Current update on my situation ALL COMMENTS WELCOME

[strange love]

Hey there everyone

 

Im starting a new thread on this one cause I accomplished getting contact with my ex however it didnt quite go the way I assumed it would., as you will see below and I have decided to add in a little back story.

 

My ex logged onto MSN a second time last sunday during the day ( Jan 9th) The conversation started out fine, but then she started in with being angry and bitchy at me. The she said she wished to be telling me off the phone, so I gave my number. So she started in on bitching at me how nasty I was etc.. I was pretty down in the dumps, so after a while I just didnt see this going anywhere especially when I mentioned she still had my large 27in TV she replied no thats gone.. And that got to me, and made me ticked off. Thinking about though she probably just said that to upset me. So I finally I got ticked and said hey look I gotta go.. she really wouldnt let me hang up so I did anyways she called back about 5 times until finally I said look please dont contact me any further ... and then I was like oh man why did I say that. I sat hoping she would call me or MSN me.. damn

 

You must know before we broke up I said to her on the phone stop conacting me stop bugging me please so I think this time I struck the same chord, there was many times I hung up the phone on her, with her calling back.

 

So I really didnt wish to start doing that again, so I decided the next day to send her an email I apoligized for not wishing to talk to her on the phone. I apoligized for any thing that she kept bringing up. I was feeling kind of down and since she had been putting me down I decided to put myself down in the email as well and I attacked myself thinking maybe she might be happier if I showed her i felt so crappy or she maight even feel a bit guilty and stop being so angry.. and I mean I really went a bit overboard but oh well.

 

AND so no word from her since then. I guess im thinking it feels like maybe its the end, but then I guess thats how I felt all these months.

Oh some people ask why she is so mad, maybe it cause I didnt talk to her for a few months. Things happened to her like a death in the family problems with her cat etc.. Maybe its cause I expected her to pay her own way sometimes, even though now it seems like she feels some empowerment at being able to buy her own things. Maybe its cause she feels like I never gave a damn about her interests. I think she seems to think I cheated on her.

 

You know I have to say this, even in my worst condition.. there always seems to be women around. I guess this what happenes when you own a retail shop but, I dunno if im really looking for a replacement. I guess that was one of her issues as well, someone said to her im the type of guy who doesnt settle down.

 

My friend came by yesterday what he had to say about the situationa was that the reason she walked away with some of my stuff was that she was trying to hold on to me. He also said she probably needs someone else to tell her how much she means to me. I he also suggested I send her an email just sayiing that I love her.I guess thats something I havent said to her in a while, such simple words so hard to say.

 

There you go my story with a little further elaboration on my part. Not sure what to do, wait maybe? try to log on to MSN again? I had this idea abouyt making her up a cd ( I had done that before she seemed to really be estactic about it) and leave it with a friend at his flea market table...

 

In the meantime I have other issues to deal with as my neglected bussinesses.. which seem to interest me more at the moment

 

Thanks in advance for any comments.

Strange Love

[smile]

strangelove, you asked me to read your post and comment on it. So here I am But first you said in my post that it was like my ex and I were dating again... hmm thats the thing, we arent. I mean we arent anything. We are friends. Sure there are kisses and hugs but I am not even sure what I want. Its like we both have no idea and we are just being real and honest with eachother.

 

Hmm as far as your situation goes, I think she needs to get over herself a bit. Let her freak out but you dont have to stand it. I mean I am glad that you finally told her you were done talking, but you took more than you needed to. I know you love her, but you need to not allow her to act this way. She seems childish and determined to be angry. Just lay low.

 

I truly believe you sending her an "i love you" email right now is a bad idea. She doesnt seem in a place to be receptive to that. She is angry and seems to want to hurt you. Not because she hates you, but maybe because she is unhappy with some of her choices.

 

My ex had a time when he just cut into me in such a mean and relentless way. It wasnt because he didnt love me. He made a big freaking mistake and he felt like a fool. His new relationship was a mess and he wanted my companionship, my friendship. Thats quite a blow to a persons ego. He was mad at me because I was working on me and I was ok. No big mistakes , no crazy explosions of anger, no whiny late night calls begging for him back.

 

She knows you care. If she didnt she wouldnt have called back a million times. If she needs you she needs to respect you. Be there for her sure, but dont let her abuse you because she is hurting.

 

As far as my advice... I think if you are true to yourself and honest with her you are bound to be happy. You cant force someone to love you, you cant make them admit how much they care about you. You can only control your life... make yourself happy. Make plans, you dont need to find an other girl right now, find a friend. Find a hobby. Learn something constructive. Watch movies you always wanted to watch and she wouldnt. Go places she would never go with you. Play sports , drink beer, have FUN.

 

Life is so amazing. People are so amazing. Allow yourself to see that. She is busy working on her, give her that space and trust enough that she can get through it... on her own. If she needs you she knows where you are. When she sees that you arent going to take her crap she will see that you know you are worth more. She will realize she needs to work harder if she wants you in her life.

 

Take care.. and please no groveling. You are worth so much more than that. She knows it.

[GreenCap]

Strange Love

 

You were kind enough to prop me up with some encouragement when I found out that my ex was screwing her boss to get ahead at work, so I want to comment on your posting. I will focus more on you.

 

You are right, attend to your business. When you get busy working on work stuff, your mind clears a little as work = rational/logic and then you can translate it to emotional thoughts. By laying low for a bit, you can remove yourself from the situation and cool down/stabilize before deciding your next course of action.

 

You love this person, so once you get your own stuff in order (like what I am doing now), then you will have a clearer mind to carry on the relationship if you wish to, later on. Take care mate!

[strange love]

Well I think when I wrote this I was really hurting.

Then I started trying to fix things round here cause thats about all I can do. In regards to getting a hobby well tonight I was hanging around with my best friend and I was thumbing through some comic books, and I realized I could probably do alot better artwork and stories.. so I guess that my little hobby now making up some stories and art. Which isnt really new, these are both things I used to do long ago, in fact Art was to be a career for me. Instead I dropped out of school (lol ha ha actually I was asked politely to leave) Ended up being a bussiness person.

Not really looking to date anyone else tried that already..doesnt really interest me.

 

I guess not much I can do really but wait...

 

I guess I will keep you posted.

[smile]

strangelove I am sorry. I know having to wait it out is so stressful... what is my ex doing, who is my ex doing it with.... but right now you have to know something. For all the wondering you are going to be doing I will bet you she is wondering just as much.

 

When you think of it that way you feel a bot more empowered. Not in a "yeh now I am gonna hurt you" kinda way. Its just suddenly you are more focused on you and less on her, and in this kind of situation that is always best.

 

Just out of curiosity what kind of comic books are you into? I have recently gotten into comic books and am suddenly in love with Frank Miller. I know to a regular comic book reader I am a zillion years behind if I JUST started reading his batman series.. but I am a girl so maybe that affords me a little less humiliation. And you know, the big question... DC or Marvel?

 

I am glad you are hanging out and having fun with life. You seem like such a nice and fun guy, she is just going through some crap.. and you know she may try to come back and you may not really want her. I mean it sounds crazy but this kind of self growth can lead to self realization.. Even if you do want her, you are reminded how its not life or death if you get her or not.

 

And anyway, the best art is made from the inspiration of a broken heart.

[mixwell]

hey strange love thought I'd give you some opinions and thoughts on your situation as you have with me. So anyways I think everyone else covered what i was thinking but heres a recap. I think by that day with her calling you 5 times in a row should show she is interested. Something has to be bothering her though that she isn't telling you about. She might be going through rough times and is taking her anger out on you. My ex used to do this to me when we were together.

 

She would have a bad day at work or whatever and she would just be an arsehole to me. I understood though that it wasn't anything personal against me but still that isn't the way you should handle your problems. If you sent her the email saying you're sorry and that you love her and you are there for her still then I would leave it at that. There is really nothing you can do other than that. You can't make someone want to be with you or love you no matter what you do. I myself am figuring that out in my condition too and it really sucks ! I don't know if dating is up your alley too, I mean myself I dont think I would want to date right now. I still would like to try to work things out with my ex but that doesnt mean im going to just sit there and not have fun and stuff. But as far as another girl right now i dont think I would be fit to date. My heart is still with my ex and I wouldn't want to hurt someone else because of my situation.

 

I would say concentrate on things in your life though. I wish none of us were going through this but its good that we are all here for each other to vent how we feel and get some opinions. Without all the peoples help on this board I would be a wreck and still confused. So we are here for you and we will all get through this one day !!

 

Until then keep posting and we will keep inputting !!

 

Take care

[strange love]

Hey everybody thanks for your replies so heres goes

 

GreenCap -- I guess I should take my own advice, but this is a strange situation. I did NC for so long and then she appeared all angry at me. I dont think NC is totally going to work on this.. I have my shop which I going to be fixing up im pretty psyched on that.. but seems a bit bitter sweet without her around. I guess we have to wait an see. My ex was very loyal to me, I guess thats part of the anger she doesnt feel like I was loyal to her and why did I do certain things if I really loved her. I guess she wonders if I really do give a damn. I went through this once before, I had like 10 people around when she reappeared all of them told her how sad I was she didnt believe them.. She always needed alot of reassuring.. so u can see my dilema (sp) How is your drama going?

 

MIXWELL

Ok use "mixwell" in a sentence. Combine ingredients in a frosted glass and mixwell.

Hmm you seem to becoming more mature from hanging out on here, I thought you had some NEW GIRL lined up?

Actually I didnt say that I loved her in the email, I also didnt say that I would be there for her either. I think I might just post the letter on here so people can have a looksie.

I think I might have been a bit too harsh in fact.

So hows the Job hunt going?

 

SMILE

If you like FRANK MILLER you should check out RONIN. The sequel to that BATMAN you may or may not like. Another good read is the WATCHMAN by alan moore.

You ask me MARVEL or DC .. I think its like this. I m really not a COMICBOOK geek. But I grew up watching batman and superfriends. Marvel really didnt have any cartoons for thier characters back then oh wait yes spiderman, you had to get up really early to watch that, like 6am.. LOL

I have a huge XMEN comic book collection, so I guess my loyalty starts there. My favorite character..I dont have one. I think that I would to do my own version of AQUAMAN, WONDER WOMAN and BATMAN. These characters have all been butchered... Im trying to think of other books I could reccomend that have a good story. I think thats one of the big problems these days is the story sucks, and not just for comics its movies as well.

I guess I should try logging on to MSN again maybe, or I might make her up a cd

leave it with a friend, I have a feeling she probably took that email as me being really angry at her.. I didnt even say that I love her.. I havent said I love her in a long long time.. l

[mixwell]

Well the job hunting is ok. I forgot today is martin luther king day so the lady isn't in.. grrrrr... yeah I've been talking to some girl on AIM a lot and there is some girl i went to highschool with that i got her number. my name mixwell i actually got from a clothing line. its like for DJ's and what not. haha people are like what are you a baker or something ? haha.. So my ex still hasnt call me. I expect a call tomorrow maybe because this weekend she's had off and im sure she's been hanging out with her douche bag b/f .. tomorrow she has work so she will probablly have time to think bout why i havent called her. i dont know.

 

I just wish i could talk to her and let her know exactly how i feel inside right now. Like about her lyin about being with this guy and avoiding me.. When i broke up with her and was seeing girls I still talked to her though and we hung out and shiz so I dont know why she would act this way but whatever. Also I want to ask her if she would rather be with this guy rather than work things out with us. I mean me moving away was a big deal but its nothing that WE couldn't have gotten through and I know if she wasn't with this lame ass we would be together. She was just pushing me away too much for me moving to have been the ONLY reason for her actions.

 

O well Take care strange love

[smile]

Yeh I am getting into Ronin and I have heard great things about the Watchmen. I have said this before but its so fun here in my town looking at comic books at the bookstore. I get followed and hit on like crazy. So when I am having a bad day, I head on down to the bookstore.

 

Anyway umm as for the MSN thing, sure log on. You have just as much right to the internet as she does. If she is there keep it light. If she starts to be abusive , get out or block her.

 

As far as the cd goes, if you think that would be a good idea then you do it. I think you have made up your mind anyway. All of us are here giving generic advice from one point of view... you know her better than we do.. you do what your heart tells you. So if my advice sometimes seems conservative it is because I dont want her to hurt you .. anymore.. much more... too much.

 

I think she knows you love her. I dont know that telling her now would result in anything more than a feeling of pressure on her part. Just say you are there for her, say that you care unconditionally.. tell her you will be her friend if she ever needs you she can come to you. But love has such pressure , especially if she is going through tough times.. its the support she needs. You need to tell her you love her, she needs to hear you accept her.

 

So yeh be there but dont rush it or push it. I dunno thats just my opinion. Take care...

[strange love]

Humph

 

Im susposed top be the tough guy. But I guess, inside I wish I had someone to cuddle with right now.

I really dont know what to do about my ex, really seems like its over....

 

so I GUESS THATS it folks

 

curtain close.

 

Good luck everyone.

 

strangelove