a question for ws

[snappytomcat]

hello everyone

I have a question for ws,or maybe some bs,has some insight on this

after dday last june,the lovely ow in my situation decided to send me hundreds and hundreds of text,and emails,she kept sending same ones over,and over again,i read a few.

there were a lot of emails exchanged,that were very sexual,dirty talk,naked pics,I only saw naked pics of her,and shes one big woman.

anyways why does it seem like ws can sext,and talk dirty to the om/ow,but not their spouses,cause I really wouldn't mind it if hubby,and I could do this.

I tried to ask him why he could send her stuff like this.but not me,he just gets really embarrassed,and says that was a dark disgusting time in his life,and he has nothing but awful things to remember about it.

[cozycottagelg]

I haven't been a WS or BS... but perhaps you could start up this sexting with your husband, instead of waiting for him to intiate.

 

Send him a naked pic...see where it goes?

[Zenstudent]

It's called the Madonna/whore complex, Google it.

[snappytomcat]

im getting my hair done later then im going to send him a pic

and I did google the Madonna/whore complex very interesting,its kinda of weird in this situation I don't know,but im petite have long hair,and im covered in tattoos,full sleeves,and the ow looks like a granny very over weight short hair,12 years older

so it would seem like I would be the whore,and she the Madonna I don't know,maybe cause he sees me as the one who had his kids,i will be reading up more about it,as I find it very interesting

[whichwayisup]

hello everyone

I have a question for ws,or maybe some bs,has some insight on this

after dday last june,the lovely ow in my situation decided to send me hundreds and hundreds of text,and emails,she kept sending same ones over,and over again,i read a few.

there were a lot of emails exchanged,that were very sexual,dirty talk,naked pics,I only saw naked pics of her,and shes one big woman.

anyways why does it seem like ws can sext,and talk dirty to the om/ow,but not their spouses,cause I really wouldn't mind it if hubby,and I could do this.

I tried to ask him why he could send her stuff like this.but not me,he just gets really embarrassed,and says that was a dark disgusting time in his life,and he has nothing but awful things to remember about it.

 

Could be that you two never had that dynamic. Do you dirty talk in the bedroom?

 

Sounds like your husband is ashamed of his behaviour, sexting and dirty talk as that probably isn't him. He equates it with cheating behaviour and doesn't want to lower himself to that level with you. Just a guess here.

[ladydesigner]

I had this same dilemma after Dday. I wanted so badly to be treated the same way, to be sexted, texted and loved with all of the same fancy words he gave MOW. My WH told me that I never wanted to do these things, which was not true. It took some time for my WH's feelings to subside for MOW and to become more attached to me again. It hurt but as time slowly went on WH and I have started texting and sexting like he did in the A. Now it is a daily occurrence. This WAS a big deal to me and still is. The emotional connection with my WH is top priority now and it is equal I think it takes time and communication. Maybe a couple's counselor can help too!

[snappytomcat]

Could be that you two never had that dynamic. Do you dirty talk in the bedroom?

 

Sounds like your husband is ashamed of his behaviour, sexting and dirty talk as that probably isn't him. He equates it with cheating behaviour and doesn't want to lower himself to that level with you. Just a guess here.

yes I think this has a lot to do with it

[Sub]

In my situation, my W was the more experienced sexually heading into our relationship. Significantly more. But given that, she turned out to be more naive when it came to the things we would each be willing to do. (She was even grossed out at the thought of masturbation. Had never done it.) Which left me pretty surprised to read some of the stuff she and the OM said to each other. Made me wonder who this woman was.

 

As time went on after D-Day, I just realized it was a part she was playing, maybe to keep his attention. We enjoy an excellent sex life, and it's never been boring. As far as the stuff that they shared, quite frankly most of it isn't something I would want to do with her or say to her anyway. Or rather, I wouldn't say it the way he said it.

[BetrayedH]

This is just one possibility but...

 

I think as men and women get a little older, we get more curious about exploring a more dominant/submissive relationship. In an affair, the woman wants to explore being more submissive and the man wants to explore being more dominant. And for those two individuals in that dynamic, it works because if you're going to take such a huge risk as to have an affair, then you're going to go for some no-holds-barred sex. And hell, the relationship isn't even designed to last, so why not go for it?

 

But in a marriage? You've got years (both behind you and yet to come) of negotiating and jockying for power positions over everything from laundry to vacations. The man doesn't want to ask for any favors and the wife doesn't want to offer any. And if he shares that kinky fantasy with you and you reject it, he has to live with you forever.

 

The Madonna/Whore complex plays right into this where the wife is the respected mother of his children but the mistress is his whore. It reminds me of a line from Goodfellas. deNiro's character is asked why he keeps a girlfriend on the side and he responds, "Hey, my wife kisses my kids with that mouth."