ladybear19 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. Since I was 14 and he was 16. I am 18 now. We've had a lot of up and downs but he has been very good to me and always looking after me. But in the last few months I've been daydreaming about other men. I feel so guilty but I can't stop. Our sex life has become nearly non-existing. We have sex maybe every 2 weeks and I hate to admit it but I am bored with it. The passion is gone. I find myself daydreaming about other men a lot, thinking about all kinds of things and the problem is, if I was faced with the opportunity to sleep with one of them without my boyfriend finding out, I'm not sure that I could control myself. I feel awful about this. I really love my boyfriend's company. We are more so friends and we get on extremely well but our "love" side is dead. What do I do? And is this normal? Link to post Share on other sites
Cakess Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I do think that it's normal...sometimes relationships get stale with the mundane and the average. If you are interested in staying in a faithful, committed relationship with this guy, then take the initiative and switch it up! Have a date night with candles and lingerie, or a movie cuddling with sensual pillow talk and a gentle oil massage, just to reconnect with your partner and rediscover what excited you about your boyfriend in the first place. It's worth a shot, don't give up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladybear19 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 We've honestly tried that a lot we go out a lot together and we've tried everything. We have a lot of fun and our relationship is great, except for the sex side of things. I feel so guilty Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) I am 18 now. We've had a lot of up and downs but he has been very good to me and always looking after me.Ahahahahah...18yrs old now and you have "been through a lot of ups and down" ...ouch, where are you parents? The old dating an older guy syndrome when you are young to prove maturity. Listen....most guys in your age category aren't ready to settle down, and are just looking to bang girls, get naked pics and send it to their buddies and move on to the next pretty girl with arse and boobs Are you two in school carving out a career, or is it a case of "love will conquer all"? Just so you know, love doesn't pay the bills Edited February 4, 2014 by Tayken 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Show some respect for your BF and break up with him, before you do something worse. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Its time to breakup. The routine and comfort can not substitute passion and love. Probably he feels the same. You may hurt him of course but only because Ego issues and feeling of possessiveness. He will thank you in the future. Breakup with him! Link to post Share on other sites
Trep Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Ahahahahah...18yrs old now and you have "been through a lot of ups and down" ...ouch, where are you parents? The old dating an older guy syndrome when you are young to prove maturity. Listen....most guys in your age category aren't ready to settle down, and are just looking to bang girls, get naked pics and send it to their buddies and move on to the next pretty girl with arse and boobs Are you two in school carving out a career, or is it a case of "love will conquer all"? Just so you know, love doesn't pay the bills What a stupid response. You have no idea what they may or may not have gone through in their relationship and it's pretty ignorant to assume otherwise. To top it off you've generalized every young guy to be a shallow prick, which is a stupid assumption. There are plenty of younger guys out there that prefer to be in exclusive relationships instead of moving from one woman to the next. Back on topic, if you've tried to spice things up in the bedroom and it's just not happening it might be time to move on. Since you're not sure whether you can stay loyal or not it's best to do it sooner rather than later, before you do something that hurts him a lot more than just breaking up with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 There are plenty of younger guys out there that prefer to be in exclusive relationships instead of moving from one woman to the next.Right....and then you woke up. I am guessing you are one of those right? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Most people don't make it to happily ever after with their childhood sweetheart. Your relationship may have run it's course. A really smart advice columnist who was a bit before your time, used to recommend people ask themselves this question when deciding to break up: Would you be better off with him or without him? Think about that & do what you think is right. As others have said, don't cheat. It's OK to end the relationship for any reason or no reason, but be honest & don't sneak off with another boy behind his back. Even if breaking up hurts his feelings, at least it shows you have class & integrity. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 If you can't find it in yourself to break up with him just go find some other guy and make out a little. Then go tell your boyfriend about what happened, how sorry you are, yadda yadda yadda. If he's any kind of man he'll dump you and problem solved. If that doesnt work next time go a little further and tell him about it again. Eventually he'll get the picture. It's a technique that works well for women who aren't very manly and can't outright dump a guy. Just don't let your boyfriend come here and ask for advice if you do make out with another dude. Most of the ladies will tell him it's not a big deal and doesn't really qualify as cheating. They'll make you work twice as hard to get rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Trep Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Right....and then you woke up. I am guessing you are one of those right? Yea, I am. I've never been that big a fan of the whole 1 night stand thing. Sex is better when you actually give a crap about the person you're doing it with. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetCharity Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 You're so young! It's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
disclosure Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 If you can't find it in yourself to break up with him just go find some other guy and make out a little. Then go tell your boyfriend about what happened, how sorry you are, yadda yadda yadda. If he's any kind of man he'll dump you and problem solved. If that doesnt work next time go a little further and tell him about it again. Eventually he'll get the picture. It's a technique that works well for women who aren't very manly and can't outright dump a guy. Just don't let your boyfriend come here and ask for advice if you do make out with another dude. Most of the ladies will tell him it's not a big deal and doesn't really qualify as cheating. They'll make you work twice as hard to get rid of him. Wow, seriously? Need a dislike button. Don't do this. Not only is your post incredibly sexist (breaking up with someone has nothing to do with being "manly"), but one must have a complete lack of empathy to think that it's ok to cheat because you aren't decent enough to respectfully break up with someone who you dated for 4 years. Find the strength. It will hurt, but cheating on him as a way out is worse. Especially if he is forgiving, then what? Do it until he eventually breaks up with you? Potentially destroy any confidence he had? If you have truly tried to bring a spark back into the relationship and are still feeling this way, then unfortunately like everyone else has already said, the relationship has run it's course. And if you stay in it, these feelings are very unlikely to change, you'll become more distant/slowly start taking it out on eachother, and you'll break up on bad terms. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Not only is your post incredibly sexist (breaking up with someone has nothing to do with being "manly") You can dislike all you want but yes, sitting down your boyfriend, taking charge and insisting that you want to break up is a masculine thing to do. Some women don't like being that masculine. Some others let guilt over one thing or another prevent them from doing what they really want to do. And in cases like that, finding a passive aggressive way to get him to dump you works the best. It happens all the time. Let's not live in lalaland and pretend it doesn't. And it's a way better outcome than wasting his time and pretending you still want him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 If you can't find it in yourself to break up with him just go find some other guy and make out a little. Then go tell your boyfriend about what happened, how sorry you are, yadda yadda yadda. If he's any kind of man he'll dump you and problem solved. If that doesnt work next time go a little further and tell him about it again. Eventually he'll get the picture. It's a technique that works well for women who aren't very manly and can't outright dump a guy. Just don't let your boyfriend come here and ask for advice if you do make out with another dude. Most of the ladies will tell him it's not a big deal and doesn't really qualify as cheating. They'll make you work twice as hard to get rid of him. OP. Please don't do this. Cheating isn't by any means a solution to your relationship issues. It has nothing to do with manly/womanly stereotypes but as an individual, having the maturity to resolve or conclude your issues with your boyfriend with integrity and empathy. At 18, you don't want to start down a path whereby you believe cheating is condoned because it's your easiest way out. Talk to your boyfriend about your concerns and you may be surprised that he may also be feeling the same way you are. I agree with those that have mentioned that you both are very young, started out young and the chances of it having a significant lifespan is pretty slim. It's time to communicate with him. You can't stay in a situation like this forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 You are young. You barely have a sex life with him and you are interested in more. Talk to him about spicing things up and/or breakup and see what else is out there. Just don't cheat on him. Link to post Share on other sites
disclosure Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 You can dislike all you want but yes, sitting down your boyfriend, taking charge and insisting that you want to break up is a masculine thing to do. Some women don't like being that masculine. Some others let guilt over one thing or another prevent them from doing what they really want to do. And in cases like that, finding a passive aggressive way to get him to dump you works the best. It happens all the time. Let's not live in lalaland and pretend it doesn't. And it's a way better outcome than wasting his time and pretending you still want him. It's not though...maybe that's what it says on the front cover of Cosmo, but breaking up with someone face to face is just a human thing to do. In fact if anything, science has proven otherwise that women in a lot of ways are emotionally stronger than men. Yes, of course staying with him when you're not into it is not a good thing either, but **** this cop out ****. Ruin this guy's chances of trusting someone in a relationship again. He doesn't know she was emotionally checked out for awhile and did this because she couldn't face him. In his mind, he is not good enough etc. Especially at his age. Once again, terrible advice. Sit him down, tell him how you are feeling, end it the right way. Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 You are 18.... Tell him your issues and try to get him to work with your needs again, if not break up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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