2KindKay Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 I guess I just needed to vent. I have been with my husband for 20 years and married for almost 2. We decided to get married for the kids, who were getting a lot of questions about why their name was different than mine. Everyone warned me about getting married, saying it was going to be just a piece of paper saying he owned me, well it hasn't been like that but he has let himself go. As it stands now he hasn't taken a shower in 3 or 4 weeks (ohh yes I know it's sick) I have said something to him about this, it's not always a good thing to be so honest but i'm a very honest person so if I have a problem I tell him I do, better he hear it from me than someone else. He also never brushes his teeth, it's to the point I can't even look at him when he speaks because his teeth are gross, I tried to handle this by buying him bath sets with toothpaste included, he hasn't even opened the soap I bought. We haven't made love in months, which yes I admit is my fault, I can't get excited about a man that smells. I really think i'm falling out of love, I don't know what the heck to do, I have told him if things don't change i'll leave, it doesn't seem to matter. I even sat him down and had a serious conversation with him about our relationship, I told him I thought it was time for him to move on and find someone else, someone that could please him and make him happy again, because i'm not that person anymore. The thing is, he know's he has me over a barrel, I don't work, we decided I would raise the kids instead, who are 15, 13, and 11 now. I really want to leave but don't know where I would go and would hate to leave my kids behind. I sometimes feel so damn lost, look in the mirror and say ,,, well girl this is your f***ed up life, live with it, but i'm at that point in my life where I don't feel like I should have to just settle for less than i'm worth. Yes things go deeper than just his physical appearance, but if I wrote about all of that, I could write a book and become rich off it... lol On that note, thanks so much for reading and if you have suggestions please feel free to share... Kay Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 It sounds like he has a serious case of depression to me - something has caused him to spiral downward and I would guess the reason for completely letting himself go is a reflection of what is going on in his mind. I can't think of any other reason unless he is purposefully doing it as some strange way of trying to make you want to leave him. Have you suggested any counseling or anything? His outward dirtiness and slovenliness could be a symptom of something going on inside that you may not be aware of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2KindKay Posted January 18, 2005 Author Share Posted January 18, 2005 Thank you for your advice LucreziaBorgia, yes I thought he may be depressed and I did mention counseling to him, he said he wasn't depressed so counseling wouldn't help. I know he's been working a lot of hours at work and have even thought that maybe he was just tired but he got a week where they didn't have him work over time and things here were still the same. I also wondered if he was doing it on purpose to get me to leave also, so I asked him if he would like me to leave, he says no, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, he said that him and the kids need me. So I asked if he just wanted me here to take care of the house and kids and maybe he didn't love me anymore, he got really pissed, asking how I could say something like that. That's why i'm so confused about his appearance, he says he's happy and loves me and wants things to work with us, yet he's not making an effort to clean himself up. I have even suggested us taking showers together, after all we use to do that all the time, but now it seems he's just to busy for that too. Again thanks for the advice..... Kay Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 Have you made an appointment for him with his medical doctor? Sometimes people who will refuse psychiatric intervention are less guarded with their regular M.D. If the doctor evaluates him and feels that he needs a psych. referral, s/he'll have no problem talking to him about it. It would probably be best to call ahead and let the doctor know that you are concerned about this. Link to post Share on other sites
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