Is the slut-shaming as bad as the male virgin shaming?

[GoreSP]

In my opinion, to confirm whether or not promiscuous women are more likely to cheat, you would need to interview people of three groups:

1) people who waited until marriage to have sex

2) people who have a few partners as part of a monogous relationship

3) people who have had casu sex

 

See how many of each group cheated.

 

You would need 'samples at every age and you would need to re interview them again every few years. Just because they didn't cheat until now doesn 't mean they won't.

 

Find me this study and I will gladly admit I'm wrong if the study says so.

[rewl]

What about promiscious men? They are just as culpable as promiscuous women.

[janedoe67]

Your one person's blog of questionable origin really does not have any validity over an actual study done.

 

 

Here is a worldwide study done that covered multiple countries, using over ten thousand participants in the study, which showed that certain personality factors are correlated with short-term sex, including promiscuity and infidelity. Specifically, the strongest personality factor in promiscuity and infidelity is an impulsive personality type. There are other personality factors that are also correlated with both promiscuity and infidelity, such as neuroticism in women. The study also cites many other studies which back up it's claims.

 

 

http://www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/ep06246282.pdf

 

Jackpot!

 

Why did Jesus even bother with us genetic defects?

[KathyM]

Oh you mean her PhD in psychology and the fact she is a sex researcher focusing on casual sex doesn't make her a good reference concerning casual sex research?

My bad...

 

The study you posted links promiscuity and infidelity with certain personality traits.

It doesn't even come close to proving people who are sexually promiscuous are more likely to cheat than non promiscuous people.

Anyone can create a blog. Even you. Doesn't mean it has any validity.

 

 

The study I posted shows that certain personality traits (impulsivity, extroversion, low conscientiousness--i.e., carelessness, and low agreeableness--i.e., doesn't care what others think) are correlated with both promiscuity and infidelity. It's common sense, and it is well demonstrated by the study and the multiple studies that are cited within.

 

 

The same combination of personality characteristics that is more likely to engage in casual sex (the impulsive extrovert who is careless and doesn't care what others think) is the same personality type that is more likely to engage in infidelity (impulsive--gives into temptation; extrovert--very social with others; careless--lacks proper boundaries; and low agreeableness--does what he wants regardless of what others think).

[joystickd]

Why even call it slut-shaming? If you feel shame about it then that says more about you than the person calling you a slut. The thing that gets me about some of the women on LS (notice I said some) is the fact that they can talk all the sh*t they want about men and the fact all they want is sex and players. The very moment promiscuous females come up they have an issue and its like they want everyone to forget that some women are just used up and some men player or not will not see that as relationship material. The thing is if you want to discount men because of their past but on that same token you have to deal with the fact that men will see you as not being relationship material for your past.

 

 

Here is an interesting discussion

[samsungxoxo]

The thing is if you want to discount men because of their past but on that same token you have to deal with the fact that men will see you as not being relationship material for your past.

I think what gets many upset (even I as a low-count woman) is that it's really high-count men who do this hypocrisy way more than high-count women and they very outspoken about it. If you take a look on other sites, they are all suggestion that every guys should ''smash all the sloots'' and later on find himself a low-count or virgin woman for relationship/marriage proposal (not even giving into considering that some low-count women don't like those types and expect the same in return). Yes, certain women with heavy sexual past might do this too by withholding information once finding that low-count man but she does it with a different intent and tone of voice than the male player; she wouldn't have mind a high-count man that was ok with it. Edited February 5, 2014 by samsungxoxo

[joystickd]

I think what gets many upset (even I as a low-count woman) is that it's really high-count men who do this hypocrisy way more than high-count women and they very outspoken about it. If you take a look on other sites, they are all suggestion that every guys should ''smash all the sloots'' and later on find himself a low-count or virgin woman for relationship/marriage proposal (not even giving into considering that some low-count women don't like those types and expect the same in return). Yes, certain women with heavy sexual past might do this too by withholding information once finding that low-count man but she does it with a different intent and tone of voice than the male player; she wouldn't have mind a high-count man that was ok with it.

It's not hypocrisy. Remember these men and women don't want to deal with the struggles they put their partners through. It's a preference gained through experience. That is their choice. Does anyone give you sh*t about your preferences and call you a hypocrite? These people want better in their partner. They don't want to date themselves. This is their right and preference. Women can withhold information but that says more about themselves by being shady about their past.

[Tayken]

I am not going to get into the name calling with the opposite sex, but since October last year to date...I have been on a number of dates, age ranging from 35 - 52 (latter looked younger due to them being petite)

 

I am in my 40s by the way......4 of these women have ended up giving me a BJ in their car as I walk them to their car at the end of the first date. Now I am always a gentleman on a date or not, and did I tell them to stop? No

 

I just figured they had their reasons for wanting to do this

[samsungxoxo]

It's not hypocrisy. Remember these men and women don't want to deal with the struggles they put their partners through. It's a preference gained through experience. That is their choice. Does anyone give you sh*t about your preferences and call you a hypocrite? These people want better in their partner. They don't want to date themselves. This is their right and preference. Women can withhold information but that says more about themselves by being shady about their past.

Ok, they might have a preference but they even insult those women whom they slept on the first couple dates as unworthy and never to be in relationship. In addition, on the other sites, they are actively suggesting every guy to pump and dump them like the sluts they are and move on.

 

This is the insulting and mean intention whom everyone is more upset about. It's one thing to simply have a preference but to insult and degrade the other member of something you did yourself and actively shame them online or in real life and continue acting very proud of doing this is another. That is a user and manipulative hypocrite.

 

Those women that withhold information to the non-casanova type is probably doing it because she is looking for a relationship at some point and getting tired of not even getting that chance with a high-count man (she probably thought they would be slightly more tolerant about it) so she finds one that doesn't have too much experience, whom she can lie to. But no where do they actively post countless posts on how players should be used and never be given a chance of getting into relationship nor go all the way towards advising all girls to use them and then later on find a decent guy. Men on the other hand do this way too much and so that's why this slut-shaming term was created.

 

In addition to that, the word slut has been thrown too much for nearly everything in an insulting way. I was even called that once on the bodybuilding.com site by someone who was a virgin-chaser, only for merely pointing out that there was nothing wrong with a woman that gets into a relationship and breaks up if it doesn't work out but is seeking for another relationship. That member was the typical player but obsessed with female virginity and already 25 years old, now that is creepy to me. He didn't even had the nerve to at least reply in a decent manner on the post. Instead, he tried to take points away from my reputation system (which didn't work out and I still have many points) and on my personal profile write a ''Stfu, you sloot''. Basically, a woman can't even get into a relationship because she now has to keep worrying if it's going to work out and if she'll end up getting married to him or not; or break up and still have to be called slut by certain men who aren't even virgins themselves. And you really think that's fair at all? I clearly don't want to marry my ex bf and never will not even if he was the last man on earth. Overall, this has affected many women (even those that are only are into monogamous relationships) and is still a problem that needs to stop.

 

Yet the irony is those very same male posters would not last for too long if they run into a devoted religious woman saving herself for marriage. I've seen a guy posting this about his gf and the male posters asking for nice, decent girls (even the ones into female virginity) were advising him to break up and smash sloots. So which one is it?? Seems they don't like anything.

Edited February 5, 2014 by samsungxoxo

[joystickd]

Those women that withhold information to the non-casanova type is probably doing it because she is looking for a relationship at some point and getting tired of not even getting that chance with a high-count man (she probably thought they would be slightly more tolerant about it) so she finds one that doesn't have too much experience, whom she can lie to. But no where do they actively post countless posts on how players should be used and never be given a chance of getting into relationship nor go all the way towards advising all girls to use them and then later on find a decent guy. Men on the other hand do this way too much and so that's why this slut-shaming term was created.

Lying is easy but when the woman is exposed she loses a man and ultimately gets those insults hurled at her not because of her past but because she was deceptive. Is that right to do a person like that? How would you feel if the man you were with had numerous sexual experiences with men and withheld it?

[joystickd]

Ok, they might have a preference but they even insult those women whom they slept on the first couple dates as unworthy and never to be in relationship. In addition, on the other sites, they are actively suggesting every guy to pump and dump them like the sluts they are and move on.

 

This is the insulting and mean intention whom everyone is more upset about. It's one thing to simply have a preference but to insult and degrade the other member of something you did yourself and actively shame them online or in real life and continue acting very proud of doing this is another. That is a user and manipulative hypocrite.

Women insult men but you don't see men having a dramatic fit about it. Relationships are ending and women hurl the little d*ck insult but she has sex with this person numerous times. You don't see men get online bent out of shape about it. Actions have consequences. Players and liars whether men or women get played or lied to. It's life. The only thing you can control is you. You have preferences and that is all that matters. If a person doesn't want a woman because she is a slut move on. There are people out here that are accepting of past behavior. It's all a matter of the person seeing how your past fits in with their beliefs and values. A woman get rejected they just don't fit their system.

[Woggle]

I do agree that if a man wants a virgin he should be one himself. A person should be willing to live up to any standards they set for others. I don't blame a virginal woman for wanting a man like herself and vice versa. I certainly never wanted a virgin and I truly don't care about numbers but my wife being a more relationship oriented person was a plus in my book as I am normally that way except for after my divorce.

 

I normally stick up for my gender but the women do have a point about some being hypocrites. Women have their own hypocrisy but this thread isn't about that. Either way I don't like people who have one standard for themselves and a different one for another.

 

Guys need to realize that while many women fall over players the high quality women they claim to want are generally repulsed by them. If you want quality bring quality to the table yourselves.

[Els]

I do agree that if a man wants a virgin he should be one himself. A person should be willing to live up to any standards they set for others. I don't blame a virginal woman for wanting a man like herself and vice versa. I certainly never wanted a virgin and I truly don't care about numbers but my wife being a more relationship oriented person was a plus in my book as I am normally that way except for after my divorce.

 

I normally stick up for my gender but the women do have a point about some being hypocrites. Women have their own hypocrisy but this thread isn't about that. Either way I don't like people who have one standard for themselves and a different one for another.

 

Guys need to realize that while many women fall over players the high quality women they claim to want are generally repulsed by them. If you want quality bring quality to the table yourselves.

 

Thank you.

[GoreSP]

Anyone can create a blog. Even you. Doesn't mean it has any validity.

 

 

The study I posted shows that certain personality traits (impulsivity, extroversion, low conscientiousness--i.e., carelessness, and low agreeableness--i.e., doesn't care what others think) are correlated with both promiscuity and infidelity. It's common sense, and it is well demonstrated by the study and the multiple studies that are cited within.

 

 

The same combination of personality characteristics that is more likely to engage in casual sex (the impulsive extrovert who is careless and doesn't care what others think) is the same personality type that is more likely to engage in infidelity (impulsive--gives into temptation; extrovert--very social with others; careless--lacks proper boundaries; and low agreeableness--does what he wants regardless of what others think).

 

I know her. I took her class last year. She is a part time prof at UofOttawa.

[Els]

For men out there who may be - oh the horror - virgins in your 20's:

 

There ARE still women who value that instead of seeing it as a "shame." My eldest daughter is one of those. There ARE still people out there who want to save the one thing you can only give away once for the person with whom they plan to spend the rest of their lives.

 

Also, yes, this.

[Woggle]

It is true that if a guy is a virgin even in his teens it severely lowers has dating pool. I am not saying that men should aspire to players but society pushes men into wanting that role. Life is easier for a player in general. I wish it wasn't that way but it is.

[samsungxoxo]

Lying is easy but when the woman is exposed she loses a man and ultimately gets those insults hurled at her not because of her past but because she was deceptive. Is that right to do a person like that?

You have a point but imagine how many countless dates she must have been in, trying to be honest and get rejected over and over again by many of the high-count men. At some point, she must have felt tired of not getting that chance.

How would you feel if the man you were with had numerous sexual experiences with men and withheld it?

No doubt I would immediately dump him but this is actually a sexual orientation lie, something much bigger than just having a promiscuous past with the opposite sex. Either way, I'll dump him for having a promiscuous past (with men or women).

[samsungxoxo]

There are people out here that are accepting of past behavior.

True, there are more tolerant people but from what I hear, they are mainly women. Men tend to judge more harshly and aren't into giving second chances even if the woman's past were not to deal with random sex but let's say past drug addiction or a past record for shoplifting (or even being a former school bully; I've seen a male poster on another site stating how he was close to dumping his gf because she was a former bully). Whereas, women tend to somehow be the more forgiving and tolerant gender and think that they can mold and change that man with a heavy past. I don't see too many men into ''taming the woman with a heavy past'' and staying with her.

 

Fortunately, I don't fit the forgiving, tolerant role.

Edited February 5, 2014 by samsungxoxo

[WHOLESALEPACK]

Ironically it's women that still file for divorce more. How is that being ''forgiving and tolerant''?

As someone else said before, we don't have as many options as women have. If I wanted to settle down and form a family at a quicker pace, I'd rather get in a relationship with a former promiscuous woman and deal with it (seek other qualities and see if she's at least knows boundaries within a relationship, likes kids, etc.) than be single for endless years trying to find that rare needle that had 1-3 long-term bfs and wasting money travelling. No one wants to be alone and that is the scariest feeling of all, worse than finding out your gf has been with lots of men in the past.

 

My first gf way back in 2010 wasn't a virgin. Do you know where I would find myself if I were to continue rejecting any non-virgin girl when I was a virgin and insist on only wanting a virgin girl? I would have right now been a single 21 (nearly 22) year-old virgin guy masturbating and watching porn all alone. Talk about tolerance. We have to have it in the end. We're still suppose to be financially stable and provide security when getting married. That hasn't change at all. A promiscuous woman still gets married in the end and has the advantage of the man providing her all those needs. I have never heard of women complaining about never finding a man at all.

Edited February 5, 2014 by WHOLESALEPACK

[Iguanna]

Life is easier for a player in general. I wish it wasn't that way but it is.

 

Are you sure? Cause I think that players have a good life till their 40s, they get all the young chicks, have fun, but after a certain age that both genders have evaluated family and good men instead of good f$ckers, they want to settle down and refrain from casual sex, alcohol and drugs etc. What does your player do then? He either marries a poor lady and cheats on her until she finds out and gives him the boot or he stays in the mental mind of 20 years old till he dies, taking pills to keep his d$ck up and ridicules himself in front of his friends and family for chasing the 20 years old chicks who just want his money. So either way he just ends up in a nursing home, wondering what went wrong in his life.

 

Good people are always appreciated in the end.

[Woggle]

Are you sure? Cause I think that players have a good life till their 40s, they get all the young chicks, have fun, but after a certain age that both genders have evaluated family and good men instead of good f$ckers, they want to settle down and refrain from casual sex, alcohol and drugs etc. What does your player do then? He either marries a poor lady and cheats on her until she finds out and gives him the boot or he stays in the mental mind of 20 years old till he dies, taking pills to keep his d$ck up and ridicules himself in front of his friends and family for chasing the 20 years old chicks who just want his money. So either way he just ends up in a nursing home, wondering what went wrong in his life.

 

Good people are always appreciated in the end.

 

True but the life they live until then looks very enticing to men who are struggling.

[mutualove]

True, there are more tolerant people but from what I hear, they are mainly women. Men tend to judge more harshly and aren't into giving second chances even if the woman's past were not to deal with random sex but let's say past drug addiction or a past record for shoplifting (or even being a former school bully; I've seen a male poster on another site stating how he was close to dumping his gf because she was a former bully). Whereas, women tend to somehow be the more forgiving and tolerant gender and think that they can mold and change that man with a heavy past. I don't see too many men into ''taming the woman with a heavy past'' and staying with her.

 

Fortunately, I don't fit the forgiving, tolerant role.

 

I agree with your posts here but as a guy I can't understand how women could be more tolerant.I mean I've seen it I just can't figure it out.Say a virgin female (or a low count one) that doesn't have a problem with the man's past(rather a lewd one) but to many guys including myself the girl's past does matter.

 

Could it be that the girl isn't a virgin or a low count herself thus being tolerant?Manipulative perhaps?That's the only reason that comes to my mind.

[joystickd]

You have a point but imagine how many countless dates she must have been in, trying to be honest and get rejected over and over again by many of the high-count men. At some point, she must have felt tired of not getting that chance.

There are plenty of struggling men that don't get a chance. You have to struggle to get what you want. There is no payoff in lying. The truth ultimately finds its way to the person and it will be worse then.

[Tayken]

There are plenty of struggling men that don't get a chance. You have to struggle to get what you want. There is no payoff in lying. The truth ultimately finds its way to the person and it will be worse then.

 

 

Additionally, Liars always have to remember what lie they told, when and to whom

[Iguanna]

True but the life they live until then looks very enticing to men who are struggling.

 

I'll tell you a story. My grandmother who is now 75 years old and she is married for 46 years told me that when she was getting married her old aunts were wishing her "good last years of your life" and she was confused cause it's certainly not a good wish for when you are getting married. She could never understand them anyway. But now that she's old and she needs attention, company and someone to care for her she appreciates and understands what these old ladies meant back then. Now she doesn't care about looks, sex, fun, she only cares to have someone to talk to, to take care of her, to feel secure with him. What I want to say is, yes, life is not easy and life for married people with kids is way harder. BUT it's worth it to invest to people in your life even with struggling so you get something later on. Being single and having fun and casual sex may sound enticing as you said and I bet most married people would like it. But we grow older, the importance of these superficial things fades and we come to the point where we understand that being loved and loving is the most important and vital thing in life. Nothing comes easy in life and I pity those who prefer to quit everything that makes them struggle than chase their dreams with the fear of being hurt or tired in the process.