or two beers. I've gone long periods without alcohol. I don't feel one beer is going to lead me to being a full time drinker. The problem I see is that on nights out I am only ever one drink away from having a bad night. It's the nights out which are the problem, drinking on nights out. I get carried away and fail to control my intake. I make bad decisions and then feel ashamed when I sober up again.

 

I've talked to family and friends about this and none think I am an alcoholic. My family (particularly my mum) has wide first hand experienced of being surrounded by alcoholics. Her dad, brother and nephew and son (my brother) all had/have alcohol problems. I recognise I have an issue with alcohol and certainly an issue with failing to drink responsibly, but I don't know whether I am addicted to alcohol... I don't feel addicted.

 

 

Look at my post on the difference between alcohol addiction and alcohol dependence.

 

But as I've said: AA don't make the distinction, and frankly, they don't give a diddly-squat what you call it - but when alcohol changes you into someone you're not, don't want to be and would rather not ever entertain again, THEN you need to go see them.

[Grumpybutfun]

It's an interesting one.

 

See I feel addicted to Nicotine. I know that I am only ever one cigarette away from being a full time, 20+ a day smoker again. Each time I relapse (which is usually the day after a heavy night on the drink feeling ashamed/self destructing) I smoke for days/weeks heavily (often chain smoking) until I am fed up of it again. When I stop I typically need to use Nicotine replacement.

 

I don't feel like the above with Alcohol. I can and have MANY times only had 1 or two beers. I've gone long periods without alcohol. I don't feel one beer is going to lead me to being a full time drinker. The problem I see is that on nights out I am only ever one drink away from having a bad night. It's the nights out which are the problem, drinking on nights out. I get carried away and fail to control my intake. I make bad decisions and then feel ashamed when I sober up again.

 

I've talked to family and friends about this and none think I am an alcoholic. My family (particularly my mum) has wide first hand experienced of being surrounded by alcoholics. Her dad, brother, nephew and son (my brother) all had/have alcohol problems. I recognise I have an issue with alcohol and certainly an issue with failing to drink responsibly, but I don't know whether I am addicted to alcohol... I don't feel addicted.

 

I don't know. It's difficult to explain. I understand exactly what everyone is saying here and thank everyone for their thoughts and posts - it's helping me a lot.

 

My current plan is to take months of drinking, clean myself up and see how I feel in 6 months or so. I want to concentrate on getting healthy and fit.

 

Perhaps I do need to stop for good. It would be such a shame though not to be able to have a celebratory drink during my life, at Christmas, at birthdays, or just a nice chilled glass of wine with the family in the evening. I don't need to get drunk.

 

I don't know. Sorry for the confused post.

 

You aren't addicted to the alcohol when you are a binge drinker, you are addicted to being drunk, the feeling of losing control or emotionally not having to deal with things. That is why being a binge drinker is the worse thing you can be because no one sees it as alcoholism and yet it takes over lives just the same. Binge drinkers are always one beer away from bingeing. It is during that time when you act contrary to your nature and shame yourself and destroy relationships and your reputation.

I saw this a lot in the military and one of my best friends has this problem. He is the most amazing person when he is sober but if he gets five or more in him, he turns into someone that no one wants to be around. He lost his wife and kids at one point because he kept saying he wasn't an alcoholic and he could manage having one or two beers at home. It wasn't until he finally accepted that one beer is too many and two beers is never enough that he finally got his life back. He feels such shame and remorse for what time he lost with his beautiful family and he almost lost me as a friend and we have been friends since Kindergarten.

Don't make the mistake of thinking you can manage something that you know you can't. Dont keep trying to figure out how to manage it while you destroy relationships and your reputation.

Read back over what you write down and see patterns emerging in your drinking to excess. Binging is no joke and at some point you have to see that it isn't worth it to have a beer. Your friends will like you sober if they are really your friends.

Best,

Grumps

Edited February 4, 2014 by Grumpybutfun

[lollipopspot]

I'm negotiating what to do at the moment. I can't help but feel AA might be a bit extreme, but that could be me giving myself an excuse. I can just have one or two drinks from time to time, but the problem is when I drink on "nights out"...that's when it all goes wrong...

 

The problem I see is that on nights out I am only ever one drink away from having a bad night. It's the nights out which are the problem, drinking on nights out. I get carried away and fail to control my intake. I make bad decisions and then feel ashamed when I sober up again.

 

Like I wrote before, I think right now going out socially at night in a place where people are drinking is too dangerous for you. It will be easier to stop going out than it will be to stop drinking once you're there. Stay in with a movie. Invite some friends over and specify no alcohol. Sit on this website and write about how much you want a drink. Anything but put yourself in the position where you'll be likely to binge.

[KatZee]

Also, some people tend to think in order to be considered an alcoholic you need to be consuming mass quantities of liquor every single day. Some alcoholics can go weeks between drinks, but when they do drink, they binge, lose control and ruin their lives. It's all one in the same. A problem is a problem.

[Tayla]

Also, some people tend to think in order to be considered an alcoholic you need to be consuming mass quantities of liquor every single day. Some alcoholics can go weeks between drinks, but when they do drink, they binge, lose control and ruin their lives. It's all one in the same. A problem is a problem.

 

Katzee, thank you for that synopsis, May I add that sometimes alcoholics are deaf to real concepts. I sincerely wish this OP would just go to a meeting . But from what I am gathering they are "minimizing" the reality and still in deep denial. Closet drinkers are still alcoholics, spin it how ya like...its there.

 

I got a hootin laugh though that they cannot imagine going thru christmas without a drink or a birthday without a drink. I've done it for 23 years and man oh man is it great! I actually Remember who was there, what gifts were bestowed and the love in the room. Being drunk or tipsey I couldnt have told you what I got...other then passed out!

[EdG]

I think you've misunderstood me...

 

I don't always get plastered when I drink! If I drink at Christmas or a Birthday I don't end up passed out, not remembering the occasion or who was there...

 

I CAN and have MANY times drunk to celebrate a special occasion WITHOUT over doing it!

 

My problem seems to be drinking to excess on occasions when I am out with my friends, in bars, in clubs, etc, etc. I get carried away, I lose control and that's when it all goes wrong.

 

So what I am saying is it would be a shame to not be able to enjoy a drink responsibly. I am not an alcohol, I've decided. I agree with posters here that I have a tendency to binge drink when I go out. Binge drinking is what I need to control. A recent poster said to me to avoid occasion where I have a tendency to binge, and that's what I intend to do.

 

I feel like I can drink responsibly in some settings/scenarios, but not in others. I may be proved wrong, but I sincerely hope not. I am taking everything everyone has said onboard, and it's helping me navigate the issue. I just feel at this stage I can't class myself as an alcoholic or an alcohol dependent. I have a binge drinking problem on occasions and the consequences of those occasions upset and disgrace me. I recognise that. Can I not just work on weeding out the binge drinking occasions? Is that not realistic? Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't.

 

Katzee, thank you for that synopsis, May I add that sometimes alcoholics are deaf to real concepts. I sincerely wish this OP would just go to a meeting . But from what I am gathering they are "minimizing" the reality and still in deep denial. Closet drinkers are still alcoholics, spin it how ya like...its there.

 

I got a hootin laugh though that they cannot imagine going thru christmas without a drink or a birthday without a drink. I've done it for 23 years and man oh man is it great! I actually Remember who was there, what gifts were bestowed and the love in the room. Being drunk or tipsey I couldnt have told you what I got...other then passed out!

[EdG]

I completely agree with you when you say that I need to avoid social situation where I have a tendency to binge! It's a pattern that those occasions are when I go to bars, clubs with friends and get carried away. There is a big drinking culture amongst some of my groups of friends, and it's those occasions which are very dangerous for me. I've removed myself from a big party this weekend and I intend to continue doing that until my head is clearer about what I need to do in the long term. I think you've got it spot on.

What I am failing to get through to posters though is that I CAN and have MANY times drunk responsibly without regret. I don't overdo it EVERYTIME I drink. One drinks is sometimes enough and two drinks isn't always too much. I don't completely change once I've had a few drinks. It's on the binge occasions that I make some bad choices. If you asked my friends whether i have drink problem they'd say no, as even when I do get plastered I don't become someone completely different, it's the choices I make that I (personally) don't like. I hope that makes sense...I obviously have a lot of different thoughts going through my head at the moment on the matter, so appreciate it may not be crystal. Having said the above, my ex girlfriend would say that I have a drinking problem, as most of our arguments stemmed from alcohol related issues, but then again she has a very different outlook on life and a completely different set of friends with different values. Neither of which are right or wrong, just different.

 

Like I wrote before, I think right now going out socially at night in a place where people are drinking is too dangerous for you. It will be easier to stop going out than it will be to stop drinking once you're there. Stay in with a movie. Invite some friends over and specify no alcohol. Sit on this website and write about how much you want a drink. Anything but put yourself in the position where you'll be likely to binge.

[EdG]

As it stands, I intend to do exactly as you've described and see where it takes me.

 

Whether or not you're an alcoholic is irrelevant. The fact is that C2H5OH is taking-over your life and damaging current and potential relationships -possibly your career? It can only get worse, unless you decide to do something about it.

In my late teens, I drank most nights(as kids do), but -when I hit my 20's, then early 30's, despite cutting-down, I noticed that my memories of the previous nights were getting more vague.

Consequently, I decided to try a week without alcohol. That stretched to two weeks(was I amazed?)and then six months! It was great fun going to the pub with my wife and drinking soft drinks whilst my mates were knocking-back the booze and getting progressively more out of control(just as most of us do when out drinking). At times,I was disgusted to think that I could ever be like them -but I hadbeen! It was extremely educative, shall we say.?

When I decided to drink again, I decided to limit my intake, but still enjoy myself, which I still do. Once in a while, I may have one too many, but -hey-I didn't say that I was a saint, did I?

Generally speaking, I only drink at weekends, holidays, or special occasions,but there's no hard and fast rule that ties me down..it's simply choice.

If you're unable to manage an alcohol-free week with soft drinks when you go out, then you may have a problem which needs addressing

Why not try a sober week for starters and see how things go? You may well surprise yourself!

In the words of Bob Dylan, "When you got nothin', you got nothin' to lose".

[lollipopspot]

I completely agree with you when you say that I need to avoid social situation where I have a tendency to binge! It's a pattern that those occasions are when I go to bars, clubs with friends and get carried away. There is a big drinking culture amongst some of my groups of friends, and it's those occasions which are very dangerous for me. I've removed myself from a big party this weekend and I intend to continue doing that until my head is clearer about what I need to do in the long term.

 

Great - stay away. Post here if you need support, but you need to break this pattern.

 

Will you ever be able to go to these kinds of parties and drink but keep it minimal? I don't know. Common wisdom is no, that when you have an alcohol problem, it remains a problem and you just need to stop drinking. In reality though, there may indeed be a very few people who are able to reign it in after they break the habit.

 

The concern is that everyone thinks that they are one of those few people. I'd really hate for you to do something life-destroying while testing it out.

 

I think it's good that you are trying to step back from these trigger situations - go to a meeting, talk to people, research it, consider how to make it so that you never lose control of your behavior while drinking again. You could go from being an o.k. guy who's made some mistakes, to someone who killed someone's child (or cat or any other precious soul) while driving drunk. Don't allow alcohol to wreck yours or anyone else's life.

Edited February 5, 2014 by lollipopspot

[pteromom]

So what I am saying is it would be a shame to not be able to enjoy a drink responsibly.

 

Why? Why would this be a shame?

 

This alone seems to me like a red flag for alcoholism.

 

I like a drink once in a while, but if someone told me I could never have a drink again, I'd be... OK. It wouldn't be a big deal and I wouldn't feel any sadness or loss from it.

 

Can I not just work on weeding out the binge drinking occasions? Is that not realistic? Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't.

 

Why can't you just try not drinking at ALL for a while? Is that scary to you? If so, again... WHY?

 

There are "am I an alcoholic" quizzes online. Go find a few and answer them honestly.

 

I think you have this image in your head of what constitutes an alcoholic, and since you don't fit that image, you are just discounting the possibility. But the fact that you have no control over your drinking, hurt those you love when drunk, go through guilt and shame and regret, then go right back to drinking again, points to an alcoholic to me.

 

Go to AA. Talk to some of the veterans there. Get THEIR feedback. Because your friends and family don't see the parts of you that you hide out of shame. They only go by the face you show them.

[EdG]

I'm the type of person who learns from my mistakes. Foolishly I sometimes make the same mistakes more than once before I learn, but I always learn in the end. During my life I've often failed to moderate, couple this with an addictive personality.

 

Right now I am 50/50 about whether or not I'll be able to attend these parties and keep it minimal. I want to say yes, but given my recent track record I have my doubts. I am going to stay away from them for the time being and see how I feel in a few months.

 

I think there might be a few underlying problems which have led me to excess recently. I struggle with stress and anxiety, and on nights out having a drink in hand is that comfort I perhaps used to get from having a cigarette in my hand.

 

I'll sort this out one way or another, but you're absolutely right, I do not want this issue to have dire consequences. I know I've already messed up a few times with regards to relationships (girlfriends) but I don't become madly aggressive or change my character completely when I am drunk, I just make some silly decisions which I regret when sober. I have never been called a "bad drunk".

 

Will you ever be able to go to these kinds of parties and drink but keep it minimal? I don't know. Common wisdom is no, that when you have an alcohol problem, it remains a problem and you just need to stop drinking. In reality though, there may indeed be a very few people who are able to reign it in after they break the habit.

 

The concern is that everyone thinks that they are one of those few people. I'd really hate for you to do something life-destroying while testing it out.

 

I think it's good that you are trying to step back from these trigger situations - go to a meeting, talk to people, research it, consider how to make it so that you never lose control of your behavior while drinking again. You could go from being an o.k. guy who's made some mistakes, to someone who killed someone's child (or cat or any other precious soul) while driving drunk. Don't allow alcohol to wreck yours or anyone else's life.

[EdG]

I struggle to see why this alone would flag a red flag for alcoholism? Of course it would be a shame to have to remove something from my life which I enjoy. I enjoy steak, if you told me I could never have steak again I'd say it's a shame! I am not saying I couldn't live without alcohol or steak for that matter, I am saying it would be a shame not to have it in my life.

 

I am a 26 year old single male living in the city. I have a good job and a good group of friends. Of course it would be limiting to a CERTAIN extent if I decided I couldn't drink ever again. I would, regardless of what anyone says be a big change for me lifestyle and social wise.

 

Despite the above, I do see exactly the points you're making and thank you for them. I am taking everything onboard and thinking about my next steps and strategy for going forward. Right now I am concentrating on not attending social events which have in the past been a problem for me.

 

 

Why? Why would this be a shame?

 

This alone seems to me like a red flag for alcoholism.

 

I like a drink once in a while, but if someone told me I could never have a drink again, I'd be... OK. It wouldn't be a big deal and I wouldn't feel any sadness or loss from it.

 

 

 

Why can't you just try not drinking at ALL for a while? Is that scary to you? If so, again... WHY?

 

There are "am I an alcoholic" quizzes online. Go find a few and answer them honestly.

 

I think you have this image in your head of what constitutes an alcoholic, and since you don't fit that image, you are just discounting the possibility. But the fact that you have no control over your drinking, hurt those you love when drunk, go through guilt and shame and regret, then go right back to drinking again, points to an alcoholic to me.

 

Go to AA. Talk to some of the veterans there. Get THEIR feedback. Because your friends and family don't see the parts of you that you hide out of shame. They only go by the face you show them.

[lollipopspot]

Of course it would be a shame to have to remove something from my life which I enjoy. I enjoy steak, if you told me I could never have steak again I'd say it's a shame! I am not saying I couldn't live without alcohol or steak for that matter, I am saying it would be a shame not to have it in my life.

 

I am a 26 year old single male living in the city. I have a good job and a good group of friends. Of course it would be limiting to a CERTAIN extent if I decided I couldn't drink ever again.

 

It can be daunting for people to think that they'll never do or have something again, even if they actually don't want that thing anymore. In this stage, for you, you probably need to make this decision one day at a time.

 

I'm vegan, and I know a lot of vegans. I've been vegan for many years now. For me, once I learned about how much animals suffer to be made into food, it was an easy and permanent decision. For some people though, they struggle with the thought that they might never be able to eat some food again. So they make the decision one day at a time, and remind themselves of exactly why they're doing it, whenever they feel temped or complacent.

 

You can't get complacent about this, the stakes are high for you. Here's an idea: write down in a notebook exactly how you are feeling, and exactly what you have done while drunk. Look at this book when you are tempted. Make a decision for each day, don't think of it as the rest of your life.

[pteromom]

I struggle to see why this alone would flag a red flag for alcoholism? Of course it would be a shame to have to remove something from my life which I enjoy. I enjoy steak, if you told me I could never have steak again I'd say it's a shame! I am not saying I couldn't live without alcohol or steak for that matter, I am saying it would be a shame not to have it in my life.

 

I see your point.

 

I guess it is strange to me that you would focus on that part versus all the pain that drinking has caused.

 

If you had a quadruple bypass and almost died, and your surgeon said you need to cut out red meat, and you responded by saying "Aww, that's a shame", I would find that an odd response, because your life is much more important than a steak.

 

Right now, your #1 priority needs to be stopping the cycle of getting drunk, hurting people, swearing to stop, and then doing the same thing again. Worry less about how much and when you will be able to drink, and focus instead on learning the skills to make different choices. Until you master those skills, just don't drink. It's not the end of the world.

 

I still say AA is a good idea. For information gathering, even if you don't end up needing it.

[MyEvilTwin]

Forget about AA, unless you're the religious type. It's a 12 step program based on your version of a God, (but really unsaid is that only Christian people are truly accepted) giving up your power to a God, admitting you are helpless, and making amends to everyone you've ever wronged. It's a guilt-tripping version of "getting well" and they promote that you need lifetime membership.

If you're religious in those ways, it will work out great for you.

 

 

I think you need a one on one counselor. You may suffer from anxiety in social situations, and so to combat that you are drinking too much to overcome it. Or, you may think that to have a really good time you need to keep pouring them down the gullet, and it spirals out of control from there.

 

 

To some degree, this is a maturity issue. Yeah, I'm old compared to you. But a little more modesty on your part when you party with your friends could go a long way. Modesty as in--I don't have to be the life of the party. Somebody else can be in the limelight making a fool of themselves instead of me. I don't have to be the loudest, most obnoxious person there. You know what I mean, I'm not trying to insult you, but try to get a grip on the part of you that thinks a party needs to be an all out brawl.

 

 

Otherwise this will get worse and then you'll get into more trouble and jail and whatnot, and then you will end up in AA whether you believe in their indoctrination or not. Courts order AA on people.

 

 

And don't anybody tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. I spent a fair amount of time in Al anon and it is the same program that they make the friends and family of the drinkers go through. Never could buy into it though.

 

 

There's something else you can try too. A liver can process about one ounce of alcohol an hour. So each hour out with friends you get one drink. In between drinks, you have a glass of water. Watch your watch. If it hasn't been an hour yet, you don't order another drink. If you can't succeed at this, then you are going to have to call yourself an alcoholic, which is a mindfk in itself, and go through AA and other un-pleasurable things, jail, lost girfriends, intoxicated driving tickets, lost jobs, who knows what else. You can decide to handle your drinking with friends WITH MATURITY from now on, or immaturely, and create pain for yourself. Your choice.

Edited February 11, 2014 by MyEvilTwin

[EdG]

Thanks a lot for your post, I appreciate your advise.

 

I haven't gone to AA. Whilst I recognise I have a problem I need to be very careful of, I couldn't help but feel AA was a little extreme at this point. What I've done so far is just remove myself from situations where I'd typically drink big. I have had a few beers since starting this conversation, only 1 or 2 at home after work. I agree that this is a maturity thing. The anxiety I have can lead me to drinking excessively for 'comfort' I guess. I am going to ensure I get a hold of this, but for the time being I am going to avoid nights out until I have a plan in place for dealing with them and feel settled enough to handle them well.

 

Much appreciated! Thanks.

 

Forget about AA, unless you're the religious type. It's a 12 step program based on your version of a God, (but really unsaid is that only Christian people are truly accepted) giving up your power to a God, admitting you are helpless, and making amends to everyone you've ever wronged. It's a guilt-tripping version of "getting well" and they promote that you need lifetime membership.

If you're religious in those ways, it will work out great for you.

 

 

I think you need a one on one counselor. You may suffer from anxiety in social situations, and so to combat that you are drinking too much to overcome it. Or, you may think that to have a really good time you need to keep pouring them down the gullet, and it spirals out of control from there.

 

 

To some degree, this is a maturity issue. Yeah, I'm old compared to you. But a little more modesty on your part when you party with your friends could go a long way. Modesty as in--I don't have to be the life of the party. Somebody else can be in the limelight making a fool of themselves instead of me. I don't have to be the loudest, most obnoxious person there. You know what I mean, I'm not trying to insult you, but try to get a grip on the part of you that thinks a party needs to be an all out brawl.

 

 

Otherwise this will get worse and then you'll get into more trouble and jail and whatnot, and then you will end up in AA whether you believe in their indoctrination or not. Courts order AA on people.

 

 

And don't anybody tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. I spent a fair amount of time in Al anon and it is the same program that they make the friends and family of the drinkers go through. Never could buy into it though.

 

 

There's something else you can try too. A liver can process about one ounce of alcohol an hour. So each hour out with friends you get one drink. In between drinks, you have a glass of water. Watch your watch. If it hasn't been an hour yet, you don't order another drink. If you can't succeed at this, then you are going to have to call yourself an alcoholic, which is a mindfk in itself, and go through AA and other un-pleasurable things, jail, lost girfriends, intoxicated driving tickets, lost jobs, who knows what else. You can decide to handle your drinking with friends WITH MATURITY from now on, or immaturely, and create pain for yourself. Your choice.

[MyEvilTwin]

If I was you I would try drying out for a month. Just to see how bad your physical and emotional cravings might be, if any.

 

Alcohol does become a dependent drug, and you need to know now if you are very susceptible to it.

If you have any physical withdrawal symptoms, or even very strong emotional ones, then there is your answer. You can't drink at all.

 

You could be physically addicted if you can't go without the couple drinks at home after work.

You could be emotionally addicted too...you need to figure out if you are either, or both.

Addicted is addicted whether emotional or physical--so if either of those is true then it's time to cut alcohol out of your life.

Just because I don't condone AA doesn't mean I don't believe there are alcoholics...and I don't believe any of them choose to be one...there's something either in their personality make-up and /or physical make-up and they don't get to drink like others. It's not a club you choose to join, just one you find out you're in, like it or not.

So I would think that would be your next logical step. Dry out for a month and see just how badly you want a drink during that time.

 

 

I think your plan to avoid the clubs with the guys is an excellent one.

After a couple months of being dry you could let yourself go but only drink a pepsi. If you fail to abstain, then you can't ever go out with them until after some work on how your sober person will have more command of you than your drinking person...it may take therapy....

Yes, don't go for now, it's costing you your paycheck as well as your self-respect. Good for you for seeing that.

 

 

I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday about it being a maturity issue, but I also don't want to deny that some people simply process alcohol in their brains differently. I need to correct that.

 

 

I personally sometimes have trouble with the number of drinks I have in social situations, and sometimes I have too much. For me it is social anxiety. I am trying to overcome it, so I drink more. Although I don't kiss somebody I shouldn't, I have thrown up more than I'd like to admit. I forget to count my drinks and limit myself.

Edited February 12, 2014 by MyEvilTwin

[mea_M]

Guess what? I get ya. I had the same problem years ago. I'll tell you this, the way in which I was using alcohol was just wrong and not healthy. It took me a deep peak inside to see that I had zero power over any alcoholic beverage. This was not the most pleasant epiphany as it meant I had to face all the things that keep me drinking straight on. But get this? While a touch painful, as I'm being brutally honest, the very best feeling in the world is to be FREE from the anguish that I was self inflicting. Take some time to think about why your drinking so much. Think about all the good things ahead of you and realize if you stay on this roller coaster ride it's possible you make not attain them. So think.. And you can stop drinking. You just have to want it! My best to you.

 

Mea

[travelbug1996]

Alcoholic TEST::

 

Go into a bar and start drinking and try to abruptly STOP.

 

If you are unable to do this, you have lost the power to choose whether you will drink or not. Which would make you an Alcoholic.

 

Many alcoholics stop drinking without AA. AA has helped millions of people so they must be doing something right. However, it is not for everyone.

 

Attend a meeting. You don't have to identify yourself as an "alcoholic". Just say that you're not sure and you just want to listen. There are some wise people in those meetings.

 

Keep an open mind and good luck.

[WhoreyBull]

I wouldn't say being able to stop drinking in a bar means you are not an alcoholic. My grama told me a quote that "any idiot can be sober for a day". She also admits she believed for a long time that she was the idiot who couldn't.

 

I think alcoholism is better defined by longing. You say you are working all week/day, but is that building up to the point where you can drink? Is there a sense of anticipation before that first sip. When you go out for "a few" beers can you already feel like you will want more?

 

I've been going to A.A meetings. I don't follow the steps, or really talk (at this point), but I go there to listen.

When you start hearing stories it makes you reflect on yourself.

 

They have the whole God/higher power thing, which is not up my alley, until I reworked it to fit me. An actor on the Oscars the other night said something like his hero is "[him] in 10 years"

 

I realized that is my "higher power", who I will be in 10 more years. I don't want to quit either but when I imagine myself trying to "manage" my drinking as well as a work/school/socia/etc. life all I see in 10 years is myself where I am or worse.

 

It is hard, but you need to see your life as a whole as being stronger and more powerful and more worthy than a drink. Because honestly, and I myself are just getting used to this, you don't NEED it.

[Noproblem]

You want to stop drinking. Avoid going to bars and night clubs

Dull I know, but watching tv shoes and lifting at the gym instead are so much better. Start going to the gym at night from now on. Join a 24 hour gym if your current gym don't open all night.

 

Gain your life back before it betrays you and lets you a slave to a alcohol.

 

Control it before it controls you!

 

Do you wanna get A DUI, tape or beat women? Lose your job, friends or lovers? Get HIV or worse kill someone?

That seems so unlikely, doesn't it?

 

Trust me it can be so unlikely when you lose the control!

Fun days are over now!

 

Join a place where you find help AA or anything similar. Do it today!!!!!

Edited March 4, 2014 by Noproblem

[Heatemyheart89]

Hey there

I am 24 and feel the same way as you. I think there was a facebook thing I liked once which was something like 'goes on a night out, comes back with a ruined life'. I have embarrassed myself so many times and lost so many things/spent so much money. You are not alone. I think we both need to quit the drink. It is no good for us. If you want to chat pm me

Kat x

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Hey there

I am 24 and feel the same way as you. I think there was a facebook thing I liked once which was something like 'goes on a night out, comes back with a ruined life'. I have embarrassed myself so many times and lost so many things/spent so much money. You are not alone. I think we both need to quit the drink. It is no good for us. If you want to chat pm me

Kat x

 

I have to admit Im in the same boat as u and EG... time to face facts... Im now on 36 hours of not drinking and its not pleasant Im scared of what life willl be like without it Ive never known anything else, all my family are alcoholics so guess I have the gene... lost 2 relationships because of it... not to mention the embarrasment I have caused, the things Ive lost, the money Ive wasted and the damage Im doing to myself x

 

How did it get to this x