So, I know I'm going to die alone...

[Inflikted]

See, there was a period of time where I wasn't really bothered by this stuff. It spanned for a number of years, actually. I had reached such a sad point that I just shut down all my emotions and floated through life like a ghost, feeling absolutely nothing.

 

I "snapped out of it" though in a big way when I met the last girl I liked. The world stopped seeming so grey to me, and I learned how to "feel" things again. I felt happier than I've ever felt during those few months; I was on top of the world, and it felt great. Not only was I optimistic about pursuing her, but I was really trying to make efforts to befriend people in my life.

 

But all of that went out the window, with each of those people rejecting me one way or another. I've spent about 14 or 15 of the last 18 months mourning those rejections, and over the last 4-5 months, I've slipped back into emotionless, apathetic "ghost" of a personality that I lived for a number of years.

 

Problem is, I'm extremely sad about falling back into these ways, because I miss how I felt when I was at my peak happiness a couple of years ago... That feeling was so good, and I didn't want it to ever end, but after a few months, it all crashed around me, and I just can't figure out how to get myself back to feeling that way again. It's like all my emotions and feelings have "turned off", except for sadness, and I feel extremely sad that I can't "turn them back on" and feel good again.

[Scales]

First of all, don't buy into any of this hype about loving yourself first or being happy with "activities" and "passions". A mate is part of the foundation for success in your passions, not the other way around. Its kind of like telling a poor person to get another job or take a cooking class. That way you can think about all the debt and bills you have while you are making a casserole. Not fun. People who choose to focus on their passions are supplementing a hole in their life that needs to be filled. Imagine doing what you love most and now imagine doing it after not eating for 4 days. You're going to suck. Your desire to want a girlfriend is justified.

 

Secondly, what you have to do now is try harder. Investing in yourself is never to be regretted. Could you lose weight? Could you have better skin? Could you have better/different fashion choices. Part of the problem with just being yourself is that you become comfortable with all of your behaviors good or bad. Everyone can use some kind of improvement, and you will like yourself more for it. Do you go to nightclubs? no? start going. Go to speed dating? start going. Go to ladies night at the local wine bar? start going. Even though many enjoy a safety net of friends, its not necessary. Just go and talk to people. You need to succeed at least once to change. Have a relationship even if shes not what you want long term. You can't expect to beat Mike Tyson in the ring if you never fought anybody. Some people get lucky because they are natural, but others need experience. If you are picky about what you like, you have to work up to getting it through experience and improvement. Do not stay at home watching Netflix, fapping, or playing MMOs. They are all supplements for a real social life.

 

Go out by yourself. Don't expect to meet anyone. Talk to everyone.

[Inflikted]

Secondly, what you have to do now is try harder. Investing in yourself is never to be regretted. Could you lose weight? Could you have better skin? Could you have better/different fashion choices. Part of the problem with just being yourself is that you become comfortable with all of your behaviors good or bad. Everyone can use some kind of improvement, and you will like yourself more for it. Do you go to nightclubs? no? start going. Go to speed dating? start going. Go to ladies night at the local wine bar? start going. Even though many enjoy a safety net of friends, its not necessary. Just go and talk to people. You need to succeed at least once to change. Have a relationship even if shes not what you want long term. You can't expect to beat Mike Tyson in the ring if you never fought anybody. Some people get lucky because they are natural, but others need experience. If you are picky about what you like, you have to work up to getting it through experience and improvement. Do not stay at home watching Netflix, fapping, or playing MMOs. They are all supplements for a real social life.

 

Go out by yourself. Don't expect to meet anyone. Talk to everyone.

 

I mean, I would like to get out more, I would like to meet people, I just... I've never been a "people" person. I'm extremely introverted, my conversational skills leave a LOT to be desired (despite the fact that I've had years of time to practice)... I've known plenty of people that can just be "social butterflies", people that can strike up a conversation with total strangers and not even think twice about it. But that's just not who I am.

 

If I go out by myself to a bar, or a club, or what-have-you, I can tell you exactly what would happen. I would keep to myself, feeling awkward and "reserved". Not because I'm "scared", mind you, but simply because I just don't know how to approach people, initiate interaction with people, carry conversations with people. And again, it's not like I haven't had years of practice, at this point. Whatever is wrong with me doesn't seem to be something that requires "practice".

 

Personally, there's a better chance I'll open up around people after I've been around them multiple times, on somewhat of a consistent basis. For example, when I meet new coworkers at work, or new classmates, I tend to be reserved and quiet around them for quite a while, but once I've gotten a solid "read" on them over time, I start opening up a bit more.

 

I find, though, that even when I "be me" around people, it's never really "good" enough for anyone. People tend to not get my sense of humor, or find the same kind of amusement in my observations, or see things the way I see them, or even just understand the thoughts I try to get across to them.

[Beast_117]

See, there was a period of time where I wasn't really bothered by this stuff. It spanned for a number of years, actually. I had reached such a sad point that I just shut down all my emotions and floated through life like a ghost, feeling absolutely nothing.

 

I "snapped out of it" though in a big way when I met the last girl I liked. The world stopped seeming so grey to me, and I learned how to "feel" things again. I felt happier than I've ever felt during those few months; I was on top of the world, and it felt great. Not only was I optimistic about pursuing her, but I was really trying to make efforts to befriend people in my life.

But all of that went out the window, with each of those people rejecting me one way or another. I've spent about 14 or 15 of the last 18 months mourning those rejections, and over the last 4-5 months, I've slipped back into emotionless, apathetic "ghost" of a personality that I lived for a number of years.

 

Problem is, I'm extremely sad about falling back into these ways, because I miss how I felt when I was at my peak happiness a couple of years ago... That feeling was so good, and I didn't want it to ever end, but after a few months, it all crashed around me, and I just can't figure out how to get myself back to feeling that way again. It's like all my emotions and feelings have "turned off", except for sadness, and I feel extremely sad that I can't "turn them back on" and feel good again.

I've had that happen too just a year ago. It's not very often I like a girl this much..in fact she was the 2nd girl ever in my life who I was really interested in. She was a coworker but of course some new guy came in and took her while I never even made an effort to talk to her..I was too shy. It sucked seeing him and her together everyday..but in the end the company shut down and I never saw her again. And I beat myself up for not trying to at least talk to her..but after awhile I just went back to not caring anymore. It sucks.

[morrowrd]

I am a loner, like yourself. A long time ago, in my teens, I decided that it was too frustrating trying to fit in, so I gave up and started getting used to being alone. Once you accept yourself for who you are, it becomes just a matter of learning to be content with it. Being content is, or should be your goal, more so than happiness. Being happy is a temporary emotion, like being angry or sad. Contentment is more durable, and flows with all the other emotions. (I can be in a state of contentment for instance, and still feel angry or sad, depending on the circumstances.)

 

 

Achieving contentment can come with reaching one or two of your goals. If I were you, I'd set aside finding a social circle for now, worry about the career and searching for a relationship can happen in the privacy of your home, using the dating sites. Take some time to fill out an honest profile, and then go with the flow. Take one evening a week maybe, or an evening on the weekend and browse through profiles, maybe send out one or two emails. Go on a date once in awhile as opportunity arises, and be content that you have a working system in place to achieve another of your goals. Sounds like the career goal is all set... And honestly, once you are in a relationship, the social circle could very well be provided for you as part of the girlfriend package.

[David87]

Why don't you go have sex with a complete stranger, hell even two? Inflikted trust me it will lift your spirit up and you will have so much confidence in yourself

[Inflikted]

I am a loner, like yourself. A long time ago, in my teens, I decided that it was too frustrating trying to fit in, so I gave up and started getting used to being alone. Once you accept yourself for who you are, it becomes just a matter of learning to be content with it. Being content is, or should be your goal, more so than happiness. Being happy is a temporary emotion, like being angry or sad. Contentment is more durable, and flows with all the other emotions. (I can be in a state of contentment for instance, and still feel angry or sad, depending on the circumstances.)

 

 

Achieving contentment can come with reaching one or two of your goals. If I were you, I'd set aside finding a social circle for now, worry about the career and searching for a relationship can happen in the privacy of your home, using the dating sites. Take some time to fill out an honest profile, and then go with the flow. Take one evening a week maybe, or an evening on the weekend and browse through profiles, maybe send out one or two emails. Go on a date once in awhile as opportunity arises, and be content that you have a working system in place to achieve another of your goals. Sounds like the career goal is all set... And honestly, once you are in a relationship, the social circle could very well be provided for you as part of the girlfriend package.

 

I think to some extent, I already AM "content", but either I'm too content, or just content in the wrong ways. I mean, aside from my lack of social life and love life, I'm not overly unhappy with the way my life is. I'm not wishing my life would change dramatically, or anything; I just wish that some of my free time could be used for socializing and romance. I wish I had people to go out with on the weekends, and do fun things with, people I could talk to about stuff; I wish I had a girl I could go on dates with, have fun with, cuddle up on the couch with, have sex with, etc. I don't really hate the rest of the way my life is, but my desire for these other things has become so strong and overwhelming, that I can't help but dwell on how I can't make these things happen for myself.

 

Why don't you go have sex with a complete stranger, hell even two? Inflikted trust me it will lift your spirit up and you will have so much confidence in yourself

 

That's way easier than it sounds, though. If you just want to "get laid", you either have to be very good looking, or have a ton of charisma, and I have neither of those things. And I'm not interested in being manipulative and taking advantage of girls.

 

Sex is kind of a... strange topic for me, anyway. Considering I don't even have the faintest of sexual experience, obviously there's some nervousness there. Then there's the major risks involved, like pregnancy and STDs, especially if I'm going to sleep with a girl I'm not THAT attached to. And lastly, I've trained myself to not want to have sex with someone unless there's some sort of emotional connection there, to the point where I would feel like really bad for having sex with a girl that I have no real interest in beyond sex. That's one thing, though, that scares me about dating, is that if I date a girl long enough that sex comes into play, but I'm not THAT into her, I would probably sleep with her if she offered, simply because I have so much pent up sexual frustration, but I know I would absolutely feel terrible about it because I wasn't in love with her.

 

I've kinda went through some phases where I thought maybe I could just look for sex and "have some fun", but I just can't ever keep thinking that way, it just feels "icky" to me. And again, I wouldn't even know how to go about finding that kind of thing in a respectable way, especially considering I'm not particularly "hot" or "charming".

[kart180]

All I need is a women who

1. Have a steady job

2. Never used tobacco

3. Never used drugs

4. Sober

 

Where can I find her

[David87]

Hei there are alot of escorts out there. You don't have to do anything, they do all the work. Trust me it will give you a huge ego boost.

[Inflikted]

Hei there are alot of escorts out there. You don't have to do anything, they do all the work. Trust me it will give you a huge ego boost.

 

That seems extra "icky" to me, though. Not to mention, illegal; the last thing I need is to get arrested for trying to pay for sex.

[ashy555]

You know Happiness comes from within. Stop waiting for a woman to fall in love with you. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it. Try make the most of the moment you're in and the rest should come. Try to keep positive and happy and you WILL find a woman. You are ONLY in your late 20's. At least you got your career which a lot of people dont even have. Try becoming more social. Join groups within your hobbies and try put yourself out there a little. With a negative attitude you will not get very far You just have to keep going.. Hopefully you are not going to die for a long long long time.

I have a cousin actually who has many problems including ADHD. He couldnt keep a job and now just lives off a pension. He didn't find anyone till he was in his mid thirties off a dating website. I just found out they are now engaged. My older brother is a very quiet guy with a very little social life. I thought he would never meet anyone but he did and he is due to be married next month. My dads best friend is almost 60 and has been with his partner for 8 years.

 

Just don't assume you are going to be alone for the rest of your life. You will get there with the right attitude

[Inflikted]

You know Happiness comes from within. Stop waiting for a woman to fall in love with you. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it. Try make the most of the moment you're in and the rest should come. Try to keep positive and happy and you WILL find a woman. You are ONLY in your late 20's.

 

I'm not trying to base happiness on anything external, though, but I'm so starved for human companionship that it's wearing me down pretty badly.

 

If I could get metaphorical for a second, it's like if the only food I've been allowed to eat is pizza; pizza is pretty good, and I like it just the way it is, but after a while, when it's the ONLY thing I can eat, it just gets a bit... derivative. What if I have taste for a steak, or for chicken, or fish, or pasta, etc.? I'm not unhappy with pizza, I don't mind continuing to eat pizza, but it's hard not to feel bad after all this time that I can't get a taste of any other food.

 

That's a colorful little metaphor for how I feel about my life and the lack of social and love lives.

 

At least you got your career which a lot of people dont even have.

 

I guess, but again, all I really have right now is an idea of what I want to do, and an education that's helping me learn the craft. It's probably going to take me a long time before I can even get an entry level gig, let alone something that will be more fulfilling. I can't even seem to find a good internship to get real world experience from, and I only have about four months left to find said internship.

 

So yeah, it's nice to know what I WANT to do, but when school ends in a few months, I don't know how likely it'll be that I can start working somewhere great in any kind of decent amount of time, if ever.

[Scales]

You know Happiness comes from within. Stop waiting for a woman to fall in love with you. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it. Try make the most of the moment you're in and the rest should come. Try to keep positive and happy and you WILL find a woman. You are ONLY in your late 20's. At least you got your career which a lot of people dont even have. Try becoming more social. Join groups within your hobbies and try put yourself out there a little. With a negative attitude you will not get very far You just have to keep going.. Hopefully you are not going to die for a long long long time.

I have a cousin actually who has many problems including ADHD. He couldn't keep a job and now just lives off a pension. He didn't find anyone till he was in his mid thirties off a dating website. I just found out they are now engaged. My older brother is a very quiet guy with a very little social life. I thought he would never meet anyone but he did and he is due to be married next month. My dads best friend is almost 60 and has been with his partner for 8 years.

 

Just don't assume you are going to be alone for the rest of your life. You will get there with the right attitude

 

This made me laugh. Just please stop giving advice like this, it has no real meaning. Do you think the OP was always like this? Do you think he tried being negative on dates? Do you think he has been waiting to be happy this whole time? No, what he and many others here have done is gone out into the world being their natural selves and been completely shunned for reasons never explained.

 

While others got to eat at the table, he has sat and watched them this entire time going through life. Saying "hey don't worry, you'll get to eat someday as long as you believe" is not justifiable nor effective. It also doesn't account for all the years he was excluded for what seems like no reason. He is happy at home, he is happy around his family, he laughs and goes outside like everyone else. No one can identify the reason why the OP has been rejected because they don't know him.

 

I promise you that staying positive or staying negative means nothing when it feels like you are trying to fix a sink with no tools. All you want are the necessary tools to fix the sink.

[Inflikted]

This made me laugh. Just please stop giving advice like this, it has no real meaning. Do you think the OP was always like this? Do you think he tried being negative on dates? Do you think he has been waiting to be happy this whole time? No, what he and many others here have done is gone out into the world being their natural selves and been completely shunned for reasons never explained.

 

While others got to eat at the table, he has sat and watched them this entire time going through life. Saying "hey don't worry, you'll get to eat someday as long as you believe" is not justifiable nor effective. It also doesn't account for all the years he was excluded for what seems like no reason. He is happy at home, he is happy around his family, he laughs and goes outside like everyone else. No one can identify the reason why the OP has been rejected because they don't know him.

 

I promise you that staying positive or staying negative means nothing when it feels like you are trying to fix a sink with no tools. All you want are the necessary tools to fix the sink.

 

That is a pretty accurate depiction of how I feel, yeah.