Why is it all a game? Why can we not be more honest?

[nadinefleur]

Of course they do, they place pretty much all of the blame on the men. I on the other hand will only tell you the truth which more than likely will make you feel very insane.

 

Enlighten me please...

[Tayken]

@Op.....

 

Sounds like you are at your wit ends? Speak for yourself

 

I am very transparent as far as dating is concerned, wysiwyg and when someone starts to ask more than they are willing to divulge, it's usually a big turn off for me.....

 

It's a two way street darling

[nadinefleur]

I think from now on I'm going to act aloof, not show any emotions and just not 'care' and let guys chase me.

 

It seems thats the only way to keep someone you are dating interested!

[irc333]

I think from now on I'm going to act aloof, not show any emotions and just not 'care' and let guys chase me.

 

It seems thats the only way to keep someone you are dating interested!

 

Nah, doesn't work...it did use to work in the late 90s or early 2000's, but now women have caught on to the whole "aloof" thing.

 

Sorry to break it to you

[Disillusioned]

Question: if it is a game, how does one redeem the points? And how is it better than having a AAA membership card?

[mrnova66]

Men have it easy? Oh boy lol. We have to act like douche bags just so females will give us a chance. If we're nice or don't run for the hills when you tell us how you feel we're no longer a challenge and deemed a waste. Imagine having to be a jerk so you can get a date, it literally makes no sense whatsoever lmao

SPOT ON!!!I agree 100%. I see these losers that could give a rats ass about anyone but themselves and women flock to them like bees on honey. Then when Mr. Loser done had his fun he is getting the next woman in line waiting for him. I have seen this all of my 47 years of my life.. AGAIN!!!!This scumbag is not chasing no woman. The women are chasing him. Even have kids with him knowing dam well he cannot support himself. But more than willing to have a kid with him. Then when he done had his fun he is out. Then the kids will have a life of poverty and welfare. Then people wonder why we have so many space cadets hook on pills and full of drama. The prisons are over flowing and the welfare trains are full

Edited February 9, 2014 by mrnova66

[jcrew11]

I think women are judged more on their looks. Do you consider yourself good looking?

 

Most guys will put with anything to date a good-looking girl.

 

If the guys are sticking around, its because they are not attracted to you enough to want to stay. They also might not like your personality.

 

But, you might be choosing guys that are not committed to you.

 

Believe it or not, guys in their 20's and 30's are not under any pressure to be monogamous.

 

Perhaps, you have expectations of monogamy that are unrealistic for the men you are dating.

[nadinefleur]

I think women are judged more on their looks. Do you consider yourself good looking?

 

Most guys will put with anything to date a good-looking girl.

 

If the guys are sticking around, its because they are not attracted to you enough to want to stay. They also might not like your personality.

 

But, you might be choosing guys that are not committed to you.

 

Believe it or not, guys in their 20's and 30's are not under any pressure to be monogamous.

 

Perhaps, you have expectations of monogamy that are unrealistic for the men you are dating.

 

Yes I do consider myself to be good-looking, but I am not one of those girls that uses it to their advantage to use men or to get lots of guys attention.

 

I like being with one person, and when I am with that one person I am very loyal.

 

The thing is, because I am good-looking, I am attracted to good-looking men, but it seems that the ones that are good-looking are the ones that can move from woman to woman... Because they know they can get anyone they want. Which appears to be my problem.

I don't think my personality is the problem, I am always told what a great person I am, how fun and sweet I am...

 

The thing is I have to be attracted to a man in order to date him! But why are all the ones I think are goodlooking the arseholes??

Edited February 9, 2014 by nadinefleur

[Tayken]

Yes I do consider myself to be good-looking, but I am not one of those girls that uses it to their advantage to use men or to get lots of guys attention.

 

I like being with one person, and when I am with that one person I am very loyal.

 

The thing is, because I am good-looking, I am attracted to good-looking men, but it seems that the ones that are good-looking are the ones that can move from woman to woman... Because they know they can get anyone they want. Which appears to be my problem.

I don't think my personality is the problem, I am always told what a great person I am, how fun and sweet I am...

 

The thing is I have to be attracted to a man in order to date him! But why are all the ones I think are goodlooking the arseholes??

 

Wow...self awareness on fire here...."good looking" is debatable As the saying goes, "show me a good looking woman, and I'll show you a guy who is tired of....... her"

 

Women (like yourself) tend to think about the "what is sex going to be like " first before they actually read your profile. What they usually find is that the "so good looking" guys, are just like them when it comes to shallowness....not much substance to go with the looks of Brad Pitt or George Clooney

 

Looks will eventually fade, and those women will be back on dating sites again searching

 

But why are all the ones I think are goodlooking the arseholes??

 

Believe it or not....men wonder the same thing

[HappyLove]

Are you meeting these people through online dating? WAYYY too many games when you OLD, way more than dating in real life. Especially if your a hot guy there will be women approaching him left and right and it's very easy to dump who your with. Grass is greener is a HUGE problem when dating online.

[jcrew11]

Yes I do consider myself to be good-looking, but I am not one of those girls that uses it to their advantage to use men or to get lots of guys attention.

 

I like being with one person, and when I am with that one person I am very loyal.

 

The thing is, because I am good-looking, I am attracted to good-looking men, but it seems that the ones that are good-looking are the ones that can move from woman to woman... Because they know they can get anyone they want. Which appears to be my problem.

I don't think my personality is the problem, I am always told what a great person I am, how fun and sweet I am...

 

The thing is I have to be attracted to a man in order to date him! But why are all the ones I think are goodlooking the arseholes??

 

I don't know your personality, but if you come off as too high-maintenance, whiny, needy, emotional, etc. and are just a headache to deal with on a daily basis, then that would be a reason for a guy to leave. For example, Taylor Swift is a beautiful rich woman, but she can't keep a boyfriend for more than 2 months. She might be terrible in bed or just a cold fish. But also judging by her obsessiveness about her boyfriends, it seems like she is super-annoying, stressful, and emotional to be around. She might also have "unrealistic expectations of the relationship."

 

Meaning some girls expect their boyfriends to give "intense 24-7 romantic showering of love to her." Then the girl gets mad if that declines after 2 weeks and after he's slept with her.

 

But another factor may be your age and professional stability. Are you out of college and have a stable 9-5 job? Do guys see you as a wife-material or a wild party girl?

 

If you are judging guys completely based on his looks, without judging whether he is seeking a long-term relationship, that is your mistake. Before you sleep with him, figure out if he is capable of having a relationship with you for more than 2 months.

 

Another thing is the actual "relationship" - do you have compatible personalities and lifestyles. Do you have realistic expectations of monogamy and how often he texts you? Some guys just want low-key casual sex. Other insecure guys are more willing to call every day and shower you with flowers because they are afriad of losing you.

[jcrew11]

I think from now on I'm going to act aloof, not show any emotions and just not 'care' and let guys chase me.

 

It seems thats the only way to keep someone you are dating interested!

 

I think people are attracted to "strong independent, self-confident" people.

 

When a woman becomes over-bearing in the relationship and obsessive about the guy to the point of annoyance, its a huge turnoff.

 

Be less needy, and less available. If he wants to be with you, he will stick around. Its often said that the person who cares the least has the upper hand in the relationship. Its good to be aloof at times because absense makes the heart grow fonder, and playing hard to get works.

[nadinefleur]

I don't know your personality, but if you come off as too high-maintenance, whiny, needy, emotional, etc. and are just a headache to deal with on a daily basis, then that would be a reason for a guy to leave. For example, Taylor Swift is a beautiful rich woman, but she can't keep a boyfriend for more than 2 months. She might be terrible in bed or just a cold fish. But also judging by her obsessiveness about her boyfriends, it seems like she is super-annoying, stressful, and emotional to be around. She might also have "unrealistic expectations of the relationship."

 

Meaning some girls expect their boyfriends to give "intense 24-7 romantic showering of love to her." Then the girl gets mad if that declines after 2 weeks and after he's slept with her.

 

But another factor may be your age and professional stability. Are you out of college and have a stable 9-5 job? Do guys see you as a wife-material or a wild party girl?

 

If you are judging guys completely based on his looks, without judging whether he is seeking a long-term relationship, that is your mistake. Before you sleep with him, figure out if he is capable of having a relationship with you for more than 2 months.

 

Another thing is the actual "relationship" - do you have compatible personalities and lifestyles. Do you have realistic expectations of monogamy and how often he texts you? Some guys just want low-key casual sex. Other insecure guys are more willing to call every day and shower you with flowers because they are afriad of losing you.

 

I can tell you I am not whiny, needy, emotional etc... All of the relationships I've had in the past were from 2-3 years... I just expect consistent behaviour. The latest guy I was seeing previous to having sex was contacting me almost every day, asking lots of questions etc... and then as soon as we started having sex it changed... and then after our last date he didn't contact for 4 days. If he was like that before, then fine I would think nothing of it, but the fact that it wasn't consistent to how he was behaving before sex made me think something was up. I don't want or expect contact every day, but that's what he was doing before and that's why I questioned him about it.

 

I don't think I am terrible in bed because he kept telling me how good it was, and all my previous boyfriends have said I'm very good so I don't think that is the issue (I know they weren't lying).

 

I also had similar interests and a compatible lifestyle with this guy, we are both working in stable jobs . My mistake was that I didn't know if he was after a long-term relationship or casual sex.. But I assumed (which I know I shouldn't have) that it wasn't just casual sex, because he waited a long time and put in a hell of a lot of effort. Which from what I've heard if guys don't get sex by the 3rd date or so and if thats all they are after, they disappear to seek it elsewhere.

 

So, my point is... as this guy didn't contact me for 4 days, I called him out on his behaviour because I thought it was strange... However it seems from the comments here, that I should have 'played the game' along with him if I wanted to continue and seemed 'less available' and act like I didn't care if he behaved that way.

 

But in past relationships, after I've had sex with someone they want to see me more and contact me more. Which is why I thought this was strange and felt like I just needed to be honest.

 

Either way, I think what the issue is here is that he probably met someone else as someone previous mentioned, as its easy to do so on OLD. It just would have been nice for him to be honest with me rather than disappear.

[nadinefleur]

I think people are attracted to "strong independent, self-confident" people.

 

When a woman becomes over-bearing in the relationship and obsessive about the guy to the point of annoyance, its a huge turnoff.

 

Be less needy, and less available. If he wants to be with you, he will stick around. Its often said that the person who cares the least has the upper hand in the relationship. Its good to be aloof at times because absense makes the heart grow fonder, and playing hard to get works.

 

I just didn't want to act aloof as we had JUST started having sex, and I didn't want him to think it's OK for him to have sex with me and then not make effort anymore. I told him I'm not in the habit of having sex with someone and then not having contact. Which I'm not, I've only been with 3 other guys, all of whom I was in long-term relationships with. Which is where I thought this situation was heading.. as it seemed that way by the way he was acting previously!

[HappyLove]

I can tell you I am not whiny, needy, emotional etc... All of the relationships I've had in the past were from 2-3 years... I just expect consistent behaviour. The latest guy I was seeing previous to having sex was contacting me almost every day, asking lots of questions etc... and then as soon as we started having sex it changed... and then after our last date he didn't contact for 4 days. If he was like that before, then fine I would think nothing of it, but the fact that it wasn't consistent to how he was behaving before sex made me think something was up. I don't want or expect contact every day, but that's what he was doing before and that's why I questioned him about it.

 

I don't think I am terrible in bed because he kept telling me how good it was, and all my previous boyfriends have said I'm very good so I don't think that is the issue (I know they weren't lying).

 

I also had similar interests and a compatible lifestyle with this guy, we are both working in stable jobs . My mistake was that I didn't know if he was after a long-term relationship or casual sex.. But I assumed (which I know I shouldn't have) that it wasn't just casual sex, because he waited a long time and put in a hell of a lot of effort. Which from what I've heard if guys don't get sex by the 3rd date or so and if thats all they are after, they disappear to seek it elsewhere.

 

So, my point is... as this guy didn't contact me for 4 days, I called him out on his behaviour because I thought it was strange... However it seems from the comments here, that I should have 'played the game' along with him if I wanted to continue and seemed 'less available' and act like I didn't care if he behaved that way.

 

But in past relationships, after I've had sex with someone they want to see me more and contact me more. Which is why I thought this was strange and felt like I just needed to be honest.

 

Either way, I think what the issue is here is that he probably met someone else as someone previous mentioned, as its easy to do so on OLD. It just would have been nice for him to be honest with me rather than disappear.

 

Well when you had the 2-3 year relationship did you meet these people on or offline? If you are keeping a pattern of meeting people online who eventually flake. Then maybe you need to change your habits of where you are meeting men. That's what I've found anyway.

[jcrew11]

But in past relationships, after I've had sex with someone they want to see me more and contact me more. Which is why I thought this was strange and felt like I just needed to be honest.

 

Either way, I think what the issue is here is that he probably met someone else as someone previous mentioned, as its easy to do so on OLD. It just would have been nice for him to be honest with me rather than disappear.

 

Exactly, OLD is easiest way to have casual sex and hookups. Heck, even married people go on OLD to flirt or more. I don't know your age, but guys between 20-35 are under no societal pressure to get married. Its really up to a woman to put her foot down and demand monogamy, marriage, or an engagement ring. Remember, most relationships have an expiration date eventually. If you rush into sex, then the guy might have less incentive to stick around (but I also know women think that if they have sex with a guy, it will make him stay). It really depends if the boyfriend has better options elsewhere like on OLD.

 

A relationship can be 2 weeks, 2 months, or even 2 years. Its really up to you to decide how long you can keep one, even if it means waiting to have sex until after 2 months.

 

I just didn't want to act aloof as we had JUST started having sex, and I didn't want him to think it's OK for him to have sex with me and then not make effort anymore. I told him I'm not in the habit of having sex with someone and then not having contact. Which I'm not, I've only been with 3 other guys, all of whom I was in long-term relationships with. Which is where I thought this situation was heading.. as it seemed that way by the way he was acting previously!

[nadinefleur]

Well when you had the 2-3 year relationship did you meet these people on or offline? If you are keeping a pattern of meeting people online who eventually flake. Then maybe you need to change your habits of where you are meeting men. That's what I've found anyway.

 

No, all my previous relationships I had met in real life... the latest one is my first online dating experience. Literally the first week I tried online dating I met someone I liked, and we met within a week and then dated for the past 3 months. Since then, haven't seen anyone else I like (real life or OLD).

[SYLLPalmer]

Exactly, OLD is easiest way to have casual sex and hookups. Heck, even married people go on OLD to flirt or more. I don't know your age, but guys between 20-35 are under no societal pressure to get married. Its really up to a woman to put her foot down and demand monogamy, marriage, or an engagement ring. Remember, most relationships have an expiration date eventually. If you rush into sex, then the guy might have less incentive to stick around (but I also know women think that if they have sex with a guy, it will make him stay). It really depends if the boyfriend has better options elsewhere like on OLD.

 

A relationship can be 2 weeks, 2 months, or even 2 years. Its really up to you to decide how long you can keep one, even if it means waiting to have sex until after 2 months.

 

This makes men seem so mechanical and women merely generic copies of a prototype. It is only this simple once the burden outweighs the benefit. Some men don't want to play the field and don't lie and manipulate some do. The same with women although motives may vary for the latter where either sex is concerned, Women, present company included, have steer clear of sexual intimacy until the good can be weeded from the bad. Many of us suck at that cuz we want the cuddling and affection and intimacy. This is our burden.

[preraph]

The ones who run because you tell them you like them are running because they never had any intention of staying for the long haul and being committed. Lots of guys on dating sites are just picking sex partners out of a catalog, in their minds. Not all, mind you, but a lot. Sure, they will all say they would settle down if they met the right one, but in their heads, that might be a swimsuit model. Once guys get over 30, some of them begin to start thinking more about a real relationship not just based on sex, but a lot of them don't too. Just don't settle for someone who isn't putting as much into the relationship as you are, who doesn't treat you at least as well as you treat them, and you will have fewer heartbreaks. And you can usually tell that pretty early on in the small details. Is he considerate in a way that is protective? Would he be there to help you if you had car trouble? Is he empathetic and still wants to be around you even when you are troubled or depressed or worried and not in the mood for sex? Or does he bail. If he's only there for the good times, that's not a keeper.

[mrnova66]

I think people are attracted to "strong independent, self-confident" people.

 

When a woman becomes over-bearing in the relationship and obsessive about the guy to the point of annoyance, its a huge turnoff.

 

Be less needy, and less available. If he wants to be with you, he will stick around. Its often said that the person who cares the least has the upper hand in the relationship. Its good to be aloof at times because absense makes the heart grow fonder, and playing hard to get works.

That is your opinion. I rather some girl show a lot attention than someone who does not give a crap about me. And this Stong independent,self -confident people is also your opinion. I know plenty of men that are on drugs,jailbirds,no job and all for himself have no problem getting women. In fact I have yet in my 47 years on this earth see one of these loser types single. Most are married,but never single. Also these losers never chase women down. These losers do not have to. They have women waiting on them hand and foot. like bees on honey.