I am breaking it off tomorrow

[proseandpassion]

I've had enough. I can't take it anymore. My MM has been on vacation with his wife for a week now, and during this time apart I've felt great - this has been sucking my life force.

 

I don't want to do it in person. I think a text would suffice. I'd like to text him while he's on his flight home so that I can have a few hours to breathe after. Anyone have any suggestions for a succint way to end this in a few sentences?

[Cakess]

Good for you! But never dump someone in a text. It's very rude.

[xAkulax]

Men like that don't know when to take a hint my advice if you wont it over would be to threaten to tell his wife that alone will make him stay away.

 

As for the best way to send it an email would suffice

 

I wish you the best of luck

Edited February 5, 2014 by xAkulax

[proseandpassion]

Good for you! But never dump someone in a text. It's very rude.

 

That's rich! This is a man who manipulates and lies to me. Does he really deserve much consideration?

[whichwayisup]

I've had enough. I can't take it anymore. My MM has been on vacation with his wife for a week now, and during this time apart I've felt great - this has been sucking my life force.

 

I don't want to do it in person. I think a text would suffice. I'd like to text him while he's on his flight home so that I can have a few hours to breathe after. Anyone have any suggestions for a succint way to end this in a few sentences?

 

Good for you for wanting to end it and also, it must feel amazing to 'feel great' while he's away. Not waiting by your phone, hoping to hear from him, see him etc.. That roller coaster and stress -- Poof! gone for now. But, it WILL BE GONE for good once you just end it. You can do this!!!

 

YOU DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. Why do this face to face when you can send him a text? Emotionally speaking it's better for you to do this way.

 

Text him and just say something like "I realized when you were away with your wife how great I've been feeling. Like myself again. Made me realize that it's best for me to end this affair. Please do not contact me. Don't call, text or email me. Please respect my decision. Be well and take care."

 

Might as well rise to the occasion and be the bigger person, give yourself some closure by wishing him well.

 

Good luck and hey, change your cell number too. Just for your own peace of mind.

[whichwayisup]

That's rich! This is a man who manipulates and lies to me. Does he really deserve much consideration?

 

Nope.

 

He saw you on HIS terms and time frame, did what was best for himself. He put himself first ALL OF THE TIME.

 

You end it your way..whatever is best and easiest for you. You don't need to hear his sadness, talk about it or have him try to manipulate you to stay in the affair, or try to be friends. VERY doubtful he'd actually say I agree, thanks for ending it, take care too - And walk away without a second glance.

 

Affairs are messy and painful so again, do what you feel is right for you.

 

The guy is a grown (married) man, he must know that A's don't last forever. He will hurt and go on with his life, like everybody else who has gone through this.

[proseandpassion]

Men like that don't know when to take a hint my advice if you wont it over would be to threaten to tell his wife that alone will make him stay away.

 

As for the best way to send it an email would suffice

 

I wish you the best of luck

 

I'd email him... if I had his e-mail address. I don't even have his real phone number. He uses a texting app. I have no access to his world. Conveniently, he has this all set up so that if HE wanted out, he could BLIP, delete it all in one fell swoop. In my case, though, he knows my address, my phone number, my email address, and where I work.

[proseandpassion]

The ONLY reason I am tempted to do this in person is to get some closure. But I'm fearful I will just get addicted again, think "just one last time," etc. Plus he might give me another great display of crocodile tears (you should see this guy try to drum up tears).

[xAkulax]

The ONLY reason I am tempted to do this in person is to get some closure. But I'm fearful I will just get addicted again, think "just one last time," etc. Plus he might give me another great display of crocodile tears (you should see this guy try to drum up tears).

 

wow he sounds like a real charmer.In that case then I would meet somewhere in public like mall, cafe, or a restaurant I would keep it brief and tell him i'm done or I'm so goddamn tired, can't tell if I'm done or just bored of you BS if you have trouble falling through with this just focus on all of the BS and mind games he put you through as motivation.

 

 

If it's distract you from what you wont put it aside if it give you focus use it

 

 

Good luck

[CaliGypsy]

You do whatever feels right to you. You don't owe him diddly.

[whichwayisup]

The ONLY reason I am tempted to do this in person is to get some closure. But I'm fearful I will just get addicted again, think "just one last time," etc. Plus he might give me another great display of crocodile tears (you should see this guy try to drum up tears).

 

He isn't going to give you closure, that comes within yourself.

 

It's your decision but seeing him 'one last time' will it really make a difference? Is it worth a test of your strength? What if he puts on the croco tears, says a good story to you and you start to feel bad, then he makes a move on you, hugs and touches you, looks into your eyes... Don't do that to yourself! Please consider sticking with your original plan on how to end it with him.

[RickFox]

You realize he is going to push harder and harder to try you to give in, and judging by your comments you probably will

[proseandpassion]

You realize he is going to push harder and harder to try you to give in, and judging by your comments you probably will

 

So what do you suggest I do

[proseandpassion]

Well, this guy is so tapped into me, I feel like he knows my moves before I make them. He called me late last night, upset. I told him I thought he was lying about loving me, and I asked him whether he thought I deserved a true partnership of my own. I told him I just can't trust someone who lies over and over again to their spouse. I said I was signing up for being alone every Christmas, Birthday, Valentine's Day, etc. He was either actually upset, or being a very good actor. He insists his feelings are genuine.

 

None of that really matters. He's married. I have to lead with my head on this. I have so much work on myself I need to begin - IC for my love addiction, relearning what I am attracted to, etc.

 

We tabled the conversation for Thursday.

[sunburned]

Is Thursday when he comes back from vacation with his wife?I think you have answered your own question about the best way to break it off. You obviously cannot handle more intimate contact like a phone call or an in person meeting. If you truly want to end it, you should just go no contact. As another poster so succinctly put it, you don't owe him diddy!

 

You will not get closure face to face. You will get a renewed marketing campaign.

[Sub]

Good for you! But never dump someone in a text. It's very rude.

 

There's an A going on. I think we're a little past "rude" at this point.

 

That said, I would do it in person, and tell him to his face how great you felt while you were apart. Anchor yourself to that.

[proseandpassion]

Is Thursday when he comes back from vacation with his wife?I think you have answered your own question about the best way to break it off. You obviously cannot handle more intimate contact like a phone call or an in person meeting. If you truly want to end it, you should just go no contact. As another poster so succinctly put it, you don't owe him diddy!

 

You will not get closure face to face. You will get a renewed marketing campaign.

 

I think you might be right. I already felt my resolve melting away with every plea on the phone. He was tugging at my emotions. Kept saying his hands were going numb, that he was shaking, crying. That is pure manipulation, isn't it?

[Mascara]

He sounds like a right drama queen. If the thought of losing you distresses him that much, he knows what he has to do, doesn't he?

[proseandpassion]

He sounds like a right drama queen. If the thought of losing you distresses him that much, he knows what he has to do, doesn't he?

 

He's not going to end his relationship. He said this last night, even in the midst of crying about my distancing.

 

I really think I am going to send the text after all.

[Nothisgirl]

Is Thursday when he comes back from vacation with his wife?I think you have answered your own question about the best way to break it off. You obviously cannot handle more intimate contact like a phone call or an in person meeting. If you truly want to end it, you should just go no contact. As another poster so succinctly put it, you don't owe him diddy!

 

You will not get closure face to face. You will get a renewed marketing campaign.

 

Yes, don't see him, he WILL suck you back in. Hold on to how you felt while he was gone and yes, use your head not your heart. Break it off and fall apart in IC after...like a previous poster said closure comes from within yourself

 

He's not going to end his relationship. He said this last night, even in the midst of crying about my distancing.

 

I really think I am going to send the text after all.

I wish I could like @Mascaras post 1000 times. He knows what he has to do to end his "pain"....if he loves you so much he can make the choice to be with you but he's choosing not to to that. He choosing to eat cake..please stop letting him. SEND THAT TEXT, and if need be threaten to tell BW if he doesn't respect your wish for NC. we will be here for you

[whichwayisup]

He's not going to end his relationship. He said this last night, even in the midst of crying about my distancing.

 

I really think I am going to send the text after all.

 

Yes this is better for you to send it by text. You can see now how hard it will be face to face.

[Mascara]

Just picture his reaction if his wife found out. He'd be putting on this sobbing, begging, weeping act with her. He's clearly a complete fake, he's learned that a tearful act gets him what he wants.

 

There's a clear way to get him to snap off the waterworks -

 

1. Text him. No explanations, he doesn't need one. And if he does "you're married" will suffice.

 

2. If he contacts you, tell him that the very next time he communicates you will be telling his wife.

 

That should focus his mind.

[proseandpassion]

I sent the text.

[sunburned]

Good move, p&p. Hope it was short and to the point. Keep us posted. (((hugs)))

[Quiet Storm]

He will probably not give up yet.

 

The thing is, he is going to turn the focus on his love for you. It very well may be genuine love that he has for you. What you need to remained focused on, however, is not his love for you, but his marital status.

 

He will try to steer the conversation to be about how much he loves you, how much he needs you, how important you are to him, how he's never loved anyone like you, etc. He will try to avoid the facts: that he is married and can't give you what you want.

 

If his crying & declarations of love doesn't work, it is very likely that he will switch tactics and become angry. He will attempt to put you in defensive mode, but saying things like "If you really loved me, you would sacrifice for me". "There must be another guy or you wouldn't be doing this". "If you loved me, then the time that I give you is better than nothing at all".

 

He may also try to use sex to get you in an agreeable & happy mood again.

 

You need to plan out how you are going to respond to his various tactics. You will have to remain emotionally detached and see that his words are manipulations designed to control you. It won't be easy, but I think you understand that you deserve more, and that staying with him is just prolonging the inevitable.

 

Here are some ideas:

 

"This is not about my love for you. This about me and what I deserve & want out of life. You can't give me what I need."

 

"The bottom line is that I need more than you can provide. You want me to sacrifice things that are very important to me so that you can be married & have me, too. I am no longer willing to do that. I deserve better than that."

 

"If you love me, why do you think I should settle for this? If this was your daughter, would you advise her to stay with a married guy just because he loves her?"

 

"You keep saying how much you love me. I get that. You love me. Well, you know what? I don't like your brand of love anymore. Your love comes with pain and I'm done with it."

 

"I understand that there are reasons why you can't leave. Those reasons, as valid as they may be, don't negate the fact that your marital status prevents me from having the full relationship that I deserve."

 

"I know that it's wrong to have an affair. I have been participating because my feelings for you are so strong. But I'm not willing to compromise my values anymore. It makes me feel bad, and I want my relationship to be a positive force in my life".

 

"No one is going to look out for my best interests except me. If you had my best interests at heart, you would see that I deserve more than an affair. This is not a normal relationship where we are a partnership that looks out for each other. It may be best for you if you can be married AND have a girlfriend, but what about me? This is not a good situation for me to be in, and I can't depend on you to take care of me. I need to protect myself, so please be considerate and allow me to do that."

 

"Although I love you and have strong feelings for you, I intellectually know that you are not a good person. Your character is one that lies, cheats & manipulates. I do not need people like this in my life. Please respect that."

 

Stay strong.

Edited February 5, 2014 by Quiet Storm