Computer love

[kiey]

My boyfriend has a friend that he met on a trip and keeps in touch with this girl via email. I have no problem with this but he just let me know that he goes into a chat room and I'm pretty sure has on-line sex with these women, probably the girl he met in New Orleans. I'm a little jealous, I guess you can say, because we don't do anything, which means we have NO sex life. He won't even talk dirty to me, so how can he talk to strangers like that? Should I be concerned, or should I just let it go? Anyone's honest opinion will be deeply appreciated.

[Thiamine]

My boyfriend has a friend that he met on a trip and keeps in touch with this girl via email. I have no problem with this but he just let me know that he goes into a chat room and I'm pretty sure has on-line sex with these women, probably the girl he met in New Orleans. I'm a little jealous, I guess you can say, because we don't do anything, which means we have NO sex life. He won't even talk dirty to me, so how can he talk to strangers like that? Should I be concerned, or should I just let it go? Anyone's honest opinion will be deeply appreciated.

First of all, why do you automatically assume that he's having cybersex with women just because he goes in a chatroom? And just because you have no sex life, does not mean he's doing someone else on the 'net. You have to trust him to know that he won't do things like that in chat rooms. Yeah, I'd say let it go. I don't know if you should confront him with accusations of what he's doing in chat rooms; it would push him away by lack of trust. Hope this has helped.

 

Love,

 

Thiamine

[Christie]

Kiey, please don't get me wrong if this sounds harsh, but after reading ALL of your messages posted on this site, I can CLEARLY see what's going on and I think it's time for me to just tell you...IT'S OVER WITH HIM.

 

I like reading your replies to people and I enjoy you as a site mate, but it seems like you just have NOOOOO idea about your own situation. Girl, I'm just surprised you still even call him your BOYFRIEND. He's clearly avoiding, not being honest, acting indifferent, cheating, announcing that he's single, and not showing affection to you. How can you even think of calling him "my boyfriend"? I know 4 1/2 years is a long time and becuase it's such a long time, you have this idea that you've built this trust with him...but it's apparently not there...meaning that he's not the man.

 

And why on earth did you set a time limit like that? Who knows what could happen in the future? the fact that you put pressure on him about such a major decision must have turned him off, especially if he had no intention of getting married so soon. You must realize, you are a control freak. Reading through his email, putting pressure on him about a deadline you've set, trying to FORCE HIM THE WAY YOU WANT HIM TO BE, it's going to be tiring for him you know. Don't get me wrong, I'm telling you this becuase I'm a control freak myself and it's a major turn off for men. It's just that after reading all your messages, it reminded me of what I did wrong in past relationships and I felt compelled to give you help. The more you get attached to "your guy", if you can still call him that, the more he's going to run away. This doesn't mean that if you blow him off he's going to come back, he's just gone. I can't believe that you still see yourself as his girlfriend. He's clearly saying he doesn't want you around, he's not attracted to you in every possible way. Yes, he may be still nice because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings and he might be in that automatic mode where he feels like he's your boyfriend (because you two were together for such a long time), but his emotions and actions don't lie. It's over with him and please get on with your life. And please don't set a time limit to marriage because that's not what life's all about.

 

Good luck