Is my wife having an emotional affair?

[tlees]

Hello all,

A little back story, my wife and I have been married for almost 3 years. Everything has been going well. No major problems or anything or that nature.

Last night we were at a restaurant we eat at regularly and I noticed she was texting and trying to hide it. I looked over and she was messaging some guy and had tons of smiley faces everywhere, which she NEVER uses. I don't snoop. We trust each other. So much we have passwords to everything we have online. So the next morning while she was getting ready for work I hopped on her FB and found all this.

 

him - Hey when we going to meet up for drinks seeing how you ditched me last time

her - When I'm not broke (:

 

him - Payday is tomorrow

her -Proud of you.

 

What?

That you know tomorrow is payday (:

 

You're a dork.... lol

I do what I can.

 

Do you.. do you really

Yes. Yes I do.

 

And is it that you do

Wait what.

 

And what is it that you do*

What I can.

 

And what can you do

I can do what I can

 

Other than kill my e cig

You did that on your own. Don't blame me for your poor planning.

 

You sucked to hard on it is what happened (that's what she said )

That horrible lolThat's horrible*

 

But you're the one that did it lol

Was I though?

 

Oh yes yes you were

Wrong. You're wrong.

 

Hey I didn't say it was a bad thing lol

Your horrible lolYou're*

 

You still loled at it XD

Did you really just say loled?

 

No I typed it

Smartass.

 

I can live with that

Of course you can.

 

The real question is, can you?!?

Can I live with you being a smartass?

 

Can you?

 

No can you live with me... yes can you live with being a smarkass

No I don't think I can.There you go again being a smarkass

 

No you don't think you can live with me or being a smartass

I'm gonna have to go with no to both lol

 

Rude lol

You'll be alright.

 

No I won't you've emotionally scared me for life

Awe poor baby ):Get Over it (:

 

Already did

Glad to hear it.

 

But back to the original subject when we gonna meet up at divinchis?

I'm not sure.

 

And why is that?

Between school and work I'm having a bit of a hard time staying up past 10.**** the only reason I'm up now is because I'm doing homework.

 

Is that what they call it now a days

What else would it be know as?

 

You tell me

Homework?Laying on the couch, watching a movie while attempting to do homework?

 

Yeah have you seen due dat?

That movie is hilarious.Between him and Zach galifianakis

 

Yeah I know now I wanna watch it lol

Same. I haven't seen it in forever

 

I have it

Lucky ):

 

Come over and watch it

Thursday 6:30am

Have that **** started. I'll be over in five.

Thursday 11:07am

 

Where you at I've been waiting

I waited, You took too long. I'm in class now.Though I'd rather be watching a movie.

 

Texting in class tisk tisk tisk and I have to go to work so I'm in the same boat

Ew. Sorry about your luck.

 

Yeah but then I'm off Saturday and Sunday

Damn. I work both ):Whose going to make me pbjs?!

 

My boss

wtf did I just do...

 

Awww you liked me

How strange...

Why would I like you. (:

 

Well I'm handsome, funny, nice, smart its a very long list well be here all day if I went through them all but you get the point lol so take your pick

What you are is out of control. LolAlso aren't you suppose to be working?

 

You are is out of control? Lol

 

I am working

What you are, is out of control.You, sir, are out of control.How are you cooking and texting at the same time?

 

Lol because its not hard to cook and text if you're good at it

 

How am I out of control?

Would know can't cook.How are you not out of control?

 

Its not hard to learn

 

And Idk you tell me

Obviously it is seeing as how I can't.

 

Who tryed to teach you?

Myself?

 

That's prolly why lol

Cuse me.That's not nice.

 

You need somebody that knows what there doing to teach you lol

You saying I don't know what I'm doing?

 

If you did then you would know how to cook

Touché. Well if I knew someone that could teach me I would know how to cook.

 

Your husband doesn't know how?

Nope.

 

Not even your mom

She can cook she just doesn't teach well

 

Well then that just leaves me haha

Or I could just live of chicken nuggets and pbjs

 

Lol that's horrible

Meh. It's worked so far.

 

Do you atleast bake the nuggets?

In the oven?

 

Well or toster oven

Sometimes.

 

Disgraceful

Ouch ):

 

Sorry

Are you really though?

 

Yes, yes I am

I don't know if I believe that.

 

How can I make it up to you... I know! Lets go to divinchis tonight and ill buy you a jack n coke

Smooth.Or how about this

 

Smooth?

Feb 23 we can have a birthday celebration at divinchis

 

Or or tonight we go and have some drinks and play some pool

Or.We can go feb 23rd (:

 

Or feb 6th and feb 23rd

Look.I'm already in pjs.I'm not going anywhere

 

Just change

Or.Not (:I can just stay at home and sleep

 

Or just change

 

But that's no fun

Why are you being so persistent? Lol

 

Lol because I think it would be fun why are you being so persistent about not coming

Because I like preplanned things. Not last minute.(:

 

Wouldn't hurt just this one time

It would hurt a little bit. Especially since we justttt left deland.(:

 

But a little hurt is what makes you feel alive

How poetic.Do you work tomorrow?

 

Yes 12 to 8

 

And yes I am a poet

Good. Can I have a pbj for lunch tomorrow?

 

idk can i have a drink with you tonight?

Nope. Not tonight

 

i see what you are doing! you just want pbjs out of me!

That's it. You caught me. I'm using your for pbjs.You*

 

your good looks and charm and only work for so long!

Pssh yeah right that **** works forever.

 

mostly on shawna

You hate me.She creeps me out so much.

 

i dont hate you

 

i know lol she creeps everybody ouy

 

out*

You brought up Shawna you obviously hate me.

 

why would i hate you

I don't know. Why would you hate me enough to bring her up?

 

i dont hate you

 

you must hate me! for saying i hate you!

Why would I hate you?You make me pbjs (:

 

because you said i hate you

 

if i hated you i wouldnt make you pbjs would i

You have a valid point.Then we can agree that we don't hate each other.Good deal.

 

indeed

So.... Pbj tomorrow (:

 

Hummm

):

 

What's in it for me

Knowing how happy I'll be.Should be more than enough.

 

I always give you extra food and pbjs and stuff and you're still not happy enough

Well I mean come on I am at work. I'm as happy as I can be there.

 

You look pretty happy when I see you, you always give me a big goofy smile

Did you just call my smile goofy?Ouch man.

 

oh come on

AhahahahaI'm just giving you a hard time(:

 

yeah you are

I should've seen that coming.

 

That's what she said

9 minutes ago

 

Well I made you a pbj and you didn't come get it

Sorry I ordered Chinese food.

 

I hope its easy to understand.

Now this is ongoing. I have not confronted her. I do not know if I am over reacting. The guy is obviously flirting and knows she is married. They go to college and work together so who knows what else is going on that I don't know about. She has never mentioned this guy to me at all.

I don't know what to do.

Hopefully someone can help!

Thanks!

[CarrieT]

I hope its easy to understand.

Sorry, her texts were way too long and mostly not understandable.

 

But, based on what little I *did* read, YES, she is having an emotional affair.

 

You have two choices: Investigate further and get hard evidence, or expose now based on what you know and expect to receive Trickle Truth.

 

Regardless, you have some work to do and I don't envy the current path you will have to tread.

[RightThere]

She is absolutely having an emotional affair and is getting very close to crossing into a physical affair.

 

Depending on how long it's been probably going on, you should confront her about it. I wouldn't even bring proof, just tell her that she is working way too hard outside of your relationship right now.

[Radu]

OP, it's at least an emotional affair.

 

Considering the age of your relationship and your not mentioning kids, this is what i advise you to do :

- any plans to have kids immediately postponed

- do not confront, save info and texts ... wait until you get more stuff on them

- go and speak to a lawyer in advance

- when you do confront, do not put all your cards on the table, but do say you know about it and expect her to admit to it in full.

If what she says does not corroborate what you have, she has again lied to you and chose her ass over your relationship [selfishness].

- if she refuses to work with you or is not actively pulling the reconciliation wagon, divorce her

- at no point of this process should you plead, beg, or try to reason with her

It makes you look weak, and will lower your chances of having your marriage survive this.

- when you do confront she will try to pin it on you somehow by way of your situation in marriage, accuse you of snooping, etc ...

You get the idea.

 

PS: There is a guy exactly like this one in my class as well, i see him flirting constantly with other women even though he has 2 kids at home and is married.

It's incredible the amount of rationalizations my other colleagues come up with to no see his bad behaviour and their enabling of him.

[Yasuandio]

WARNING: please, this is only one member's opinion. Wait for other poster's to write in. You need many perspectives in a situation like this. My do not say anything to your wife. DO NOT REACT. Be really cool till the member's weigh in. This is a good place - everyone will help.

 

My Take:

 

I'm sorry to break this to you, man. And some may call me overly suspicious. But I'm pretty dang sharp, and while I could write a long analysis, I'm going to just get to the bottom line.

 

PBJS is often mentioned, but I do not thing it is in reference to a kid's favorite snack (peanut butter and jelly sandwich). One clue is that often the bread is left off ("S").

 

Sample Statement:

 

i see what you are doing! you just want pbjs out of me!

That's it. You caught me. I'm using your for pbjs.You*

 

Here, the young lady suggests the man just wants her in order to get a "pbjs" out of her. And the man playfully admits he been caught, he indeed is using her for her "pbjs" followed by "You*."

 

I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to know you wife isn't taking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches over to guy. Since this PBJS is often mentioned with food (chicken nuggets), I believe the acronym refers to oral sex (the above quote solidified my position).

 

As well, "chicken nuggets" could be code for a body part. I'm not sure about that. But I am sure your wife is not carri a jar of jam and Jiffy, and a loaf of bread to the meetings these two are having.

 

What should you do? Let it go on, and then capture them red-handed, and bring a fast flashing camera and a witness with you, and tape recorder. Get the evidence and have your friend take you away from the scene. Say nothing.

 

This is the only way you will ever believe it (and I don't think she's planning on telling you) - your emotional mind will try to rationalize the heck out of the text.

 

Make sure you save this and all evidence. You have no idea what type of man this is. Personally, he doesn't sound too swift, and you wife could bring home an STD.

 

Let's see what othe LS member's have to say. Yas

[dumped2013]

After reading the texts hopefully it is not already a PA.

[Zahara]

PBJS is often mentioned, but I do not thing it is in reference to a kid's favorite snack (peanut butter and jelly sandwich). One clue is that often the bread is left off ("S").

 

Sample Statement:

 

i see what you are doing! you just want pbjs out of me!

That's it. You caught me. I'm using your for pbjs.You*

 

I had the same reaction as Yas.

 

I agree, don't confront yet. Play it cool. You need to more evidence.

[dumped2013]

Yas, now I see it. I missed it when I read it. I actually thought they were talking about peanut butter a jelly sandwiches but who really eats those anymore. OP, proceed with caution. If it were me after reading into it I would spring for a PI.

[Yasuandio]

Yas, now I see it. I missed it when I read it. I actually thought they were talking about peanut butter a jelly sandwiches but who really eats those anymore. OP, proceed with caution. If it were me after reading into it I would spring for a PI.

 

She no "come" 4 PBJS, he place order 4 Chinese. Y

[dumped2013]

She no "come" 4 PBJS, he place order 4 Chinese. Y

 

OMG, you should be a PI.

[tlees]

Thanks for the all the replies.

I just wanted to make sure I was not going crazy. As I said my wife and I have a very trusting relationship (or I thought). So I really am just speechless to everything happening right now. My first thought was to wait it out and just see what happens and many of you all posted that so I guess that is what I'll do. I'll update as things occur.

[dumped2013]

This forum is going to keep me forever single.

[RightThere]

Mmmm...I disagree that PBJs are their code for sex. I actually think they are PBJs.

 

But it's probably irrelevant. There is a strong EA going on and the level of intimacy indicates to me a PA is either happening or imminent.

[Yasuandio]

Thanks for the all the replies.

I just wanted to make sure I was not going crazy. As I said my wife and I have a very trusting relationship (or I thought). So I really am just speechless to everything happening right now. My first thought was to wait it out and just see what happens and many of you all posted that so I guess that is what I'll do. I'll update as things occur.

 

Yes, stay with U's T. We are a smart, diverse community, dedicated to seeing you this. We are here for you. Someone is around most the time. Welcome to LS, as Carhil would say! Yas

[tlees]

Two probably important pieces of info...

1. She really does love PBJs and HATES oral sex. So as much shock as I am in I disagree with that too.

2. The guy is actually ENGAGED!

[elevenbot]

Hello all,

A little back story, my wife and I have been married for almost 3 years. Everything has been going well. No major problems or anything or that nature.

<SNIP>

 

This made me sick to my stomach reading it. Deffinately an EA, if not already PA. If you guys are so open and honest I say confront her about it. This is type of talk even if its just a friend is not ok in a marriage.

Edited February 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed quoting the very large post for easier reading

[Radu]

Two probably important pieces of info...

1. She really does love PBJs and HATES oral sex. So as much shock as I am in I disagree with that too.

2. The guy is actually ENGAGED!

 

So ?

 

The guy i mentioned is married with 2 small kids, yet it doesn't seem to stop him and he does consider it 'harmless fun'.

[tlees]

So ?

 

The guy i mentioned is married with 2 small kids, yet it doesn't seem to stop him and he does consider it 'harmless fun'.

 

I guess what I was getting at is some people have no respect. I don't know this guy. I don't want to know him. I don't know if I can curse on here but this guy is a fill in the blank.

[Yasuandio]

This made me sick to my stomach reading it. Deffinately an EA, if not already PA. If you guys are so open and honest I say confront her about it. This is type of talk even if its just a friend is not ok in a marriage.

 

Listen, give the guy a chance to "digest" it. Even you haven't figured out whether it's a EA or a PA. [Heads up, man, all the food items are code for sex, duh].

 

Confrontation when your head is spinning is an unwise reaction. this man is in shock right now, and needs to relax and calm himself. Before he posted, he was questioning his sanity - now, he is facing some tough REALITY.

 

He needs time to process this matter, and determine how he wants to RESPOND. To react or confront will only make her defensive, and in a deny, deny, deny position.

 

And really - there is NO GOOD PROOF. It takes a clever analytical mind to unravel the little game between these two lovers. And it is only circumstantial evidence, anyway. Wouldn't stand up in Court. Not by a long shot. My theory can be torn apart easy - even though it's the obvious conclusion reached by two other posters at the same time.

 

That is why I recommended OP see it with his own two eyes. He needs to. Or he will make the grand mistake. Cause this girl is yapping on-line like she's at a hootenanny - she thinks her husband is too dumb to get this. Of course he doesn't get it. He is not think suspiciously, and/or out of the box.

 

Now that it's out, OP has to be smart, Elevenbot. Loose lips sink ships. Confrontation will push her underground, and she'll be more careful. He only has 3 years invested in this - and he needs to get out with his shirt, and no "what if's" haunting him, that might cause himto overlook this conduct. Yas

Edited February 7, 2014 by Yasuandio

[Tripz]

To everyone else, please explain PBJs. I don't understand the code there. I get the BJ part, what is the "P"? So many frustrating codes on this site and the FAQ is completely not updated.

 

I know, I know...I'm a total noob, but still...

 

Oh and to the OP...That is definitely an emotional affair and maybe even more. If you saw how many texts my wife had with her lover prior to me finding out, you'd be amazed. Try over 2700 a month all hours of the day and night. Of course, I never got to see what the actual texts were about, just happened to check our cell account online. My first reaction to it, since I knew we were having communication issues, was thinking, "WTF? Had I even received 1/100th of that much communication from her, perhaps we wouldn't be in this boat".

 

Tread carefully. In my case, it only took 2 months from discovery to filing divorce papers...

Edited February 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Tripz]

This forum is going to keep me forever single.

I've had the same thought. At this point in time, I think that's a good thing.

[RightThere]

To everyone else, please explain PBJs. I don't understand the code there. I get the BJ part, what is the "P"? So many frustrating codes on this site and the FAQ is completely not updated.

 

Peanut Butter and Jam sandwich.

[Tripz]

Peanut Butter and Jam sandwich.

Really? Thanks for no explanation there. I know what it's supposed to mean.

[lkey]

Like everyone else, I vote yes. I have a lot of experience with EA's because my husband had two, but the fact that she is hiding this information shows she is emotionally involved and she knows you wouldn't approve. The second thing is that we really don't know what PB and J stands for it may be a sandwich so don't assume its physical. The question you have to ask yourself is - does that matter? She is obviously engaged in a relationship outside your marriage that she knows you would not approve of. That is significant. Take it from the fool who stayed after the first EA, it is a serious concern, you may have caught it early, what are you going to do now?

[Yasuandio]

Two probably important pieces of info...

1. She really does love PBJs and HATES oral sex. So as much shock as I am in I disagree with that too.

2. The guy is actually ENGAGED!

 

1. Do you agree with this:

 

pBJs = Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich

 

I mean, do I have to draw you a picture? Next thing ya know, they'll be talking Greek Salad and lighting the Saganaki, and you'll imagine there is a celebration! Opa! Opa! Opa!

 

2. I think we can agree, based on your original post and what we've come to learn, that the girl, (your wife), that is actually MARRIED[!], is on-line, discussing PBJS with a man that is ENGAGED. Furthermore, conversations reveal they have had meetings at various named places, and are planning more get-togethers.

 

Now, my question to you Sir: does this sound like the appropriate conduct for an all American girl that loves Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches?

 

I understand that this is shocking, but I would check my "denial" thermostat if I were you. Somehow I knew you were going to need a graphic. You better go see with your eyes or you may waste a lot of years.

 

I completely get it. I did it myself for more than a decade. Just trying to help you. If and when your ready to get with the program, I show u how to catch her. But don't open your mouth, then....you can forget it. Yas

Edited February 7, 2014 by Yasuandio