Did your Dumper contact you?

[amelady74]

Did your ex attempt to contact you after they broke it off with you because they were immediately after seeing someone new? How long till they contacted you? Did you respond if they did?

[theonlyjuan]

My ex contacted me quite a few times, probably because we were meant to be friends but I went NC unannounced.

 

I got a few texts, FB message's and she always started conversations when we were at the same party or clubs.

 

I can't really remember how long after it was, a month maybe

[Musing]

My current ex I haven't spoken to in a month. Far as I know he did not leave me for someone else, but could be seeing someone else now for all I know.

 

I've had exs leave me for someone else. One guy I dated for 3 months cheated and left for the girl he slept with a day later. He got ion touch with me 1.5 months after the split to tell me how sorry he was,s I was a good girl and didnt deserve it etc. The new girl was psycholtic. My ex's little sitter called me from time to time to tell me her brother was in pain, cried a lot, etc. But he was still with that girl (who also texted me telling me to stay away from "her man")

There was too much drama and I didn't want to get burned again....so much so that I was turned off from him forever. I did not go back.

 

The second time it happened, the guy went back with his ex (who he was with for 3 yrs, but broken up for 2 months) so I was the rebounder. I didn't really take it hard though. After he and his ex split he was back again (I'd say almost a year later) but I was over it. Tried to date again but wasn't sure what I saw in him to begin with. We remained friends for a couple months but I didn't care much to continue any correspondence with him. He found a new girl, deleted me from FB and I haven't spoke since.

 

I left one guy to pursue someone else, and never looked back. But TBH the guy i left I really wasn't feeling much from the start. Was only a 6mo relationship and my first one out of high school so it was more of a "why not" type deal. Sadly, I didn't see him as much of a romantic partner the entire relationship. We were cool but talking to him after the fact was odd.

 

I've had flings stop talking to me for someone else. One came back and the other got engaged to his. The one that came back, we tried for 4 years flirting and all but never made it official. He's now with someone who is more suited for him.

 

If your ex is with someone new I'd cut them off. If you are strong enough to talk to them then do so politely, but don't get hope out of it. They may come back, but they may not. Nothing is written in stone. But I acted pretty indifferent/happy when mine came back which I suppose was attractive to them. But I genuinely didn't want them or care if they were single or not, lol

 

My .02

[zen2475]

Mine never has. It's been about 7 months since the breakup.

 

 

Frankly, I have been in hard NC and am very glad I have stuck with it. NC has provided me an opportunity to heal, grow and be happy.

[amelady74]

awe man, it makes me so sad to think he would never come back:( I know ill get past it but it has to be the most painful thing to go threw that they thought someone else was better and they would never call again:(

[Musing]

awe man, it makes me so sad to think he would never come back:( I know ill get past it but it has to be the most painful thing to go threw that they thought someone else was better and they would never call again:(

 

To feel like they will never come back is all a part of the process, just as much as denial and believing they will is.

 

But it's a good sign that you're healing.

I don't want to give you false hope (or reassure mine) but my ex's came back, even when I felt they hated me or wouldn't. Everyone gets curious from time to time.

 

But like I said, when mine did, I really didn't care at that point. Once you hit the lowest of lows; the "Oh god, the man/woman I love will never come back" it's when reality dropkicks you in the face. And it sucks. But you can only go up from there.

Edited February 6, 2014 by Musing

[amelady74]

Yeah at least thats a good sign i am healing. I blocked him again, because it doesnt matter if he calls or not right?! why would I want to tempt myself to break my heart agian. Why would I ever touch that hot stove? He didnt see my worth, and when Im gone, he probably will think of me and get curious. No doubt. when two people share a time together, theres no way he doesnt care. I couldnt imagine so. But maybe not I dont know, and I never will I suppose. I must say that blocking him and letting go of my curiousity of weather or not he will contact me is one of the hardest things Ive ever done. it sucks and its sad. but I guess I need to look up and find happiness and love in this world. I need to create my own reality and stop dwelling on something that will only hurt me. its only been 8 days since we broke and are not in contact so its still soon. But I want to learn to let go as soon as possible. Because I have held on to relationship in the past that nearly destroyed me. I was in such deep depression because I let the guy keep coming back whenever he wanted. I was in love and he loved me too, but not like I did.

 

I mean this guy decided to go be with someone else and thats what he'll have to live with. I wont let him call me or think that he deserves to be in my life in anyway. He didnt want me? okay well, too bad he didnt see my worth. He didnt see what he was giving up.

 

But I should not give him the satisfaction of seeing me suffer, or make him think that I'll be there whenever he wants to come back around. Thats my experience from the past and I have a feeling this would be the same way. I just dont understand how someone could just walk away and not feel anything after being in contact every single day ( untill NOw), when I felt so much love for them. Im sure they feel something.

 

Its just so hard to move on.

[David87]

I got dumped 2 times in my life. My first ex caled me every day, was concerned about my well being, she knew that I loved her very much, we were friends for 2 months but we stoped after that because I started dating and so did she( I still have strong feelings for her, this happened in 2012 )

 

My last ex who dumped me in december 2013, cald me 2 days after we broke up, told me that she misses me , I tried to get back together with her but I faild, she found a new boyfriend a week and a half after the BU. She never tried to talk to me again.

[Musing]

Yeah at least thats a good sign i am healing. I blocked him again, because it doesnt matter if he calls or not right?! why would I want to tempt myself to break my heart agian. Why would I ever touch that hot stove? He didnt see my worth, and when Im gone, he probably will think of me and get curious. No doubt. when two people share a time together, theres no way he doesnt care. I couldnt imagine so. But maybe not I dont know, and I never will I suppose. I must say that blocking him and letting go of my curiousity of weather or not he will contact me is one of the hardest things Ive ever done. it sucks and its sad. but I guess I need to look up and find happiness and love in this world. I need to create my own reality and stop dwelling on something that will only hurt me. its only been 8 days since we broke and are not in contact so its still soon. But I want to learn to let go as soon as possible. Because I have held on to relationship in the past that nearly destroyed me. I was in such deep depression because I let the guy keep coming back whenever he wanted. I was in love and he loved me too, but not like I did.

 

I mean this guy decided to go be with someone else and thats what he'll have to live with. I wont let him call me or think that he deserves to be in my life in anyway. He didnt want me? okay well, too bad he didnt see my worth. He didnt see what he was giving up.

 

But I should not give him the satisfaction of seeing me suffer, or make him think that I'll be there whenever he wants to come back around. Thats my experience from the past and I have a feeling this would be the same way. I just dont understand how someone could just walk away and not feel anything after being in contact every single day ( untill NOw), when I felt so much love for them. Im sure they feel something.

 

Its just so hard to move on.

 

Amelady, I can tell you feel hurt and want to just feel better. And I know you probably really want your ex back regardless. I am only one month in and still feel this (ironically enough, I was fine the first three weeks. I was actually a bit relieved)

I am also struggling with letting go. But You were right in saying if he did not realize your worth, then it's his loss.

 

I'm going to tell you something, and I could get scolded for it - but it helps me move on.

Your ex is not dead. They are not gone forever.

The pain of this breakup is temporary.

If you feel so inclined, when you are healed, you can reach out to him again as a friend. By that time, their actions will not feel raw or painful to you.

From that point, you can take it from there. And whichever way it goes you will be prepared for because you will have gotten through the pain, there will be no awkwardness on your part, and you will have grown a lot and gotten yourself to a point where you won't feel like you need to be in contact.

Who knows, you guys could be best friends. Or maybe you'll be turned off by him and surprised you worried over him at all. Or maybe the chemistry never faded. Crazy things happen.

 

But in order for you to ever get to that point, you've got to let go now. One day you can unblock his number. But right now you're simply weathering the storm. Look at NC as your protective shelter. Be glad he;s not contacting you either. Many people here do get contact and it's not always pleasant and sometimes it's downright insulting or damaging to their healing. The longer he goes without talking to you, the better you will feel and the more stable your recovery.

 

In time, you, I, and others on this forum will be fine. It's hard to see it now because your brain is trying to recover from an addiction to this person (it's proven that when you go through a break up, the same areas of the brain responsible for nicotine, cocaine addiction and pain are active, so yeah...what you're feeling is legitimately sucky but very temporary.)

 

And moving on is hard when you know you felt something real for someone. At least you had that experience, some never find happiness with anyone. Doesn't help you now but when you sit and think about it, it's pretty neat that we can even feel those feelings for someone to begin with.

[jphcbpa]

 

And moving on is hard when you know you felt something real for someone. At least you had that experience, some never find happiness with anyone. Doesn't help you now but when you sit and think about it, it's pretty neat that we can even feel those feelings for someone to begin with.

 

very well said. be grateful for being able to be in a R.

[amelady74]

Yes you are right crazy thing really do happen, but I cant worry about that now. I just need to be positive about my life and good things will come. I think your right I may or may not contact him ever again. But I cant even worry about it untill I am completely healed and no longer care to have a romantic/love relationship with him. I guess I still just have to reassure myself that he still does care, and doesnt hate me. We had something together and neither of us can deny that.

 

sigh....

[Maziexoxo]

It was complicated when me and my boyfriend split up. A lot of things changed and I couldn't cope with it anymore, he wasn't the person who I fell in love with anymore so after many arguments, I just told him I couldn't do it anymore and for my own good had to end it.

 

We have spoke every single day since maybe there would be a couple of days where we didn't speak, but not many. And we have been split up for 3 months! I guess we wanted to still be friends, but it isn't work out so good for me. We have met up several times, and been out and seen eachother the other week he was drunk and told me he still and always will love me, I won't lie I feel the same about him. We text almost constantly, and see eachother at least once a week.

 

I don't understand what's going on or how thing is gonna to end up. I want to put a ultimatum on the situation and say.. We eaither don't talk anymore or we give it another go. But I don't want to be rejected! I don't know if he does just see us as friends and he just said those things because he was drunk.

 

But yes if u can try and not talk to your ex then do it!!!

[somedude81]

It's been two months since my ex dumped me and not once has she tried to contact me.

 

Every once in a while she'd reply to something I send but I haven't heard back from her in three weeks, and it's been a couple weeks since I tried.

 

For now I'm just assuming that she's dead.

[Never Again]

Mine called me, crying, the day after she dumped me asking to meet up to talk.

 

We met 4 days later and she kept crying, trying to explain all the reasons she just "didn't feel IT" anymore even though she wanted to. She kept telling me that I was amazing and didn't do anything wrong.

 

Honestly, she did me a favor. Not because I'm better off without her...far from it. But I'd been pulling away from her to hide my depression - my thoughts were constantly "cloudy" for 6-7 weeks...but she shocked me right back into reality (wish she'd just fought with me instead).

 

She texted me a week later with a stupid joke. I responded happily and eagerly with other jokes because I was dumb.

 

She wished me a happy 4th of July 1.5 weeks after that. Same thing, I replied happily and eagerly because I was dumb.

 

I wished her good luck on a HUGE event 2 weeks after that. We both responded happily and eagerly, but she was looking at new "prospects".

 

Over a month of nothing, then she wishes me a happy birthday. I keep my mouth shut this time.

 

She calls me a month later, crying because she found out that I knew about her new crush (that she was chasing desperately). She thought I was upset and it hurt her badly. She felt like a jerk and was apologizing up and down, telling me that nothing was going on between them.

 

A month after that she chases me down at a wedding while I was happy/indifferent. She approached me over and over again, held my hand...asked me to dance, told me we'd "talk soon", etc. At the very end of the night, I approached back and tried to give her a good luck charm (something we'd bought together on a trip).

 

It either freaked her out...or it showed her that I was still thinking of her and wasn't 100% indifferent. She refused to take it and I haven't heard from her since. It's been 4 months since that day.

 

Moral of the story - it doesn't matter if they reach out...and even if they do, ignore it or act very businesslike unless they make it very clear what their intentions are.

[Sugarkane]

I've still never been contacted by the ex, who brought me here. Although I've never broken NC Like majority of people. I wish I could say something because my ex was a complete Pr**k.

[carl777]

The first time my ex dumped me for someone else, she called me all the time. Eventually, we got back together and then she dumped for someone else again. I haven't heard from her since (3 months). Keep in mind, I didn't do NC the first time around.

[Leigh 87]

My long term ex who left me last year texted me every day afterwards.

 

I went overseas 2 months post break up. We corresponded a few times via Facebook. When I got back we never saw each other. I haven't seen him since before the trip.

 

He rang me occasionally after my trip. If he got a new job for instance he'd call me to tell me the happy news.

 

Then he met a wonderful girl. A much younger girl who's a model. Stopped talking altogether pretty much.

Brace yourself for this. Many guys who leave us will go on to find much prettier girls who they are far more into than they ever were us. It happens often.

 

 

Once every month or so we will text to say hello. We don't say much.

 

We want to be friends but his partner doesn't want him to ever speak to me again.