ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Been seeing this guy off and on for about four years. Always a booty call really but this last round he becomes more affectionate....??? He is an extreeme gamer and there have been two times now I have gone to see him and instead of him gaming like usual he was laying on the couch wanting to cuddle when I walked in. He had had me stay the night a few times given me gas money to get to get home and held on to some belongings I left behind. But never calls me by my name never cuddles after sex and I know almost nothing about him. He is eight years older then me so I know my age is a factor. He hardly responds to my txtd but has times when he is adamant on me coming to see him. I have no idea WTF this man is thinking Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Well you have already said you're a booty call. He calls on you when he wants to use you but doesn't put any priority on you. Which is why his contact is limited unless he wants to get off. Hope you're enjoying the sex. Don't expect anything else from him. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Based on his actions he's thinking he wants you fro sex and affection. Don't let the cuddling fool you into thinking he wants more. Even men need affection and cuddling sometimes. Why have you spent four years of your life in a go nowhere situation like this?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 I haven't he is just someone I see while I'm in town I travel Alot and he is my other man so to speak. I have never kept him steady I think we have seen eachother a total of 25 times in the past four years. When I'm on the road he txts and is all miss you and yadda yadda and I have told him in have intimacy issues I try not to cuddle and avoid it at all costs but he is also a man I can't say no to. He gets upset when he notices I'm hesitant to kiss him and stuff like that he just seems to have a.grip on me it's hard to describe Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 And yes the sex is utterly amazing best I have had in my life Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 OK, so .. I'm not sure what the point of your post is? Are you worried he's getting emotionally attached and that is not what you want? Do you have a boyfriend at home? How old are you ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 The point of my post is I'm confused on all of this I'm engaged and I'm 20. However that's not the relationship I'd care to talk about its in shambles and had been for a long time. I just want to know what he is trying to display so I can act accordingly to his needs. But if it's affection he wants I don't know how much more of that I can do I don't want to fall in love with him although I think I have already. If it's just getting his rox of I'm happy with that and if it's more that he wants then I need to know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 I guess what im trying To say is, is he playing with my emotions? Or is he testing the water to see if I'm a potential GF Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 (edited) The point of my post is I'm confused on all of this I'm engaged and I'm 20. However that's not the relationship I'd care to talk about its in shambles and had been for a long time. I just want to know what he is trying to display so I can act accordingly to his needs. But if it's affection he wants I don't know how much more of that I can do I don't want to fall in love with him although I think I have already. If it's just getting his rox of I'm happy with that and if it's more that he wants then I need to know that. So you're 20 and you've been sleeping with this guy for 4 years? So since you were 16? Yet you sleep with him while traveling a lot? And you're engaged? Edited February 4, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Residence under structures is irrelevant to topic 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 What a mess. Your priorities are out of whack. Life is just passing you by as you waste your life and years on these guys. Why aren't you desiring more for yourself? Why do you live by such low standards? You're 20. Life should be fun, exciting, hopeful -- yet you're engaged and feeling lousy about it and you're an occasional fun phukk. Where is your brain? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 No not curently and yes since I was 16 he knew my age my mother knew his there was no issues there I have been with my fiance since I was fifteen we did 2 years long distance and came to the mutual agreement that we both have needs as long as those are met and there are no comitments then it was fine. I was on my own at 17 I then went to five different states before I turned 18 when I did hit 18 I went to be with my fiance we lived together for 2years in which that whole time I was faithful just like when we were together without the distance since then he has shown me repeatedly that I cannot trust or rely on him. He also has had affairs behind my back and still Denys every one of them. I now live seperated from him and have lost most of what I felt for him he left me at my lowest point while I was goong through a a severe depression. My so called engadgement is a joke. I have told him im not chasing him anymore if he wants to stay he can stay if he wants to go he can go. I know he is the one for me but he has his head up his ass when it comes to relationships and women and me and until the day comes that he no longer has those problems I will not marry him nor stop my behavior. This is something I would normally never do but as I said in previous posts this man is one I cannot say no to. The man I'm engaged to I've know since i was 14 started dating since I was 15 and have been hooked ever since but since this last round with him I have lost most of what I felt for him and I feel as though he needs to earn it back. If he loves me like he says he will. But if he don't hurry he may loose me to someone who may not even love me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 But if he don't hurry he may loose me to someone who may not even love me. This is the most saddest thing I've ever read. Settling is an understatement. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 My brain is saying do what you feel. I do not have low standards I have a big heart. My life has been amazing for as short as its been I learn something new everywhere I go I have the spirit of a lover and a traveler yet I'm constantly worried about getting hurt. My dream for my life I'd simple complete happiness to love and be loved and do what feels right to me. I've been all the way around the country and back met Alot of cool people learned Alot and discovered quite a few parts of myself I don't like the feeling of being trapt in one place. I have been tied to my first love for five years yeah. Do I see it as a waste??? No whoat my age can say they have put in that much dedication? Anything else you would like to criticize me on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 And no the sad part is I may want it that way. My man is controlling always has been its nice to not have someone give a damn about what your next move is. The other man don't care what I do who I'm with where I'm going any of that. He just wants to. Make sure im satisfied. That is something people like me come to cherish when your every move is monitered Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 My brain is saying do what you feel. I do not have low standards I have a big heart. My life has been amazing for as short as its been I learn something new everywhere I go I have the spirit of a lover and a traveler yet I'm constantly worried about getting hurt. My dream for my life I'd simple complete happiness to love and be loved and do what feels right to me. I've been all the way around the country and back met Alot of cool people learned Alot and discovered quite a few parts of myself I don't like the feeling of being trapt in one place. I have been tied to my first love for five years yeah. Do I see it as a waste??? No whoat my age can say they have put in that much dedication? Anything else you would like to criticize me on? You do have low standards though. Both for a partner (deciding between one who cheats on you and one who uses you) and for yourself for accepting such things. We all want happiness and love, but we need to be the ones to craft our lives. You might be best served by being alone for awhile and building up yourself, not spending your time considering jumping from one man to another. Being single will help you craft yourself and building the confidence and strength needed to not accept either of these men who simply enough treat you poorly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 My brain is saying do what you feel. I do not have low standards I have a big heart. My life has been amazing for as short as its been I learn something new everywhere I go I have the spirit of a lover and a traveler yet I'm constantly worried about getting hurt. My dream for my life I'd simple complete happiness to love and be loved and do what feels right to me. I've been all the way around the country and back met Alot of cool people learned Alot and discovered quite a few parts of myself I don't like the feeling of being trapt in one place. I have been tied to my first love for five years yeah. Do I see it as a waste??? No whoat my age can say they have put in that much dedication? Anything else you would like to criticize me on? No, your brain isn't telling you to do. Your heart is telling you to do what you feel. Having low standards has zero relation to having a good heart. Having low standards is you being devoid of any self-respect and self-esteem. It has nothing to do with how loving, kind, generous you are. All that means nothing when you have no boundaries, no self-respect, and no self-esteem. Big difference. People can have good hearts and still get trampled on because they lack emotional strength. Unfortunately, the way you are handling yourself isn't going to help you get your dream. You're seeking a dream in all the wrong places and in all the wrong people. And just because you spent five years with a person doesn't make it dedication. You dedicated your life to someone that didn't reciprocate that dedication to you. A year is one too many. Those years weren't about your dedication, it was about you lacking the value and self-esteem within yourself to walk away because I can't imagine any woman investing all those years on someone who was having affairs, cheating and lying and calling it dedication. You have a lot to learn and growing up to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Oh yeah one more thing.... Life should be Alot of things.... If you have seen the world and looked around you realize it's not. What small moments of joy we are afforded we should snatch as quick as we can so what if mine is a booty call from a dumb womanizer that's just me. Don't mean you have to have the same joy. You wanna build your nest egg fine, you wanna do the normal thing go to college start your career then settle down fine. But remember that's you.... Not me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Oh yeah one more thing.... Life should be Alot of things.... If you have seen the world and looked around you realize it's not. What small moments of joy we are afforded we should snatch as quick as we can so what if mine is a booty call from a dumb womanizer that's just me. Don't mean you have to have the same joy. You wanna build your nest egg fine, you wanna do the normal thing go to college start your career then settle down fine. But remember that's you.... Not me. Then be a booty call for the rest of your life. Why pose the question on a forum if he feels anything more? It's because you don't want to be a booty call for the rest of your life. It's because you want more. You're starting to love him. Don't try and brainwash yourself and us into believing that being a booty call may just be the joy of your life. Your defensiveness is just making you create all sorts of absurd justifications. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Oh yeah one more thing.... Life should be Alot of things.... If you have seen the world and looked around you realize it's not. What small moments of joy we are afforded we should snatch as quick as we can so what if mine is a booty call from a dumb womanizer that's just me. Don't mean you have to have the same joy. You wanna build your nest egg fine, you wanna do the normal thing go to college start your career then settle down fine. But remember that's you.... Not me. So why complain and get defensive? Life is short, very true. If you're happy spending your time between a controlling cheater and a disinterested booty call... then so be it. Enjoy yourself. But if you're interested in changing your situation and not accepting the actions of these men, then that change will start from within. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravenmarie Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Never said I didn't have growing up to do. I completely agree there. And year maybe your right I won't get my dream that way. However my self esteem is just fine I love who I am and I love being me self respect is up to par as well. My actions don't reflect otherwise if you think me being comfortable being a booty call is low standards and no self respect then u have it mistaken. There are differences to me between the love I feel for my fiance and anything else on felt for any other men. My so called affair has been a total of 6 visits withing the past 2 months. It's not something I would normally ever do. I'm not proud of it nor am I ashamed he is doing what my fiance refuses to. He and I had discussed these problems many times over and still no changes. It has been dedication. Doing a two year long distance stretch was hard. I don't have Alot of money most of my travels where on Sheree dumb luck. I saw him two times a total of a week including both visits while he was away. I worked everyday paid half our bills and made a home for him. That is dedication. Back to the self respect thing I do not want to fall in love again period between that and my abandonment issues I choose to keep anyone I have relations with at arms length. Which includes the intimate part. I am only intimate with my fiance so him doing what he is doing to me and knowing that fact he is throwing me mixed signals now if you don't mind can we continue with the problem at hand and less about the ins and outs of this young lady's very on herself as well as her self respect????? THANKYOU Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 As Philosoraptor said, if you are are content and happy being with your controlling cheater and an uninterested booty call, then so be it. There is no need to keep going on about it. You're the only one that has to live with it and if you're happy, that's all that matters. You don't need to justify or explain yourself anymore. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 This man enjoys the sexual relationship you have. You said it was some of the best sex ever. OK fine. He has no emotions invested in you. Since he has give you money, he's probably not a complete jerk & doesn't harbor ill will toward you but he's not in love with you, nor is he doing to fall in love with you. You are a sex buddy. Nothing more. He's not testing the waters to see if you will be a good girlfriend. Based on the way he treats you -- booty call only -- he doesn't think enough of you to make you his GF. You make it easy for him: you show up & have sex with him. He does not respect you & he will not make an effort to be with you. He just doesn't care that much. If the sex is that great, keep having sex. If you want a relationship, walk away. He's not your guy. Don't be shocked when he doesn't chase you. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 The point of my post is I'm confused on all of this I'm engaged and I'm 20. However that's not the relationship I'd care to talk about its in shambles and had been for a long time. I just want to know what he is trying to display so I can act accordingly to his needs. But if it's affection he wants I don't know how much more of that I can do I don't want to fall in love with him although I think I have already. If it's just getting his rox of I'm happy with that and if it's more that he wants then I need to know that. So you have been banging this older guy since you were 16 and he was 24? Hmmmmm I guess he was feeling a void in your life? (no pun intended). As others have mentioned, unfortunately this guy has taken advantage of your vulnerability and has no intentions of building on this booty call You owe it to yourself to cut the umbilical cord, consider it experience and move on with your life to carve out a career in life, and hopefully you have learned a lot from the 4yrs that will help you to be a good judge of character At 20....your are barely an adult 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Oh yeah one more thing.... Life should be Alot of things.... If you have seen the world and looked around you realize it's not. What small moments of joy we are afforded we should snatch as quick as we can so what if mine is a booty call from a dumb womanizer that's just me. Don't mean you have to have the same joy. You wanna build your nest egg fine, you wanna do the normal thing go to college start your career then settle down fine. But remember that's you.... Not me. You are chasing oxytocin to belong. You are caught in a cycle of unhealthy dysfunctional relationships because you are too scared of breaking your habits. You are only 20 years old. You are barely an adult. If I read your posts correctly, you come from a very unstable family background. You need to break free from your patterns and not form bonds with unsuitable men just because you want to belong. You must grow stronger and build other relationships around you. Being on the road makes this worse. You need to put roots down somewhere and find stability. NOT through these men. Link to post Share on other sites
tinderbox8888 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 So you hate being engaged to your fiance. Why are you with him? If he is that controlling, dump him. You aren't married yet. You have time. If this other guy is confusing you, confront him. Honesty is the best policy because it will help forgo issues in the future. You need to figure out where he is at and decide if that's something you wish to continue. Link to post Share on other sites
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