Break up - saga - cont

[Jane]

My live-in partner recently wanted to end the relationship after a disagreement and the discomfort of not talking for at least 4 days.

 

Thanks to advice here and asking people in my life to NOT PHYSICALLY HELP me but to SEND POSITIVE and HEALING VIBES - I guess is the best description.

 

I decided instead of doing my usual behaviour - ruminating, crying, obsessed, going loopy feelings, cancelling appointments, saying I would do so and so and NOT following it through, etc. I decided to work on getting a life.

 

This has only been about 3 weeks.

 

I started going to Church and made more contact with people, kept appointments and other stuff.

 

I seem to have this strength and motivation - which I have not experienced for many years. I am NOT the same person as I was when previous dramas came up in the r/ship.

 

I have noted I have become far less preoccupied with the relationship. Previously I would have made MAJOR attempts at reconcilliation.

 

There has been a different feeling in the air and my (partner-ex-whatever) is different. He has started doing things of old like making a dinner, a bit less isolative (we both enjoy our own space).

 

But he has been a bit abrupt too.

 

Why is this?

 

What does it all mean?

 

We are still in the same house and on speaking terms - a few days ago all he wanted to do was make plans for what to do with the house and seemed not the slightest bit concerned when I was ill for 3 days.

 

I tentatively suggested serious counselling initially then I stopped at that - I did not go on about anything in the r/ship like before.

 

A few nights ago he said he thought I wanted to talk about the house - instead of being "reactive" I simply said I am not in a position to make big decisions like that at present - I am having an operation in a few days and have many other stresses and felt the timing innapropriate. I did say if a house is more important than someone you have spent 5 years with ----- etc.

 

I seem to be working on all my stressors - much to my amazement; with the strength to do so.

 

Any ideas folks? I am very inexperienced with relationships.

[Tony T]

I really don't see where you need any advice. You seem to be doing great with an unfortunate situation. Continue like you are doing, look out for yourself, be assertive yet cooperative.

 

There really isn't much more you can do in this kind of circumstance.

 

I really couldn't speculate on certain of his behaviours you asked about. He may be your best source for the answers. If you have other specific questions, post them here.

[Jane]

Yes and people have noticed a BIG change in me.

 

I am amazed at how working on my belief system DID work.

 

I have my down days but on the whole I seem to have had a big SHIFT in personal growth.

 

I manage to transform negative thoughts into positive or else acknowledge the negative and let it go.

 

I love this group!

 

I am looking forward to more active participation here.

 

You are a help Tony - how do you get the time to answer to so many people?

 

My post was rather vague - I guess I wanted some magical words of sorts. I posted it at a gloomy time of the day - which, incidently are decreasing at a rapid rate.

 

Jane

I really don't see where you need any advice. You seem to be doing great with an unfortunate situation. Continue like you are doing, look out for yourself, be assertive yet cooperative. There really isn't much more you can do in this kind of circumstance. I really couldn't speculate on certain of his behaviours you asked about. He may be your best source for the answers. If you have other specific questions, post them here.