2 years post separation

[M30USA]

It's officially 2 years since I have separated from ex-wife. The divorce occurred about a year ago.

 

When counselors and psychologists say it takes 2 years to heal and move on, I think they're right. It's almost like things have suddenly begun to click into place very recently. I have noticed a huge drop in my cynical attitude towards the wrongs she has done to me. Now I just think, "She did what she did and life is life." Can't change it, might as well just heal and improve myself.

 

I've also begun to fix some of my own problems which may have played a role in my divorce. (Not that this excuses her behavior, but I'm saying certain mindsets of mine might have attracted toxic people like her.) Specifically, I have been freed from the unhealthy addiction to porn which was messing up my view of women. Even if I never get married or involved with another woman, I'm still better off as an individual without porn because it gives me more peace and confidence.

 

Secondly, I have started school again. I never made much money before and I am not a person to care much about money, but I can forsee the need for funds in the future due to my children and their expenses. It feels good to be back in school. It's one of the best ways of healing and moving on for a divorced man, in my opinion.

 

The biggest difference between me now compared to my marriage is I refuse to allow a woman (or any person) walk all over me and tell me who I should be or how I should live. I think it takes a certain amount of getting roughed up in life to finally reach this point. It's not a barrier to correction and wise counsel. No. I still listen to wise people--probably even more than before. But now I've realized that nobody has walked in my shoes except me. So they can say whatever they want or tell me how to live, but it's usually worth very little and merely reflects who THEY are, not any objective truth. Bottom line: be who you have to be, do what you have to do.

Edited February 4, 2014 by M30USA