mumof twins13 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 (edited) Hi, I just wanted to get some advice on what to say to my mum so she will back off and let me make my own choices about me n my children. Im 23 and a single mum to 11mth old twin boys. the "sperm donor" took off just after they were born in the time I was pregnant he didn't provide anything so I got rid of him/he left himself. (we were together total of 1yr 3mths) My mum was really supportive while I was pregnant, giving birth and going through a horrible breakup and helped me set myself up for the babies. But since having the boys she has been pretty protective about the boys mainly but after I decided to complete a nursing course online when the boys were 6mths she has been very negative about it and been trying to get me to quit. I decided to keep going despite her negativity and had to go on campus for 2wks to complete resi school so put the boys into childcare. my mum didn't like this mostly the fact I didn't ask them if they could babysit. (which they are very busy. mum is a RN and works shift work and dad has a back disability but is trying to get back into the workforce) plus I don't want to rely on them all the time and to make things worse she has keys to my house so she comes over unannounced and starts picking at how clean my house is or if my children have a lil bit of redness after having theyre nappy on or if they have bruises makes out like they've been hit by a bus. My mum went balisitcs when I told her that I had put them into daycare and called me all the names under the sun and conveniently the boys and I became sick which made her say " I told u so" (about the boys getting sick from daycare that they only attended 1 day and were sick beforehand) I've said a million times that it is my choice and there is a million things worse that could happen then putting them into day care. How do I make her understand my point of view that this is to help me and the boys' future financially and I cant always rely on them all the time cause they're so busy and never reliable and I need my own life. tia sorry for the novel Edited February 6, 2014 by mumof twins13 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 For starters, congratualtions on the birth of your children and also your personal strength. You've been through a lot and in very short order are thinking of ways to better your life for you and your children. The first thing that popped into my mind was whether your mom is happy with her job as a nurse and whether that might be influencing her reaction to your becoming independent? Is she happy at her job? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 Well, first of all, call a locksmith and have your locks rekeyed and do not give her a key. She shouldn't be dropping in like that. Just do it and don't say anything to her about it. If she asks, say you don't want uninvited guests. Second, I don't know what country you are in. If you're in the US, you need to file with the State for them to start collecting child support from your sperm donor. Also, if you were smart, you'd make him mind the kids half the time as well, unless he's dangerous, of course. Because that would give you a bit of time to complete classes, work, shop, etc. But definitely you need the child support. It's his kids too. You don't even have to see him. In US they just take his money and give it to you (the state). Next, is there any legitimate reason for your mom to be concerned about child abuse? How does a baby that young get bruises? I can understand why anyone would be concerned about it. If she's in the US, she may call Child Protective Services. So if it's just happening from daycare or some nondangerous way, then great. But if for any reason you lose your temper with the babies, then just go take an anger-management course to fortify yourself. Daycare and school workers, as well as medical workers, have the duty to report any signs of abuse, I'm sure you know. Was your mom or dad abusive to you as a child? If so, you may be prone to it. If not, then tell your mom the way that happens is if you had been abused and you weren't so she should drop it! Keep going for your nursing certification. It's one of the best jobs a person can have if they are cut out for it and will offer you lots of flexibility and decent money. Don't let your mom stand in your way on that no matter what else is or isn't going on! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Imo, the babies are too young for daycare. And will miss too much natural nurturing. But you are the sole supporter - so I have to understand. Also it's unfortunate that overbearing mothers cannot be relied on to step up and help you out with taking care of them until they're ready for preschool, at least. How dare her question your housekeeping - with two babies to care for. I feel your pain. Mother of twins here, but my husband stayed around until they were grown so I was able to stay home with them. But having my mother around in the beginning weeks, was far worse than having another child. But anyway: Do you think your mother would be willing to care for the babies at this time if you were to drop them off at her house before your job each day? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 You could sit her down & try to reason with her. Tell her you appreciate her support but as a mom yourself now, she had to let you stand on your own two feet. explain that you didn't ask her to care for the kids because you know how busy she is & didn't want to impose. If she doesn't respond well to logic, just ignore her. Act like you're listening when she talks but let it go in one eat & out the other then do what you want as soon as she's gone Link to post Share on other sites
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