Am I Doing The Right Things?

[Leigh 87]

I screwed most of my 20's and late teens up. So, basically my life up until not so recently:lmao:

 

I want feedback from others; do you think I am doing the right things to turn my life around?

 

For some reason, I have been lucky enough to meet a guy who is in a very similar life stage as me career wise and who adores me and who is also an intelligent and decent man who happens to have had a brain injury that set him back in life, although he is totally normal upstairs (besides from having a bad short term memory! which only serves to be amusing and funny).

We are both very developmentally stunted when it comes to getting professional, full time jobs.

He had a stroke; I was mentally ill with anorexia and also a heavy pot smoker; I smoked myself silly.

 

I am VERY guarded and somewhat... uncomfortable (albeit NOT ashamed) about my past and the fact I am TWENTY SEVEN. That's right... 27! and only JUST deciding to turn my life around and get my college degree.

I had a spoilt upbringing, I have travelled and LIVED around the world, I lived in a 5 star hotel made of marble when I was 10.

My parents took me around Asia when I was 8.

My dad took me to the USA when I was 13 just "for fun".

I just got back from Russia after having visited Scandinavia.

All this travel has been 100% courtesy of my parents.

 

I am Aussie by the way.

 

For large chunks of my 20's I smoked pot, dropped out of school and went no where, at an exceedingly fast speed the older I became so it seemed:o

It is only in my late 20's I decided enough is enough, it is time I reached my full potential in life. I wasn't happy doing nothing. Overseas trips and a closest full of lovely clothes aside...

 

I LONGED to be a professional in a field I was passionate about.

 

I abhorred having to depend on welfare and my parents. I wanted dignity. I wanted to respect myself more, although I did know I was a good person on the inside with potential, who simply made terrible decisions in life.

And so at age 27, I am in the process of re building my life;

I went back to school after dropping out of high school

I got excellent College Entrance scores, and would therefore get accepted to even a law degree if I so chose. Of course, I didn't go for the most prestigious career path I could muster.

I am doing a reasonable degree that is likely to get me a job, is not life consuming, and pays a median salary and normally more than average. Oh, and it happens to be the career I am the most passionate about.

 

I decided to study a 4 year degree to be a social worker, because I had such a privileged upbringing and I feel VERY compelled to give back and help those who are less fortunate.

I saw armless and legless homeless people when I was as young as 8 throughout Asia, where my parents took me. Despite never worrying where my next meal would come from, I always felt VERY compassionate towards those homeless people, as well as stray dogs. I also want to rescue dogs when I have my own place with a yard.

And yeah, it is a good career option in Australia unlike in the states so don't feel sorry for me please. In fact, don't feel sorry for me at all. I am very happy even though I am so retarded when it comes to my adult development:o:o:o:o Plus I will be a professional in a field that I am passionate about.

 

I attend college part time while I am about to start a full time diploma course.

Once I complete the diploma at the end of this year (in an area where work is fairly easy to come by), I will also be able to pay to update my cert 4 in fitness (you have to pay 200 every couple of years in order to be insured as a personal trainer).

So in a year and a bit, I will be a certified beauty therapist as well as a personal trainer, by trade.

Once I have those qualifications, I will have another 3 years of college to go through; I plan to work fulltime and study full time. Although I get he feeling, since times are always tough these days, I will probably get regular casual/part time sort of work.

 

So in a year I will be in the position to get a job and move out of home soon after.

My parents have NO idea I am doing this.

My parents want me to 100% focus on college, get my degree, and live at home in the meanwhile.

They only want me to go for weekend bar and/or waitress work.

 

I am just sick of not doing absolutely everything I can in order to break out of my unhealthy dependence on my parents.

 

Am I doing the right thing in gaining minor qualifications that will far more likely get my stable income than waitress or bar work?

By the way, I am a little quirky and uneasy to be around for some people, and there is just something about me that hinders me from doing incredibly customer saturated jobs.

I have tried to find work as a food server, waitress, retail worker and cleaner, yet no one has wanted to hire me in 3 years, despite the fact I am VERY well presented when it comes to personal style.

I simply cannot seem to find work in areas where you don't need qualifications, so after OVER 3 years of trying HARD to get work during college, I have decided to do another qualification in an area that I KNOW will drastically increase me odds at finding work during college.

Besides, I am great one on one in the area of costumer service, it is just in crowded venues I obviously act too slow, incompetent or just not good enough to even get a job as a waitress in over THREE years of trying

 

I am setting myself up as best as I can in order to be independent and not tied to my parents and their finances.

Believe me. It is not as easy as just getting a job as a waitress or retail worker. I HAVE truly tried for years. There is something about me that is not a match for these jobs, or I would have had one by now.

 

 

Here is the part where dating comes into it...

 

I wondered how a professional male would take to a women who is only JUST getting her **** sorted. So far, one professional took a great interest in me, only I didn't feel chemistry with him. His fat pay check wasn't enough for me to stay with him, a guy I didn't feel it with.

Some professionals have been into me, but I always felt somewhat detached from the situation, since I intellectually realise that I have a long way to go before I really have the capacity to get serious; I can't afford to live out of home for Christs Sake.

 

I get away with attracting those professional men due to.. the image I project.

 

I have 75 bags.

I have a closet full of lovely clothes.

I dress very well.

I am very well travelled. Just got back from Russia.

I have a nice flat and a decent car.

I live alone since my parents live overseas.

I don't speak like I'm retarded or uneducated. I come from a high class family and went to private schools, despite not giving a rats ass about being educated at the time I did attend high school.

 

I have professional friends so I know what a normal career entails insofar as hours and real life responsibilities. I am not a fish out of water when talking to normal, working adults; although I FEEL like one.

 

I feel like an alien compared any other adults.

 

Most college graduates have put a deposit on their first house, have degrees and have professional jobs by my age (27).

 

Well, I noticed that out of the blue, I met a guy who actually accepted me for me. My colourful past and all. I have also slept with a high number of men due to a serious of bad choices in my life.

Now that I think about it though, it is because he understands where I am coming from.

He had a stroke at age 19; I had mental illness. For our own reasons, we are set back about 5 years in our professional development.

This really resonated with me. As in, I feel like we can really relate to each other.

My boyfriend and I went to private schools, we can speak in the same manner as other educated professionals do, we do not stick out like a sore thumb when we converse with professionals in their chosen fields.

In fact, he and I BOTH have educated friends mostly with degrees or successful jobs.

 

We are just miles behind for our ages in such key, fundamental ways; still both living at home like adult babies despite the fact we look and sound white collar educated. We DO NOT come across as bums or under educated.

He works as a chef twice a week and a 50 dollar per hour maintenance man (hard job to be honest).

So he works 3 days a week and is, of course, on the pension for his forgetfulness due to his brain injury.

He is totally normal upstairs, besides forgetting things short term, meaning he cannot study and go to Uni like he had planned to do...

Another thing- him and I have both lived overseas, which we also have in common aside from our ... less than ideal professional development (or lack there of)

 

So I know I was supposed to have a break from dating and I did briefly, but I randomly came across a guy who I fell for fairly hard, who is very decent to me and treats me wonderfully, and who I also found out, is in a very similar predicament as me, when it comes to fundamental issues.\

 

Do you think it could be a good thing that we both truly accept one another for who we are NOW?

Or, do you think it would be better for him and I to spend the years getting our lives, career and finances in order, single, BEFORE we date?

Is it so wrong to support each other in the tenuous task of bettering our professional situations (yeah I know, or lack there of)

 

I figure: if we can grow and get through this together, and if we are happy living the simple life together NOW (not eating out much, no travel, no weekends away and no extravagant gifts), I am VERY hopeful that, once we DO have independence, more dignity and finances to boot, we would have started from the bottom and worked out way up.

We are both very committed to bettering out situations. We are anti drug. We don't piss away out welfare/his pension on going out to bars or clubs.

 

He saves every penny he earns towards buying a house and he has done so for years now....

 

 

 

Lastly, is there anything else I can be doing better?

 

.... Besides getting qualifications whilst completing my degree, setting myself up to work during my remaining 3 college years, and then becoming financially independent?

 

And I am aware I am overcoming psychological issues and wont reach my so called potential until I am probably in my 40's or even mid 30's, but NO I AM NOT going to break up with my boyfriend. So don't even urge me to.

[Leigh 87]

soo sorry for the massive post:o

 

 

 

So, just try to skim over it please and only read the bolded bits if necessary:lmao:

[melell]

I did read all of that!

 

So far the things that scream out at me is that you have pride, you are driven, and you have self respect. IMO those are the best possible qualities, I certainly strive towards them.

 

I think it is really hard to figure things out perfectly. But as long as you are productive you are doing great.

 

I have a law degree and just finished a masters in sociology. It wasn't until my fourth year of study that I got a good job. I mean I really had to drag my ass by that point because it seemed hopeless.

 

It is awesome that you keep looking for ways to improve. Having the mentality that you want to improve is on its own brilliant.

 

Being with someone that cares about you, understands you and inspires you is a great thing, much better than feeling alienated.

 

All I can think that would help is experiences, experience as much as you can, you'll just keep getting cooler

[Leigh 87]

I did read all of that!

 

So far the things that scream out at me is that you have pride, you are driven, and you have self respect. IMO those are the best possible qualities, I certainly strive towards them.

 

I think it is really hard to figure things out perfectly. But as long as you are productive you are doing great.

 

I have a law degree and just finished a masters in sociology. It wasn't until my fourth year of study that I got a good job. I mean I really had to drag my ass by that point because it seemed hopeless.

 

It is awesome that you keep looking for ways to improve. Having the mentality that you want to improve is on its own brilliant.

 

Being with someone that cares about you, understands you and inspires you is a great thing, much better than feeling alienated.

 

All I can think that would help is experiences, experience as much as you can, you'll just keep getting cooler

 

 

 

Perhaps that is the lawyer in you; reading a lot. That is why I wanted to, at some stage, apply to study law. I love reading a lot and I thought it was ideal to go for the most prestigious career path I could get into.

It is also the reason (reading a lot), that I decided that I didn't want to read a lot of crap I WASN'T INTERESTED IN:lmao:

 

I figured I should just study what I am interested in and also has a good reputation for getting graduates jobs in the field that pay you enough to live comfortably. I can read on the side since I love to read so much.

 

 

 

I feel a little guilty for being an idiot that wasted the best opportunities in life.

 

I feel a little embarrassed I screwed my life up and am only JUST on board with what adults, the decent adults, SHOULD be doing with their lives.

 

I guess I always hated myself when I did the wrong things, and my will to do the right thing for myself and live my best life was always screaming at me.

 

I was never truly happy screwing about smoking pot and wasting my life.

 

I am so much.. SO much happier at the prospect of starting my full time diploma, starting college this semester and then getting a job at the end of my 1 year diploma... being able to study at college with job options is a dream to me.

 

It seems like most people would rather study full time and not work if given the option. I am 27 though, so it is not really fulfilling enough merely to have a nice flat, car, great clothes and a load of travel experiences.

 

I just.. need to at least get small qualifications, such as short diplomas and certificates, so I can at least get a job BEFORE I graduate college.

 

 

I do have an end goal, but that, college, will take FOUR YEARS from now. Therefore, I need a shorter term form of work that I can do in the meanwhile. While I wait to earn my degree.

 

To just feel at peace with myself I need to work during college, as soon as possible. Not necessarily hard core full time work while I study full time, but I will TRY full time work and study; if it is too much for me to get good grades as well as do my job as a beauty therapist and/or personal trainer well, I would simple have the luxury of dropping to part time work with full time study.

 

So yeah. I finally think I have the best path to my future planned out.

 

I am also going to finish the 6 month travel sales course so I also have the option of working as a travel agent as well as a beauty therapist and personal trainer.

 

So yeah ^^^^ those 3 qualifications will be achieved by second half of next year if I get my way and all goes as planned. That is 3 years of college I can work during, rather than living at home and depending entirely on my parents.

[Leigh 87]

Thanks again for reading all of it.

 

I was sort of worried people would call me a stupid loser who was a bum and took my good fortune for granted.

[melell]

Haha yeah, I hated every second of law, but it was useful for my sociology degree (mainly policy analysis from that).

 

I am sure you will do great. You have a good plan in place!

 

There are a lot of ideals though. I have met people who were amazingly intelligent, hard workers, really nice people- but had terrible jobs and no qualifications. Same goes, I have met some f***ing stupid people who came from money and had degrees.

 

It all means nothing imo, i kind of think all the really matters is being authentic and being good to other people.

 

For some reason I always come back to -we are a bunch of animals on a planet running around and making things up as we go along. We have so many ideas about things- status, money, power- it is all pretty meaningless. My philosophy is be nice, keep productive, have some pride, and don't think too much.

[burningashes]

Now is also a good time to network. College can be fantastic for that, and if you do really well, you can ask your professors for reference. Start looking at job postings for internship opportunities that will lead up to some work.

 

It's also never too late to go to school, and I guarantee you will find people older than you are in your classes. I knew a woman who was just retiring at 65 and we were taking the same class!

 

I would not worry about starting too late, or the kind of work you'll be able to find. It's a matter of where you look, and who you know (your parents can probably attest to that too). Working tables at a bar is something a lot of people do when they're in school, and really isn't a bad idea. You meet lots of people that way and can probably pick up some work when you get to know the regulars, at, say a local college pub. Plus, it's a easy going job that a lot of people prefer to temper their pacing with intense school work.

 

So take that into consideration also whether you can commit to holding down a job. Even holding down a part time job can be tough with school. Look at everything as opportunities that you never know what it might lead to. Good luck.

[Leigh 87]

Yeh!

 

I guess it is the mindset one has, and not the age at which you choose to live the best version of your life. It has always been who I am, but I have been living in ways that did not make me happy. Living my best life is key to me even feeling good.

 

I don't know much about anything, yet when it comes to even the most intellectual academics, I hold my own simply by asking reasonable questions about their field of study. Even though I know very little. About ANYTHING.

I am so interested in basically anything. I love to talk about peoples jobs no matter what field they are in. To me, they are all kids I went to primary school with and now have adult jobs; I like to know all about anything really, even though I don't know much about anything.

 

I struggle to understand why people who are of intelligence and who are accomplished enjoy talking to me, since I know nothing about much at all?

I put it down to me curiosity about life and most topics, and the fact I love participating OR LISTENING to just about anything.

 

 

 

Hopefully soon I will no more about something after my degree and shorter courses are finished :/

 

 

I do read a lot but I forget most of the facts about the books I read.

 

 

I feel while I do suck, I have redeeming qualities. Or I wouldn't have decent people willing to be good friends, right?

[Leigh 87]

Now is also a good time to network. College can be fantastic for that, and if you do really well, you can ask your professors for reference. Start looking at job postings for internship opportunities that will lead up to some work.

 

It's also never too late to go to school, and I guarantee you will find people older than you are in your classes. I knew a woman who was just retiring at 65 and we were taking the same class!

 

I would not worry about starting too late, or the kind of work you'll be able to find. It's a matter of where you look, and who you know (your parents can probably attest to that too). Working tables at a bar is something a lot of people do when they're in school, and really isn't a bad idea. You meet lots of people that way and can probably pick up some work when you get to know the regulars, at, say a local college pub. Plus, it's a easy going job that a lot of people prefer to temper their pacing with intense school work.

 

So take that into consideration also whether you can commit to holding down a job. Even holding down a part time job can be tough with school. Look at everything as opportunities that you never know what it might lead to. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

Yeah. About that. I have a license to work behind a bar, but I lack enough experience to get hired.

 

Lots of people seem to just walk right in and get bar work so easily. Not me.

 

I have tried 3 years in getting bar work. I am not what they are looking for, since no one will hire me.

 

Hence why I am, after over 3 years looking for bar and waitress work, doing a short 1 year diploma course that is way more likely to get me a job than bar work.

 

 

I am not joking. I really cannot get bar work.

 

I have an interview tomorrow so we shall see how that goes.

[mammasita]

I don't think there's anything wrong with your professional development. Matter of fact, I would rather work for someone who has life experience under their belt prior to their degree versus someone who is fresh out of school.

 

Let me give you an example. I was in the military.....There are two types of officers. Officers that come straight out of OCS (officer candidate school) and officers that go through the ranks as enlisted and then commision later (warrant officers). The warrant officers, in my experience, are SO much easier to relate to and work for because they have the experience under their belt.

 

Personally, I didn't finish my Masters untill I was 36, out of the military with a 11 year old child and a full time career.

[JDPT]

I've read bits and pieces and from what I gather it appears that we are both in similar predicaments. I'm 32yrs old and I have a BS in Finance. To make the long story short I am and have been miserable in my line of work. Healthcare appears to spark my interest but not sufficiently. I've been contemplating the thoughts of getting started in taking prerequisites towards an accelerated bachelors in nursing.

 

 

This bachelors will take me 16 months too complete which isn't be too bad for a second bachelors. Albeit, the idea sounds conducive, these 16 months, from the research I've done, will be months of hell. Colleges deter students in the program from working at all as this is a very intense program. I'm however confident that it will be worth it in the end. As stated I'm not 100% sold on this but it's an idea nonetheless. I'm just as confused as you are.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks again for reading all of it.

 

I was sort of worried people would call me a stupid loser who was a bum and took my good fortune for granted.

 

This is your life, do what you want. Really, you don't need ANYBODY's approval.

 

Are you happy where you are now? If yes, then continue on the path you're on. If not, change it up.

 

Leave the past in the past - It doesn't define you as a person. People learn from their mistakes and grow from them. Live for today and tomorrow, worry about the future as it comes.

 

You want to date your bf and still work on you, do that then.

[Leigh 87]

I don't think there's anything wrong with your professional development. Matter of fact, I would rather work for someone who has life experience under their belt prior to their degree versus someone who is fresh out of school.

 

Let me give you an example. I was in the military.....There are two types of officers. Officers that come straight out of OCS (officer candidate school) and officers that go through the ranks as enlisted and then commision later (warrant officers). The warrant officers, in my experience, are SO much easier to relate to and work for because they have the experience under their belt.

 

Personally, I didn't finish my Masters untill I was 36, out of the military with a 11 year old child and a full time career.

 

 

 

 

I think it is particularly cool when people get masters in their 30's. They get the chance to grow and live in the meanwhile so you have more depth to you by that stage in life.

Sigh. Well, I have to keep telling myself that: studying towards my degree AND getting a beauty therapy diploma AND another small certificate in the meanwhile, will enable me to reach my mid 30's and probably be financially secure.

 

I am deliberately choosing to pursue TWO careers I am passionate about (beauty therapy and social work), so that I have more options.

 

 

Also, thanks for not making me feel like there's something "wrong" with me.

But frankly, I was a stupid stoner. I was a loser. I chose to sit on my ass all day and do nothing but be depressed for years. I WASTED my life away, when I had EVERYTHING I need in life to succeed.

 

 

But not. My stupid mental problems got in the way and turned me into a lazy, hapless mess with nothing going for herself for years.

I hated my life and I had no respect for myself, yet I did enjoy living - I am just not a person who can be TRULY happen when I am not fully asserting myself into life.

 

I have only very recently decided to actually go about getting my careers on track; which happen to be beauty therapy and social work (BOTH well regarded and paid jobs in Australia, not "dead end" jobs like they are in the USA).

 

I am 27 and only JUST decided to do a bachelor and diploma. I am pathetic.

I MUST take ownership of that.

 

But the thing is, I am an intelligent, lovely person on the inside, and those that are close to me can see that; people from the outside? Well, if they looked at my life on paper, they couldn't see the potential I have since I have achieved sweet fck all!

 

Oh, well I am very proud about going back to school after dropping out and achieving very good marks. Since I am only average as a student and had to work my ass off to get those high distinctions:sick:

[Leigh 87]

I've read bits and pieces and from what I gather it appears that we are both in similar predicaments. I'm 32yrs old and I have a BS in Finance. To make the long story short I am and have been miserable in my line of work. Healthcare appears to spark my interest but not sufficiently. I've been contemplating the thoughts of getting started in taking prerequisites towards an accelerated bachelors in nursing.

 

 

This bachelors will take me 16 months too complete which isn't be too bad for a second bachelors. Albeit, the idea sounds conducive, these 16 months, from the research I've done, will be months of hell. Colleges deter students in the program from working at all as this is a very intense program. I'm however confident that it will be worth it in the end. As stated I'm not 100% sold on this but it's an idea nonetheless. I'm just as confused as you are.

 

 

 

You don't like your job.

 

You only live once, what is the fastest way to get another degree?

 

Nursing is very rewarding. But bloody hard:sick:

 

SO, what, out of all the degrees and diploma courses around, appeals the most to you?

 

Just do it and, after the rotten time you will have during the nursing course, you will be able to call yourself a nurse! You will have a whole other profession.

 

I think the options that stem from obtaining to degrees is well worthwhile; in this current economy, the more degrees and qualifications you have, the better!

 

It sounds like you cant see yourself staying in your line of work forever and enjoying it, therefore your best bet is definitely to get another degree in the accelerated short course format.

 

It is just a matter of which degree would best suit you?

 

There is no doubt that getting another degree and in a relatively short span of time is your best option.

 

Why nursing, by the way?

 

It is commendable that you want to better yourself and get out of your job, rather than just put up with a job that you LESS than like:lmao:

[Leigh 87]

This is your life, do what you want. Really, you don't need ANYBODY's approval.

 

Are you happy where you are now? If yes, then continue on the path you're on. If not, change it up.

 

Leave the past in the past - It doesn't define you as a person. People learn from their mistakes and grow from them. Live for today and tomorrow, worry about the future as it comes.

 

You want to date your bf and still work on you, do that then.

 

 

 

Well I have told him of my issues. He knows I am seeking therapy for my self esteem issues that stem from my stoner, lazy past and consequent lack of achievements.

 

We both know we won't work out if I take my issues out on him. Hence why I am getting professional help.

 

He seems like the time to communicate with me; he would probably tell me if he had doubts about me.

[fujidabruin]

I screwed most of my 20's and late teens up. So, basically my life up until not so recently:lmao:

 

I want feedback from others; do you think I am doing the right things to turn my life around?

 

Lastly, is there anything else I can be doing better?

 

Hey Leigh,

 

Good for you about turning your life around and taking 100% responsibility.

 

I had some major GIG syndrome about careers throughout my 20's and attended 2 universities and 2 colleges before I finally took on a technical certification in the trades..... that was not till my mid-30's!!!

 

My GF is finishing her 2nd degree in Social Welfare at 39 and still plans on taking on the Masters degree later on.

 

You are only 27 my dear. You really are still young and I can feel your positive energy just from your posts. IMHO, I think you are doing great.

 

I will share one thing that you may consider.....

 

In my early 30's I became depressed about the opportunities that I felt like I wasted and with $40K in debt/ no career/ seeing my friends and family established in their lives..... I regretted my adult life. But, I eventually realized this:

 

Getting caught up in the mental game of "Should have, Could have, Would Have" is the typically the biggest waste of time. As far as I know, you can't undo the past. Those that are smart learn from it.

 

So, I quit beating myself up about the past, stepped away from those emotions and moved forward. Now, I feel I needed to learn something from all those "missed opportunities" and it got me to where I am now. No regrets

 

Good Luck to you