A break or a break UP?

[joannaw]

Hi everyone!

 

Here are the bullet points of my story:

 

3 year relationship

Lived together 2+ years

Both 23

Met at College

 

 

My boyf has split up with me at the weekend. He told me that he didn't see a future with me when we were drunk on friday night and I asked him to leave our flat on Sunday after talking about it. He cried a lot and said he didn't know if he would be happier without me and that he didn't want to loose me. But when we talked in the morning we came to the decision that he had 'known this' for a while (since before xmas).

 

He has not been himself for about 6 months after getting his first proper job. I think he didn't realize what real life was like. He's been quiet and depressed and has also developed headaches, skin conditions and asthma. He's also letting his college debts get out of control to the point we are getting final notices (something we've argued about and he won't ring the debt agency and fix).

 

He's left now to stay with friends and I left a letter in our flat that he replied to saying our separation is harder than he had ever thought and that he is hurting and he hates to think what I'm going through. I text him after seeing it saying that we needed to talk and he got back saying when and what about. I replied simply saying that I didn't want to talk about any in particular and that I didn't think we needed to pretend the relationship didn't happen.

 

What do I do from here? Am I acting the right way?

 

We've had worse fights then this where I have said worse things than he has and we've managed to keep it together.

 

What's your opinions? Do you think there's anything to save? I am real need of some help!

Edited February 6, 2014 by joannaw
grammar error

[Zahara]

A break is normally what leads up to a break-up. Most times dumpers use a "break" as a gentle blow because 1) the can't quite get to the finality themselves 2) too cowardly to say it's over and move on because they fear dumpee's reaction 3) helps to relieve some of the guilt 4) hopes the dumpee will get the hint.

 

Your ex will be facing withdrawals from his actions, therefore will keep contacting you to fill whatever void, soothe whatever pain or discomfort he has.

 

The best thing for you to do is stay NO CONTACT. He let you go so he doesn't get the benefit of keeping you around while he figures if it's a break or break-up. The fact that he said that he didn't see a future with you while drunk but yet followed up by leaving when he was cold sober is your sign to exit. Let him go. There is nothing to talk about. Give him what he wants.

[TaraMaiden]

Go No Contact.

 

if he's gone and he felt this way for a while, it's not 'a break'.

 

This is over.

 

You'll have to let it sink in, but simply because it's over, it doesn't mean the relationship didn't happen.

 

It DOES mean it's not happening any more.

 

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature link.

 

It's the only thing now that will keep you sane, but you have to follow it 100%.

[joannaw]

I really don't think it's that black and white.

 

However, he's not being very forth coming with the texts etc

 

I was the one that told him to leave, he didn't want to. But I couldn't stay with him when we were like that- I think his pride may be hurt?

[Zahara]

I really don't think it's that black and white.

 

However, he's not being very forth coming with the texts etc

 

I was the one that told him to leave, he didn't want to. But I couldn't stay with him when we were like that- I think his pride may be hurt?

 

Yes, you told him to leave after he told you he didn't see a future with you. Regardless of whether he was drunk or not, I can guarantee you it has been on his mind. And when you talked the next morning he said he was feeling that way for awhile, since before X'mas and he was cold sober.

 

And it is black and white when someone is telling you they don't want a relationship with you. You don't see it that way because you're in denial.