Ace Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 This is a little snippet from my reply a little down the list. I just wanted to make a new post in case anyone that would want to reply, didn't see the reply. From our last date and from just now. I have another important question. Here is the situation. This one really baffles me because I am not a female. I called her today after her friends and my friends went to a big party last night. That is a whole other story but I just got a little jealous because she was dancing with another guy, but no biggie. That is said and done and she is fine now, but anyway. I called her today to ask if she wanted to go eat with me and another friend. She was having problems with her computer at the time, so she said that she also had practice to go to so she didn't want to go. I said that was fine and if she wanted any help with her computer since I know alot about them. She said that she was getting ready to leave and that she might call me whenever she got back so that I could take a look at it. She got back and called me and I came over. No one was there because all of her roomates were gone. I tried to fix her computer but to no avail and then we were just talking. She then helped me get my laundry because it was in the washer. She fixed a little to eat and we both sat down and had a little meal. As I was helping her do the dishes, we got into this big water fight with the dish water! It was hilarious! We were both just totally soaked but we had a great time doing it!! At then end of this little episode, I decided to just go blow dry my shirt dry. As I was doing this, she just took it and put it on the heater. Her roomate was home by this time and she is a little squeemish when it comes to guys so we closed the door because I had my shirt off. She had just got this new massager so I said that if she would scratch my back then I would use that on her. She gladly accepted and that was ok. It was kinda nice touching her butt again. hehe Anyway, after we got that both done, we just started holding each other again. ==================================== HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART!!!!! ==================================== After a little holding, we started making out very heavily again. We did this for about 15 minutes I would say and then she just stopped like last time. It was no big deal to me, but then she just said it would make it harder. She said that whenever we touch it brings things back again, but she misses us together dearly. She started crying and just said that she wanted to get back together, but she didn't know if she could make it work. This stumped me because I didn't know what she meant. I told her that I was better now and I was going to support her more and that she didn't have to do all the work. A relationship is a two way street. She just kept saying that she didn't want to go through this again and she was so worried that she would feel like she did again! She then turned off that special moment that we were having and just sorta forgot that all happened and said that she needed to go to her friends that she was planning on. Question: What can I do to make her not feel this way? She is constantly thinking that there may be a chance in which she couldn't make it work anymore again. She is just really worried about this and it is also worrying me. What do I do? She says that she doesn't want to move that fast, but she initiates this heavy makeout sessions that we have now. Should I just cordially decline these sessions to kind of keep her on track of what she wants to do; take it very slow? This seems to be the most important question yet and also the longest post that I think I have ever posted. If you guys have the time to read all of this, I greatly appreciate it and please, please, women or men, tell me what is going on in her head because I am totally stumped. Adam Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 We've already answered your question a number of times but, hey, the SuperBowl is over and I hate those Survivor Island reality shows on TV so I'm all yours. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. I guess what I'm trying to get across to you here is that she wants a challenge and you are too easy. The reason she called off things a few weeks ago was because she really likes you a lot but the relationship was boring. Yeah, girls her age do like to make out and stuff but a guy's aloofness and unpredictability are what fans the flames of passion. She's very confused because on the one hand she is very fond of you, but on the other hand she knows your heart inside and out, she knows your behavior inside and out, she knows she controls you totally, she knows all she has to do is snap her fingers and you'll be up her butt. Ladies can really like a guy like that for a while...but they know they'll sicken of them very quickly. So she made out with you for 15 minutes, until she realized what a lovesick puppydog you were. If you had been smart, you would have stopped after seven minutes. Always leave a lady wanting more...not nauseated. She knows that's not what she wants. She knows her stomach can't handle that. Now, if you'd give her a bit of a hard time, not call her all the time, not be so predictable, not answer the phone all the time when she calls, not return her calls instantly...basically get a life apart from her and do other things to make the world a better place, you would have her eating out of your hands for life. But until you learn that, you won't get this gal's heart. She knows just what she wants...and so do I. I guess it's worth repeating. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 OK, I'm gonna have a go here... Listen, merely bringing up discussion about the fact that she danced with another guy is SO wrong!!!!!. I tell you right now, the more you limit her freedom and independance the quicker she will learn to run. You should not have said a word. LOVE IS ABOUT TRUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Oh boy, if you don't listen to me here, you WILL learn the hard way. Now, the second point.. You are reading too much into her feelings YOU have to change yourself. Remember, SHE is such a wonderful person to give you another go remember...even all of us marvel at her...YET you still want to MAKE her feel a certain way every second of the day. Let her feel how she wants. She is a free human being. THE ONLY WAY you will get her back happily is to OVER TIME, WITH PATIENCE, show her that you have changed, that you are not obsessing over her, that you value her freedom, that you appreciate her. By behaving better one day, one week, one month even won't do it. You have to EXPECT her to go through these moments and LET her go through them. The only way she will feel better about you is if she goes through the negative feelings many times, and each time realises that she is overreacting because YOU have changed. Mate you better change soon or you will realise just how cruel love can be. I sure hope you do.. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 OK, thanks again for taking the time to talk to me. I am going to take this cool. She says that we aren't going out, but we now do all the things that a couple does, like spend time with each other, lay with each other and make out with each other. However, I am going to take it slow and try not to push her. I will admit it though. I AM A 21 YR OLD COLLEGE GUY THAT IS A LOVESICK PUPPY!!! There, I feel a little bit better about myself. haha O well, I guess that is what love does to ya. I can put up with it, I guess. Talk to you guy lata, Adam Link to post Share on other sites
fishbulb Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 This is a little snippet from my reply a little down the list. I just wanted to make a new post in case anyone that would want to reply, didn't see the reply. From our last date and from just now. I have another important question. Here is the situation. This one really baffles me because I am not a female. I called her today after her friends and my friends went to a big party last night. That is a whole other story but I just got a little jealous because she was dancing with another guy, but no biggie. That is said and done and she is fine now, but anyway. I called her today to ask if she wanted to go eat with me and another friend. She was having problems with her computer at the time, so she said that she also had practice to go to so she didn't want to go. I said that was fine and if she wanted any help with her computer since I know alot about them. She said that she was getting ready to leave and that she might call me whenever she got back so that I could take a look at it. She got back and called me and I came over. No one was there because all of her roomates were gone. I tried to fix her computer but to no avail and then we were just talking. She then helped me get my laundry because it was in the washer. She fixed a little to eat and we both sat down and had a little meal. As I was helping her do the dishes, we got into this big water fight with the dish water! It was hilarious! We were both just totally soaked but we had a great time doing it!! At then end of this little episode, I decided to just go blow dry my shirt dry. As I was doing this, she just took it and put it on the heater. Her roomate was home by this time and she is a little squeemish when it comes to guys so we closed the door because I had my shirt off. She had just got this new massager so I said that if she would scratch my back then I would use that on her. She gladly accepted and that was ok. It was kinda nice touching her butt again. hehe Anyway, after we got that both done, we just started holding each other again. ==================================== HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART!!!!! ==================================== After a little holding, we started making out very heavily again. We did this for about 15 minutes I would say and then she just stopped like last time. It was no big deal to me, but then she just said it would make it harder. She said that whenever we touch it brings things back again, but she misses us together dearly. She started crying and just said that she wanted to get back together, but she didn't know if she could make it work. This stumped me because I didn't know what she meant. I told her that I was better now and I was going to support her more and that she didn't have to do all the work. A relationship is a two way street. She just kept saying that she didn't want to go through this again and she was so worried that she would feel like she did again! She then turned off that special moment that we were having and just sorta forgot that all happened and said that she needed to go to her friends that she was planning on. Question: What can I do to make her not feel this way? She is constantly thinking that there may be a chance in which she couldn't make it work anymore again. She is just really worried about this and it is also worrying me. What do I do? She says that she doesn't want to move that fast, but she initiates this heavy makeout sessions that we have now. Should I just cordially decline these sessions to kind of keep her on track of what she wants to do; take it very slow? This seems to be the most important question yet and also the longest post that I think I have ever posted. If you guys have the time to read all of this, I greatly appreciate it and please, please, women or men, tell me what is going on in her head because I am totally stumped. Adam If it were me, and I was Hell-bent on "making something work out", I'd appreciate the space to evaluate my position: 1) Why do I think I have the power to "make" something work just by making her horny? 2) Why would the reverse, then, be true? 3) If there is a game being played here, who is in control of it, what are the rules, and who made them? 4) You got jealous because she was dancing with another guy, but that is said and done, and she is fine now...reread that statement as many times as needed to realize what's so very wrong about it...not to be harsh, but I just finished the most amazing book, and I'm feeling quite empowered... Fishbulb Link to post Share on other sites
fishbulb Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 We've already answered your question a number of times but, hey, the SuperBowl is over and I hate those Survivor Island reality shows on TV so I'm all yours. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. I guess what I'm trying to get across to you here is that she wants a challenge and you are too easy. The reason she called off things a few weeks ago was because she really likes you a lot but the relationship was boring. Yeah, girls her age do like to make out and stuff but a guy's aloofness and unpredictability are what fans the flames of passion. She's very confused because on the one hand she is very fond of you, but on the other hand she knows your heart inside and out, she knows your behavior inside and out, she knows she controls you totally, she knows all she has to do is snap her fingers and you'll be up her butt. Ladies can really like a guy like that for a while...but they know they'll sicken of them very quickly. So she made out with you for 15 minutes, until she realized what a lovesick puppydog you were. If you had been smart, you would have stopped after seven minutes. Always leave a lady wanting more...not nauseated. She knows that's not what she wants. She knows her stomach can't handle that. Now, if you'd give her a bit of a hard time, not call her all the time, not be so predictable, not answer the phone all the time when she calls, not return her calls instantly...basically get a life apart from her and do other things to make the world a better place, you would have her eating out of your hands for life. But until you learn that, you won't get this gal's heart. She knows just what she wants...and so do I. I guess it's worth repeating. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. She wants a challenge, you are too easy. ...so, what your'e saying, if I understand you right, is that women want a challenge, and men are too easy...there is much truth to what you say. But there is a choice, that everyone really has, but rarely get exercised. It is too easy to get too wrapped up into the other persons' 'needs', even with the best intentions (and we all do it), and the minute our own needs become less important to us than theirs, we are losing respect for ourselves, and our mates can sense it , and we lose a little of thiers, too. My whole point is, even if there is still the physical attraction (that's the chemistry talking), it doesn't necessarily mean a reconciliation will mean automatic equality when it comes to respect. That subconcious imbalance can last a long time. The passion may remain, and eventually burn out, but the respect that comes with the retaining of the friendship will last a lifetime. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 but can she??? thats the question you must ask yourself Link to post Share on other sites
catt Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 what's the title of that empowering book you just read? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 No, actually I am saying that Ace's particular woman, under the current set of circumstances, wants a challenge and Ace is too easy. I was very specific in my statement. I do not generalize often. Of course, respect, consideration, etc., has got to be there too. Ace is NOT wanting a friendship, he is wanting a romance. However, everything you say under the circumstances you say, is very nice and very true. Some good points made. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 Well she came over after her party. She stayed for about an hour or so just talking about things and holding each other. I know that she wants the same thing that I do. I just hope that we can both get what we want. Adam Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 Hello Ace, I've been reading along with almost all your posts regarding this girl, and I've been reading the replies as well, but I've stayed pretty quiet. PLEASE read this carefully. The advice that these guys have been giving you is great, right on the mark! But you like this girl so much and you want things to work out so bad that you aren't understanding what they've written you. You're only seeing and pulling out the things you want to hear, and you fail to catch the important part of their advice. Even when Tony has said it SO clearly ("she wants a challenge, you are too easy"). So here's what I think about all this. Please read it carefully so that you're able to understand what I'm saying. I'm a female, and I can relate with your girl on almost EVERYTHING you've written. I've been there, done that. And I can point out many people I know that have been in similar situations. Yes, this girl is very special and one-of-a-kind, yet she's still a human being and not only is it possible that she thinks similarly to other girls, but it is VERY likely. The things you've described her, her actions, how she feels, what she said...I have seen the exact same situation occur. How much do you like this girl? How badly do you want to be with her again? What you are doing right now is only driving her away. Girls cannot stand lovesick puppies. It makes me want to throw up when a guy behaves that way towards me. It makes me think: PATHETIC! And trust me, when a girl starts considering you pathetic, you've lost all hope in rekindling any kind of relationship. I'll repeat the good advice that others have been giving you. She thinks you are a lovesick puppy. She thinks you are too easy and predictable. She is bored with you because she knows exactly how will act. She doesn't want to be involved in a relationship with you because she knows she will be bored. The more you talk to her, the more you drive her away. The more you talk to her or call her or try to hang out with her, the less interested she will be in you. She knows that you will do anything to be back with her, and that is starting to disgust her. She feels suffocated by you. She's starting to think of you as a gnat that keeps buzzing around her and won't back off. There is no other guy in her life right now. But as soon as she finds a guy that is the slightest bit more challenging than you are, she will drop you like a hot potato. Take my word. She wants a challenging, mysterious guy to sweep her off her feet. She wants a guy that likes her but is not willing to drop his whole life for her, a guy that she can do a little chasing after. Just make sure you stop this behavior ASAP before she starts thinking the "P" word about you....that's right: pathetic. Because once she thinks of you that way, no matter what you do, you will never be able to win her back. So, please control yourself and your emotions. We all want to help you with good advice. We want things to work out between you and her. Show us all how much control you have over your own actions, and if you actually care about our advice, or are we just wasting our time replying to your posts? Try this: it will only take a couple weeks. Think about it this way, a starting commitment of only a couple weeks in order to possibly save a relationship is not a big sacrifice at all. This is for your sake, because we want things to work out. Today's Monday. FORCE yourself not to call her until Thursday evening. So today, Tues, and Wednesday (only 3 days), busy yourself with other activities. Do those errands that you've been putting off. Clean. Fix something around the house. Do whatever that needs to be done. Go to the bookstore, read a couple magazines, go out somewhere, talk to at least 2 friends. Cook something. Do anything BUT DON'T CALL HER. DO NOT CALL HER. I hope you understand that clearly. If she calls you, immediately tell her you're busy at the moment and you will call her back. Say this quickly, otherwise you will ruin your plan and end up talking to her and forgetting everything else. If she calls you again, tell her the same thing. You're busy, you'll call her back. Wait. Wait. Wait until Thursday. On Thursday, bring a watch/clock with you to the phone, and give her a call. Set the alarm for 10 minutes. Talk to her for a few minutes about anything...how she is and what she's been up to, or say a couple sentences about how you've been busy doing ----(whatever). Sound concerned, sound caring, etc... But don't sound like lovesick or pathetic. DON'T talk to her about "you and her" or about your relationship or about your friendship, or anything else that relates to "US" or "you AND her" or "love" or "like". DON'T ask her to hang out with you. DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT make any plans with her for that night or for the weekend. When the 10 minutes are up, BE THE FIRST TO END THE CONVERSATION. End your call, be the first to say "well I'm gonna run...talk to you later..take care...bye!" Remember, you don't want her to think you're pathetic. You want her to realize that you do have a life outside of her. On Thursday, write a post on loveshack about how your days went on mon, tues and wed without calling her, and how your conversation went on thurs. We will advise you from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 That is a fine piece you've written. It's clever, devious,deceptive ,cunning,sneaky ...hahahaha and very effective.(I wish you could see the big grin on my face.) A true work of art. I might print this out and frame it. It kinda makes me feel sorry for your boyfriend now. He has no idea who he's dealing with Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 Yes, sparkle is right on the mark in every way. Unfortunately, Ace wants to do it his way. I hope he prints out sparkle's reply so he can refer to it in the future when he realized his methods just won't work long term. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted January 29, 2001 Share Posted January 29, 2001 hehehe I've had friends describe me with these very words: clever, devious,deceptive ,cunning,sneaky ...hahahaha and very effective. It kinda makes me feel sorry for your boyfriend now. He has no idea who he's dealing with Yeah I feel sorry for him too, but I always cut him some slack for having to put up with me. heheh Link to post Share on other sites
fishbulb Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 what's the title of that empowering book you just read? It's called "Women don't hear what men don't say" by Dr. Warren Farrell. This book should be read by every man on the planet. Link to post Share on other sites
Nic Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 ...a very eye-opening post for a lot of people out there, i'm sure. OK, I'm gonna have a go here... Listen, merely bringing up discussion about the fact that she danced with another guy is SO wrong!!!!!. I tell you right now, the more you limit her freedom and independance the quicker she will learn to run. You should not have said a word. LOVE IS ABOUT TRUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Oh boy, if you don't listen to me here, you WILL learn the hard way. Now, the second point.. You are reading too much into her feelings YOU have to change yourself. Remember, SHE is such a wonderful person to give you another go remember...even all of us marvel at her...YET you still want to MAKE her feel a certain way every second of the day. Let her feel how she wants. She is a free human being. THE ONLY WAY you will get her back happily is to OVER TIME, WITH PATIENCE, show her that you have changed, that you are not obsessing over her, that you value her freedom, that you appreciate her. By behaving better one day, one week, one month even won't do it. You have to EXPECT her to go through these moments and LET her go through them. The only way she will feel better about you is if she goes through the negative feelings many times, and each time realises that she is overreacting because YOU have changed. Mate you better change soon or you will realise just how cruel love can be. I sure hope you do.. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 Welllllll.....I wish that I would have read that earlier, but I called her and we went out to eat and then we walked together. Hehe. Don't hurt me! I am going to try the advice that you gave Sparkle because it looks like it makes really good sense. I am going to call her on Thursday to let you guys know how things are going. You should have spoke up earlier, Sparkle. You know what you are talking about. Adam Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 BTW, I just ordered that book that Fishbulb was talking about. It really looked good so I thought, what the hell. Link to post Share on other sites
yawning in Topeka Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 Lets be real here. Even if you'd read what Sparkle wrote yesterday you still would have done what you did. You are totally wasting everyone's time here. You are determined to do whatever it is you want to do. So why do you keep coming back and asking for advice? You never take it anyway. Time to grow some balls buddy. Welllllll.....I wish that I would have read that earlier, but I called her and we went out to eat and then we walked together. Hehe. Don't hurt me! I am going to try the advice that you gave Sparkle because it looks like it makes really good sense. I am going to call her on Thursday to let you guys know how things are going. You should have spoke up earlier, Sparkle. You know what you are talking about. Adam Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 30, 2001 Share Posted January 30, 2001 Easy Ace, don't go off the handle again. grrrrrrrrrrrrr Link to post Share on other sites
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