matt10020 Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 hi there is the first time i've asked for adisve on the net but i'm in a right mess. in may of last year i got really close to one of my girl mates when both of our relashionships were on the rocks. i told her how i felt but the summer came along and we didn't really speak for 3 months. When we started back at uni both of us were still with our boyfriend and girlfriend. at first things were weird but then we started to get close again. i left my girlfriend with the hope that we would get together. In the end she left her boyfriend and said how she wanted me too. But when her boyfriend came up a week later they got back together because she said that she couldn't leave him and that she loved him. i was heart broken. But we stayed friends. A week later while on a nite out i kissed her and she kissed me back. we spent the next week together and did everything but have sex it was great and everything i'd ever wanted i felt so close to her. then the xmas holidays came along and even though she said how much she wanted me she wouldn't leave her boyfriend cos she said she still loved him. She then invited me up to hers for new years eve and of course i drove 200 miles to be with her. it was a great night and again we kissed. I've been back at uni for a week and it's been so hard and i've spent most of it in tears. yesterday i told her how much she meant to me and broke down in tears she hugged me but said that she couldn't say anything to make it better. she wouldn't leave her boyfriend and that we needed space between us if it was hurting me so much being around her. i should have left it, but i didn't i phoned her at 3.00am when she finished work. she was really angry and asked why i was calling her when we needed space and that our friendship only existed because we fancied each other. i went round hers today and i've never seen her so pissed off with me and my god have i made things worse. i've lost my best mate and the girl i love because i cant keep my mouth shut. i miss her so much and i cant stop crying, it hurts so much Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 Hi Matt, I am sorry you are going through so much. It sounds like this was going to happen no matter what you did so don't regret actions. If you stayed just friends with her it would have been very hard for you to be around her and not have her. Your feelings are strong for her and seperation is what you need, she is right. I have lost friends based on getting involved, we all have probably. But it's a risk to take in the world of romance. Romance is always a gamble where we will win or lose. I know it seems right now like you won't get over her, but I can promise if you hang in and give it time it will get better. Just take it one day at a time, try not to think too far ahead although I know it's hard. Maybe you can be friends later but right now just enjoy some time to yourself. Any relationship of any type is a two way street requiring two people. If that one person cannot reciprocate you can only accept it and work on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 I've got a thing for one of my friends, she helped me through my breakup after a 2.5 year relationship ended and we got really close. Probably see each other 2-3 times a week even though we're at different universities and we go out places together. She spends alot of time bitching about her boyfriend to me and all I do is give her what she wants to hear. I know if I just tell her to get rid of him and then tell her how I feel that it will go horribly wrong and she might see me as manipulating her. We kissed just before new year while a bit drunk on a night out and as much as I want to tell her how I feel, I resist. I value our friendship more than any sort of romantic relationship. Say we did start seeing each other, if we ever broke up then there is no way it could go back to what it was. All I can suggest is that you stop being pushy! She knows how you feel, so telling her again or making demands is just going to push her away. Give her some space like she asked for and hopefully she'll contact you. If not then maybe after a week phone her up and tell her how silly she's being. Its something that you have to deal with, not her and that you wont let her ruin a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 Originally posted by matt10020 A week later while on a nite out i kissed her and she kissed me back. we spent the next week together and did everything but have sex it was great and everything i'd ever wanted i felt so close to her. then the xmas holidays came along and even though she said how much she wanted me she wouldn't leave her boyfriend cos she said she still loved him. Oh geez, how I hate reading stories like this - people being played. She has no business kissing other guys when she has a boyfriend that she's in love with. People in committed relationships who seek out validation like this, from the opposite sex because they NEED to feel desirable - MAKE ME SICK! Do you REALLY want to be with a girl who has proven she can't be trusted?....make no mistake - someone is going to get very hurt in all of this.... Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 I agree, I would never want a man in an already existing committment who was after me. Why would he be any different toward me than he is with her? Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 I would suggest backing off. She probably used you as a bandaid till she could get her boyfriend back. Or perhaps to make him jelouse so he would commit to her. She dosnt seem like the kind of girl you should give your heart and soul to. Just dont call her for a month or two. Going cold turkey is the best way to get over an addiction. If she calls you, dont return her calls ect. Because they only way you are gonna get over her is not to see her anymore. You are caught in the pain-love fever(i just made it up ) Not talking to her will drive you crazy, and talking to her will make you care more, which in turn will hurt you more. Belive me, you dont want to be the best friend that she tells her boy troubles to. Just leave her be. perhaps after a month or two(probably more like 6) she will remember how much fun she had with you and how great you were. Then she will come round. AT that point you will be in full control of yourself again and be able to make a less emotional decision. Oh and the worst thing you can do is beg. Women dont find that attractive at all. Give yourself some space to breath. Go out with your friends. Concintrate on school. It will be the toughest couple of months of your life upto this point probably, but you will be better for it in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matt10020 Posted January 18, 2005 Author Share Posted January 18, 2005 Thanks guys 4 the advice wish i had asked for it before i let things get this bad! It's hurting like hell but i've stopped txting and calling her. The problem is i cant go cold turkey as she's on my course so i still have to see her. Along with all the other mistakes i made i think the biggest one was mixing work and pleasure! I can only hope that i've learn something from this mess!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 I Agree with jellybean! Trust is the key in any relationship. Could u really trust this girl Link to post Share on other sites
Beebop Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Damn, that's HARD. I'm breaking up with my best friend at the oment and seeing each other 2-3 times a week is bad enough (for both of us apparently, but since she's the one who's getting rid of me I fail to see why), I can't imagine how bad it would be if we did the same course. you'll be ok, buddy, she sounds like a bit of a user anyway TBH. Bee Link to post Share on other sites
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