Eating disorder post breakup

[sugarpea]

Hey Blizeow

 

I know it's hard but if you haven't already you have to go no contact and distract yourself from thinking about him, or it will make you feel nauseous. Probably go out with your girl friends or do something for yourself.

 

In terms of eating I think maybe if you're experiencing the same as me, try not to wolf down too much at once, but just have enough to make you feel ok. I think I had to gradually get back into eating just a little bit more each day.

 

Had a lot the other day and just didn't feel well. I had a sudden urge to eat a lot was upset found a grey hair, and I just felt really ill afterwards.

 

Oh that was another thing, I got my first grey hair not long after finding out about them. It was definitely not a coincidence. No other stress in my life.

[Blizeow]

Hey Blizeow

 

I know it's hard but if you haven't already you have to go no contact and distract yourself from thinking about him, or it will make you feel nauseous. Probably go out with your girl friends or do something for yourself.

 

 

Oh that was another thing, I got my first grey hair not long after finding out about them. It was definitely not a coincidence. No other stress in my life.

 

Sugarpea,

 

2 months since BU- 29 days NC.

NC has yet to "help" my healing process... I'm still in the grieving stages. And I would LOVE to hang out with my girlfriends, unfortunately, I am the only woman in the group that is not married- in fact, the last woman in our group to get married was over three years ago, so most have been married for years- they all have children also, so none of them want to "go out." They said I can come over and hang out with the kids and their husbands, but right now that only makes me feel lonelier.

 

So ironic that you mentioned grey hairs... I have a full head of thick long dark hair... I would say, now, 40% of my head is grey- before the BU about 20% was grey. Now, I have to touch up my roots every 2 weeks so no one will know.

[Keii]

As a recovering anorexic, I hope these questions help:

 

Are you using food as a way to control the situation because you feel helpless/not in control? This can be something like restricting (your caloric intake/types of foods you eat etc) so that you have a sense of control over eating/your life.

 

When you vomited, was it because you felt like you needed to purge and clean your body of any impurities? Did you do it because you felt like you had lost control over the situation and had to induce vomiting? Or did you throw up because you genuinely felt nauseous?

 

Do you feel like having this type of control will make you perfect, or feel as though it's giving you a sense of purpose or goal to work towards?

 

Please keep in mind that eating disorders are psychological. It usually stems from a deeper problem, and for myself, I used it as a coping mechanism because I felt that I wasn't "perfect" or had "complete control" over my life. To me, anorexia was my way of being perfect, that I could be better than others if I continued to survive on little to nothing. If I gained weight, then I have lost "control" and was a "failure", but if I lost, then I was a "winner" and achieving "perfection".

 

Hopefully these questions will have helped you in determining whether you are falling into disordered eating and/or an eating disorder. They are very serious, and if you feel like you are bordering on one, please seek medical help. I was almost hospitalized a few times from it, and it was not a very pleasant experience to say the least.

 

If you have any other questions, let me know, I'll try to answer them to the best of my abilities and experience.

[sugarpea]

Sugarpea,

2 months since BU- 29 days NC.

NC has yet to "help" my healing process... I'm still in the grieving stages. And I would LOVE to hang out with my girlfriends, unfortunately, I am the only woman in the group that is not married- in fact, the last woman in our group to get married was over three years ago, so most have been married for years- they all have children also, so none of them want to "go out." They said I can come over and hang out with the kids and their husbands, but right now that only makes me feel lonelier.

 

So ironic that you mentioned grey hairs... I have a full head of thick long dark hair... I would say, now, 40% of my head is grey- before the BU about 20% was grey. Now, I have to touch up my roots every 2 weeks so no one will know.

 

That sucks Blizeow hmm could try getting new friends. There's that meetup site, I haven't used it myself or you could meet people by going to group activities for a hobby you enjoy or might want to try. Who knows you might even meet a nice guy there. Know you're not at that stage yet but keeping busy does help.

 

If they don't want go out host a night in, instead doesn't have to be all of them, could just be an afternoon coffee catch up or phone call catch up, or go away for short break somewhere, even if it is just a nearby town. Just distract yourself and relax. You deserve happiness. You deserve better (I know cliche) Just treat yourself. Do something for you.

 

Know it's hard took me about a year to get over my ex, but yeah everyone's different it's not a contest you may take longer than me you may take less time to heal, everyone has to make their own way through the grieving process. But just take this as some advice which you can take or leave, for when you are ready . x

[Tripz]

Surprized you guru's haven't mentioned what is really happening to the OP. It was one of the very first things that happened to me so I started researching what it was. I couldn't eat, my heart was racing ALL the time and it was reminiscent of the nervous feeling I had once when I had to give a presentation in front of 400 of my peers. If anyone has had to stand on stage and dealt with a high levels of "butterflies", you will remember how you couldn't eat. This problem has a name and is temporary.

 

It's called Stress Cardiomyopathy or "Broken Heart Syndrome". Look it up. Lot's of info out there on the web. The reason you don't feel like eating is because your body, under stress, sends large amounts of adrenaline and epinephrine into your system. My doctor put me on a low dose Beta Blocker 25mg, but by that time, 30 days had passed and I was actually coming out of it. He also gave me a blood pressure cuff to check my blood pressure regularly. I've had it as far as 180/95, which is not good. In 2 months, I have lost 10lbs of muscle mass on a previous 180lb, 5'11" frame. I used to lift regularly at the gym and I can see the muscles atrophying. My skin has gotten a bit saggy without the muscles stretching it out. I just started back into the gym last week, but it will be several months of daily work AND eating good to even get back to my previous gains.

 

If your eating (or lack thereof) lasts longer than 4-6 weeks and you still can't seem to get your heart from racing all the time, I would definitely seek a doctor. I'd actually seek a doctor now and that way you will be under the care of someone as you go through this process. And it, like other items we deal with in a breakup, is a process.

 

Disclaimer: This is not medical advice and I am not a doctor.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

OP, I lost my appetite for a little over a month after the break up. Lost about 10 lbs. What's odd is that when my appetite came back I was eating like a vegetarian bc thinking about meat made me sick. HUGE change for me as I was a serious meat-lover before then.

 

Now, 6 months later, I'm eating healthy and my appetite is great but my love for meat has never been the same since.

 

Odd, right?

 

I wouldn't worry too much unless you notice it's been going on for more than a month or 2 or you are experiencing health issues.

[guest572]

Just wanted to say thanks again for everyone's input and give an update. It's been about 5 months since the breakup and by the 3-4 months mark i was put on medication for depression and stopped thinking about my ex which made me stop crying every day and stopped stressing and the appetite and weight has come back.

 

I had tried counseling before medication but it did not help. I felt amazing on the medication but don't want to rely on them anymore so stopped. I feel stronger now, I can get through it without that toxic stuff.

 

Unfortunately i just got dumped again but I am nowhere near as upset by this one. But i am much happier and healthier now. Still feeling pretty upset by the breakup 5 months ago but i can see the way out.

 

Tara,

 

Much as i hate to disagree with you. The same happened to me. I stopped eating, lost so much weight. I just could not face the thought of food. For me it was part of the process. It got better as time went on. I never had any issues with food before the break up. I know how it works and have seen it close hand with many friends of mine in my work where ED are rife. The will to not feel good to punish oneself. OP i hope it does get better for you.

 

This is how it was for me, it passed with time although I am still grieving my appetite has returned and so has the weight. I really do believe it was part of the process for me.

 

As a recovering anorexic, I hope these questions help:

 

When you vomited, was it because you felt like you needed to purge and clean your body of any impurities?

 

Do you feel like having this type of control will make you perfect, or feel as though it's giving you a sense of purpose or goal to work towards?

 

I felt disgusted with myself and wanted to feel better i guess, by losing weight at least i will have something positive. And i just hated myself so much so i guess i wanted to be sick and hurt. Sounds really messed up.

[PachucaSunrise]

Just wanted to say thanks again for everyone's input and give an update. It's been about 5 months since the breakup and by the 3-4 months mark i was put on medication for depression and stopped thinking about my ex which made me stop crying every day and stopped stressing and the appetite and weight has come back.

 

Wow, I'm so glad to have found this thread! Great to hear you're doing much better, BN. That's terrific!!

 

Your initial post is all too familiar with me. I've been concerned about my eating habits as well. It's been about 3 months post-breakup and I'm still struggling. I expected to lose my appetite at first - that's what usually happens when I'm stressed out - the thought of food, even looking at it, makes my stomach turn - but I'm at the point where I'm not sure if my 'loss of appetite' has gotten out of hand or not.

 

Without really trying, I've lost about 15 pounds. I definitely needed to lose it in the first place, but I didn't plan on going on a "breakup diet". And now that the weight's gone, I'm at an ideal size for my height, so I look the best I have in years, but I'm certainly not feeling all that great.

 

My loss of appetite has become more or less a habit... I think so, anyhow. I've become used to not feeling hungry, so much that I will have to remind myself to eat when I get shaky later on in the day. At that point I will eat WHATEVER, just to give myself a sort of 'pick-me-up', as I become so ridiculously tired. It's just not good. It's like my mind and body are working against each other.

 

People continue to compliment my weight loss, and that's definitely been an ego boost (especially after feeling so crappy about myself immediately following the breakup). I'm fitting into clothes I haven't worn in years and am able to wear things I would have NEVER thought of wearing when I was heavier (for example - skinny jeans). The problem is that I've lost the weight in such an unhealthy way, I'm terrified of putting it back on.

 

Recently, I've been going to the gym to kind of prepare my body for when I fully regain my appetite, but in the very back of my head, I think I'm more or less trying to control my hunger. It's all such a messed up process now that I'm really thinking about it.

 

I had tried counseling before medication but it did not help. I felt amazing on the medication but don't want to rely on them anymore so stopped. I feel stronger now, I can get through it without that toxic stuff.

 

Glad to hear you're feeling stronger. That's awesome! Hopefully you didn't experience any side effects from coming off the medication. And you realize that you can "get through it" without a sort of 'crutch'... Shows you've come a long way. Good for you!

 

Unfortunately i just got dumped again but I am nowhere near as upset by this one. But i am much happier and healthier now. Still feeling pretty upset by the breakup 5 months ago but i can see the way out.

 

Sorry to hear this. It definitely sounds like you're in a much better spot now, though. It's pretty amazing how resilient we truly are... Even though we don't often realize it until after the fact. Time REALLY DOES heal all wounds (or most of them, anyhow).

 

This is how it was for me, it passed with time although I am still grieving my appetite has returned and so has the weight. I really do believe it was part of the process for me.

 

I felt disgusted with myself and wanted to feel better i guess, by losing weight at least i will have something positive. And i just hated myself so much so i guess i wanted to be sick and hurt. Sounds really messed up.

 

I can totally relate to this as well. By not eating, I think I'm giving myself a false sense of control - something I never had in my relationship. And you're right - it's SOOOO messed up! I never thought I'd be one to punish myself in this way, but that's pretty much what I've been doing. I really gotta snap out of this ASAP... It's incredibly unhealthy... Such a warped thought process!!

 

I genuinely appreciate your post, BN. It's opened my eyes, that's for sure!

 

I wish you all the best in your healing process. Keep on truckin' - it sounds as though you're doing an amazing job. AWESOME!

[No Limit]

It's part of the grieving process, coming from an unusual high amount of stress. Don't worry, it will pass.

[guest572]

My loss of appetite has become more or less a habit... I think so, anyhow. I've become used to not feeling hungry, so much that I will have to remind myself to eat when I get shaky later on in the day.

 

People continue to compliment my weight loss, and that's definitely been an ego boost (especially after feeling so crappy about myself immediately following the breakup). I'm fitting into clothes I haven't worn in years and am able to wear things I would have NEVER thought of wearing when I was heavier (for example - skinny jeans). The problem is that I've lost the weight in such an unhealthy way, I'm terrified of putting it back on.

 

I genuinely appreciate your post, BN. It's opened my eyes, that's for sure!

 

I wish you all the best in your healing process. Keep on truckin' - it sounds as though you're doing an amazing job. AWESOME!

 

Thanks so much for your kind wishes. I can relate to all of what you have said too!! It's understandable when initially its a loss of appetite, but when it goes on for months and months it is quite scary. I am glad you appreciated my post too, I wasn't sure whether anyone will read it but I am glad you found it useful.

 

You become used to surviving on tiny portions or just water and a snack, it becomes hard to eat more substantial food. When I said yesterday I was coping well with this recent breakup, I think I was still in the denial stage. It took a week for the news to hit me but now I am devastated again. I think that brief relationship was a distraction to my real heartbreak from the ex. Yesterday I barely ate, just cried all day and ended up with a massive headache. But I am making an effort to force down some healthy food when I can. I don't think this breakup will hit me as hard.

 

It spurs me on a bit when people notice my weight loss. Although I have put weight on since resuming a proper diet I am nowhere near my previous weight, I am in the normal range. But when my weight goes up a few kgs I do make attempts to starve because in my case it has proven to be the quickest and most effective method.

 

I didn't get any side effects either going on or off the medication which was a relief. I am considering going back on it, but I will try my best to see how things go without it.

 

I wish you best of luck with your healing process too and thanks again for your support. Message any time

[guest572]

Although it started with a breakup, it has never quite left me. I improve and recover from time to time but it always comes back. I'm still broken 3.5 yrs later.