Just Accept or Live without Peaceful secure Feelings

[blueberry13]

I have no proof of anything other than some white lies about where abouts, lies about strip clubs, and a text message to a female he met on a guys trip stating how they had so much in common and he couldn't help but ck to see if he still had her number and she said she had his saved in her phone too. SHe 22, my husband 44. SInce then, as I've been trying to build up trust, his job, legitimately is doing business with a foreigner that often hires prostitutes to attend the nightclubs which is how he seems to conduct business. How much fun is that? My husband has been truthful about that and claims not to participate. However, He is constantly traveling to hotspots around the world and it's always nightclubbing. He got a new phone and my daughter was playing with his old phone. I happened to see on his old phone him mention to a guy when asked how his vegas trip was, he replied, the club last night was great and tonight we're going to my favorite. Vegas is just like London he also said to his British friend, and thus he travels to London all the time. Hearing him compare it to Vegas, I am sure that is because of the types of places he hangs out. He told me in Vegas they had dinners and mostly gambled, and I hadn't even asked any questions. It did not align with wht I had seen on the phone.

 

However, this is is job. This is how he provides for the family. Yet, I don't have peace. He seems to play the husband role and the playboy role. Yes, I did go out the other night with friends, got home at 12 and he commented on how late I came home. (Mind you he was away on a fishing trip). He stays out until 4 am all the time at these clubs...with destinations like LV, France, London, Rio, all over.

 

Do I accept or keep feeling vulnerable. I try to talk to him and he thinks I'm crazy and I have a problem. I have a nice home, life, and happy kids. I don't think money is everything.

[justa_guy]

Sounds like this guy's ego is huge, And he's got double standards if he doesn't like you going out late. He's already lied to you a few times and what you need to do is think "would he be ok if I did this?" that text sounds like a huge red flag.

 

Plus acting defensive when you confront him, shows somethings up or that he feels this behavior is justified because of the bad company he obviously keeps.

 

So no. Don't accept & live without personal security, your husband is behaving like a superior douche, your rights are equal to his, including the right to the truth and emotional security.

[blueberry13]

Thank you for your message.

 

Yes, that text was a big red flag for me. I don't quite get how I can ever trust after that. Other people have experienced far worse and learn to trust again. My experience is a bit of a mystery yet husband travels now extensively. He just left again for 12 days.

 

Without trust, what is there? If I try to address feelings, anger towards me is unleashed.

 

He can act so angry and then act like nothing ever happened.

 

It's not so fulfilling when you can't have heart to heart conversations or talk about anything that's not on the surface.

Feeling disconnected.

[bob the brave]

Wow, talk about temptation. What a job he has.

 

Years ago, I would have been concerned and I am really not one to be tolerant of cheating. Bbut now having walked the road of life a fair piece and noting what you have said all I can say is this. No one is perfect. If he loves you, returns home to you, treats you and your kids well and any such disgressions never proceed beyond white lies, I would let it lay and be grateful for the good you do have.

 

If your suspissions are correct at least you have the comfort of knowing that it is only playing and afterwards he returns home to you.