Always 100% the wayward spouse's choice but...

[Fluttershy]

Do any people here have a story where they didn't feel at all sorry for the BS?

 

Reading on here people tend to skim over any faults of the BS and focus heavily on the fact the wayward spouse chose to cheat. In a newly discovered A I get that reasoning but in a "suspected" affair or a year or more after I often wonder what the "whole" story is. Is the betrayed spouse always a sympathetic character?

 

My uncle is a vile man. He slowly over time didn't ever own his own crap and basically became a tyrant to his wife. He belittled her and shamed her in front of people. He listened to no one and she went from being a bubbly fun person to a zombie. She cared for her kids like going through the motions and him to. And despite her attempts early on to fix the marriage he was just not budging. I later learned he had convinced her she was a worthless mother and if they split he would get sole custody. And that it should be that way because she was an unfit mother.

 

Then one day we found out she skilled town with a guy. A guy she had become involved with secretly for six months before she got the guts to run.

 

I don't agree with her choice. I believe she should have reahed out for help or accpeted her H's family's help (she has no family).

 

But

 

None of us felt one bit sorry for him, my uncle. He just kept moanin and complaining about how ungrateful she was and how he couldn't believe she'd do it.

 

After a month she came back for the kids. I personaly only saw her once because by the time her affair had happened i lived in a different city but she seemed alive. She got full custody because of some issues with my uncle. Because her kids are still our family I hear she is doing well, married to her affair partner and happy. I've seen the kids and they are doing a lot better too. It has been ten years. My uncle is still a miserable cuss and alone... The only sorry i feel for him is that he can't seem to stop blaming everyone else.

 

If my uncle had come on this site. He wouldn't have painted the true picture. And of course we can only go by the facts given. But I wonder if our absolute sympathy for the cheated on and absolute hatred of the cheater can cloud a more true picture. That even though cheating is 100% wrong... Some jerks really don't need sympathy when cheated on.

 

It is like getting punched in the face... I am against violence and I don't condone it. But if a kind person gets hit it bothers me a lot. But if a big mouth jack*ss gets punched I don't have sympathy for him.

 

The majority of stories you hear the entitled person or even just lost person cheats and a kind, not perfect, but loving spouse gets cheated on. I feelfor these people... But then once in a while you read or can tell by a poster's style that they are a complete Ahole... I just don't feel the sympathy.

[cocorico]

Do any people here have a story where they didn't feel at all sorry for the BS?

 

Yes.

 

She was young, grew up in care in a poor area. He was a little older, dashing, a good career in prospect. She worked in a junior clerical position at the company that employed his brother and her sister, and she got her sister to set them up. He was shy, socially awkward, and she enlisted her networks to help her "get" him. He offered everything she ever wanted - stability, security, life in the suburbs, the perfect life.

 

While he was deployed, she fell pregnant, and he raised the kid as his own, alongside the kids they had together. But she was never satisfied - she struggled in the suburbs, didn't have the cultural capital, and took out her frustrations on him. The kids grew up hearing how awful he was, how life sucked, how she wished she'd never had them, ho he'd ruined her life. She drank heavily, screamed abuse at everyone constantly, beat the kids brutally when he was not around, alienated the neighbours, his friends, the kids' friends, family. He became clinically depressed, withdrawn, crushed. The kids had problems with drugs, the law, depression, school. All kinds of bad stuff was going down there.

 

He met a woman at work. He fell in love. But he couldn't leave his responsibility. He owed it to the kids to keep their home together. They noticed he seemed happier, that he spent time with them, that he listened to them. The screaming and abuse went on, but something was different. One by one they left home as soon as they could, and when the last one left, so did he. She packed a bag and disappeared. When the D was through, he moved back into the empty house. His GF started visiting there, and later they M. The kids met her, liked her, and heard from others that the R had predates the D. They were angry, and told him he should have D much sooner. He was resolute - he had stayed for the kids. That was how it had to be.

 

No one blamed him for the A. There was no sympathy for the BS. She had alienated everyone over the years, and people were glad to see the back of her. Hey questioned why he had stuck it out so long with her - but they respect how he had put his duty selflessly ahead of his own happiness. Back then, mothers always got custody of the kids, and he at least provided them some stability and a little hint of what love might be.

[Afishwithabike]

Do any people here have a story where they didn't feel at all sorry for the BS?

 

My father's cousin was the WW. She got married around age 18 to a man who later didn't treat her well. She had five children with him. He worked outside the home and controlled all the money. She was the SAHM. He belittled her. He was an alcoholic who didn't get any help for his addiction. She had many miserable years with him. We all liked her for she was a kind, very sweet person. We all felt sorry for her. Whenever we'd see her, we'd quietly give her some money to help her out since cash flow always seemed to be a problem for them. By the time three of her children had grown up, she met a man who was kind and treated her well. She moved out of her home to home near one of her married daughters, but she still remained married. We all knew she was involved with her boyfriend. Even my really conservative grandmother was happy to see her happy after so many years of misery. That's how bad her husband had treated her. Before you ask why she couldn't divorce him, she's not in America and it's very difficult to divorce where she lives. There's no no-fault divorce there. Anyway, she is still with him and it must have been over 10 years by now.