strive Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Sorry just need to vent. Short summary - together 11 years, not married, one kid, was dumped last September to pursue a RS with a new woman. We're in our 30's So I've been talking to my mom about how the ex hasn't been sending child support. He already missed one month and it seems like he won't be giving money again this month. I'm only able to work part time and the money I'm making isn't enough to make ends meet. I was asking my mom advice on how to go about it, and considering asking help from the ex's parents on how to deal with him. (Ex has a decent job but is **** at managing money, his parents STILL pays for his credit card debts on a regular basis) My mom took matters into her own hands and directly talked with the ex's mom. The conversation, I heard afterwards, was shocking to say the least. Turns out ex never told them we broke up and instead told them we've been fighting a lot and decided to live separately for the time being. He's living with his parents now but apparently he never goes home and only drops by every morning to shower and change before picking up my kid to go to school. At this point I asked my mom not to tell me any more, I just don't want to hear about it. His parents apparently think it's just a phase and we'll eventually get back together. They didn't know about the new woman, and thinks he's just working all the time. They knew something was wrong but they couldn't get anything out of him. His entire family is curious/concerned, which is understandable. But what's affecting me is that since they don't know anything, they were asking my mom details of why we broke up, etc etc. Of course my mom knows some of it, but is reluctant to tell them. So she asked me what she's allowed to say to them next time they talk, what should we keep to ourselves, etc. I was well on my way to healing before this thing happened. I was keeping healthy, going to meetups, taking out of town trips with my kid, and generally erasing him from my life as much as I could. But now everyone else is picking at old woulds and I just want to move on. I did a lot of healing these last 4 months, and I'm a firm believer of NC, FB blocking, and pursuing one's own happiness. But I feel like its day 1 all over again and it just ****ing hurts to remember. The good thing that came out of it though is that they volunteered to help us out financially. They're concerned about their grandkid and from what I heard there's resentment for their son because the ex is running away from his responsibilities. As much as I love my kid, I seriously envy those who can go complete NC. LC is tough. Thanks for listening/reading. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Me its was 16 years together, two kids and both side of families live abroad (we emigrated)...I've cut ALL ties, those family members of his that I loved. I emailed them told them I loved them but needed to cut ties for now, in the early days I sent the odd new pics of the kids to his parents...all his family have only ever heard his side... thats just fine, I honestly don't care, as long as those around you/me that love us know the truth, that is all that matters. Sadly the wounds get opened through out this process...i find NC is mentally the only way forward...you cant afford to 'hear' info about him, other peoples thoughts or opinions, theirs just doesn't matter...cause at the end of the day its your thoughts that are important, YOU know what has happened, how he has made you feel. Minimal contact...tell your mum you love her, but not to get involved would be my advice Ss xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts