Trimmer Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Do you share with her H, your MM, what she confides in you? It almost doesn't matter if the OP shares the confidences with the H, because once a d-day happens, the BS - realizing all she has shared in confidence with the OP - will assume that these confidences have been breached as well. Even if she didn't share them in reality, after the BS starts to feel the full impact of the OP's betrayal while all the time she was listening to the BS who was trusting her, what denial could the OP possibly give that the BS would believe? She will come to believe the worst, and no denial will be credible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 It almost doesn't matter if the OP shares the confidences with the H, because once a d-day happens, the BS - realizing all she has shared in confidence with the OP - will assume that these confidences have been breached as well. Even if she didn't share them in reality, after the BS starts to feel the full impact of the OP's betrayal while all the time she was listening to the BS who was trusting her, what denial could the OP possibly give that the BS would believe? She will come to believe the worst, and no denial will be credible. Makes me go cold, just the thought of the pain waiting in the wings for both BS, and for both APs too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Of course you don't discuss it - no one LIKES face ugly - and that's what this behavior is - ugly. And, I think what's worse, is that even though you can sit and talk with her (his BS) and see and hear her suffering. I cannot begin to imagoine how that woman faces the day - knowing that she can do nothing right - being criticized in her every behavior and mannerism and thought. To always be wrong - seeing as one doesn't use the word criticize to describe a compliment. He rejects her sexually - it is perhaps worse that his efforts are half-hearted - perfunctory - than to complete ignore her. Its very much saying "well, shyte, I guess I have to". How must she feel about herself. How must she wring her own mind trying to find and make sense of it. Trying to understand. And when she can't understand his ABUSE (because near constant criticism IS abuse) she turns to her friend. You. Do you share with her H, your MM, what she confides in you? What did she do to deserve to be so cruelly treated by him and by you? Does her reaching out to you make you fell worse - or better - at how her life is - especially knowing, as many here can attest to, that A's DO make the BS appear "less" in the WS' eyes? That they become the victims of this bitterness and anger. That you help create. If you don't want to end it you won't. Its really that simple. The wake call you you ask for - maybe it will come. Maybe it won't. Pray it doesn't - should this blow up - so much will be lost. What do you think dday will look like here? For you? For your H. For your MM and your "friend" the BS? More importantly - how do you think the children will handle this - given you (really both you and MM) dragged them into this as well? How does dday, to you, look? Read this....again and again and again Then look in the mirror...like what you see? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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