Gf's past sex history mystery

[billyAussie]

ok so ive been seeing my gf for about a year she is 20 im 24. Now im having a bit of an issue with her past sexual history in the fact that i dont know how many guys she has slept with. One night while watching the movie Clerks during the scene when the guys gf admits to sucking 37 dicks she asked mehow many people i have been with.... and i answered lets not go down that road its probably better if we dont, basically because i was not ready to hear how many people she has been with.

I didnt know that i would have such an issue with this.... my last gf i knew of a few of her ex's and i knew that she had slept with a few guys...... but my current gf i was almost convinced that she was a virgin the first time we slept together...... because she and her sister are both attractive girls and she was saying that her sis had only just lost her virginity at 19 because she didnt want to jump into things etc and i was thinking maybe my girl was the same, also coupled with the fact that she seemed very inexperienced when we first did it, like it was her first time..... like it was pretty bad, she didnt know what was going on etc..... so im convinced that she either hasnt been with anyone or hasnt been with many guys.... also once we were going out a few weeks and were really getting into the whole locking ourselves in a room and going for it she was super super eager for me to show her postitions and new things, and was too nervous to let me go down on her (sorry if this is too much for this forum hehe) for a couple of weeks until she finally let me.... and now she cant get enough as though it was like she had never experienced it b4.

Over time though i have met an ex bf from when she was 16 and seems as though the went out for a couple of months and im just not sure whether she has slept with him or anyone and its starting to get on my nerves and i cant stop thinking about it but im not sure i want to know cos my whole perseption of the relationship will change etc

we also were talking about how many people we had kissed and stuff and she said she hadnt with many guys, you reckon she was subtlely saying she hasnt slept with many guys or just kissed????

 

super long winded description here but what im asking i guess is:

 

a) If you are having sex with a girl and its their first time is it obvious, i.e. hymen breaking, uncoordinated (hehe) sex

b) if its bothering me so much should i ask her? and what would be the best way of asking?

c) Should it really matter and am i making a mountain out of a mole hill!

 

thanks

[Chris_T.]

Dude, WHY do you care? And WHY would you want to know how many guys she's been with? Are you a masochist?

 

Why would your opinion of her change if you knew how many people she slept with in the past? SHE DIDN'T KNOW YOU. Was she supposed to wait until you, someone she didn't even know existed, came around? Did you?

 

Get over it and enjoy your relationship. You're being silly.

[Groovy]

I agree to with both of you. On one side if I am in bed with someone I'd like to know if they've been around the block. Then again it may be her first time.

 

But for the most part it is irrelevant. I had a boyfriend who slept with like dozens and dozens of people and it didn't matter as long as he was faithful to me when we dated. And I believe he had been. Then I have dated people where it was a first. All that matters is what they are doing when they are dating me. And of course that he has no STDs! Untilk people get tested for that and involved in commitment for 6 months, they should always use a condom.

 

Women get judged more for how many partners they have been with more often than men, it's a double standard.

 

Don't judge her if she's bad that she's a virgin and if she's good she's a slut. Some people are just unhibited by nature in things they do. The guy I was with almost refused to believe it was my first time. Just remember all that matters is she is into you and only you at that time, (if that's what you want).

[Mustard Bomb]

Originally posted by billyAussie

a) If you are having sex with a girl and its their first time is it obvious, i.e. hymen breaking, uncoordinated (hehe) sex

b) if its bothering me so much should i ask her? and what would be the best way of asking?

c) Should it really matter and am i making a mountain out of a mole hill!

 

thanks

 

a) Not necessarily. A woman can lose her hymen a variety of ways.

 

b) No, don't ask. It's not your business. You can ask if she has any STDs, however - that is your business.

 

c) No. It should not matter. This is not even a mole hill. Let it go and focus on the pleasure between the two of you. Worrying about it makes you seem insecure and ergo less attractive.

[Merin]

My 2 cent's..

 

There isn't always obvious signs of virginity as MB pointed out a woman can break the hymen in a variety of ways..

 

Regarding the rest of your questions I have a few you should ask of YOURSELF BEFORE you decide to ask her..

 

1) Is knowing her past sexual history going to make you feel any better?

2) Once you find out about her past sexual history are you going to be able to leave it in the past and not let it eat you up?

3) Does it REALLY MATTER to YOU?

 

IMO (again) IF you know she is healthy, no STD's.. and You know she is faithful in your relationship.. then her PAST sexual history shouldn't be an issue.. no more than yours should be for her.

 

A lot of people will say that a persons past history says a lot about the person they are now.. but I disagree. The past experience we have in our lives while it does teach us and it does effect the person we become.. past history doesn't always repeat itself either.. and often teaches us what we do not want later in our lives.

 

Good Luck

[VirginiaBob]

Dude, don't even worry about it. It doesn't matter either way. I never discuss my exes with any girl - it's a private matter. It brings no good to the relationship to talk about it.

[st8toftheheart]

If I were you, I would stay as far away from asking her, regardless if you think you'll be able to handle it or not.

 

More often then not, you will become obsessed and keep asking for more and more information. It will ruin you.

 

I speak from experience. I made the right choice by first not wanting know, to only later ask and am still having issues dealing with it. Its brought us close to the brink of ending it.

 

Try to understand why you think you want to know. Is it that you don't believe that she enjoys you as much as she does?

 

Trust me, sometimes ignorance is bliss. If you're happy and enjoying each other, live long and prosper.

 

That concludes my Star Trek moment.

[tattoomytoe]

well i surely think that the guys i have slept with didi not know s*** either!

[Cecelius]

I can't imagine it should matter to you that much. You have no indication that she's been around the block or that she's got any skeletons in her closet. The things that have occurred to you tend to show that if anything, she's a bit of a late bloomer.

 

If you're meeting too many exes, don't fret about it, just put a stop to it.

 

I think the answer for your situation is to be sure that you are doing your best work when you are together with her. She'll forget about her past folks, and you will too.

[Groovy]

Like I said she may be a virgin. But say she has a dirty past. I have a friend though who slept with dozens of people. Now she is a faithful wife, a great mom and healthy. All he cared about is what they had in the moment, not the past. I also have a friend who was raped when she was younger and slept with 32 men by the age of 13. Well, once she healed she too became a healthy, faithful great wife. Everyone has their stories, their reasons but the past is the past......

[JoL]

I dont think it should matter how many guys she has slept with.

I have been with a guy who was totally cool discussing past relationships with me and knowing what i had done before him. And i have been with a guy who couldnt handle the mere mention of my ex's name and would go into jealous fits.

 

Im curious as to why you want to know. Will you throw it back in her face, make it about her being "bad" or "dirty"?

 

personally, i like to know, even if not exact numbers, the general attitude my partner has had to sex in the past.

 

I think you need to figure out why you are dying to know this informatio..if its bothering you this much it might be better to let sleeping dogs lie. Although i am curious, if she told you, would you tell her- and would she be shocked or upset with you?

 

 

It seems like so many people want to know this information and jump to all sorts of conclusions..as long as you are on the same page about sex and intimacy, does it matter if she was a virgin before hand?

 

I think the only thing that matters is being with someone who shares the same values on sex and intimacy, so u are on the same page.

[ThornBrush]

Hey buddy,

believe me- you just dont want to go through that road of discovery. Ignorance is bliss in this situation. dont get yourself into sticky situations. let it be....enjoy the present

[X. Benedict]

DO NOT ASK HER! YOU MIGHT REGRET IT!

At least i did. My GF asked me how many people and I told her, she then told me how many people she had slept with and I almost threw up. At first she told me that she lost count, and then she told me that 20 was a good ballpark figure. I was like Damn! She was shocked when i told her that I had only slept with 4 women (1 was my ex-wife and she was the other person).

I had a problem with the fact that mathematically she was averaging a new guy every 7 months. To me that was sluttish behavior. My feelings about sex are a little old fashioned but it's saved me from other potential problems such as unwanted pregnancies (she's had three) and STD's (she's had to have herself tested several times).

The real issue which I found out eventually was that she was extremely insecure and needed some type of validation.

She does regret getting involved with a lot of those guys because nothing positive ever came out from those various "relationships".

Good luck.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by billyAussie

 

super long winded description here but what im asking i guess is:

 

a) If you are having sex with a girl and its their first time is it obvious, i.e. hymen breaking, uncoordinated (hehe) sex

b) if its bothering me so much should i ask her? and what would be the best way of asking?

c) Should it really matter and am i making a mountain out of a mole hill!

 

thanks

 

When i lost mine, I had no hymen (the only woman in my family who had one is my oldest sister. my mom and other sister are like me, but I did ballet for a long time and was pretty physically active as a youngster).

 

anyways yes, you are making a big deal out of nothing.

[tattoomytoe]

well i lied about my sexual past when my BF of 2yrs asked me. apparently i said 3or 4 the first time he asked. then he asked me again and i said 6. he about died! then he asked why i lied the first time..... i told him i knew it would bother him. He was like nah, it is fine, even though his eyes were still bugging.

 

he has only been with 3, including me! But really it has been like over 2 hands but under 2 hands and 2 feet worth. and he would definately s*** a brick!

[emopunk]

Ah... here we are with exes again. I can discuss exes with my girlfriend. I prefer not to, because I am very hostile to all of her exes (every last one of them hurt her badly.) And I know that she does not talk to them at all... just that she needs to vent about them from time to time. Sometimes I react badly and I am quick to apologize. I just have hostility issues with people who mistreat her.

 

As for my exes, my girlfriend asks me about them. And while I prefer not to, I can talk to her about them. I am not proud of anything that happened with them and myself. All I can say is that at least I tried to help them. But its hard to help someone who doesn't want help.

 

I'd say talking to her about it is not necessarily a bad idea. She may want to know. You obviously want to know. Can you get by with not knowing or is this going to continue to be a problem for you? Seems like its only been festering. If she brings it up again, it may well be that she's curious. Is it your business? Do you have a right to know? That depends on how serious you are about her. Same is true for her. Only you can decide what is going to make you feel better, what is fair to her, and what is in the best interests of the relationship. Just consider the current condition of things and how they could change once the information is revealed. Remember... you can never go back, but you always have the choice of where you can go.