DemetersHarvest Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 The thing that rubs me the wrong way the most in OLD is the placeholder mentality. You're only good enough until someone better comes along. By the time you figure out that that's what's going on, you have become invested on some level. How do you deal with this? Obviously, don't get attached, but to me that defeats the purpose. I have experienced this twice in a row now, and it's quite a blow to the self-esteem. I'm beginning to question if I'd ever be "enough" for some man? Link to post Share on other sites
SYLLPalmer Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 This is a valid conundrum. Sigh. IDK. I try to look at it mathematically. I seem to forget that I have rejected a lot of people myself. I have been crushed once and used and abandoned twice. God, this is gnarly because it has only been since late December that I took it up. This is really hard. I work with a gal who couldn't take it. I am trying to find a way to keep my power. The best I have found is to counteract the fallout of a shaft by getting support here and in RL and with the distraction of the next fella or fellas. And the newly implemented chastity belt... Sucks we can't just free-fall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DemetersHarvest Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 There's only so much one's RL friends can tolerate. I don't really date all that much, first and foremost because I am picky. That's why I get to do very little rejecting. The ones that do strike my fancy quickly lose interest in me, and for the life of myself, I can't figure it out. Meeting folks IRL, I don't get all this rejection, and I am generally fairly social. Maybe I should flirt more? I am close to throwing the towel. I mean, I'm paying to get my self-esteem crushed? Being alone, without those OLD rollercoaster rides is a much happier place to be than getting replaced all the time, just because they can. Link to post Share on other sites
SYLLPalmer Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 That is why the girl I work with refuses to do OLD. I said to her "well, couldn't you just as easily get dumped in RL." And she said "sure but it is less likely because they are not also seeing 16 other people in addition to me." That makes sense which is why you just cannot invest physically because chances are you are going to get ruled out with those numbers. So now I will assume that I am being quietly judged and that I am one of many, regardless of the potential I see. Tolerance is low because it can be. But you could get lucky. One of the guys that used me just sent me a IM that said two words: "blow me." So I blocked him. I was way out of his league and he was at least 10 years older than his profile stated but he was my first OLD date. He played the role of orbiter and I let my guard down and then I made some concessions. I compromised my standard to be less picky and more open minded and he took advantage but I shed no tears now. He is a douche bag. He probably beats off to my photos. Which makes me laugh because he could have had the real thing. Meanwhile I am busy getting used and crushed by two others after him. I don't choose this for myself but these are the options. I will probably be right behind you in jumping ship. The next time someone asks me why I didn't get married..... Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Good to see I have some company... I think I will stop OLD soon. I don't see the use. I am educated, have a great job and I know am in good shape and attractive. Am not needy, clingy etc. Am not meeting single guys in RL a lot so thought of trying OLD. But since Sept 2013, I have not met anyone worthwhile. One guy disappeared on me and I took it kind of hard. And recently I met one guy on 3 dates in row but now I don't know whats going on there. Week after week of waiting anxiously, whether he will text or call - it's so hard. And thinking 1000 times whether I should text/call or not - what if he thinks I am chasing him... it's so tiring emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
SYLLPalmer Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Good to see I have some company... I think I will stop OLD soon. I don't see the use. I am educated, have a great job and I know am in good shape and attractive. Am not needy, clingy etc. Am not meeting single guys in RL a lot so thought of trying OLD. But since Sept 2013, I have not met anyone worthwhile. One guy disappeared on me and I took it kind of hard. And recently I met one guy on 3 dates in row but now I don't know whats going on there. Week after week of waiting anxiously, whether he will text or call - it's so hard. And thinking 1000 times whether I should text/call or not - what if he thinks I am chasing him... it's so tiring emotionally. It is but the up swing is I am running again and socializing way more. Saturday was a bust cuz I got mauled within minutes so I backed up the truck and said "I am going now." I didn't feel sad so that was an improvement over getting crushed on Friday. I have a date tomorrow with a seemingly precious guy and I am ready for any of the probable negative outcomes. Tomorrow I will be silently judging while flirting and laughing. YIPPY! I can't wait to be someone I am not. OLD boot camp. I may just end up growing hair on my chest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Yes I totally feel that environment in OLD ,I don't understand how anyone begins a relationship on it,everytime you even go to check your mail to read from the one person you've invested a bit in, there are dozens and dozens of other guys all over the place, just even showing you who's there,it's just mind boggling. sure you see lots of guys on the streets everyday but you have few options to talk to them ,but on OLD it's easy as anything to talk. Everyone feels like there is an even better thing coming along,or even if you weren't thinking it ,they just all pop up all over the place,confusing,best thing is to not look at it while your dating or something. The thing that rubs me the wrong way the most in OLD is the placeholder mentality. You're only good enough until someone better comes along. By the time you figure out that that's what's going on, you have become invested on some level. How do you deal with this? Obviously, don't get attached, but to me that defeats the purpose. I have experienced this twice in a row now, and it's quite a blow to the self-esteem. I'm beginning to question if I'd ever be "enough" for some man? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DemetersHarvest Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Done! I signed off. No more OLD for me. Feeling a huge relief right now.The sharks can have each other, along with their 15 others, while browsing if something yet even better comes along. I get that there's the occasional genuine person out there. Heck, I think of myself along those lines. But getting to them requires dealing with a lot of BS, confusion, game playing, and at times even heartache. Not worth it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) You're not alone in this. Even I, as a guy have experienced this several times. Most recently, 3 times in the last 2 months, lol. :/ And indeed, it is quite the blow to one's self-confidence. The thing is, in most cases you don't even know why you were sidelined in the first place, as a person's 'taste' is all subjective. Edited February 4, 2014 by Teraskas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 It still baffles me why some people still try to push OLD hard even as it's dying on its feet. To me this is like defiantly driving your great-grandfather's Stanley Steamer because you're too bull headed to switch to gasoline. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 It still baffles me why some people still try to push OLD hard even as it's dying on its feet. To me this is like defiantly driving your great-grandfather's Stanley Steamer because you're too bull headed to switch to gasoline. It still works pretty well for us old folks who started using it way back when it started. Heck, I even know how to use a rotary phone! Of course, some people aren't temperamentally suited to the OLD process - they can do better in RL. I found that in RL, I simply would not encounter any of the kinds of women I wanted to meet, even when I could figure out where I might meet them. OLD resulted in meeting dozens of compatible, suitable women, and from there it was a process of a date or three to see if we really were a good match. A few were, most weren't - that's the way it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 You're not alone in this. Even I, as a guy have experienced this several times. Most recently, 3 times in the last 2 months, lol. :/ And indeed, it is quite the blow to one's self-confidence. The thing is, in most cases you don't even know why you were sidelined in the first place, as a person's 'taste' is all subjective. Am struggling big time Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Am struggling big time I (unfortunately) share your pain. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Done! I signed off. No more OLD for me. Feeling a huge relief right now.The sharks can have each other, along with their 15 others, while browsing if something yet even better comes along. I get that there's the occasional genuine person out there. Heck, I think of myself along those lines. But getting to them requires dealing with a lot of BS, confusion, game playing, and at times even heartache. Not worth it to me. LOL .. you made me laugh on my sulking day Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
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