Hugs, They Drive me Crazy

[imtooconfused]

I like hugs, but I tend to read a lot into a hug, which gets me, errr, confused. I am talking about hugs you give to the opposite sex. There are different kinds of hugs...

 

1) Hugs you give your life partner/significant other. I am definitely not talking about those.

2) Hugs you give your family, like your grandmother. Not those.

3) Hugs you give because you are just ‘a hugger.’ I can usually weed those people out, so not those.

4) Hugs you give someone when you will not see them for a very long time, maybe never. These are understandable so not those.

5) Hugs you give for a major accomplishments/awards/prizes/gifts. This starts to get in the grey area where a handshake would be just as appropriate, but let’s move on.

6) A goodbye hug you give because I won’t see you until... tomorrow. Now, that's what I'm talking about. I am going to see my friend tomorrow, there’s no need to be dramatic about this.

7) A hello/good to see you hug. OK so exactly how happy are you to see me?

8) A hug after a friendly (and I stress friendly only) night out, the “I had a good time tonight” hug. Of course, how good of a time did you really have?

 

I know this may be Relationship Building 101 for you guys, but I’ve been getting a lot of these things recently and like I said, I read a lot into a hug. I understand it clearly means they are comfortable with me to be physical, but by being so dramatic the hugger wants to make it obvious to me so that I understand their comfort level and where does that lead? On a few occasions, I read way too much into the hug and it got me in trouble. Other times, I have walked away feeling toyed with. Let me stress again, that I am excluding the people who are ‘huggers’ in general. At least I can tell when a hug for me was an intentional act and not a reflexive act. Is it possible to tell if it means more or do I read too much into it?

[confusedsoul14]

I think if a non-hugger from the opposite sex hugs you, then there is no doubt that he likes you a lot as a person in general. But if the hug lasts for a long time, if it's a tight one, and if he acts nervous after the hug.... then maybe he does like you more than a friend. However, it will take time to find how deep his feelings are you. And it will take more than just hugs to do that.

[confusedsoul14]

I also think the same applies for both guys and girls.

[TheyCallMeOx]

Who you are is just who you are, and I don't think you read into it too much. Judging a hug takes skill that not everyone can pick up, and you can use that knowledge to your advantage during certain situations when you're trying to obtain information. However, when you over-analyze things...you tend to not enjoy the hug for what it is. A hug is a simple display of affection, and when you spend more time trying to figure out what the hug means...you aren't really enjoying the hug.

 

When we over-analyze things, we tend to develop more room for error; this can cause problems in our relationships because we may, at times, get conflicted. A hug may seem like something else than what is said and the problem is that we may confront someone about it, and they'll think we're nuts. "I said I'm okay, God damn. What's wrong with you? Judging how I feel based on how I hug?"

 

People tend to be complicated and I don't think you can always categorize hugs in every situation. People are, for the most part, unpredictable, and it's not safe to assume things based on a hug. Even if you're right most of the time, there's going to be situations where you're wrong and you don't want to make the mistake of over-analyzing things. It's safe to just let them go (no pun intended).

[HokeyReligions]

I don't hug and am very very good at hug-blocking. I come from a very nondemonstrative family. Hubby and I hug once in a while mostly we hold hands. No hugging = no confusion.

[elpatron]

I agree with confusedsoul in that it would be good to read into other signs, that would confirm what the hug means. But also I come from a culture of hugging, and light touching of the forearms in conversations with people who you just meet, which to people not used to it may come across as interest or 'something more' when its just the culture.

[sugarpea]

I got 8 the other day was not great, from a male friend. I think he likes me (as in more than a friend) He gave me a hug at the start of the night which was fine and one at the end which was longer than I would have liked and tried to kiss me on the forehead. I had my hood up thank the rain.

 

Really hoping he doesn't act on it as I don't like hurting people but makes it awkward, I'm hoping I'm just reading too much into it and he's over that but I know he had a crush on me as he admitted it one time on an night out whilst alcohol was in our systems.

 

Plus hugs are just weird, I'm just not a touchy-feely person.

[imtooconfused]

I got 8 the other day was not great, from a male friend.

 

Since the hug that you mention held much more meaning for your friend than you intended, are you going to set the record straight with respect to what your feelings are towards him? I speak from experience when I say that even a blocked kiss can mean too many things to be conclusive enough to indicate that you two are 'just friends'.

[sugarpea]

I don't know to be honest, not too sure if I am reading too much into it and he was being friendly, but a bit overly so. Haven't seen him practically for more than a year, kind of lost touch. I suppose if he does it again then I might say something. Thing is guys often do these things when they're drunk and its difficult to tell if it's real or induced by alcohol alone. But yeah will need to let him know. Eugh hate that they don't get the hidden messages everywhere else. Like when I was saying not looking for anyone just out of a 6 year relationship.

[Shepp]

5) Hugs you give for a major accomplishments/awards/prizes/gifts. This starts to get in the grey area where a handshake would be just as appropriate, but let’s move on.

6) A goodbye hug you give because I won’t see you until... tomorrow. Now, that's what I'm talking about. I am going to see my friend tomorrow, there’s no need to be dramatic about this.

7) A hello/good to see you hug. OK so exactly how happy are you to see me?

8) A hug after a friendly (and I stress friendly only) night out, the “I had a good time tonight” hug. Of course, how good of a time did you really have

 

Bolded made me laugh - i'd find a handshake ridiculously formal in that kind of circumstance, but that's just me, my dad wouldn't he's a handshake kinda man, he'd always give me a handshake in those circumstances - in most circumstances - but I know he finds it strange how much I like guys in my circle hug. He doesn't get the manhug thing!

 

I think it just depends on the person - i'd hug near on all my mates (I probably wouldn't do 5, 6, 7, & 8 in the same night.....less it was my best mate, we hug it out quite a lot) whether they're the same or opposite sex.

So if I gave you a hug goodbye, it wouldn't be worth a second though, but if the 20 year old version of my dad did the same then yeah you can analyse that!

 

Id say more than the situation its worth noting whether the way someone treats you is different from there other mates - that tells you something!

[somedude81]

I've received one hug from a girl in the two months since my ex dumped me.

 

It was a girl I've known for a few years that I see very irregularly. It was a "hello, I haven't seen you in a long time" hug.

 

I wish I got more hugs from girls

[ASG]

It depends where you're from as well, though.

 

I'm from Portugal. We don't hug there. We kiss people hello and goodbye, on the cheek, twice (unless it's male/male, then its a handshake - unless it's a close family member, like father/son, then they kiss).

 

But I've been living in the UK for the past several years and here the hug is the greeting of choice, unless it's the first time you meet someone.

 

So, even though I'm not really a hugger, I now hug every single person I'm friend's with. It's just the way it works. I hug male friends, I hug female friends, it's all the same. In a big group sometimes you can escape the hugs, specially if there are people who are only acquainted with, then a wave might do, but if not... then you hug and you hug and you hug.

 

It threw me when I first moved here. I mean... hugging? why??? But now I'm down with it and understand it. There is no kissing, but there is hugging. Its just a way to say hi/bye!

[imtooconfused]

It depends where you're from as well, though.

 

Yes, I forgot the cultural differences. If you haven't guessed, I am talking mostly about the uptight US.

 

I think it just depends on the person - i'd hug near on all my mates (I probably wouldn't do 5, 6, 7, & 8 in the same night.....less it was my best mate, we hug it out quite a lot) whether they're the same or opposite sex.

 

So you would be thrown into (3). You're automatically disqualified.

 

Id say more than the situation its worth noting whether the way someone treats you is different from there other mates - that tells you something!

 

... that's what I am saying! It appears to be different with me than their other mates (and it confuses the pulp out of me).

[newmoon]

why can't you stop yourself from reading into a hug? just say to yourself that unless there is something more happening than the hug, then it's nothing more than a friendly gesture from whomever gives it. hugs to me are quite meaningless - I don't like giving them and really only like to get them if I'm crying or sad about something; I equate them with comfort

[ASG]

Yes, I forgot the cultural differences. If you haven't guessed, I am talking mostly about the uptight US.

 

 

So you would be thrown into (3). You're automatically disqualified.

 

 

 

... that's what I am saying! It appears to be different with me than their other mates (and it confuses the pulp out of me).

 

Or more likely, he's from the UK and people hug here! We're all turned into "huggers"

 

If you feel your friend is treating you different, then you need to try and figure out why. Are you sure you're not just reading into it way more than you should? Is he not hugging other people as well?

[Shepp]

Or more likely, he's from the UK and people hug here! We're all turned into "huggers"

 

But I've been living in the UK for the past several years and here the hug is the greeting of choice, unless it's the first time you meet someone.

So, even though I'm not really a hugger, I now hug every single person I'm friend's with. It's just the way it works. I hug male friends, I hug female friends, it's all the same. In a big group sometimes you can escape the hugs, specially if there are people who are only acquainted with, then a wave might do, but if not... then you hug and you hug and you hug.

 

Totally true!!

On OP's list I'd be written off as #3 but at home, in the UK, the amount of hugging I do would be bang on average - especially in younger generations. It's just what you do! If you went for a handshake as a greeting peope would think you uptight, if you went for the continental double kiss (and you weren't continental) people would find it a litte OTT - a hug is standard.

 

I know people who really aren't touchy-feely at all but they still hug all there friends, because that's just, what you do!

 

 

Is it hugs in general that annoy you OP or just hugs from people you don't feel that close to?

Edited February 9, 2014 by Shepp

[imtooconfused]

Is it hugs in general that annoy you OP or just hugs from people you don't feel that close to?

 

Where I am from, opposite sex hugs are not that common unless you are already in a relationship. I don't have a problem with public displays of affection, it just needs to be clear that it means 'affection'.