Husband is an alcoholic

[jerswifejaradsmom]

I need help...I dont' know what to do....A little history..I am married it will be 6 years..we have been together 7 years...When I met him I knew he drank alot but I didn't really know what an alcoholic was....well I got pregnant after being married a year....he said if anything would make him stop drinking it would be having a child...well that was it for me I just knew it would be okay..Well he didn't stop drinking....I have a four 1/2 year old son now...I will say this...when my husband drinks it is usually all weekend and once a week...When I say all weekend...that is 5pm and on til Saturday morning...then start again at 4pm....and then drink from around 2pm on sunday...He goes to work everyday...He is not mean when he drinks...He does pass out sitting up...when I see him drinking it makes me sick....I mean literally sick....I dont' feel love for him....I will not have sex with him...He asks me what he does wrong when he drinks...well honestly not much....but it is obvious he is drunk when he passes out and my son is trying to get him up....I don't know if my son knows he is "drunk?" For 2 weeks he said he was going to stop drinking...and I'm pretty sure he had...but I heard a noise last night and he was getting in our airconditioner vent? I came out and looked in there was a jar of whiskey...He said he hadn't dranken anyl..he had taken it out twice with intention of drinking but couldn't... I'm hurt...He says he is not ready to quit drinking...but when i said my love diminishes when he does I'm telling the truth...it is horrible. I dont' think I could make it on my own..i'm on disability for depression anyway.....Any advice for me?

[Barby]

I dont' think I could make it on my own..i'm on disability for depression anyway.....Any advice for me?

 

 

If you are not happy in your situation then there is always a way you can "make it"

 

I'm glad that he is NOT an abusive drunk, my ex H was and I know all about the drinking all weekend every weekend thing, only he took no breaks in between and became irrational and violent each time he was drunk.

 

Anyway I think that there are places that help with rental assistance, he would have to pay child support, you could probably qualify for some sort of social services (food stamps, welfare, medicaid, ect). If you really want to leave the situation, by all means you CAN.

 

 

 

Maybe you should tell him that you're considering a seperation, let him know that you don't want your son or yourself around this kind of situation, how can he be there "emotionally" for your son (on his days off) when he's piss drunk?!! That isn't good on your son, what will he grow up thinking? That this is normal?

 

Personally I reccomend telling him to shape up (seriously) or for you to try a trial seperation to "wake him" up...not that it will because having your baby didn't make him stop even though he said it would. As sad as it is, honestly NOTHING will probably make him stop until he is ready and WANTS to stop. Good luck!

[joseyposie]

i would seek alanon here is the info for u. i go regularly and it is great support there.

 

KENTUCKY

KENTUCKY WEB SITE: http://www.kyal-anon.org

 

LAKESIDE PARK - North Kentucky Info Serv (513-784-2444*) PO Box 17332, 41017

 

^LEXINGTON - Greater Lexington Al-Anon Info Serv/LDC (859-277-1877*) 845 Lane Allen Road #10, 40504

 

^LOUISVILLE - Al-Anon Info Serv, Inc. (502-458-1234*) 4400 Bishop Ln, Ste 104, 40218, <[email protected]>

[Moose]

If you really want to leave the situation, by all means you CAN.

 

And:

 

Maybe you should tell him that you're considering a seperation,

 

These suggestions won't help his situation at all. As a matter of fact, if you really want to see how an alcoholic can become a drunk......do this and it'll shock the hell out of you.

 

Before you married, you already knew he drank alot.......you went into this with your eyes wide open. You had better stick to your commitment. You already have a child with him so you're tied to him for life anyway. My suggestion would be to seek help for yourself. You have the classic symptoms of a co-dependant and alanon can help.

 

If it sounds like I know what I'm talking about....it's because I lived through it.

[cyberbabie30]

Hi,

I also lived through it, for 10 years, I got out of the marriage with two small kids.

Yes i sturggled on my own for a while and now have been divorced from my ex H for 12 1/2 years.

 

It was the best thing I could of done. I am so much happier.

I do know in some states that a woman who is disabled is also able to get almony and child support.

 

So counseling for your self would also be a good thing to do.

 

In time your son will realize that his dad has a drinking problem

Just like my two kids did.

 

I just couldnt let my kids grow up in an enviroment that they were in,

My daughter was 5 and my son was 3 when i split up with my ex

 

My kids are doing very well with just being with me right now.

 

Its your choice look into things first before you leap.

I wasnt an easy decision for me either because at the time i was a stay at home mom

So i knew the money end of it would be tough but i managed it.

[Guinevere04]

It has been a while since you posted this, are things better for you?

 

I'm serious, when I started to read it, I thought for a minute, did I post this but just forgot? I was with my husband for 7 years, married for 6. I knew he drank when we got married but I had no idea in what quantity or how often. He was not a mean drunk at all, just obnoxious. He would get off work around 7 and then drive around and drink for a few hours, telling me he worked until around 8:30 or 9 and just drank one beer on the way home. I think he worked hard at his job but he was worthless in every other way. He didn't help me do ANYTHING!!!! I even picked up my stepdaughter and basically her visitation with him, was with me. We did have a child, but I don't know how it happend because I never wanted to have sex with him. I hated being around him. Im sure it was just to shut him up. We would go to a dinner or to a party and after a drink or two he would be wasted and I would have to take him home, that's because he had been drinking ALL day if it was a weekend. We went to marriage counseling and it was obvious that his drinking and slacker behavior was our main issue. he lost his job and went into a depression. His whole attitude changed and he just became a different person. He did get his job back but never got a normal attitude back and the drinking continued. ONe of the things the counselor and I asked him to do, was to cut back on the drinking. At least not to drink every day. That worked for ONE DAY. 9 months of counseling and no changes in his drinking and his behavior (well it got worse), one can only take so much. The more he acted like an a$$ the less I loved him. I told him that we needed time apart. You would have thought he would have cleaned up but he didn't. He drank himself crazy and ended up in rehab for 28 days. He lost me and now he barely sees our son. I have no clue if he sees his daughter or not because I have up on taking care of him and his whole life. It was time for him to grow up and I had to worry about me and my son. His employer does random checks to see if he is drinking and I feel like he is probably doing pretty well. But you get to a point where you can't do anymore for people if they can't help themselves. Just be careful. He depended on me for everything and I allowed him to. I let it happen. He said that I never asked him to quit drinking, what a lie. He blames me for his problem even though he admitted to his parents that he has been drinking for 15 years and abusing for 10. Even after that, his family blames me too. That's fine, I got out and my son got out and that is all I care about.

[BYRENE]

WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO THIS STORY

I need help...I dont' know what to do....A little history..I am married it will be 6 years..we have been together 7 years...When I met him I knew he drank alot but I didn't really know what an alcoholic was....well I got pregnant after being married a year....he said if anything would make him stop drinking it would be having a child...well that was it for me I just knew it would be okay..Well he didn't stop drinking....I have a four 1/2 year old son now...I will say this...when my husband drinks it is usually all weekend and once a week...When I say all weekend...that is 5pm and on til Saturday morning...then start again at 4pm....and then drink from around 2pm on sunday...He goes to work everyday...He is not mean when he drinks...He does pass out sitting up...when I see him drinking it makes me sick....I mean literally sick....I dont' feel love for him....I will not have sex with him...He asks me what he does wrong when he drinks...well honestly not much....but it is obvious he is drunk when he passes out and my son is trying to get him up....I don't know if my son knows he is "drunk?" For 2 weeks he said he was going to stop drinking...and I'm pretty sure he had...but I heard a noise last night and he was getting in our airconditioner vent? I came out and looked in there was a jar of whiskey...He said he hadn't dranken anyl..he had taken it out twice with intention of drinking but couldn't... I'm hurt...He says he is not ready to quit drinking...but when i said my love diminishes when he does I'm telling the truth...it is horrible. I dont' think I could make it on my own..i'm on disability for depression anyway.....Any advice for me?