brokenfamily Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 4 weeks ago my boyfriend of nearly 10 years dropped the bomb. He didn't want to be in this relationship anymore. We have a 3 year old, a 1 year old and I am due in about 2 weeks with our 3rd baby. I am gutted. All I want is my family back. I have no idea how I'm supposed to do NC with 3 young kids. He wants to be a better father and has been actually putting in more effort since the bomb dropped. Why now? Why does he care now when I've felt like a single mother this whole time? It all started months ago. I knew he was becoming distant but I didn't really know why. He worked from home in the basement and it's freezing. I knew he hated it and we both missed city life - we moved to a small town when our 3 year old was born. Being pregnant and breastfeeding for 4 straight years takes a toll on you. I wasn't the attentive wife I wanted to be and I missed the way things were. I was trapped in being a SAHM and he traveled for business and had so many friends and opportunities. It got to the point where I was resentful that he had these opportunities and I was "stuck" at home with the kids. I ended up being unhappy and forgetting to focus on myself and doing things to make myself happy. I feel like having kids and losing myself pushed him away. He always slept in, went to the gym when he pleased, took time to meditate, and, I later found out, texted with a new love interest for months. He came to bed later, slept further away from me, and I went to bed earlier due to pregnancy and being tired from raising the kids, and in the end just to avoid how distant he was becoming. He says now that he feels like there is something more out there for him. He just doesn't feel the same way that he used to about me. He thinks I need to get on with my life, be happy and date. He thinks we'll both be happier with other people and wants to be friends and be amazing co-parents... The problem is that he's been thinking about this for about 6 months and only just sprang this on me now. He met a woman on a business trip 4 months ago and has begun a steady relationship with her. He tells me they have an amazing connection and he shows no remorse over seeing her behind my back. All I get is an emotionless "I'm sorry". I am so sick with grief. He says it has nothing to do with her, that he is done with our relationship regardless. But I love him, and want the passion back, and want my family kept together. All of these babies were planned. It breaks my heart that I can't keep my husband. He says things like "I don't know what's going to happen, maybe we get back together in 2 months, 6 months, or 10 years, but I know in my soul that this relationship isn't what I need right now." It makes me nearly pass out. I just want to die but my babies need me. I want him back desperately. I don't know how to save this. I don't think it can be saved. I read divorce busting. It was uplifting until the last page where it says that sometimes counseling can't help because the decision has already been made to leave. And right then I knew he would never come back. He moved back to the city a week ago. He's free to date his new girlfriend and I am awaiting the birth of our baby. Any advice is welcome. I want him back. I have no idea what to do. I keep waiting for him to realize that he's making a terrible mistake. I know I am pathetic but I can't move on since I have these little babies to look after right now. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Get an attorney now and get every cent you can from him. You are going to need it. Call any family or close friends and ask for their help and support. Sue for mental abuse and neglect as well as anything else your attorney can think of. I'm so sorry. I cant imagine the weight you must be feeling on your shoulders and you soul. Do you have a church where you can find some support? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 You need 2 professionals in your life right now: a lawyer & a counselor. You need to stay strong for your kids. Get the money straightened out. Keep putting on foot in front of the other. Rely on family & friends. Once you recover from labor & delivery we can work on the rest. {{{hugs}}} 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 You've been together for 10 years, and are about to have your 3rd child. Why aren't the two of you married?! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yarrow Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 (edited) See a lawyer ASAP. You need to do whatever you can to protect those children. He's gone and you know it. I was in my second trimester when my husband left me. It's been a year and this thing is still dragging through the legal system. But I'm at the point where I can confidently say that whatever hell I'm going through now, if I were still with him, it would be 10 times worse. Edited February 5, 2014 by Yarrow Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenfamily Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 All of you are right. I wanted to go the happy route with 1 lawyer but I will need to meet with my own lawyer to find out my rights. I will do that this week. I will also stop all contact as much as possible. I wish I could keep these kids away from him. He is exhibiting sociopathic behaviour. I can't believe this is the man I wanted to spend my life with. I had no idea he was capable... Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I had no idea he was capable... Side bar note to other women reading this sad post : When a man wants to date and especially live with a woman for years but will not marry her - he is not only capable, but probably WILL do this. When an adult male doesn't want to marry it is because he does not want to commit to staying with a woman once screaming, pooping babies come in to the picture and it is no longer "fun." This wasn't a fluke. Every grandmother that knows this couple saw this coming from miles away. Brokenfamily, the only advice I have for you is to lawyer up and fight for every single cent you can get out of him. He took ten years of your life and left you with stretch marks and 3 screaming mouths to feed. Telling you date and get out and have fun is a slap in the face. With 3 babies under your wing what man is going to go for that and when would you have the time and energy even if there was. **** him!! Take him down for everything you possibly can. (And I am a guy by the way and not some embittered single mother who has an ax to grind) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I can't believe this is the man I wanted to spend my life with. I had no idea he was capable... Why did you not get married? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 And now he runs to the next woman, what a surprise... Yeah, there really isn't much more advise to give apart from what is already written in other posts. For your own sake though I'd still try to go NC with him, since you two aren't married he's not in the position to demand anything, especially not when hooking up with other women (I bet this was not the first one... heck I bet a million dollars on it!), since he doesn't want to help you anyway he also won't need to trample on your soul and self-esteem. I'm just surprised he didn't have the... scrotum to leave before the creation of 3 babies. It can be hard for them too, but I bet he never even thought this far. Disgusting, be glad you're rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
BOREDouttaMymind Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 ch..ch...ch..child support him up the butt. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 He sounds like a terribly selfish human being, I'm sorry this has happened to you! I think you need to get angry. Link to post Share on other sites
Yarrow Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Side bar note to other women reading this sad post : When a man wants to date and especially live with a woman for years but will not marry her - he is not only capable, but probably WILL do this. When an adult male doesn't want to marry it is because he does not want to commit to staying with a woman once screaming, pooping babies come in to the picture and it is no longer "fun." This wasn't a fluke. Every grandmother that knows this couple saw this coming from miles away. Brokenfamily, the only advice I have for you is to lawyer up and fight for every single cent you can get out of him. He took ten years of your life and left you with stretch marks and 3 screaming mouths to feed. Telling you date and get out and have fun is a slap in the face. With 3 babies under your wing what man is going to go for that and when would you have the time and energy even if there was. **** him!! Take him down for everything you possibly can. (And I am a guy by the way and not some embittered single mother who has an ax to grind) My STBX actually married me, but did the same thing. His brilliant plan was to "put a ring on it" so no one else could have me. He even lied about wanting kids, just to get me down the aisle. Then he took off went it wasn't fun anymore. What was very interesting is that the men I've told actually came down harder on him than the women. My girlfriends were all like, "Maybe he's scared.", "Maybe he's just stressed and he'll come around later." and making excuses. Their boyfriends/husbands and my male friends and coworkers immediately came out and said, "He needs to man up." or "He's a D-bag. Take him to the cleaners." and "That's just unacceptable." I wonder if it's because a woman is socialized to give the benefit of the doubt and the men just already know what is and is not acceptable behavior in another man. It was funny. I had to go to my financial planner to get some documents and he went so far as to apologize to me on behalf of all men in the world and said, "I would like you to know that we aren't all like that." Link to post Share on other sites
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