imatradie81 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 My GF is going on a cruise for a week with her 3 gay guy friends, who are cool and I like, it was booked before we started going out, we have been together for 4 months now. We've said I love you's and are moving in together soon because things are going so well. Before she left she bought me a gift and left little notes all over the house saying "I love you", "I miss you", "you are the love of my life" and so on. I trust her, I don't have a reason not to, it's just that I really miss her, I'm feeling a little sad and lonely and insecure, I guess I don't want any stupid mistakes to ruin such a good thing we have going. I shouldn't of gotten on the internet and googled, what happens on these cruises because it's just messed with my head and I can't sleep properly, I try to keep busy but it just consumes me every minute of every day. She's only been gone for 2 days and I feel like this. Worst of all there's zero phone coverage and the internet is super expensive on the boat, so I don't even know when I will get to talk to her I've dated plenty of women and had a few good relationships, but this girl I fell for hard and I know I would be really hurt if I lost her, I have never felt like this before, I see a future with her, marriage and kids and a house with a white picket fence. Someone please tell me to wake up to myself and go keep busy... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I think considering moving in with someone after 4 months is risky. You don't know one another. Is there a need for the relationship to move so fast? As for the cruise, you're just going to have to let her do her thing, and trust her. Thta's what relationships are all about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 It's normal to feel anxious and insecure in this situation, especially if you have a history of feeling betrayed by a significant other or like you were inadequate as a partner. Depending on how well you know/trust this person, I may caution you against developing elaborate fantasies of 'what if' scenarios. The key is to get a sense of whether your insecurities are coming more from you, or from things she has done that may give you valid reason for concern. If the insecurities mostly or entirely belong to you, give her the benefit of doubt. When she comes back, let her know how much you miss and love her. If you think it may be worth the discussion, I might also consider letting her in on the idea that you might need a little reassurance now and then to feel secure, and this has to do with you more than her. For some helpful tips on this, I advise checking out the book "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment" by Levine & Heller. Great resource for this sort of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 been on lots of cruises. unless she's actually going on a 'singles' cruise it's pretty hard to find hook-ups on the boat. the most available people are the staff because most people come aboard with families, as married partners, dating couples, etc. it's almost impossible to travel single on a cruise because of the cost of being alone vs. having a person with you. so, basically no single men/women. even on carnival, which is known to be younger. I really think you have nothing to worry about. even the staff on the cruises barely speak good English; they are usually very young (like 18-24) and from other countries (usually Russia and such). will she have a good time? absolutely! there are parties all day and night, lots of events and activities, and tons of fun. will she cheat? the options are quite limited for that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I shouldn't of gotten on the internet and googled, what happens on these cruises because it's just messed with my head and I can't sleep properly, I try to keep busy but it just consumes me every minute of every day. She's only been gone for 2 days and I feel like this. Worst of all there's zero phone coverage and the internet is super expensive on the boat, so I don't even know when I will get to talk to her Someone please tell me to wake up to myself and go keep busy... You mean all the cabin hopping sex that goes on while on cruise holidays. Hopefully her gay friends have good morals and keep her in check and keep her company for most of the time. If they are single, loving drinking or doing drugs and are all for the YOLO spirit and cruising for cruise action, then they might not be a great influence. You can't dwell on what ifs though, as you know right now that you are wound up over this, and its just in your mind. I agree with PF that you just have to trust your gf. She has not given you any reason to doubt her love to date. If you don't give them the benefit of the doubt then it just makes for a less than ideal relationship. She is likewise trusting you back home (though with less temptation unless she on a ship loaded with retirees). Also, yeah keep busy and or hang out with your friends to distract you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imatradie81 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 Thanks everyone for the advice, feeling a bit more rational about the situation now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 it's almost impossible to travel single on a cruise because of the cost of being alone vs. having a person with you. so, basically no single men/women. even on carnival, which is known to be younger. I have to disagree... I have been on a handful of cruises with my parents when they were alive and, being the single woman in the group, I ALWAYS got hit-on and frequently had one-night stands. However, I had my own cabin and was relatively open to the experience. The OP's girlfriend might be different but I have always found cruises to be a place rife with lots of sexual adventures. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imatradie81 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 I have to disagree... I have been on a handful of cruises with my parents when they were alive and, being the single woman in the group, I ALWAYS got hit-on and frequently had one-night stands. However, I had my own cabin and was relatively open to the experience. The OP's girlfriend might be different but I have always found cruises to be a place rife with lots of sexual adventures. Cool thanks, now back to being a nervous wreck! I'm hoping the whole "in a relationship" thing means something, which I am certain it does. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Cool thanks, now back to being a nervous wreck! I'm hoping the whole "in a relationship" thing means something, which I am certain it does. Sorry... Do you know if she has her own cabin or is sharing with someone? That could make a difference. And, frankly, when I did these things, I was never in a relationship but was available. I was also older (30+ and 40+) so I was the object of many a Cougar-hunter... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imatradie81 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 Sorry... Do you know if she has her own cabin or is sharing with someone? That could make a difference. And, frankly, when I did these things, I was never in a relationship but was available. I was also older (30+ and 40+) so I was the object of many a Cougar-hunter... They are all sharing a cabin together. Single Bunk beds. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 They are all sharing a cabin together. Single Bunk beds. Less likely of a hook-up unless she goes to someone else's cabin... Link to post Share on other sites
Author imatradie81 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 Less likely of a hook-up unless she goes to someone else's cabin... She's never ever given me any indication she is like that in the past though. I trust her, I just don't like the thought of it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I think considering moving in with someone after 4 months is risky. You don't know one another. Is there a need for the relationship to move so fast? As for the cruise, you're just going to have to let her do her thing, and trust her. Thta's what relationships are all about. I was thinking the same. That could also be contributing to the insecurity, OP. You don't really know each other very well yet. Do you know about her relationship history? Is there something there that gives you a reason to feel so uncomfortable about this? Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I have to disagree... I have been on a handful of cruises with my parents when they were alive and, being the single woman in the group, I ALWAYS got hit-on and frequently had one-night stands. However, I had my own cabin and was relatively open to the experience. The OP's girlfriend might be different but I have always found cruises to be a place rife with lots of sexual adventures. this is an exception, really. most people do not stay in individual cabins because the price is astronomical, so they are bunking with friends or relatives. and yeah, the people on the cruises can be friendly/flirty, but that is often staff because a majority of the people don't come alone looking for a hook-up. not sure what line you were on, but sexual adventures are not the norm, although certainly it does happen. actually tons of the staff are married to one another so that decreases chances even more. don't scare the guy, the odds are very low she'll find someone on the ship, lol Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I trust her Then what's your problem? If you think she's going to go cabin-hopping then you obviously don't trust her. If you think she's going to be led astray by her friends or by the amount of opportunity, then you don't trust her. If you trust her then you trust her to say "no", no matter what temptation she sees. That is what trust means. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 What kind of cruise are we talking about anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 this is an exception, really. most people do not stay in individual cabins because the price is astronomical, Disagree - there are always cheap deals to be had via TravelZoo. Right now, you can do a 7-day cruise to the Caribbean for $519. That is not astronomical for a full-week's vacation with all food included. the people on the cruises can be friendly/flirty, but that is often staff Of the last three of my five cruises, it was the STAFF I was hooking up with... not sure what line you were on I've done Carnival (Conquest and Liberty), Princess (Coral and Emerald), and Royal Caribbean (Oasis of the Sea and Quantum of the Sea). but sexual adventures are not the norm Again, I disagree... actually tons of the staff are married to one another True, and on my last cruise, it was a husband-and-wife massage team that - ahem - tag-teamed me... don't scare the guy, the odds are very low she'll find someone on the ship, lol Apparently you have been traveling on the Disney boats. In the middle of the ocean with so much alcohol free-flowing and no where else to go, the sex is rampant. Now it is true that if she is sharing a cabin with a bunch of gay men, it may be a different story. But for my money, I don't care if I never go on another cruise as that is not a lifestyle I care to continue as I find cruising to be one giant Sexual Escapade. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 ^ Best cruise ship advert ever! Who cares if they've got a surfing simulator on the back, now!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Disagree - there are always cheap deals to be had via TravelZoo. Right now, you can do a 7-day cruise to the Caribbean for $519. That is not astronomical for a full-week's vacation with all food included. Of the last three of my five cruises, it was the STAFF I was hooking up with... I've done Carnival (Conquest and Liberty), Princess (Coral and Emerald), and Royal Caribbean (Oasis of the Sea and Quantum of the Sea). Again, I disagree... True, and on my last cruise, it was a husband-and-wife massage team that - ahem - tag-teamed me... Apparently you have been traveling on the Disney boats. In the middle of the ocean with so much alcohol free-flowing and no where else to go, the sex is rampant. Now it is true that if she is sharing a cabin with a bunch of gay men, it may be a different story. But for my money, I don't care if I never go on another cruise as that is not a lifestyle I care to continue as I find cruising to be one giant Sexual Escapade. lol... well, $519 is a great deal for DOUBLE. singles do not pay that - ever. they pay double the price or more, so single people don't go on cruises as often alone, that's a fact. there is no '"free flowing alcohol" - LOL. you are charged for everything except food - drinks are not free and not flowing. and yeah, staff is where she'd find a hook-up if she was looking. but not every woman will spread her legs after just a few hours with some guy on a boat. he should be able to judge after 4 months dating what category she's in. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Who cares about the cruise, lets talk about why you wanna move in together after FOUR FREAKING MONTHS? Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Who cares about the cruise, lets talk about why you wanna move in together after FOUR FREAKING MONTHS? But didn't you know it worked for "so and so" and they've been together for a billion years! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imatradie81 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 But didn't you know it worked for "so and so" and they've been together for a billion years! Ok so turns out it's closer to 6 months not 4 months, I'm not one for putting any sort of time frame on anything, we have amazing chemistry and it feels right for us, that's really all there is to it which is why we are moving in together so soon. I like being in love, I like the fairytale romance, if I have a chance at it I am going to go for it. I've just decided that I need to totally change my outlook, I do trust her and a week is not a long time, i'm just keeping busy and although I miss her like crazy she will be back soon and you know what, there's no point me thinking of these stupid "what if" scenarios, If she is the sort of person that could hurt me cheating then better I find out now then later down the track. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imatradie81 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 What kind of cruise are we talking about anyway? Just a 7 day cruise with 3 stop overs near Vanuatu. Not a singles cruise or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 If she'll cheat on you during the cruise then she'll cheat on you when she's back home. You trust her not to do the latter so trust her not to do the former as well. Find other ways to occupy your time instead of googling how easy it is to cheat on a partner while away on vacation (because it is and always has been very easy). Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Man, you're getting worked up about internet posts about crazy stuff that happened. Just think about it, no one is going to post about their bland experiences on a cruise online. The only people that are going to make posts are the ones that did some wild stuff. It's skewing the results. Link to post Share on other sites
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