Author Keenly Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Really? I would never have guessed! If you are being sarcastic, you'd definitely miss out. Sometimes you need to be blunt in order to make a point, and my point is women want something on that day, even if they say they don't. The something could just be a text message, but 98% of the time, its a gift. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 The point is getting a gift for a woman who said she didn't want one ( and actually MEANT it ) will get you in FAR less trouble then not getting a gift for a woman who said it and didn't mean it. The guy has a lot bigger troubles than a gift for Valentine's Day if he's with a partner who says things she doesn't mean. Honesty and communication will get you far. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Why don't you find someone who won't be getting a Valentine to make something for? Do you have a widowed relative or neighbor? Could be fun! You have pretty much nailed why I came to this website in the first place. I'm awful at meeting new people and expanding my social circle. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Not true. Certainly wouldn't be for me. I'll be thrilled if I even get to see him on the 14th. I have ridiculous work hours for the 13th 14th and 15th and will be happy to just get a few hours in. After a long day at work all I ever want is to just snuggle up in bed with him and get some rest. This will be my first ever valentines day with someone and it's just stressing me out. I don't know what to do! Right about now I'm wishing the day would just come and go unnoticed. Bake him heart-shaped sugar cookies and ice them in pastel colors, same colors as those little heart candies with sayings on them. Get a red frosting- filled applicator and write things on the cookies, ie "hot lips," "cool guy" "be mine," "kiss me," "always," "XO," "true love," etc., and make some up that pertain to the two of you, such as his name, private nickname you've given him, date of your first date, fav restaurant, mushy stuff, etc. You can also ice them in colors, not put letters on them, and use a white frosting-filled applicator to draw a line around the edge of each. This is very pretty. Go to the dollar store and get a plastic platter and some of those heart shaped paper lace things to put on the platter before putting the cookies on it. Cover with saran wrap and top with a lush big red, pink or gold bow and a card! Give him these and if you want you can get individual gourmet instant coffee packets to go with it, or even a special kind of coffee that he likes. Put that in red tissue paper, drop it in a see through gift bag and tie with red, pink or gold ribbon. Present with the tray of cookies! Beautiful, generous, affordable and personal! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 The guy has a lot bigger troubles than a gift for Valentine's Day if he's with a partner who says things she doesn't mean. Honesty and communication will get you far. I absolutely agree with you, but we don't live in a perfect world. There are so many people that are together that are very.... not right for each other. There isn't really a whole lot I can do about that, but I can at least avoid one very pointless argument. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 You have pretty much nailed why I came to this website in the first place. I'm awful at meeting new people and expanding my social circle. Well, then, just make something and leave it on someone's doorstep who probably won't get a Valentine. Sign it "from a secret admirer" or something fun. I have actually done this before, especially for a new widow, doesn't have to be opposite gender as Valentine's Day is becoming celebratory for others than sweethearts, too. This sounds like so much fun I think I'll do it this year, though I'm also getting Valentine's for my guy and for my kids. Love all holidays and celebrate to the max! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Well, then, just make something and leave it on someone's doorstep who probably won't get a Valentine. Sign it "from a secret admirer" or something fun. I have actually done this before, especially for a new widow, doesn't have to be opposite gender as Valentine's Day is becoming celebratory for others than sweethearts, too. This sounds like so much fun I think I'll do it this year, though I'm also getting Valentine's for my guy and for my kids. Love all holidays and celebrate to the max! There is a random girl on my facebook page that I don't really know. She had a long term, I mean LOOOOOONG term boyfriend. I'm assuming it was some where around 5 years, which is crazy for a 24-25 year old these days. She loved him more than anything, from what my random stranger eyes could tell. He died (how, I don't know) in september and she was absolutely devastated. If anyone deserves a valentine, its her. I would have no idea how to go about that without looking like a blanking weirdo. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 It's 2013 but some men still believe that when a woman talks...ignore what she says. No means yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 I absolutely agree with you, but we don't live in a perfect world. There are so many people that are together that are very.... not right for each other. There isn't really a whole lot I can do about that, but I can at least avoid one very pointless argument. True, but focus on those who will be having a positive experience instead of those who who live in drama. Are there any peeps who enjoy love? G 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 There is a random girl on my facebook page that I don't really know. She had a long term, I mean LOOOOOONG term boyfriend. I'm assuming it was some where around 5 years, which is crazy for a 24-25 year old these days. She loved him more than anything, from what my random stranger eyes could tell. He died (how, I don't know) in september and she was absolutely devastated. If anyone deserves a valentine, its her. I would have no idea how to go about that without looking like a blanking weirdo. I once took several roses to a woman I knew (I'm a woman and this was not a romantic gesture), not a close friend, whose husband had committed suicide the first Valentine's Day after it happened. I just told her I was thinking about her and wanted her to have some roses that day. No mention of Valentine's Day, just, "wanted you to have flowers today," low key. She cried and thanked me over and over. Told me she had dreaded the day. I vowed to do something like that every Valentines Day, for someone who may not get anything and did for a short while. Need to start it up again. If you knew someone who knew her and could clue you in as to how she might receive it. Personally, I would do it, but I'm comfortable in most situations if I think I can help someone or make even a small difference for them. The thing about doing it for someone who doesn't expect you to do it is the surprise factor! Like finding a ten dollar bill on the sidewalk. Is very rewarding to be the giver. Guess you could send or give them anonymously with a note saying, "just wanted you to have flowers (or whatever you give her) today," or something like that....... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 This is also a topic that's incredibly difficult to get women to be honest about. I mean I can't speak for anyone personally, but this is so common, you can practically write an equation out of it. I think its just best that all men know this disclaimer, lest an argument break out on this day that goes something like " you didn't get me anything " and then he says " you said not to " and she says " you should have anyway because you wanted to " Or something like that. Just roll with it guys. Actually, the OP will do in this case. Better safe than sorry, so a blanket generalization to follow is just great. Exceptions [the few that exist] are just that ... exceptions. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 If you are in a relationship, and your girl says or has said that she doesn't want anything for valentines day.... She is lying. Its a trap. If you do not get her anything, she will at most be mad at you, and at the least she will resent you for it. Do not fall for it. Even if she says nothing, you still get her something. Something small and UNIQUE. Not this cards and flowers BS. Be original but keep it less than 15 dollars. Try and keep it tailored to what her interests are. Again, If she says " I don't want anything this year honey " and you day " okay babe ". You will be in the doghouse by 11pm on the 14th. You are welcome. :lmao: Honestly, this is probably true. But it seems to be encouraging poor communication skills, don't you think? I mean, I definitely want something for Valentine's Day. One flower will do, or chocolates, or even something unusual if he feels like doing that, whatever. But, I don't expect my guy to read my mind. Obviously I don't get all in his face about it, but neither am I going to say the opposite. So, he doesn't have to guess as to what I 'really mean', and he never fails to disappoint. Women who say the opposite of what they want, should expect to receive the opposite of what they want. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 I know phoe... I know. Its not logical, but ( please do not be offended, I mean absolutely no disrespect by this ) women are not known as the logical ones. Also, in your situation, being your VERY FIRST couples Valentine's day, I can understand you not worrying about a gift. The veterans however.... They are logical, it's just that we haven't cracked the code yet, it's just too complex. Men are like classical physics. Women are quantum mechanics, even if you try to measure the state of the system, just the act of measuring it will alter it [with a very high degree of probability that you will not get a good measurement]. Still, we'll crack quantum mechanics ... i'm not sure we'll ever truly get women [unless we develop telepathy]. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 They are logical, it's just that we either haven't cracked the code yet, it's just too complex. Men are like classical physics. Women are quantum mechanics Love this quote. Did you get it from somewhere or is it all yours? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 (edited) Love this quote. Did you get it from somewhere or is it all yours? One of the hardest exams i have to pass for graduating is the one that deals with quantum physics [from the beginning with classical quantum physics, through to TDSE/TISE and applications, eigenfunctions and eigenvalues, angular momentum, lasers] ... my major is chemistry and i will never understand why i need to be able to know the demonstrations for this stuff. I figured it out at some point that it's all about lying, only someone called Hermitia1 can be trusted [and only if you verify it with a 2nd girl called Hermitia2]. It's because in this case, there is always the probability of getting an altered state of the system [but not lying ... just that it might be something else]. Edited February 7, 2014 by Radu 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 But it seems to be encouraging poor communication skills, don't you think? It's training your partner that you don't hear what they say. Then it becomes a co-creation when you don't read her mind or you don't do the opposite of what she says she wants and she's disappointed. You created that beast. Just listen to your partner. If they say they don't want something, don't give it to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 If you are being sarcastic, you'd definitely miss out. Sometimes you need to be blunt in order to make a point, and my point is women want something on that day, even if they say they don't. The something could just be a text message, but 98% of the time, its a gift. I was being sarcastic, and unfairly so. You just served up such a delicious straight line that I couldn't resist going right to the payoff. You didn't deserve it. There is a random girl on my facebook page that I don't really know. She had a long term, I mean LOOOOOONG term boyfriend. I'm assuming it was some where around 5 years, which is crazy for a 24-25 year old these days. She loved him more than anything, from what my random stranger eyes could tell. He died (how, I don't know) in september and she was absolutely devastated. If anyone deserves a valentine, its her. I would have no idea how to go about that without looking like a blanking weirdo. Yeah, that would be a delicate line to dance around - the more research you do to figure out if it would be appropriate and how to get to her, the more you come off like a creeper... One of the hardest exams i have to pass for graduating is the one that deals with quantum physics [from the beginning with classical quantum physics, through to TDSE/TISE and applications, eigenfunctions and eigenvalues, angular momentum, lasers] ... my major is chemistry and i will never understand why i need to be able to know the demonstrations for this stuff. Chemists belittle biologists by saying "Biology is really just Chemistry..." Then Physicists put the Chemists in their place, saying "Yeah, but Chemistry is really just Physics." Link to post Share on other sites
fujidabruin Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 It's training your partner that you don't hear what they say. Then it becomes a co-creation when you don't read her mind or you don't do the opposite of what she says she wants and she's disappointed. You created that beast. Just listen to your partner. If they say they don't want something, don't give it to them. Wow... I think this is getting a little overblown from Keenlys' original post. I am giving her something next friday regardless. I have paid the price in the past for thinking "you don't have to get me anything, honey" meant get her nothing and she will be fine. It actually happened to me twice in separate relationships..... rookie mistakes on my part. My guess is that the percentage of ladies that were sincerely offended by getting a gift from their SO is infinitesimally small compared to those that were in some way upset that they received nothing even if they said they would be fine without. Considerate ladies do not tell their SO, "Get me something for Valentines Day or I am gonna be pissed". They take the modest approach and say that it isn't important if questioned about it. Lollipop, you are taking the point of this thread and twisting it all around. Guys, if you are not sure, I recommend you heed Keenlys advice and get something... I learned the hard way 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Considerate ladies do not tell their SO, "Get me something for Valentines Day or I am gonna be pissed". They take the modest approach and say that it isn't important if questioned about it. Nope, they say, get me a little treat for Valentine's Day, sweetie. Or they talk about going out together and doing something for the night. Or she says with a smile, just so you know, I like this kind of chocolate. Or it's tradition for them to get things for each other so it doesn't even need to be discussed. She does not take the initiative to say, don't get me anything, I don't want anything. That's a clear statement. I'm not twisting anything. "All women" aren't the same, and if someone tells you clearly what they want or don't want, best to heed it, or you create communication issues. If you're unsure, say, Really? You don't want me to get you anything? Maybe there's a reason and she doesn't want your gift, or flowers, or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
fujidabruin Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 :lmao: Honestly, this is probably true. But it seems to be encouraging poor communication skills, don't you think? I mean, I definitely want something for Valentine's Day. One flower will do, or chocolates, or even something unusual if he feels like doing that, whatever. But, I don't expect my guy to read my mind. Obviously I don't get all in his face about it, but neither am I going to say the opposite. So, he doesn't have to guess as to what I 'really mean', and he never fails to disappoint. Women who say the opposite of what they want, should expect to receive the opposite of what they want. Elswyth, I see your point about the communication issue... But, men can be naive about this gift giving tradition so I like Keenlys advice. Take no chances, get something and it will put the guy in a good light regardless. I think you and I both know that his advice is not to ignore your partners words..... Perhaps it would be wise to acknowledge her statement when presenting the gift. "I know you said I should not get you something, but.....", this statement w/gift may have likely saved me some grief in the past. Just sayin'..... Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Chemists belittle biologists by saying "Biology is really just Chemistry..." Then Physicists put the Chemists in their place, saying "Yeah, but Chemistry is really just Physics." I know ... but i don't think that my future employer will ask me to understand it to this degree when my aim is production [oil/polymers], not research. If it was research, i'd do a PhD and i'd probably have to learn it. PS: You forgot who belittles Physics ... it's Math. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 I think it's true in a lot of cases...why I dnt know, maybe cause we're brought up that its not polite to ask for stuff? Just a thought! My gf's firmly in the "it's a load of commercial c***.....waste of money....lacks meaning....blah blah blah" camp. And to be fair to her, if I didn't get anything she wouldn't be pissed at me. But I do, and will anyway, cause I know she'll tell me that is a commercial holiday, or that I'm being soppy...but I also know it'll make her smile, and she'll be pleased really! There's a song that goes "I went out and bought her roses, she complained about the thorns, I caught her smiling, and that's what I do it for" - I think there's a lot of sense in those lyrics...definitely For me and her at least! I can MAKE something awesome for 15$ That will be worth way more to her than the heart holding Teddy bear that 15 thousand other women will be getting 100%! It's bang on! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Well, then, just make something and leave it on someone's doorstep who probably won't get a Valentine. Sign it "from a secret admirer" or something fun. I have actually done this before, especially for a new widow, doesn't have to be opposite gender as Valentine's Day is becoming celebratory for others than sweethearts, too. This just stood out to me, and I'd caution against it. A person who has recently lost their husband/wife is going to feel absolutely terrible on Valentine's Day, so much so that no amount of flowers or chocolates will cheer their day up. Especially if it's an anonymous gift, chances are it'll stress them out massively wondering who the hell likes them, where they came from, upset them wishing it was from their departed spouse. In a few occasions maybe it would cheers someone's day up but actually I think it could do far more damage for the majority of recently widowed. It's a sweet gesture but if you're going to do it, definitely sign off with your name. It won't be such a confusing shock for someone if they know it's just a friend who wanted them to have some flowers. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 If I was in a relationship and my partner tells me that she doesn't want anything for Valentine Day, I will respect her request. If, at the end we get into an argument over the decision she made, then that prove that she isn't honest with me and, since that is the most important thing I value in a relationship, I will end it on the spot. If you can't be honest with me, what that means is that I can't trust you. With that said, I don't speak to people that I can't trust. In fact, I try to avoid those people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 If you are in a relationship, and your girl says or has said that she doesn't want anything for valentines day.... She is lying. Its a trap. If you do not get her anything, she will at most be mad at you, and at the least she will resent you for it. That's funny, we've been pretty much been ignoring it for 5 years now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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