Jealousy

[FnlyFrei]

Okay, long and short of it is that my boyfriend and I frequent a bar/restaurant where a new waitress fairly falls over herself to wait on HIM, interrupts me repeatedly while I am talking to ask if he needs anything..she isn't very subtle. We have even avoided her section so I do not accidentally straighten her out. She really annoys me. Last time, she even left her section to clear our dishes. (How friggin' sweet !) How do I handle this? Do I just pretend she doesn't exist? I want to be adult about it, but it is getting to be a bit over the top. I think the whole thing amuses him. We are going there for dinner this evening. I need advice please. HELP !

[d0nnivain]

I'd call her on it. I would politely in a calm voice ask her why she thinks it's a good idea to blatantly fawn all over him.

 

 

If you don't want to be confrontational, eat somewhere else.

[tlegend]

Okay, long and short of it is that my boyfriend and I frequent a bar/restaurant where a new waitress fairly falls over herself to wait on HIM, interrupts me repeatedly while I am talking to ask if he needs anything..she isn't very subtle. We have even avoided her section so I do not accidentally straighten her out. She really annoys me. Last time, she even left her section to clear our dishes. (How friggin' sweet !) How do I handle this? Do I just pretend she doesn't exist? I want to be adult about it, but it is getting to be a bit over the top. I think the whole thing amuses him. We are going there for dinner this evening. I need advice please. HELP !

 

If he really wants amusement out of it, tell him to hug and kiss you very affectionately while she is fawning over him.

 

Win/win.

[FnlyFrei]

He wants to eat there. So, would I appear to be an insecure jerk if I ask to go elsewhere? And, if I do confront her, does that also make me seem like a jealous cow? She interrupted me last time three or four times while I was in mid sentence to talk to him about refilling drinks...I think she could have waited a second...so what do I say? "Excuse me, I was talking, could you please come back in a few minutes"? I want to be assertive, but not a bi***.

[FnlyFrei]

If he really wants amusement out of it, tell him to hug and kiss you very affectionately while she is fawning over him.

 

Win/win.

 

I almost want to sit in her section so that I can exercise a positive/secure response to something that irks me so completely. You know, without her spitting in our food....

[BlametheIrish]

Have him call her out on it while you're in the bathroom. It might hokd more weight if it comes from him. Something like " I can't help but notice you flirting with me in front of my girlfriend and I find it highly disrespectful." Please lay off as it really puts a damper on our dining experience"

 

Or just tell a manager, or give her a piece of mind yourself. All of which could result in them.tampering with your food, giving yiu ****ty service etc. etc. After dating an executive Chef for 3 years I've been exposed to many people who work in all different types of eating establishments.,I'm surprised I even go out to eat after all the things I've learned.

[FnlyFrei]

I am pretty sure he wouldn't discourage it. He likes it. I guess if I do not like it, I should just call her out, in front of him...which I hate...confrontation. I would in the best of worlds, like to just avoid it entirely and enjoy my evening. I thought I had last time when she left her section to get our dishes. She also has served us by inserting her body between us, or even when I am on the other side of the table from him, making sure she serves us on his side and getting close to him. I do not have a general problem with waitresses. The other female wait staff there are cool, she is the only one who acts in this manner. I want to thump her on her fat head...

[anne1707]

If he does not have a problem with it then focus your attention on his behaviours, not hers. He is the one disrespecting you, not her.

[FnlyFrei]

Yeah. I was afraid of that response. If I did say anything to her, he would accuse me of being insecure and jealous. Oh well. Maybe I chose the wrong guy.

[imtooconfused]

I know my feedback is too late for your dinner, sorry, but here it is anyway... You have to learn how to be passive/aggressive with this woman. Some thoughts...

 

- Let him get in on his side first, then snuggle in with him 'to be more intimate'. She will have to reach across you to refill his glass.

- Always draw the conversation away from him/waitress to you/waitress. It may seem like you are pussifying him by ordering or responding to questions, but maybe that's the image you want her to see.

- Don't let her interrupt. If you're talking just keep going. If he gets interrupted, pickup the conversation right where he left off and draw his attention back to you. Feel free to respond to the waitresses questions with hand signals.

- When she is attending to the table across or next to you, be dramatic about PDAs.

 

Does your boyfriend even recognize that this is going on?

[lolablue17]

when you sit there ask him (with a positive attitude and a smile) if he noticed this waitress has a thing for him.

 

and then when she makes one of her interruption you can nicely say to her that it is OK with you if she's into your boyfriend, that's a proof how much he's worthy, but "it does'nt mean she must interrupt you in the middle of a sentence"...

 

All with a laugh and smiles. that should solve the problem

Edited February 9, 2014 by lolablue17
mistake

[Darl]

Yes, you chose the wrong guy. He should care for you and be careful of your feelings and self-esteem. He likes to see you jealous and apparently thinks your feelings are quaint and amusing. He'd like to humiliate you and see you beg. What will happen is this: over time your feelings for him will become filled with resentment. So why not cut to the chase right away?

 

I would dump him in this manner so as to make him look at you with some fear and respect: go with him to some place where there are men; choose one to be flirty with, perhaps one standing at the bar. Totally ignore your boyfriend. Pay no attention to him at all. Give all your attention to your flirty man. Flirt like a slattern with the guy or even one or two more.

 

If your friend, comes up, introduce him but keep right on flirting. Tell your flirt partner," Oh, we're not married or anything. We have an open relationship." Then when you feel like going home, take a cab without explanation.

[sugarpea]

I would suggest that you don't do anything about it, and observe what he does. If he's reacting to what she's doing then it's really him that you should be concerned about.

 

If he's not engaging her, then that's fine. You should remember that she's the idiot who's waiting hand and foot on a taken man. He chose you and really if you show that you're jealous of her then it might come across to him that you're insecure.

[FnlyFrei]

Okay, before dinner I texted him about how I felt, and how I would like to thump her. He texted back, "Please, no drama"...lol....I was like, wow. So we arrived there, and as we were looking to see if she was there or not, I said...she is like a NINJA...she will come up out of NO WHERE !!!....no sooner than the words left my lips, we both hear a high-pitched..."Hello !" behind us....we laughed and found a table not in her section.

We enjoyed the server we had. She was nice to both of us. It isn't a matter of me being threatened by pretty waitresses, it is a matter of how the waitress acts, shining all over my boyfriend in front of me isn't cool.

We enjoyed our dinner and drinks..and miss annoying came over and said hello and made sure we did not forget her. It did not bother me because I think my boyfriend saw how obvious she was, and it was amusing instead of threatening after all. We are not sitting in her section ever again. She is a complete dumb a**...I wasn't upset that she likes my man, I just was upset that he chose to put me in a situation where I felt threatened. We had a fabulous weekend.