lkey Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Your wife sits you down and says: "If you do not make some changes, I want a divorce". Do you start making changes? I think some will ask is it really them, are they having an affair etc. No, none of that. Changes like, be more affectionate, talk to me more, do some things I like to do, make love more often, talk to me etc. If your spouse wanted you to make some realistic changes or they wanted a divorce would you do it? Or is that person trying to change who you are? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Is she perhaps not asking you to be more like you used to be? Did you not cuddle her, hold her, were you once not more affectionate, demonstrative, loving? Is it not the case that you have become more complacent, and have taken her for granted? Jut asking..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Your wife sits you down and says: "If you do not make some changes, I want a divorce". Do you start making changes? I think some will ask is it really them, are they having an affair etc. No, none of that. Changes like, be more affectionate, talk to me more, do some things I like to do, make love more often, talk to me etc. If your spouse wanted you to make some realistic changes or they wanted a divorce would you do it? Or is that person trying to change who you are? There is a difference between changing who you are and being a good husband. Spouse's have needs to be met and meet needs back. However there are things that a husband if he is doing he needs to stop. Such as being an alcoholic. Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Marriages take work, people change, so do wants n needs ... It's also a two way street, so work together This is communication, this is needed/good in marriage... Maybe some MC?? Sort through your/her issues... If you think your marriage is worth it SS x Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Sure, if my spouse was open to working on his issues as well. Open and honest discussions are important to any marriage. I have never seen a relationship - marriage or other - in which both sides did not have valid grievances. There is a big difference between asking someone to spend more time with you and asking him to suddenly become Channing Tatum. One is easily remedied with a little effort. The other may be darn well impossible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 (edited) Unless, of course.....he's Channing Tatum..... Who is apparently, 'fat and happy now'..... Edited February 8, 2014 by TaraMaiden Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Is she perhaps not asking you to be more like you used to be? Did you not cuddle her, hold her, were you once not more affectionate, demonstrative, loving? Is it not the case that you have become more complacent, and have taken her for granted? Jut asking..... I read your past threads, and I suddenly get you're a lady. Should have checked, it's hard to tell from just a forum name.... Carhill gave you excellent advice as a clincher thread-ender on one of your threads... Are you STILL with this guy....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lkey Posted February 8, 2014 Author Share Posted February 8, 2014 Thanks Taramaiden! I will go back and check the post. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if I'm being unreasonable. Just insanity I think! Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Unless, of course.....he's Channing Tatum..... Who is apparently, 'fat and happy now'..... I STILL wouldn't throw him out of bed for eating soda crackers!! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Movingforward2 Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Your wife sits you down and says: "If you do not make some changes, I want a divorce". Do you start making changes? I think some will ask is it really them, are they having an affair etc. No, none of that. Changes like, be more affectionate, talk to me more, do some things I like to do, make love more often, talk to me etc. If your spouse wanted you to make some realistic changes or they wanted a divorce would you do it? Or is that person trying to change who you are? Depends on what you want. If you don't make any changes, you can expect a divorce, and if you are comfortable with it, then go ahead and file. Just don't come back on here in 6 months and said you were blindsided. My XW had this conversation with me several times, we had a great family life, I never acted on it.........and our life has been turned upside down the last year. I regret not taking action because I miss my kids, but looking back my wife has never been happy with herself...and she is a full blown mid-life crisis, GIGS, and WAW. I've watched someone who was a great parent and partner want to relive the glory days, hit the bars, and do things I expect my 17 year old daughter to do. Divorce has changed me for sure. For the better. I'm a better person, a better father, and will be a lot better partner for someone else. Unfortunately it took me losing everything I wanted for me to realize I had some issues that I've worked on, but watching my XW completely change into a different person has been gut-wrenching. It does get better........I just don't when it will leave my head. Link to post Share on other sites
lockedoutluv Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 (edited) I read your past threads, and I suddenly get you're a lady. Context is everything and I totally missed the big picture here. Thanks TaraMaiden for pointing out the other thread. Your wife sits you down and says: "If you do not make some changes, I want a divorce"... Changes like, be more affectionate, talk to me more, do some things I like to do, make love more often, talk to me etc. You can't make anyone change for you. Your only options are to either accept the way they are or else make changes of your own. It's important to make them aware of the reasons why you are choosing to make changes (divorce in this case) and give them the option of fixing things on their own, but you are hurting yourself more than them to expect them to make the changes at your insistence. Edited February 8, 2014 by lockedoutluv typo Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 No because even when you make those changes and do everything they want they will still find reasons to be mad at you or they claim it's too late. I have seen it happen time and time again. I would tell if she wants a divorce we can start seeing a lawyer as soon as possible because I am who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
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