HE'S GONE!

[Amelia]

I have just had twins and my boyfreind has walked out on me. He says he wasn't ready for such comitment despite the fact that we have been together for ten years! We got together when I was thirteen, he was sixteen and have been together ever since. It was him who decided he wanted children, I was against it at first because I am at Harvard trying to study in a law degree. I am originally from England and he moved over here with me. I thought we were rock solid but now he has left me for an american girl who he has known for TWO WEEKS! Now I'm left with two sons and no partner, no family and hardly any money. I work part time while trying to keep up with my studies while he refuses to pay a penny towards their up keep. I can't do everythiung and I feel like throwing in the towel and going back home with my baby boys, Eliot and Josh. But if I complete my degree then I can give us all the life we deserve, but it's a struggle so far. Henry refuses to help saying he doesn't care if our children are dead. Why does he want to hurt me so much? And why do my babies have to suffer? He wanted us to have children and we did. I wouldn't swap my children for the world now but if he wanted them so badly why has he gone?

[Tony T]

A lot of men, faced with the reality of responsibility, choose abandonment rather than taking on what is necessary. This could be a temporary reaction and he could be back or he could remain in his childlike mindstate for many years.

 

Talk to counselors at Harvard. They will do everything possible to see that you are able to remain in school. You may be able to get help from the British consulate in Boston or by calling the British Embassy in Washington. There are also local government and social agencies that give financial and other assistance to new mothers and those who find themselves in your situation.

 

You need to have the counsellors at Harvard help you acquire an attorney who can prepare the legal work that will obligate your guy to make child support payments until the children are 18 years old, under American law. See an attorney as quickly as possible. Many will give you a free consultation and there are lots who will do pro bono work for someone in your situation, as provided for by the Massachusettes Bar Association from a special fund.

 

Also, go to the financial aid office at Harvard if you have to and make whatever additional arrangements are necessary to complete your education. You really need that now more than ever.

 

You may need to take a bit of maternity leave before returning to school. Newborns require a level of care you may not be able to give to them and attend classes and study at the same time. Keep a level head and exhaust all possibilities before giving up and returning to England.

 

I am truly sorry this happened to you. While this type of reaction is not unheard of, it is unusual for a guy who really wanted a family to react this way. But he sounds like a guy who hasn't grown up yet and one you really don't need in your life.

 

Congratulations on the twins!

[Adam]

You must be an angel! You have dealt with in a short space of time what most people only have to deal with in a lifetime. You are young, at school, well university, and have newborn twins and a part time job. A man should be thrilled and honoured to have you in his life. You can do so much better sweetheart, and trust me, you will.

 

Those kiddies have the best mom ever. if there were more people like you in the world then it would be a better place.

 

Apply for benefits, get the dad to pay for his children. If he doesn't you will be able to take him to court. Get yourself a lawyer, you have a strong case on your hands here.

 

Most of all stay at school. If need be go back home and continue your studies there. Keep your chin up hunny.

 

Lastly, good luck with those little babies! They grow up so fast, please tone down what you do to see the first smile, the first step and the first word. I have three myself and it gets better evry time!

 

One day you will meet the man who will love those children as his own (Trust me, I am one of them!) My wife has a child to another man but I love her as much as I love my genetic children. This man will come along. But in the meantime you will do well on your own. You're strong, so please, please, stay that way!

[Patty]

He'll be back believe me. He's just trying to avoid the responsibility out of fear, so he's getting lost in a world that is safe and shallow with no committment. He didn't just leave you because he stopped loving you and fell in love with someone else. It's just easier being with this woman (American or not) because she's free, young and single. When the reality hits him that this woman is no different than any other person, with her own sets of things she's responsible for (whether it be homework, a sick mother, need for a committed relationship, etc.) he'll look back and realize what he's done. The only problem is will you be able to trust him again? That is only a question you'll be able to answer in time. You may forgive him, because you'll need his help with the children (and you do still love him) but you may not be able to forget what he's done. I'd suggest couple councelling if he'll go? If he serious about finally committing to you when he comes back, I wouldn't take him back unless he's willing to grow up and prove it to you through actions and not words. Concelling is a definite start (and he'd have to go more than 2 or 3 times...I'm talking, on-going.)