Did something stupid

[justlife]

I love my girlfriend loads and I'm an incredibly moral person so would never even consider cheating. I did, however, get very drunk and (not being used to commitment) I flirted with a girl a bit in a club and she had her hand down my pants subtly having a feel. Afterwards I felt absolutely terrible and felt like such a silly twat. Then someone said to me that I got with this girl, even though I was certain I didn't, and so I felt like I had to tell my girlfriend. I told her that someone told me I had got with this girl, but that I was so sure I didnt. Eventually it was clarified that I didn't get with this girl, but I feel incredibly guilty for what actually happened. She was so upset when I told her I had apparently got with someone, and she was still upset even when she found out it wasn't true. I don't feel like I can tell her the truth because it was such a stupid, one-off mistake from being very drunk, and considering how upset she was at the other thing, I don't think I can tell her this.

 

It's been eating my up a lot, and I'm just wondering whether I'll be able to cope with the secret. The girl it was with is also someone my girlfriend knows, so it's something I'm worried could one day come out, even though this girl has said she won't say anything to anyone.

 

I appreciate any advice

[ExpatInItaly]

I love my girlfriend loads and I'm an incredibly moral person so would never even consider cheating. I did, however, get very drunk and (not being used to commitment) I flirted with a girl a bit in a club and she had her hand down my pants subtly having a feel. Afterwards I felt absolutely terrible and felt like such a silly twat. Then someone said to me that I got with this girl, even though I was certain I didn't, and so I felt like I had to tell my girlfriend. I told her that someone told me I had got with this girl, but that I was so sure I didnt. Eventually it was clarified that I didn't get with this girl, but I feel incredibly guilty for what actually happened. She was so upset when I told her I had apparently got with someone, and she was still upset even when she found out it wasn't true. I don't feel like I can tell her the truth because it was such a stupid, one-off mistake from being very drunk, and considering how upset she was at the other thing, I don't think I can tell her this.

 

It's been eating my up a lot, and I'm just wondering whether I'll be able to cope with the secret. The girl it was with is also someone my girlfriend knows, so it's something I'm worried could one day come out, even though this girl has said she won't say anything to anyone.

 

I appreciate any advice

 

I would tell her. There's no guarantee this other girl won't open her mouth about it someday even though she's told you she won't. Evidently, she doesn't have the best judgement if she's putting her hands down the pants of an acquaintance's boyfriend. It's better that she hear it from you than someone else. If she hears it from another source, do you really think she'll believe any of what else you've told her about that night?

 

Also, why would someone say you "got with" this girl? Is there more to this story that you haven't revealed? It seems a strange lie to make up if what you described is truly all that happened.

[MrMeh]

Tell her the truth and let her be the judge. Hiding it from her won't change

the fact that it happened and letting her being led on by somebody you

are not is much crueler in my opinion.

[EdG]

I went through something very similar about 10 months ago. I don't blind drunk at a friends wedding and ended up 'getting with' someone who I went to school with. I was so drunk that i didn't know what truly happened, but i knew something went on.

 

I stressed over it, couldn't keep it from my girlfriend and told her that "I cheated". It was horrible that i couldn't even remember, so I couldn't give her the full details. I later found out we kissed, but the way i described it to my then girlfriend (the next afternoon) it sounded my worse that just a kiss as I couldn't tell her the details and she as a consequence thought i was hiding something.

 

We worked through it and get back together, but the trust was never there and it ended 6 months later.

 

Personally I can't keep secrets, regardless of the consequence. however everyone is different. Some of my friends said "why did you tell her, etc, etc." What you did was a one off mistake and you feel remorse, you won't do it again. If you can be with your girlfriend and not have this secret of the details affect your relationship then i say do it. You didn't put her health at risk by sleeping with someone else. But if it was me I'd have to tell her and live with the consequences whatever they may be.

 

If she finds out from this other girl you're fu*ked. If you tell her it's 50.50, but she'll at least know you are man enough to admit your mistakes and show remorse, which you're doing by being on here.

 

It's down to you and how you want to play this.

 

By the way, do you get that drunk often. I've since realised I have a drinking problem as I was getting blind drunk like this 95% of the time I went out and I'd do stupid things that messed my life up. Broken relationship due to it, spending excess amounts of money, serious head injuries, and again on Friday night another 'cheating' on a girl I was only just starting to 'see', we weren't dating or going out, but I still see it as cheating. Not to mention she bloody saw me do it. I would never have done it if I was blind drunk. Some people say alcohol is know excuse, and I am not saying it is, but it certainly leads us (those susceptible) to do things we'd never dream of doing sober.