SmartDude Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 She says I am just like her dad, but in a good way? What is the meaning of this? It is hard for my male mind to understand this on a certain level. Is this a good sign when a women says this?
TheyCallMeOx Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 You're going to have to ask her yourself because the answer can be really great, but it can be really bad. At this point, there's no telling what she means. If you have her dad's personality, it can be great if she's close to her dad. However, if she hates her dad because of his personality, then she'll end up hating you. If, physically, you remind her of her dad...then the sex might get negatively affected because she'll feel like she's having sex with her dad. However, if she's got an electra complex...then maybe that would be a good thing. I'd say that generally, it's a good thing. However, you want to be very clear on what she means by that. Any woman can decipher the message, but you won't be 100% certain of what she means until she tells you herself... 3
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I hope to all that is sacred that 'in a good way' doesn't entail the boudoir....
Syreeni Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Yep, depends on how she views her father. If she has negative issues with him- bad She likes/respects him, considers him a good male role model- good Looks wise- depends on how she specifically means this and her relationship with her dad - could mean bad things for you or nothing of importance. Anytime I've though/said it, it was never in a good way. See negative issues. Her : "You remind me of my dad, but in a good way" is a bit confusing but that could mean she is a little more indifferent about her father, she sees the good and bad and you remind her of the good bits. The things she wished were stronger elements within her father. So, I'd take that as good. Best way to get clarification? Ask her for more detail. Communication is your best friend.
gaius Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Probably a good thing. I've had one or two girlfriends that reminded me of my mother and boy was I hot for them.
Author SmartDude Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 OK here is a little more context of how this happened. She was talking about my gray hairs and how she thought it looked good on me. Said that I remind her of her dad. (I have some silver colored hair on my head) I gave her a look implying my confusion/oh **** moment. Then she said: "I mean in a good way". She is 15 years younger than me and has some problems in her life. She does heroin, sells her body and is bipolar. She is very wise for her age, and this is why I am attracted to her. She has been though a lot but is very sweet and has never been unkind to me...not even a little. In some ways we are the same, and in some ways we are complete opposites. I am a successful business owner, happy most of the time but challenged when it comes to opening my heart without paralyzing fear in the beginning of a relationship. I am a love shy individual, but only at first. I have learned a great deal about myself just by being with her in a way that has not happened before in my life. I tend to gravitate towards strong women who have had incredible challenges and hardships in life. Women who have their lives together, for some odd reason, give me no *purpose*. I don't want to talk about the color choice for paint in my dream home, with a perfect wife. I figure if I am going to love someone romantically, I want to put good use to that love. I am a little bit screwed up, I will admit. But I always strive to treat women well. For the most part I do. This situation worries me a bit. I am more afraid of hurting her than of being hurt myself. Yet I want to be there in some way, even if I experience pain from time to time. Let's just call it "an undefined relationship", because that is what it is right now. If it was not for the sense of connection to this person, which has no logical explanation....I would be running not walking away from the situation right now.
zen2475 Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I'm sorry, but what you are is codependent. It's not your job to fix anybody. 1
pteromom Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 She is 15 years younger than me and has some problems in her life. She does heroin, sells her body and is bipolar. She is very wise for her age You just contradicted yourself. Her choices are not "wise". Given this additional info, I would say you remind her of your dad in a fatherly way - that you take care of her. 4
GoreSP Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 She is 15 years younger than me and has some problems in her life. She does heroin, sells her body and is bipolar. wait...what?! 2
Author SmartDude Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 I'm sorry, but what you are is codependent. It's not your job to fix anybody. On the surface that is exactly what it seems like. There are other factors that add to the complexity of the situation, Such that it is not so simple as "wanting to save her".
Author SmartDude Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 You just contradicted yourself. Her choices are not "wise". Given this additional info, I would say you remind her of your dad in a fatherly way - that you take care of her. sorry, can't help you with that. Well maybe I can. A list of great individuals who have had heroin addictions is not hard to find. James Taylor-20 year addict. Soccer mom- Has little brats that only contribute to global warming and the use of precious resources so they can have a sponge bob that ends up in the giant island of trash, located in the pacific ocean.
pteromom Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Well maybe I can. A list of great individuals who have had heroin addictions is not hard to find. James Taylor-20 year addict. Soccer mom- Has little brats that only contribute to global warming and the use of precious resources so they can have a sponge bob that ends up in the giant island of trash, located in the pacific ocean. Hey, if she makes you happy, more power to you both. But her choices still aren't "wise". And I don't know about James Taylor being great. Famous, sure. I'm sure a few of his old records are in the landfill too.
Author SmartDude Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Hey, if she makes you happy, more power to you both. But her choices still aren't "wise". And I don't know about James Taylor being great. Famous, sure. I'm sure a few of his old records are in the landfill too. Ya, sorry I got all pissy at you. This is very emotional for me right now on many different levels. Her choices are not wise. No one is going to argue against that. 1
pteromom Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 Ya, sorry I got all pissy at you. This is very emotional for me right now on many different levels. Her choices are not wise. No one is going to argue against that. No prob. I didn't take it personally. I'm a proud soccer mom, filling up the landfills with SpongeBobs. Anyway, I am sure this is difficult for you. In no way do I think she is a lesser person because of her choices, but she is probably not capable of the relationship you want with her. Drugs change who a person is, and a major drug like heroin is going to make her volatile, unpredictable, and untrustworthy. If those things are worth the risk for you, because you are happy with her, then go be happy. But just be prepared for the coming storm(s). If she said you remind her of her dad in a good way, I would just accept the compliment. If it was bad, you'd know it.
tutrevealed Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 I'd say it could be a 'negative' thing. Think about...she's dating 'daddy' ... maybe looking for someone to replace him when he's not around. In most cases, we as humans do this, unless we are aware of it. Wouldn't it make more sense that she'd date someone other than like her dad? Whether he's a good guy or not...in my opinion...dating someone that reminds you of one of your parents...I believe says "I have issues with that parent" and cannot break free from it. It's a 'comfortable' pattern !
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2014 Posted February 4, 2014 In general it's a good thing. My husband & father had a lot in common & became good buddies. Your GF's other issues may have no bearing on this statement but I would caution you that there is a reason many women sell their bodies & do drugs. Often times that stems from a lack of self esteem; a father is a girl's 1st source of external validation so there is something to worry about here.
Author SmartDude Posted February 4, 2014 Author Posted February 4, 2014 Thank you for all the replies. Ok so are you ready for an even stranger twist in this whole situation? Being with this woman, who I should not even be attracted to, who I have not even known that long...Is bringing up my core issues that have haunted me all my life. You know, the thing that people notice about you instantly when first meeting ...Yet you cannot see it yourself. Well, I am starting to get a glimpse of it. I can see my own shadow. Could be a coincidence, sure. But I do wonder why is this person is in my life right now and why do they have such a big effect on me.
Author SmartDude Posted February 5, 2014 Author Posted February 5, 2014 I hope to all that is sacred that 'in a good way' doesn't entail the boudoir.... I know that she was adopted. She left the city because things "didn't work out" living at her dad's. I know that he also uses heroin. Oh the horror if she was sexually abused by him, or there was a lapse of judgment on her part when they used the drug together. One would perpetuate the other im sure. When we were having sex one time, I saw the most sorrowful expression I have ever seen in a person. Its almost like she was trying to tell me something.
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